| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:32:30 AM | I made no assumptions-- -- all I said was the chances of finding someone as a future life partner at the bar is not too good. When I think about a single woman out dancing, mingling or trolling at the local nightspot, I think --wow why is she out here with the bottom dwellers? Is she socially inept? Is she indeed out trolling for fresh meat? Or is she just another lost soul in a sea of fools?
That's all I meant Fishy. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:15:06 AM | Well, how uncommon is this? This happens more and more where women go looking for one-night stands. It is not unusual. There are definitely women who use men for all kinds of things whether it is to spend on them or to not have a serious relationship while he wants one, and keeping him interested enough, because she likes the booty call with him. This is like old news. Where have you been?
Did you just come out of the jungle and people told you WWII ended a long time ago?:)
I am just being sarcastic. Girl, times have changed. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 8:18:11 AM | Of course a woman could use a man for sex. There is nothing wrong with it if
A. both people wanted just sex
B. protection was used
C. and both people were single or unattached. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:04:27 AM |
I made no assumptions-- -- all I said was the chances of finding someone as a future life partner at the bar is not too good. When I think about a single woman out dancing, mingling or trolling at the local nightspot, I think --wow why is she out here with the bottom dwellers? Is she socially inept? Is she indeed out trolling for fresh meat? Or is she just another lost soul in a sea of fools?
That's all I meant Fishy.
Actually, you did male assumptions:
Well Ginger,
I have this rule that I would never consider dating any woman I met at a bar- that being said I will explain:
1. How do I know she isn't a frequent bar fly and does this with numerous men?
2. Again why would I want to be with someone so easy?
3. If this is all just sex --chances are good I will be bored with her in a week.
Here you state that you would not consider dating someone you met in a bar because you ASSUME she is a bar fly who does this with numerous men; you ASSUME she is easy; and you ASSUME she is just looking for sex. Maybe this is not what you meant, but it is certainly what you wrote.
If you don't want to date girls you meet at a bar, that's fine. Just don't assume that they area ll there for the same reasons and with the same intentions. And if you are seeing these single girls out dancing, mingling at a local nightspot, doesn't that mean that you are also there? Are you then to be considered a bottom dweller? | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possible?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:20:56 AM | Yes it is indeed possible to use a man for sex...
Contrary to popular belief, we males are more than walking dildos, and while some of us choose never to go past the conquest phase of banging everything that moves, some of us do occasionally meet a woman we'd be interested in hanging out with for more than sex (we still want that too, but we might actually talk to you afterwards  )
However one must be careful about the term "using", which to me implies that you have somehow deceived someone into thinking that there was potential for something ongoing/romantic when you really just wanted them for the quick lay and never planned on speaking to them again. It's what a lot of women complain about on here, and it's only natural some men may get hurt by that too.
If a woman meets a guy and tells him straight up "I just want to f&#k you and never hear from you again afterwards", and he accepts, that's not using, that's two consenting adults having a casual fling.
However if a woman meets a guy, chats him up, expresses interest in him as a person, talks about setting up dates, etc., and then just rides him into the sunset a drops off the face of the planet without even the courtesy of a phone call, THAT's using, and just as deplorable act when committed by the so-called "fairer" sex... 
If all you want is a lay, cut the verbal foreplay and just ask us. 
I have been "used" before, and while I had fun during, I was not appreciative of the time wasted wondering afterwards or trying to reach the lady in vain. It has given me an appreciation for what some women have to go through, and that is why I've done my best to be honest with people at all times when dating.  | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:45:20 AM | What's kind of sad is that you seem kind of proud of yourself like its funny or something to seduce someone to want you and then blow you off. That's pretty sadistic to be honest.
There are many people that play games and more women are getting into it; men have been doing it for a while. Pretty sad that equality for some women is being as lame as guys. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:50:11 AM |
Would you also lose respect for yourself in the process? Because, you know, it takes two people to engage in this kind of activity. If you follow through, aren't you being a whore too? You're the one doing the following home... You're a big boy. I'm sure you could say no if you wanted. And then that would save you the trouble of having to lose respect for anyone.
