| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:26:23 AM | Now, now Aurora, don't pick on the pretty ones... lol
I'm still waiting to hear from our OP.... wanting to know why she wants to get it on with her buddy, when clearly there's no chemistry. If there WERE, she would have felt it already.
Chemistry is undeniable. It's the thing that pulls your stomach inside out when you think about them.... or makes you want to jump 'em just at the thought of their name....
If that's not there, if there's nothing that makes ya wanna smell the back of their neck or nibble on their exposed skin.... then let it go.
Don't mess up a good friendship just because your mind is wandering. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:53:34 AM | usually....when someone does this...it is because NEITHER ONE OF THEM have got anyone in there life at the time and they both have time on their hands and so of course it is natural ..and they just think...WHAT IF?? or WHY NOT!??? or WHY NOT US??
RIGHT?
BUT lets be truthful here. She is correct. If the chemistry has NEVER been there before...its not ever gonna magically just jump in there , just because you neither one have anyone special in your lives at the moment and its conveniant. Please dont mess up a great thing!!! You will always have this friendship if you mess up a marriage, if your sibling upsets you etc, but once you jump that sexual wagon, it does something forever
Been there done that! and also have a forever ever ever friend that i will forever have..forever!!! :) And we will NEVER regret it! He is the best friend in my entire life!!
Take it from someone who knows. . This may not ALWAYS be the case, you have to follow your OWN heart and intuition, but you DID ask for opinions. :)
This is mine. :) good luck sweetz! | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:01:45 AM | | I did answer you guys!!!! Message 21 I think... I chose to leave it alone, at least for a couple years. I'll think about it again when he graduates from Uni and see where we are in life. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/3/2008 12:42:37 PM | dear dutchie pirate ... you need a serious education in how a man thinks and believe me they do not think like women and for that matter alot of women do not think alike or at least for themselves. One thing you better learn and learn it early is that any gal that caters to a guy is goin to get just that .. zip. This guy you talk about is not staying in his relationship with his girlfriend of recent split because he is not interested, if she was what he wanted he would never have a problem with going away as the real deal is just that ... real. He wants her as much as he wants you which is not at all, seriously if he was interested in you he would be as dear old Dr. Phil would say , " like a duck on a june bug. " Guys whether you care to take this piece of information or not .. do know what they want and believe me he does not and is not interested in either of you or he would be wooing you til the cows were dancing dixie in the parlour.
Now it sounds like you have some jealousy issues and you are the one with the crush on a guy you have known forever, as every statement in msg 21 says it loud and clear. You need to back off get a life going for yourself beyond catering to guys and you will find that even if you are not flirtatious men will be alot more interested because you are not predictable and alot more interesting... guys want what they can't have and you are sending way too many messages of complete insecurity as a young woman.
Tough stuff but I am not one to mambie around the truth and if you heed the truth ... only good things come of that kind of inner strength.... | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:55:44 AM | | I'd give it a shot if i thought that the relationship could evolve from its current form. But it depends on the state the two of you are in as well. Do you both feel the same way about each other? Are you you two compatible? And a big one is do you think its worth the risk? Thats my outlook anyway. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:16:58 PM | I'm not sure why some women always say "don't risk the friendship" ?
If you are looking for something that eventually leads to a serious, long-term relationship, doesn't friendship have to be a very important element of that relationship.
I'd personally think that two people, who are already close friends, and get along well, would have better odds of having a decent relationship between them, then 2 random strangers who just met on the internet, or in a bar, or wherever.
you risk your potential friendship to see if it would work out better as something more? 1st of all, I'd find out if the other person even has any interest at all, in the possibility of being more than friends.
Then, if there was such an interest, I'd be willing to pursue it.
Friendships are good. But having a perfect lifetime relationship with the right person, is priceless.
If I thought someone may potential be the person to have a perfect lifetime relationship with, I wouldn't pass it up, just so I could remain buddies with them.
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:25:13 PM | Did it. It didn't work -- we work better as sibling-like friends. The friendship survived but I won't say it was easy and I won't say that I always think it was a good idea to try to be more. We were both hurting a lot a the time and comfort and healing was a big part of it. In some ways ruling out the romantic potential was an excellent thing to do, but I won't say it was pain free and I do think perhaps we might have done better if we had known better (avoiding the need to explore what was never meant to be) -- but then it is rare for me not to think that I could have done better if I had only known better.
Make sure that what you are feeling is not due to a lack of other options or a thing too much of moments -- wait and see how the attraction endures. Knowing that your feeling is more than a whim will not give you certainty but it at least rules out the more obvious mistakes. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:05:32 PM | | First of all, Grays Anatomy is scripted tv...cant trust it. But I have been in your shoes before. Give it a shot. Ask him out just the two of you. Kinda test the waters. You never know, he may be feeling the same way. I didnt gamble and found out later that is was mutual...I lost him and eventually the friendship too. Go for it girl! | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:01:36 PM |
Msg: 1 -- If you got curious about the chance of chemistry with this person, would you risk your potential friendship to see if it would work out better as something more?
WHOA, NELLIE-BELLE!!!!! SLOW DOWN, GIRL!!!!!
WHEW! Let me wipe the sweat off my brow!
OK, now, is this a feeling you have had for a WHILE, or is this a feeling you THINK you may have some time in the FUTURE? Hey, this DEFINITELY makes a difference!
