| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 11:46:08 AM | I thought I'd post some idea's of how this guy might know your sign and birthday. First off your sign is posted on your profile. That narrows it down pretty good. Next he searched facebook, joined the same network as you did. Most people don't tighten their security features on who can access their profile in the network. Facebook posts the month and date of your birthday plus POF shows how old you are.
My guess is that he's just trying to play you. You should watch the Chris Angel show when he reveals how palm reading works. It's such a scam. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:22:44 PM | ... I told him my sign and birthday, that wasn't the issue!
I think I was mainly just scared at how much worse things could get if I refused or fought him off... | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:49:38 PM | If he wouldn't stop when you told him to, it was a sexual assault. You have the right to say no at any point, and that includes even after you have started if you change your mind.
Unless you can assert your rights and defend yourself, do not get alone with men you aren't sure of. Not because you would be in the wrong for doing so, but because it leaves you vulnerable to attack if you are with a rapist. It's about safety.
You're asking how to avoid feeling awkward when it sounds like what happened was you were raped. Or am I reading this wrong? | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 3:23:52 PM | .. I told him my sign and birthday, that wasn't the issue!
I think I was mainly just scared at how much worse things could get if I refused or fought him off...
So you're going to let him have his way with you as a solution? That sounds particularly dumb to me.
If you don't want to consent to it, you're going to have to "woman up" and yell, scream and make a scene out of it. Otherwise a lot of guys are going to see you as easy pickings, especially if you're scared of how things will go next and you'll have more hard times ahead.
I'd rather there be awkwardness, then being taken advantage of. Though it sounds like you were kinda into it as well from the way you told the story considering how "awesome" it was.
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:03:58 PM | I've been a young girl before and understand how difficult it can be to shake off the "must be nice, must be nice, must be nice" programming, but you seriously have to do that before you deal with men. I'm not saying become a raging b!tch, but you have to accept and enforce that as the woman you control the situation. Many men will steamroll forward when not given any resistance. You have to establish that resistance and uphold it. Do not feel guilty about it. Do not concern yourself with their feelings. Just be polite and firm. If you're not willing to take that responsibility, then you're too emotionally immature to be dating.
If you haven't already, you need to go and speak to a trusted adult or counselor. Many of my female friends went through similar situations at your age because they didn't want to seem like a bad person.
If you're worried about things like that...DO NOT DATE. Don't concern yourself with your calendar age, or your hormones. If you cannot establish boundaries, you are at risk of severely damaging yourself during your sexual development. I'm sorry, but given what you've said of your situation, concerning yourself with social awkwardness is the least of your worries. You need to go and discuss this with a counselor.
If you're determined to date, then take precautions. Unless you've dated a man for an extended period of time and he is now your boyfriend, establish a few firm boundaries; Never meet a man at his residence, never invite a man to your residence, never meet a man alone in a private place, always have plans set up after the date, and always have your friends call you and check in during the date to make sure everything is ok. If you stand firm with those boundaries, until a man is your boyfriend, it should go better for you. It wouldn't hurt to take some self-defense courses as well to feel empowered. Always remember, it's ok if he doesn't like you. If he's going to ignore your boundaries, then you don't need to care about his opinion anyways. It's up to you to establish those boundaries to begin with though. Good luck to you. | |
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| how to say no without the awkwardness
Posted: 7/3/2008 6:44:26 AM | | I wouldn't worry about the awkwardness, since he's the one that made it feel awkward for both of you. I know what you're saying, though. | |
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