| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:19:30 PM |
I've yet to see anyone say that if a woman wants to know about a guy's past that it's her insecurity.
I'll say it, but I doubt it'll end the debate...tho it really should. It's not gender specific...asking a potential date where they've been is basically none of your business, male or female.
Making sure they are safe and healthy for you NOW is understandable, just as they should know you are safe...and that's all you can do (short of staying single and abstaining from any sex whatsoever).
IME, women don't ask as often tho...it's usually men who come out with this. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:53:01 PM | | I am always open and honest with my partner and I am not just his g/f but his greatest friend...I can tell him anything b/c he says I can do that n vise versa...should partner talk about their sexual past? if it is important to you then it will be important to her n she will request ur wishes...she will see if u will accept her unconditionally ...but anywayz its only what I think....all the best to u...payce | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:23:00 AM | I think when it comes to RIGHT to know, we are talking things like STDs that could conceivably affect you in the present.
I think, as a rule, new monogamous partners should go to the clinic together and get STD tests for everything. Together. That way, it is all laid out on the table and nobody can pretend that they want to know how many people you slept with to "protect" themselves.
I asked my boyfriend about former partners because I was curious. The number did not matter to me. It was lower than mine, but still fairly high. He asked me about my number because he was curious. That's all. It is not anyone's right to know how many people you sleep with, but it is their right to know if you are disease-free or not.
Things like former marriages fall under "right to know" as well, and certainly kids, but that is because it could affect your present life. Things that could have absolutely no bearing on you whatsoever from your partner's past are not right-to-know things, but are curiosity things. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:30:12 AM | You are 31 years all and she is how old ?
She has a past . You have one .We all do . I am so sure you did sit at home after you two broke up the 1st time.
As far as STD's go yeah go get a test together until then wear protection .
I have a feeling that your bringing up her past time and time again is going to damage what you are trying hard to get back. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:34:49 AM | HAHA! When we ask our partner's a question like this, (How many men/women have you been with in the past) i personally think we're calling for trouble. Because no man or woman would want to date someone who has been with over 30men/women. Because we would think she could be doing it.
And also, i perosonally think when we ask our partner a question like that, we should definately be expecting a surprising or no surprising answer...surprising answer in the sense that, he/ she could say something we don't want to hear, so be prepared for such answer whenever you ask your partner a question like that.
Samething happened to me early this year, myself and my girlfriend broke up, after 2yrs relationship. And so, i was just single for the rest one year. And i found a girl early this year,and she was so different, and happy, and she always made me smile. so i thought this could be a chance for me to fall in love again. But when i finally asked her this (TROUBLE) question, and she told me, i just lost Hope....And that was how it ended.Although we never had anything going on. But it ended there. I don't know if it was right to have made such decision, but all i know is that she continued doing it.
So this is just another Trouble question for partners.
So when ever you ask such a question, you are likely to get an Urgly, and discouraging answer. That is cartain. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:40:10 AM | I have a hard time understanding the posts from women on here that say it is none of the mans business how many men they had in the past...lets swing that around for a minute.
If the man your with ,disclosed that he when to a hooker every thursday after he got paid ,for the last couple years and basically had a new one each time..that wouldnt bother you ????....gimme a break...woudlnt YOU like to know the truth BEFORE you invested 3 years into that guy ? | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:12:27 AM | If the man your with ,disclosed that he when to a hooker every thursday after he got paid ,for the last couple years and basically had a new one each time..that wouldnt bother you ????....gimme a break...woudlnt YOU like to know the truth BEFORE you invested 3 years into that guy ?
As long as he has been tested, who cares??? What affect does this really have on me if he is tested as clean and won't be giving me any unwanted presents?
Women are usually better about getting tested than men since we (are supposed to) get annual exams at the doctors office for the reproductive system. I know I get tested anually. Men usually only go when asked to or because they are having issues. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:24:14 AM |
I have a hard time understanding the posts from women on here that say it is none of the mans business how many men they had in the past...lets swing that around for a minute.
