| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 7/1/2008 4:33:39 AM | | I agree with the posters that have said honesty up front is the best policy. I would never go on a date and sit down and list things... but certainly while discussing each other, and getting to know each other if things came up relative to my past medical condition, or even something that was really relevent from my past, I would be honest about it. Not much point in trying to get to know someone if you're only going to reveal banalities about yourself until they've decided they're hooked... If you pay attention and are focused on the conversation, it's easy to know when it's time to give a bit more detailed information... | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 7/1/2008 5:43:34 PM | "I was in a relationship with a man who had a tendency to mirror his partners. The more I revealed about myself, the more he learned who to become and how to act."
Congratulations, you found a Narcissist! Good thing you got away from that one.
No, not a Narcissist...Borderline Personality Disorder. Similar but different. I really didn't get away soon enough. The price for that relationship was high. I am determined it will never happen again. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 7/1/2008 6:00:53 PM | Here is a suggestion....
Good relationships are built on trust and honesty. The 1st time you meet someone, you don't yet know if you can trust them so be honest but it's not necessary to be an open book.
Think about it this way - One thing that keeps us reading that mystery novel (or watching that movie) is the discovery of the next piece of the story. If you divulge everything the 1st night, what would be left to explore.
Not to mention, the personal stuff - Like what you wouldn't tell your bank teller or even your mailman.... You might want to hold back until you've established a level of respect with the other person. It's not about keeping secrets but instead about letting them know that there is value to the trust between you and what you are sharing is not for just anyone but for someone who means something to you.
There are certain things you should divulge right away -
You are married
You are wanted by the FBI
You are a kleptomaniac
Your allergic to shellfish (especially helpful if you are going out for seafood)
You still live at home with your mother
Things that can wait for date 3, 4 or 5
You have 6 toes on your right foot
You are addicted to Yhatzee
You were once a NKOTB groupie & are stoked about their reunion tour (maybe save that for date 10)
You had leukemia as a kid but have been in remission for years
You wax your back hair
Just a guideline really  | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:43:47 PM | Things I think should be out in the open right away:
-TRUE relationship status. Don't say you are divorced if you don't have a decree in hand. Don't bring a person out on a date to make their current BF jealous. I had that done to me once, and it damn near turned into a situation where I had to use my gun. He kicked both doors in on my truck, then started towards my door just as the cops showed up.
-Any sort of major disability or handicap. (cane, walker, legally blind, deaf but read lips, etc) Just to make sure it's a dealbreaker.
-STD history if there is anything you still have that is contagious if there is any chance of passing on. Even if it is in remission. This can wait til maybe the 2nd or 3rd if there is ZERO chance of sexual relations on date one.
-Current "major illnesses" (cancer not in remission, shingles, whatever)
By 2nd/3rd date:
-Any odd food allergies, stuff that may affect planning if the other person may be planning a special night out or meal.
-MAJOR health history (Cancer in remission, had kidney transplant, etc)
When you go to start "exclusive dating":
-Any reproductive problems, unless it is known up front neither want kids, even then its worth mentioning if you are still child-having age (less than 50-55)
-STD history. I found out my ex wife went untreated for Syphilis for almost a year in college. After we had been married for 4 months. They WILL find out later, and if you wait, it makes people wonder what else you did not tell them.
This list is neither absolute or all-encompassing, but I think it's a good glimpse into what I would hope I would be told and what I would tell a woman. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 7/1/2008 7:47:41 PM | | You have the right to privacy. There are things that I never told my husband, even after twenty-two years of marriage. Some things are sacred. Some experiences and situtations should only be left between you and God. It is our God-given and lawful right to privacy. Use your rights. Know your rights. You significant other is not God. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:11:01 PM |
Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1. Politics
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
5. Religion
6. Celebrities
7. Science
8. Antiques
9. Money
10. History
Well darn. That explains the expeditious departure of my last date. I'll have to save the discussion about how my last relationship ended when my GF substituted the klingon word for Jesus in place of president Bush's name in klingon. (its quite hard to say)
see... the boards ARE helpful! | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:24:42 AM | I prefer honesty but there can be sometimes too much detail given. For instance, just say the father isn't in the baby's life. Don't tell me the story about how you thought it was guy a and it wasn't. Then guy b and it wasn't and it was actually guy c who prob doesn't know he has a kid because he moved far away before you ever figured out it was his.
Of course, there are somethings that need to be brought up at the right time, but not necessarily the first date. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:06:31 PM | | I don't have much of a medical history, so really there isn't anything to tell. As to past relationships, I would tell more as time went by and we got closer. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:12:29 PM | | It's a mixed bag, really. If you don't get to know someone first, putting your 'best foot forward', they won't know if the good things about you outweigh the bad. But for someone like me, knowing that >99% still won't be interested because of a 'deal breaker', I kind of feel I have to be up front about it, even knowing that it will most likely mean I will be dateless nearly all of the time. You really have to take your best guess, and hope for the best. | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:52:38 PM | Honesty is good.
I usually wait until I have had unprotected sex a few times before telling them I have AIDS 
As for the 56 women I have previously slept with, well when is a good time to tell them ? | |
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| Too much information, too soon?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:44:42 PM | | Honesty upfront is the best policy. If it is information that could change a person's perception of you the other person has the right to know. It isn't always easy but in the long run it is the right thing to do. | |
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