Not necessary the OP's situation but in general why should the man suck it up and be a big boy and realize that it takes two to tango. When there are 1000's of threads and stories of women being used by men. Not raped, used, completely consensual sex, just feel used after the fact. Why should "all" the men accept this if "all" the women don't have to? Can't we feel used also? Can't we have emotions? Just simple questions. I mean shouldn't your own quote go for women also? Just switching "big boy" with a "big girl."
This is nothing against you or women it just seems to me that if men have to be empowered and controlled why shouldn't women be expected of the same?
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:54:32 AM | Nice Catch -
what I wrote was in direct response to what someone wrote about losing respect for a girl he might sleep with after meeting her at a bar. This is not meant as a blanket statement for all men, but simply a statement that applied to one person specifically. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:43:30 PM | | Yes it can! Plenty of girls do it, I have lots of female friends that go out for one night stands specifically for sex and to ditch the guy afterward. She usually gets the clingy guys wanting more than one night, they're ready for marriage instantly. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 12:53:06 PM | OP,
I don't find it hard to believe a woman can use a man for sex just as easily as a man can use a woman. Isn't that the definition of a one night stand? or a friend with benefits? | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:32:56 PM | | Of course a woman can use a man for sex. I got used once, and had that been all I'd wanted as well I'd have probably been ecstatic about it, but I'd been hoping for more for a long time. It's a pretty crappy feeling when someone knowingly takes advantage of your vulnerabilities with no regard for you. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 5:51:46 PM | | I've never believed in that crap about "using" somebody just for sex to begin with. Unless you had him at gunpoint or something there is no "using" going on in the world of sex outside of the criminal realm. Like that saying "You can't rape the willing" , if you both got in the sack with each other then nobody was used . I'm sure he's a big boy so he could always choose to come back for round two or stay away forever. Either way, if was used in any way, then so were you OP . That makes things even and as they say "All's fair in love and war". | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:45:39 PM | First of all, yes, it is very possible to use someone for sex. If you don't believe that, then there's not much anyone can do about your denial. People use people for sex all the time, this is not an unknown fact. Human beings are sexual creatures. It's not to say that the other person doesn't know they're being used or are consensually "using" each other, but it is also not to say that one person wanted more, while the other person simply wanted a release.
Don't correlate "using" with "rape". It definitely is not the same thing. The fact that they consentingly got into the sack with each other, doesn't mean they weren't using each other for sex. It's pretty much the foundation of a one night stand. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 6:53:25 PM | Yeah to be honest I am proud in some sick and twisted way, its about time women have the power I've been hurt in the past by older men when I was old enough to know better too young to care attitude.
Plus nowadays more the roles of men and women are changing, haven't you noticed more men are BI, more sensitive, more women have balls to ask guys out and put them in there place.
Its great being a chic!! | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:19:29 PM |
Yeah to be honest I am proud in some sick and twisted way, its about time women have the power I've been hurt in the past by older men when I was old enough to know better too young to care attitude.
Plus nowadays more the roles of men and women are changing, haven't you noticed more men are BI, more sensitive, more women have balls to ask guys out and put them in there place.
Watch it. I think you're joking and having fun, but I also see those kinds of things as ugly statements.
Don't see it as "revenge for hurt".
I think you're just realizing the power women have, and have always had. Use it all you like, appreciate it all you like. Just don't abuse it. Abuse of that power is going to lead to pussified men.
Of course women have the power in dating. No shit! You get the final yes or no most of the time. Since women are much pickier than men, it only makes sense that it SHOULD be their role to make the first move.
Here's a stupid analogy:
If you went to the store and looked at all the fruit on sale, all the delicious fruit, would it make sense for the fruit to say "No, you can't have me." "Not me either" "Nope, try that fruit over there" And after a while of this, you get frustrated. Since when did fruit get a say anyway?? And of course the rotten unappealing fruit of says "You can have me!" No thanks.
If that's the way it's going to be, shouldn't the fruit be the one selecting the buyer? Shouldn't the buyer know what his options are, rather than having a wide selection that he can't have?
After a while, you might give up and say "Screw the store. What's the point if I can't buy anything?" So much delicious fruit out there that says "Pick me, pick me". But when you do, you're not allowed to have it!
Its great being a chic!!
That there, is the recognition of power. Use it peacefully.
