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| on being offended
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:27:57 AM | | I'd say don't let it bother you. I'm the same way, if I don't have time to chat I give one or 2 word answers to every question in hopes that the other person or people get the point. it's not like you told them to f-off and go away, you answered their questions and got on with your work... they should all just suck it up and stop talking. when I was younger I was always told that the library wasn't a place for talking, if you wanted to have a conversation we were told to leave, that's what coffee shops are for ;) | |
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| On the defensive!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:30:06 AM | If you are 'outgoing' beyond the walls of the library, I wonder why there is the sudden shift to 'difficult' once you walk through the door.
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This is sort of my point--there should not be this huge difference in perception between people I see here and people I see out there ,yet there is (in real life, people ALSO mention I am quiet, so maybe "outgoing" wasn't quite the right word--"popular" is, though). I care because the sensitive ones come in my face and say they are offended . I would like that these sorts of people own their *over-sensitivity*. Healthy people, when confronted with someone who doesn't wish to speak to them, simply walk away and say "Huh, she doesn't wish to speak to me, la la la on with my day." Whereas it seems others feel it is their DUTY to inform you that YOU *should* speak to them, and they are here to set you straight, and if you refuse to comply, YOU ARE DIFFICULT and offending them, so you'd better change!
But now I see where my lack of interest in blathering on and on about tennis shoes or Red Lobster's latest crab fest could be construed by some as "rejection", although I contend those few are socially inept. | |
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| On the defensive!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:04:44 PM |
I'm not sure why you would care whether they think your offensive or not. Being defensive and owning my own oversensitivity here for a moment - my "your" in that sentence, should have been a "you're". Ack!
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On Topic: The people you are with outside of work are people you choose to be with, and who choose to be with you.
If you presented the same brushy-offy behavior to them as you do to the people you work with, I'm thinking you would get a similar response.
People who work together are stuck with each other, so a different dynamic is present and more effort must be made to sustain cordial atmosphere.
I couldn't care less about 99% of what my coworkers chitchat about, or their personal lives, but I know if I'm going to keep them productive and out of my face, a little goes a long way.
And when a little becomes too much, I steer the conversation back to work: "I've got to get this done, or I'll be unemployed and shoe-less.
The last time I fell behind, the boss had a crab fest that would put Red Lobster to shame." In two sentences, I have acknowledged them, bonded with them against common 'enemies', and validated their sense of self worth.
Sure, it's a bit more effort than "Mm-hmm ... the tennis festival ... missed it" or "Ya, ya, ya ...you have new crab shoes... got it", but the investment seems worth it to me. Being perceived as 'all business' is different, and much more acceptable in my work place, than being seen to be unsociable. | |
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| On the defensive!!
Posted: 7/1/2008 12:09:03 PM | | Be how you are and if someone doesn't like it, then there is something wrong with them. In this case, they are socially inept. Having dismissed them as inept you are free to be yourself without apology. It all works out. It's the cost of doing business when you are critical of others but prefer not seeing yourself in a bad light in the process. The feelings they have, well, they shouldn't have those feelings! Case closed. Next! | |
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| on being offended
Posted: 7/1/2008 1:02:21 PM | Message 18
Grow up and stop being difficult, realize your co-workers are just as nice, smart, cool, whatever as you ... perhaps in a different way. Kind of makes me think of my nephew getting called down by his dad for telling his mom to "grow up".His dad mentioned him using attitude words such as "What ever" . October,I seen you use them words in your profile too.My nephew is 14.
IMO no one has to talk to anyone if they don't feel like it. She's there to do her job,not sit and visit all day. She's paid to work not visit. I would say she's above satisfactory worker.Too bad my place of work didn't have people like the OP. Would take some of my work load off if my co-workers would work instead of sitting around gabbing all day. | |
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| on being offended
Posted: 7/1/2008 2:34:33 PM | Jim sweetie...the point was she said very negative things about her co-workers in her post....that attitude shows through, sounds like she thinks she's better than them. I don't talk too much at work either, and of course it's a good idea to not spread your personal business at work ..... but I certainly don't think I am better than anyone else, that I work with or whateverrr [couldn't resist..lol]. Sooo....did I make myself clear enough or did I use too many childish words for ya? We are all different... I guess I did put her down, that was wrong, I should have taken the time to explain that we are all different and that per her post my take on it is she thinks she's better than them, which is offensive. Is this too childish:  my favorite dancing cucumber  and the head banging dude just 'cuz | |
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| on being offended
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:59:41 PM | Ever heard this one?
The Meaning Of Your Communication is The Response You Get.
You may say - and think - that your communication is "polite" and "neutral" but it is not being received that way. Your co-workers obviously are aware that you look down on them.
Maybe it is time to consider your co-workers as part of your "real life." | |
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