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Posted: 7/1/2008 9:56:01 PM | Why would anyone want to give up on the GOOD relationships they are in? 
The thing to try and recognize are the toxic relationships. If you are with someone who constantly causes you emotional pain and angst then that is a major sign that you have both chosen poorly.
An older gentleman once told me that a good relationship is EASY and comes naturally and you really do not have to work at it because both parties will be on the same page most of the time. 
Keep on searching and NEVER give up because a good relationship might be just around the corner! | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 9:57:32 PM | | I dont think you should give up on them it seems you find someone when your not even looking or expecting to find somebody it gets agravating and annoying but sometimes its worth it in the end. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 10:10:17 PM |
An older gentleman once told me that a good relationship is EASY and comes naturally
I'm with this older gentleman. I've never really understood when people say a relationship takes work. W t h? I work all day at work, I work to keep my house clean & my car running, I work so my yard doesn't look like I'm on welfare & I work to teach my kids to be productive adults. Work at love?
No, thanks, that should be a work-free zone. It should be fun, supportive, honest, sexy, sincere, giving, accepting, a frequent mini-vacation from everything I work at. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 10:22:27 PM | | To me 'working ' on a relationship is about nuturing it(and each other)and making it a priority. NOT 'working' with a negative connotation. | |
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Posted: 7/1/2008 10:56:18 PM | heywho, I think yours is a valid q, mainly because I know that some women in my life have asked it of themselves, and found, that at that point, therw was nothing more they could do to fix or improve it. The 'work', as some put it had been done on their part, and they were likely hoping I would do what I needed to do...
Staying with it or letting it go (I hate the term, "giving up") is an entirely personal decision: Do we want to make the effort to to stay with someone? Would they do the same for us? What are the benefits/drawbacks of either decision? Be honest with yourself, and the answer becomes clear.
I agree that it shouldn't be 'work' to make a relationship work (sorry, want of a better term), but if it's real love, then it will never feel like 'work', just something we want to do for the sake of a stronger, healthier, happier and mutually beneficial partnership.
"Dead things go downstream, Mother. Life is upstream!" --- Harrison Ford as Allie Fox in, "The Mosquito Coast" | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 6:10:12 AM | 4vrman:
lol
love the quote.
Art does imitate life haha..
my father used to tell me frequently...
ANY PIECE OF $H!T CAN FLOAT DOWNRIVER......
it takes a STRONG TROUT TO GO UP THE FALLS.....
so...SWIM....dont float | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 6:18:48 AM | OP I have done the 'married thing' and I have done the 'relationship after marriage thing'.....all in all that took up about 15 years of my life. I have been solo now for about ten years and must admit though I do pine for romance occassionally my life has never been happier.
Some people feel the need to share their lives others do not. Believe it or not I WOULD love to share my life, however I know that I would have to make a lot of changes to the way I conduct my life as over the years I have become selfish.
You are just 28 and I was at the 'married' stage then so there is so much more for you to look forward to.
Make a plan and then follow it through. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 6:32:48 AM | You can "give up" on finding a relationship if you want to, but in all honesty, you may just be trying too hard to find someone or to make something work with someone that you shouldn't be. I've found if I take it easy on the searching process then someone usually comes into my life instead. It's kind of like that George Straight "Out Of The Blue" song.
Ed | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 6:36:13 AM |
Believe it or not I WOULD love to share my life... I believe it not. I don't care it the word WOULD is all capitals. I still don't believe it. That is my right as a free citizen of these United States of America. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 6:44:25 AM | There have been times in my life where I very seriously contemplated giving up on the notion of relationship... just letting it go.
The problem with my thinking at those times was it was more about moving away from or avoiding pain than it was about moving to contentment and joy.
I did think I was being realistic in owning up to the fact that I sucked at relationships... just my conclusion was faulty.
The answer thus far in my on-going work-in-progress life has been to work on myself, see where and how my fears and insecurities get in my own way. Oh, and I did give up on the notion of relationship... instead I focused on relating. Seems to be working out for me. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 7:16:04 AM | I think about giving up far too often..
I know that I could have several fwb's if that was what I wanted.
I prefer to keep only one and that is with my ex-wife.
Sometimes though I find myself thinking that I shouldn't even have her as a fwb.
What I always wanted was a kind, loving wife that would support my decisions and help me to accomplish my goals without cheating , lying , and backstabbing me while I was at work.
What I got was the latter.
After divorce and finding out that most women are just like her, I said WTH?
Why trade one for another just like the first?
So I told her that we could be fwb's except I am still looking for the one who will treat me the same as I would treat them.
I do turn down one night stands as I did last weekend when a 22 yr old girl chased me for several days.
I could see no future in screwing her and taking a chance of getting a STD.
I would rather get laid after I get home by someone that has been tested..
So in a way , I already have given up on having a real relationship.. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 7:27:00 AM |
giving up relationships completely. What do you think of it? Do you think that we put too much emphasis on relationships when in some cases singlehood is the best option?
I just went through the process of thinking through this possibility myself; just before I changed my profile here to "forums only/friends" status. The conclusion I came to: If I'm consciously deciding to give up on having a (romantic) relationship completely, I would in effect be putting at least as much focus on it in the end anyway - it's just that the effort would be in trying not to think about it, keeping interested people away, etc.
So instead of giving up the idea completely, I'm choosing to just give up the active pursuit. If it happens, fine; if it doesn't, that's also okay. I certainly have enough in my life to keep me busy, there will always be other interesting things to add if I want/need to, and I have many other non-romantic relationships in my life that need/deserve my attention.
Whatever you decide, OP, good luck to you. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 7:42:07 AM |
To me 'working ' on a relationship is about nuturing it(and each other)and making it a priority. NOT 'working' with a negative connotation.
