| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:59:48 PM | I find it amazing to read how so many people beat up the OP for describing the scenario of someone else's child in his original post.
I also find it astonishing to read how many appear to live in a misconceived mess of belief surrounding normal (not kink) human sexuality. It would appear North American society still has a long way to go understanding this matter.
Since the OP din not raise issues of "slutting" around, indecent exposures or worse it is indeed part of parenting to role model normal adult behavior. I leave other child related matters of abandonment or other effects of breakup out of the debate.
Children of both married couples and single parents should learn about sexuality according to their age an they should learn that it is a normal. Yes there are privacy issues involved. Yes children may fear they may be neglected when a parent has a partner. It is up to the parent to show in words and actions that the child has nothing to fear.
I have raised my children alone from when they were younger to adulthood and yes I too avoided exposure to my female companion when she stayed over. We did however do activities together with my children. When in their mid teens I lived common law and my children had no issues with the matter whatsoever. Now in their twenties they both have healthy relationships with their girl friends and neither sex or privacy are an issue.
I don't think single parents should stay single per se, those who cannot address all parenting issues including their own sexuality should perhaps stay single or not be parenting.
 all who raise and teach their children well. | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:54:55 PM |
I may have girl friends and they may even spend the night but they always know rest assured that they're not here to stay.
Notice I said girl friends not one night stands.There is a difference there.Two of these relationships lasted two years,and another one year.Could some one tell me what the moral difference is between this and living common law ? | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:16:48 PM | Mb and Celtic nailed my opinion on this subject bang on. I understood completly what energy was getting at in his initial post. Why???? Because like he, I decided as a single father that my child was number one after I split with ex. Again,,,why???? Because anybody with a head on their shoulders and understands the needs of children will also understand that trying to actually build a relationship with another,,,,WHILE trying to keep your kids stable is next to impossible. Well, I believe it is,,,,if you want BOTH to succeed. Even harder if the kids are younger(not teens).
And when I hear the arguement,,,,"well, I have to be happy so that my kids can be happy", I'll throw up. And now,,,even more in this "ME" society,,,wouldn't it be nice to teach your kids about a little sacrifice instead of it all being about "ME".
I would have done exactley what energy did in the situation he was in,,,and actually did it once, albeit for only 2 weeks. The young girl's supposed "mommy" came over and tried to give me shiat over the whole scene and I pointed her to her daughter and told her that this is the person you should be trying to bullshiat,,,not me, but it was past that point,,,the girl was past the age of listening to the crap coming out of her "mommy's" mouth. The young lady still visits my house,,,while a few doors down,,,"mommy" doesn't even get to see her own child. Extremely sad really,,,,but at least "mommy" was happy.
Easy to become a father or a mother,,,but not so easy to be a Daddy or a Mommy. I just had one of my rewards this past week with the daughter graduating etc. One of the parents was allowed to be involved in "everything" and I am happy to say I was one busy man last week. Wouldn't have it any other way,,,,,then or now. | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:24:35 PM | ^^^Walts
I am curious now.....would you be suggesting now that only those that CHOOSE to remain single while raising their children are the only ones who are now worthy enough to be referred to as Mommy or Daddy.....your post is filled with induendos. Ones that can easily be misconstrued as being wholy than thou.....
I have met some wonderful parents (Mommy and Daddy) that choose not to be single while raising their kids and they some how (magically I guess) raised some awesome kids.....kids who would, like yours allow them to be in every part of their lives...
I would be interested in your response on the off chance that I made some assumptions here.....
CC | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/3/2008 7:10:07 PM | Personally, I made a conscious decision to stay single while raising my youngest son (my oldest had already moved out). Once in a while I went out for a date, but I found that my priorities were dealing with the "teenage years" and trying to steer my son on to the right path in life. At that particular time, there was quite a bit of rebellion, turmoil, and anger from my son because of the separation and divorce. I also needed to deal with my feelings with ending a long marriage and being on my own. It would have been unfair of me to subject any guy to what was going on in my life at that time.
That was MY choice, and I will not chastise another persons decision as to whether or not to remain single or have someone come into their life, live in or other wise. I only know what worked for me and my children..... | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/3/2008 8:08:52 PM | Think there is more happening in this small extract of a family's lifestyle than we are hearing about in this thread. Topics like this are always controversial and without all the facts from everyones point of view, I don't see how we can take this story and apply it to everyone in general. It's not fair to assume that problems stated in this thread are happening to many single parents out there in the real world. There are so many angles, especially with teenagers and parents choices in life that would influence the truth here.
Threads are good ways to dicuss topics but not to tar everyone with the same brush. | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:53:44 AM | I am curious now.....would you be suggesting now that only those that CHOOSE to remain single while raising their children are the only ones who are now worthy enough to be referred to as Mommy or Daddy.....your post is filled with induendos. Ones that can easily be misconstrued as being wholy than thou.....
Nopes,,,never said that. I am in agreement with others that there are people that are married/stay together/ whatever and they shouldn't be allowed to raise children either. What I am saying is that as a single parent,,,you already have had your work doubled for ya (raising your child/children) as soon as you became single,,,,especially if your "other half" decides not to be involved in the raising, or helping out at all.
Therefore,,,if you decide that you want to try to give a relationship a go,,,,more work has been added to your life. Yeah,yeah,,,,I know some of you believe a relaltonship shouldn't be work,,,but I am guessing to be succesful there is a little work involved. It would take a "special person" to be able to jugggle two or three children's lives and then an addition of someone "new" into the family,even if it isn't an everyday thing.
I'm saying it would take a lot of work,,,and when things are added to the "work list" there are going to be somethings that lose a little bit of our effort and energy. I'm just saying it probably shouldn't be the kids that lose our interest,,,even a bit.
Kudos to people that can make it work,,,, I just think it takes a lot of effort and understanding from both people invovlved in trying to make the relationship work. And I don't see those types of people everyday anymore,,,thou I know there is a few around.
I also believe that there a lot out there that don't understand the gift of children and how important of a job that a parent is. I also submit it is one of the hardest jobs out there,,getting harder everyday. Take this job lightly and you will have no one to blame in the end except yourself. That is what I am saying. You may not get a paycheque for this job,,,but the rewards of doing a good one,,,will be the highest you ever get,,,,ever. | |
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| why single parents should stay single.
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:40:26 AM | WTF. Not sure if anyone touched on this but here goes.
WHAT SANE PERSON would allow a 14 year old to stay at their home for a few days, then weeks, let alone MONTHS, before they called the parents to find out if it's OKAY.
Holy crp batman, my son left my house when he was 14 because I wouldn't let him smoke pot in his bedroom - he told his friends, girlfriend and her parents I kicked him out - they thought they could SAVE him from his single mother OMG. He went to his girlfriend's house where he stayed for a week, after which I had the parents charged for unlawfully confining a minor. NEWS FLASH, some 14 year olds will lie because they don't like the rules they live under and think the grass is greener somewhere else...I know I did...what about you.
My son is now 28 with a 2 1/2 year old daughter of his own, GUESS WHAT I still won't let him smoke pot in my house but he's okay with that rule now...
OH YEAH, in case you were wondering, yes I am a single parent AND after that incident I chose to be a high level "single" foster parent for over ten years, looking after more than 30 children.
I have more to say, but it's not nice so I better go...... | |
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