If the man your with ,disclosed that he when to a hooker every thursday after he got paid ,for the last couple years and basically had a new one each time..that wouldnt bother you ????....gimme a break...woudlnt YOU like to know the truth BEFORE you invested 3 years into that guy ?
I don't think men using prostitutes is wrong if they're single - that's their right. As long as they are health conscious about it and not cheating on anyone I think it's better than trying to get women into bed who want more than one night stands. I think they should legalize it, if you want my honest opinion.
If he gets tested, comes up clean and is loyal to me generally - nope - I wouldn't care, or ask. All I care about is what's going on now. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:45:21 AM |
If the man your with ,disclosed that he when to a hooker every thursday after he got paid ,for the last couple years and basically had a new one each time..that wouldnt bother you ????....gimme a break...woudlnt YOU like to know the truth BEFORE you invested 3 years into that guy ?
What you do with your body as a single person does not bother me if I trust you today. Beside, even if I care, this is a small thing. I would not forget everthing I love about this person I spend 3 year of my life with because of what he did as single person, which did not harm anybody. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:25:10 AM | | Twister, it wouldn't bother me at all as long as he was single and was STD free. That's all I need to know. I don't see how it's a big deal that he enjoyed sex without commitment. As long as he wasn't lying and hurting anybody it's not a big deal. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:33:54 AM |
What you do with your body as a single person does not bother me if I trust you today. Beside, even if I care, this is a small thing
I see in your profile, you're young and you want kids....
Now supposing you meet a guy who is perfect and you both want kids...
But it turns out he had an STD, or you did.... that caused one of you to be sterile....
There are some infections, however, that can do serious damage if not looked after right away. Sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs, are the most common infection associated with male infertility. If they are left untreated, you are repeatedly infected, or have frequent flare-ups, scarring and blockage in the reproductive tracts can occur. Mycoplasma, an organism often found in sexually active men, can attach itself to sperm cells, thereby impeding motility.
So just remember, even if a guy (or girl) is currently clean, it doesn't mean that the results of a past STD have not permanently damaged him or her... | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:52:57 AM |
So just remember, even if a guy (or girl) is currently clean, it doesn't mean that the results of a past STD have not permanently damaged him or her...
So I may meet a man who's clean and might be sterile too?
Bonus!  | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:56:54 AM | | Obviously I am in the minority here. Yes, it would matter to me if a potential BF was promiscuous and had such casual regard for sexual relationships--even if I were to ignore all the inherent risks. So yes, I think I have a right to know--maybe not actual numbers but if he engaged in that type of behavior then obviously we do not value sexual relationships the same and THAT is very important to me. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:58:00 AM |
I see in your profile, you're young and you want kids....
Now supposing you meet a guy who is perfect and you both want kids...
But it turns out he had an STD, or you did.... that caused one of you to be sterile....
My post assume my partner is clean and trustworthy. Of course I do not what him have STD or to cheat on me with next girl he see. But for the morale of haveing sex with prostetute, that is no problem to me.
But in your example, I do not want children for many years from now anyways. Maybe my profile is mislead but POF does not give good option to that question. If one of us become sterile, adoption is an choise. I have always consider it anyways even if I am able to have children. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:58:57 AM | Gang:
"Wanting to Know" is a double-edged sword. (Why do we have a 'w' in sword when we don't ever use it?) Knowledege can bring both the enlightenment we seek and pain we did not. Paraphrasing a great religious figure: "He who is w/o sin cast the first stone!" After my own share of 'traveled miles and travails' -- on This Mysterious Trek we are all on -- I'll opt for a complete medical checkup/screening for both parties -- and let it go at that. Why wreck a loving situation with a future?
Over and out, and have a great day/week/life everybody!
Rich The Clownfeeeesh | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:13:37 AM |
So just remember, even if a guy (or girl) is currently clean, it doesn't mean that the results of a past STD have not permanently damaged him or her...
What in the world does this have to do with being incapable of having children???
You're introducing another deal breaker that really has little impact by STDs since the majority of the time it is caused by other issues. Many men are just naturally sterile or have been snipped too. Women also find out that they are infertile when trying to conceive as well.