Maybe with this attitude, and recognition of power, the slut stigma may go away. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:33:53 PM | Ha Ha How dare you say "Slut Stigma" I 've dated for over a year know and have olny been intimate with 2 men, 2 men that I dated and courted me lol so don't you dare say slut stigma, men are the ones putting another notch on their belt idiot.
well doesn't matter there all bi nowadays right....?  | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 7:35:42 PM | I'm the idiot?
I'm not the one who misread my post.
I just made a post that compared picking women to talking fruit, and you chose the term "slut stigma" to get bent out of shape about, (which I want to see disappear, and was actually being complimenting), to misinterperet? | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 9:09:55 PM | Hi Ginger,
There are a couple of reasons the guy could want to get back to you later, first, he might have been attracted to more than your sexuality. Second, in the event that he's a person of some depth, he very possibly could "respect you in the morning" and feel that since sexual compatibility is not an issue, it might be a cornerstone upon which to attempt to build a relationship, so he could return to see if you also have a beautiful personality.
Finally, IMO,this issue is a molehill, which is only becoming a mountain in some people's minds.Users abound, if you haven't been used, have a coke and a smile, and go to bed happy, you're a lucky exception.
This message has been accepted by the National Committee for Mellowness Without Tranquilizers. Thank You all,and have a pleasant evening. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 6/30/2008 10:56:32 PM | | yes its possible because some guys are out there for more than just a piece of ass. I've been used like that a few times, some times i didn't really mind, other times i did, its kind of a f***ed off experince and hurt my feelings. but no need to go into details | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:18:45 AM |
First of all, yes, it is very possible to use someone for sex. If you don't believe that, then there's not much anyone can do about your denial.
How exactly is this done ? Tell me because they way I see it, if you choose to do something , isn't that what free will is all about ? If you don't like the situation, then get another one. You're allowing yourself to be used if you believe you're being "used" for sex.
It's not to say that the other person doesn't know they're being used or are consensually "using" each other, but it is also not to say that one person wanted more, while the other person simply wanted a release. .
Oh, okay then. Gee, yeah, that's not a complete contradiction of the line that preceded it.
If you know a car salesman is overcharging you for a car, do you have to buy it ? No other lots you can scout out before blissfully writing the cheque ? That's a funny way to shop. Doesn't being "used" necessarily preclude the possibility that you're aware of the fact ? No, it doesn't but only if you're still doing something unwillingly in the first place. That certainly doesn't apply in this case unless she held a gun to his head or promised him the antidote after the act.
Don't correlate "using" with "rape". It definitely is not the same thing. The fact that they consentingly got into the sack with each other, doesn't mean they weren't using each other for sex. It's pretty much the foundation of a one night stand.
Why not ? It's a far more accurate description when stating that somebody is "using" somebody else for sex.
You can buy this stuff if you want to. It's a cop out in my opinion to say that anybody ever gets used for sex (outside of the illegal as I stated previously) but believe whatever you want to I suppose. Just because he might have wanted more doesn't mean that it was ever her responsibility to explain the facts of life to him. Maybe it would have been prudent but that's beside the point. If he's interested in a relationship then the common-sense approach wouldn't include introducing sex into the dynamic at the first available opportunity. He chose that and his ignorance of the ground rules (there are none) doesn't function as an ad hoc defense should he decide that he wants more after the fact.
You say that people use each other for sex. I say that outside of rape or some similar situation, nobody uses anybody for sex. You say that you're right because the two people involved aren't on the same 'level'. I say "So what ?" If one wants a relationship and wants to equate sex with the first night of some romance, then that's his/her problem if the other party disagrees. Seriously, what are you going to do , call the Love Police ? Sex is a choice and since there aren't any rules to speak of, it's up to you to expect nothing but physical pleasure from the act. That's not the OP's problem if she's alright with that. | |
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| I think I used a guy for sex....Is that possibly?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:22:38 AM | ubkobalt:
First, your fruit analogy is stupid (as you yourself described it). It actually makes no sense.
As for the slut stigma: WHY is it that a woman who has sex is a slut? Or why is a woman who wants a physical relationship but nothing more a slut? Why is it ok for a man to pursue this kind of "relationship"? | |
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