Yeah, I tend to think "effort" when I hear the term "work" used in the context of relationships. I'm not sure I would even believe a relationship that didn't require that at times could exist. Even the best, healthiest relationships require that we listen and communicate attentively, compromise at times, take on extra responsibilites when the other person is in need of help, and take other steps to achieve the common goal of keeping that relationship a satisfying one. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 8:03:24 AM | I'm curious to know why you would be considering giving up on relationships (I assume you're referring to romantic relationships). Are you having trouble finding one or are you in a bad one or have you never had a good one?
For myself, I'm quite content to not be in a relationship per se ... the freedom is great ... although I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship with the right woman still, I'm in no rush ... | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 9:33:01 AM | | I guess for me its a combination of bad experiences but also seeing what relationships have become these days, I rarelt come across anyone these days that is actually in a happy relationship whether married or just in a longterm relationship. It's odd because alot of women who have boyfriends flirt with me and I think to myself, what if I was her bf she would do the same thing to someone else. That's just one of the things that I see. I don't point the blame at just women men are just as bad if not worse, I just don't see people putting value into relationships now a days and marriage seems to have become a thing of convenience and a cultural ceremony that we "just do", people divorce now like it's bound to happen, so really I look at it as though the state of relationships seems to be declining, the quality has decresed alot. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 9:45:29 AM | I feel like giving up myself sometimes...especially lately. So tired of the online scene. Sure, there are guys out there and sure I get approached...but somethings missing. Just no spark. Tired of the games, the pervs, the freaks, the waste-my-time-er's.
But, being a romantic at heart, I just can't imagine totally giving up on love and being content on my own, because I know that I would be living a lie. I want someone in my life, I do want to get married someday, I do want a home and maybe (maybe, maybe, m..a..y...b..e) kids. I just know that I have not found contentment with being a bachelorette....but no matter what, I will not settle for anything less than....magic. I had it once before...I am determined and I truly believe that I can have it again. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 9:52:38 AM | Call me delusional. I AM NOT GIVING UP!  | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 9:52:54 AM | Is there a reason that you have to make a melodramatic gesture? Why not go about your business and if something happens great if not, great too?
Just saw your repost and look at it this way, I have this conversation with my daughter quite a bit because she sees people around here and recognize that there are fewer than a handful of marriages/relationships that either of us would call good and some of those we thought were good we have watched go down the toilet.
It is those handful that keep me from giving up and recognizing that Margot is right, it is not having the good relationship it is finding someone with whom you fit and learning how to relate to them. People would likely see the way that my kids and I relate and not understand at all how close we are because there is so much humor, irony and honesty involved.
I see those older ocuples that you can still see the love between them, and I still see myself with someone someday. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 10:31:22 AM | | I thought it, did it, and it turned out great. Not that I have cornered the market on being just fine alone all the time, but during a time when I thought I had to have it (a relationship) was the time when I needed it the least. Being good in you, makes better being "us". That's what they told me back then and it's still true today. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 10:43:53 AM | | its not so much that i would preffere to stay single more so that it seems im undatable... | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 11:11:10 AM | Wow.... I'm kind of new to this PoF and I'm rather shocked at the responses here. Give up on relationships? I've read through the forums for the past week or so and I've seen some beautiful people, witty, charming, funny with alot to offer for the most part.
I think some may just try to hard and have this checklist of good things and bad things which limits their search. I'm not saying settle, everyone has that right to be content or happy with whom they are with but sometimes some lose focus that their significant other is only human. We become too judgemental (yes... I'm guilty of this as well) and too nit picky.
Another thing that I see is fear of failure or repeated failure. If I could count how many times I've failed at something then I'd need a stadium full of people. So we fail... big deal... it's not about failing it's about what are you going to do about it when you do fail... what did you get out of it, what did you see that you could possibly improve on your own personality. It's easy to sit back and say he/she did this or that but take some responsibility for yourself as well, it's a two way street in most cases. Everyone has room for self-improvement (deny it if you'd like) and there's nothing wrong with changing things in your life to better your opportunities but it all starts with you and a positive attitude.
I've never died from a failed relationship - well I'm sure I had a few women that may have wanted to shoot me though... I don't count that  . But I won't sit around and accept defeat either. My favorite line from a movie is this "You can get busy living or you can get busy dying".... The choice is yours ~ I prefer to get busy living. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 11:25:59 AM | Oh , I believed that for a long time. Before getting married, after getting divorced, and sometimes even now.
You should be content on your own anyways and always before stepping into a "relationship" ( one has to avoid the "need" thing, because it is unhealthy and very risky to the survival of one's true self).
But life is more fulfilling if you have a mirror; without that, you cannot really see yourself because you are the being who RELATES.
Relationships are our temple and we should honor them, even when they are not strictly woman-to man committed sexual partnerships. I would put the emphasis on boundaries and in letting people be ( in other words, acceptance) in any kind of relationship, but especially in a formal committed one. Now, I one is not at peace with oneself, a 'relationship' will never work.
Just my opinion, of course. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 11:41:57 AM | I don't know if giving up on relationships entirely, is a good idea or not.
I have noticed that men predominately post these kinds of threads. | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 1:04:00 PM | I havent given up on relationships but I have given up on letting someone live with me.
I own my own home so dont want to lsoe half of it to someone who never earned it.
I also value my "me" time to do my own hobbies.
Divorce laws certainly protect women from men but they dont help women get another man because these laws put men off getting married again or moving in with someone.
I dont understand why I am liable for a woman who lives with me, surely women should be maiking their own way in the world not sponging off me ! | |
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Posted: 7/2/2008 1:10:36 PM | I don't believe in giving up...
Just take some time, love finds as all at some point, even when we least expect it | |
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