If you're incapable of producing children and your partner wants them that is a separate topic to be discussed when appropriate. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:58:13 AM |
Many men are just naturally sterile or have been snipped too. Women also find out that they are infertile when trying to conceive as well.
Ummm STD's are one of the big reasons that cause male and female sterility.... | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:59:38 AM |
If the man your with ,disclosed that he when to a hooker every thursday after he got paid ,for the last couple years and basically had a new one each time..that wouldnt bother you ????....gimme a break...woudlnt YOU like to know the truth BEFORE you invested 3 years into that guy ?
Actually, my fiance admitted that he had a problem with hookers before he met me. He was shy and awkward and felt less bad paying for "companionship" than approaching a girl and saying hello. He was a virgin and felt bad about himself.
When he told me, I didn't care. I have social anxiety too, and it made me feel connected with him. I can understand the loneliness. Men often reach out for companionship through sex. The getting off part is secondary, sometimes, to other things.
But whatever. Some women would care, some wouldn't. I'd assume older women would care about things like sexual partners more than younger women. In this generation, promiscuity seems to be more the rule. Lately, my magic number (which seemed high as a kite to me in the late 90s) seems dim in comparison to some of the numbers I hear bandied about.
But men always seem to care about how many other men have been with their girl. It's chauvenistic, a double standard, and will likely never die. As long as women are women and men are men, one gender's "number" is halved while another's is doubled.
I wouldn't use this question as a test of honesty/true character. I slept around in high school because I felt fat, unloved, and ugly. My number from age 18 and on? Probably three. All of whom I loved. Include my reckless teenage years, though, and that number runs up to a lot more than I'll say on a message board. Should a man now believe I'm loose because of stuff I did ten years ago, as an underage kid? I don't think so. I'm not the same person I was at fifteen; is anyone?
Also, men are made to feel they have to exaggerate their number to feel wanted and masculine and important. Women are made to feel that they have to lessen theirs in order to feel good about themselves. It isn't a fair question to ask for that reason; people are almost expected to lie about it. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:39:14 PM |
Ummm STD's are one of the big reasons that cause male and female sterility....
That is incorrect, only 10-15% are due to an STD. That means that 8 or 9 out of 10 people are just sterile due to no fault of their own. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:16:20 PM |
Ummm STD's are one of the big reasons that cause male and female sterility....
That is incorrect, only 10-15% are due to an STD. That means that 8 or 9 out of 10 people are just sterile due to no fault of their own.
ok... You don't think that 10-15% is not a big number?????
I didn't even think the numbers were that high....
That means that better than 1 in 10 are sterile due to a past STD by your own figures... | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:50:48 PM |
ok... You don't think that 10-15% is not a big number?????
I didn't even think the numbers were that high....
That means that better than 1 in 10 are sterile due to a past STD by your own figures...
10-15% of another percentage is not a huge number. 85-90% of the sterile people were just born that way. That is a very small part of the population if you do the actual math. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:50:44 PM | Its not the "number" of people she was with ,its the fact she lied . How can you build a solid relationship based on lies ?...why put the effort into someone who will look you in the eye and lie to your face...thats the sad part..OP probably didnt think that was the type of woman ,he was falling in love with...3 years later, the truth stings like betrayal ...perhaps thats why he has been losing interest..not the "numbers"...but knowing that you love someone ,who will lie to your face to cover thier ass....
The truth needs to come first...not 3 years down the road..the cost is way to much at that point...spit the truth out on the table before building the foundation for a relationship..its simple and done within minutes . Its better things fall apart at the beginning then 3 years down the road. | |
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| Does our partner have the right to know?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:29:48 PM | Hey there,
If she would of told you the truth from the beginning you would of still felt the same. I wouldnt look at it as so much a lie but an omitence. We all lie my friend!! The past should be the past and you shouldnt hold that against eachother. If its love that is keeping you together than the past shouldnt be tearing you apart. Life is too short and the love of your life is hard to come by. If you truly love her, let it go...its not that serious. If your worried about catching something , then go get tested together.
Good Luck!! | |
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