If it is something you MAY feel in the future, keep mum about it.
IF, however, this is something you have been feeling for some TIME, now, the picture could be different. If this IS the case, then be VERY cautious in the expression of your feelings toward him. First off, be VERY sure he is unattached, unengaged, unmarried. Present your feelings in a timid and bashful manner, and expect them to be brushed aside in favor of the already existing friendship. If he finds your proposal to be acceptable, then you OBVIOUSLY have the proverbial "Green Light". Best of luck to you. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:04:55 PM | | not all the time but most of the time when people consider dating and ****ing their friends its becuz they havent found what they are looking for in the real world, its not a good idea to settle for a friend of urs just cuz theres attraction and becuz um theres no one else, if that is not teh case at all and ur just purely interested in someone u have known for a very long time then by all means go for it | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:17:18 PM |
Msg: 9 -- then again, if I looked as hot as the OP, the above wouldn't matter...the guy'd say yes even if he was taken :)
REALLY? If true, that is a VERY SAD assessment of the guy involved, which would mean YOU are in a doomed relationship from the very beginning. Infidelity is NO trifling matter. The old saying is TRUE: "If S/He can do it WITH you, S/He can do it TO you."
Tell me, now, do you REALLY want that sort of dead weight imposing on your fledgling relationship? I know it isn't part of my heart's deepest desires. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:17:56 PM | DutchPirate, it would depend on how close that relationship was to begin with. I've got a handful of male friends that I would never dream of trying that with because their friendship is just too important for me to risk losing.
Then again, if there was any "chemistry" to begin with, I suppose the issue would have been addressed early on in the friendship, you know? | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:23:53 PM |
Msg: 10 -- does this sound tragicomic or what? Naahh, its not like that at all
Tragic, yes. Comic, no. NOBLE, MOST DEFINITELY. VERY NOBLE AND WORTHY OF HIGH PRAISE! | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:49:43 PM | I have this marvelous friend whom I have very little compatibility with if we had a *relationship* and once in awhile we give each other pity screw when neither of us is getting it. It amounts to the very pleasurable relief of a backscratch when it it itches like crazy, or the pleasure of rescuing a good friend when they can't reach the itch on their back (don't we all rush to help scratch a good friend's back when they fall helpless and start to beg for mercy? And aren't we all pleased at having helped them?) but it's still a friendship and it misses that whole lust factor. You could just have a friends with benefits and keep the friendship, If you are really such good friends and it's honest and mature, this is possible.
If you want a relationship with some cozy sex but no lust, this might work. If you want something more, wait. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:21:07 AM | **********************************************
So for those that were curious... *I* in fact chose to do nothing. He... on the other hand... did decide to try and kiss me yesterday so I guess my curiosity is gone. Too bad he wasn't a very good kisser lol I told him I didn't know why he did it and it's not awkward, but to indeed be careful of his choices because we are good friends and I warned him I refuse to do anything either of us would regret and ruin a chance to just be friends again.
Anyway, go figure. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/14/2008 6:29:54 AM | OP, sorry to hear that you brushed off your guy's attempts to communicate his interest. I doubt he kissed you as some social experiment. If you two are as good of friends as you've said, likely he was testing the waters (just as you were contemplating doing, when you first posted this thread, I might add). How would you feel if he dismissed you after a few bad kisses?
At your age, his "bad kissing" might well be chalked up to lack of experience. Kissing is an art, the practice of which is what leads to the awesome skills which communicate sensuality, tenderness, passion, and intimacy.
Your friend, by trying to kiss you, gave you an incredible opportunity to communicate with him about your own recent feelings, your indecision regarding trying to explore a different type of relationship with him, etc. But, I'm guessing that your comments to him after the kissing stuff probably shut him down pretty well, so that opportunity may not come again (to explore more with him).
If indeed the kiss told you all you needed to know about your lack of attraction to him, then disregard all the above. Just remember that a fellow of your age (here I'm making the assumption that your friend is comparable in age to you) may not be experienced enough to be a really, really good kisser yet.
Just a thought.
And, as far as the original question you posited: yes, I would indeed risk a great friendship, if there was already that undercurrent of chemistry. (I agree with Kyn, it's either there or it isn't; but, I also believe sometimes chemistry can be masked by the social conventions of friendship, so it might be there but simply be a little tug rather than the tidal pull most of us think of when we think of chemistry.)
If the friendship is really a good one, you will likely be able to hang on to it through relationship, if you both treat each other as friends even when/if the relationship ends. I think it's not so much the transition into romance which destroys friendship, but rather the stupid, unkind, and hurtful things that people do to each other at the END of romance, which corrodes the underlying, original friendship. JMHO.
Maybe instead of dismissing your friend, you should offer kissing lessons before he goes off to university. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/14/2008 6:42:49 AM | | Now this is why I don't believe men and women can ever truly be friends. There will always be that "curiosity" there. | |
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| Would you do it?
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:28:56 PM | Locario makes a lot of good points. And no I didn't dismiss him and tell him he was a terrible kisser or anything. But the chemistry I did think might exist when the boundaries were broken, did not in fact appear and I am at least old enough to know that you shouldn't try to force something that isn't there.
I am sure we will still be friends and at least we can say 'well now we know'. | |
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