| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:21:05 AM | If it really bothers you, you should do what feels right to you. I am just wandering why these guys are all spending their time confiding in you and openly revealling such personal information. It sounds like it is not just one guy but 3 that are revealling their infidelity, or thoughts of, to you? I don't know what kind of relationship you have with them, but it doesn't sound like they are being very respectful to you or their partners.
If you are truely concerned for their partners and children, you should tell the guys how you feel and encourage them to put more effort into their children and partners, instead of running to you to discuss their very personal life.
If they were really remorseful for their infidelity, they would not be telling their female friends, or anyone for that matter, and they would be focussing on strengthening their family.
Good luck in your decision.
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:23:31 AM | I know this is none of my business, but they all confessed to me..
You're right - it's none of your business. If you can rationalize betraying a confidence to carry out a personal crusade, then you aren't taking the moral high ground. You're being a hypocrite. Don't be a drama queen. It's not attractive.
*****************************************************************************
I agree with abelian. Also these women aren't your friend and they might turn on you and think you are trying to destroy their relationship with their man. You will end up the loser all the way around because their men (obviously by their actions now) will lie and you will be considered the bad guy.
I agree with the others, tell your male friends you don't want to be invovled and you won't lie if asked but other then that, stay out of it. Really, what is your ulterior motive for doing this? Are you actually one of the "other women" or are you wanting to be one? I would really examine my motives before doing something like that. Especially when it's the guys who are my friends and not their SO. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:24:17 AM | It is a damned if you do, and damned if you don't...
The guy who hasn't cheated yet, would be getting charged as guilty before he's commited any wrong doing... That doesn't seem like a place to visit.
The other two aren't personal friends of yours, and it is doubtful they would believe you, the only thing you would probably succeed at is ticking the two guys off who are supposedly your friend.
You can drop an anonymous note, which may help ease your need to rat on a rat, but once again doesn't mean the wive/gf will believe it...
Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:33:32 AM | | Unless you are the one they cheated with how do you know they have cheated, if you have not help them to cheat any you tell them is just here say and that would be a big mistake to tell a woman or a man thier spouse is cheating. Dont get me wroung I think cheaters are some of the losest scum on this earth but to beark up a marriage on here say you would fit right in thier with the cheaters. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:34:35 AM | I only have proof for the one that is meditating... wether to cheat or not to cheat. (msn conversation).
The other two were personal conversations... face to face. So not much proof there.. just my word against theirs... And one of the name of the woman my friend cheated with.
Unless you've got proof...dont say anything.
Would *I* want to know? Abso-fricken-lutely.
But...
I also wouldnt appreciate this information being passed to me by someone unless it was a close friend, an aquaintance with 100% proof or the woman herself who my man was cheating/cheated with.
Id also cut off contact with these men and have nothing to do with any of them. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:35:15 AM | OP
I just wonder why so many of your male friends are cheaters? On cheating friend is one thing but multiples? And I think they tell you because somehow they believe you will condone this or support it or even partake. If you aren't up for that then tell them, but not their SO because from what you say, you don't have that close of a relationship with their women and you will end up being the bad guy.
My guy friends are fricken awesome - they love their wives/SO, and their SO's have become good friends to me as well. My guy friends have my total respect because they respect their women. I guess I should be thankful not to be in your position. Seriously, if you are coming from a pure motive then I still stick with my first suggestion, talk to your male friends and don't lie if asked but stay out of it otherwise. My next suggestion is find a better class of friends.
I would definitely expect my friends to tell me if my man was cheating on me, however if it were his female friend that I am not close to and he said she was just after him for herself I would not take kindly to her at all (right or wrong it'd be my initial reaction), because my heart is with him and so would my loyalty be, I'd take his word over hers until I had someone else closer to me tell me or hard evidence. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:42:43 AM | I just wonder why so many of your male friends are cheaters?
Yes, it's too bad they're married if they can't be faithful
I wouldn't say anything - you know the saying about shooting the messenger? I've heard the wife resents being told - probably because she doesn't want to know what would force her to make a decision about her marriage. Of course, she'll confront him and he'll just lie - so then what? | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:55:30 AM | | Dont say anthing, it has nothing to do with you, unless these women are your friends, i just wouldnt. If my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend/husband, i wouldnt say anything, shes my friend! Even if the things shes doing are wrong.So i think you should just stay out of it otherwise you will end up as the bad guy! | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:57:08 AM | ^^^ Op corrected herself in msg 2.
I would definitely want to know if i was being cheated on,but you'd have to have ABSOLUTE proof to be believed.
Hope you've let your male friends know what you think of their lyin,cheatin ways........ | |
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puaka
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Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 36 | |
| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:58:59 AM | | Maybe stay out of it and don't keep these guys as friends if what they're doing bothers you. Whatever their excuses for cheating behind their wives back don't make it right and I will soon lose interest in their friendship. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:00:59 AM | | I just realized english is a second language for you, so yeah actually kudos's to you for knowing two languages, but you should stop the all caps its really annoying.. Anyhow, back to your topic, I would just stay out of your friends affairs. Tell those who are talking to you about it that you don't want to know and your sickened by them even mentioning it. If these where strangers I would totally say go for it, they need to end their b.s. drama that they are in. Or, maybe you could have a virtual stranger inform them. Or maybe you could setup your friend to find out if your really wanted them to know. However, if you want to keep your friends you had better try your best to forget the details and become uninvolved; in some form your relationships are now compromised its a your more likely to be damned if you do, but also possible that you will be damned if you do not . Go see an hypnotist or get raging drunk and just forget the details. The last time I tried to tell my friend his girl was cheating on him, well he dumped me. I've seen that phenomenon over and over again since then. Human beings are totally psychological when it comes to their sexual relationships you don't want to enter the drama. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:03:27 AM | Nah - keep out of it - let them sort themselves out its their mess? after all.
Not spoken to one of the supposed friends from my marriage, they all knew and not one of them told me, they just arranged games where I might find out!
How fricking sad when friends who relied on me and me on them could not just say: "the bastid is cheating on you", I just cant figure, so they are no friends of mine.
Go with your heart mate, but remember you could lose all of them as friends. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:38:27 AM | It is realy 'NUNYA' and this is a redundant thread, but I voted not to delete as I think that whole delete a thread thing silly.
When I was babysitting for my niece's son her bf had left his phone at home and someone kept calling. it showed up as 'Pink' was calling.
I was thinking at the time that no guy would have 'pink' as his nickname. I didn't answer the phone as it was not mine to answer.
I DID talk to my sister about it, this is her daughter's bf. We both agreed he may be cheating on her but then she had been talking to her long ago ex bf and it was really not our business.
Turns out later 'pink' was her bf's coworker's gf, the guy didn't have his own phone.
My niece has broken up with her bf now and that was all her descion, 'mom and Aunt Kari did not have to put our big noses into it'. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:44:09 AM | Personally if I found out someone I know is cheating (man or woman) on their lover I couldn't even look at them much less hang out with them.
If the BF is cheating on the GF I wouldn't be able to look at him without wanting to say how could you cheat ?? and the same if the situation were reversed.
All I have to say is get some morals here if your not happy end it let the other person find someone who'll cherish them.
I know how it feels to be cheated on and it's not something anyone deserves and as for the cheaters out there you'll get yours and when you do you'll know the pain your past relationships felt develop morals and you can't go wrong. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:50:57 AM |
I know this is none of my business, but they all confessed to me..
None of your business and you may be surprised to know that the other halves might already know or suspect. Been there, done it and you end up being the person who "tried to break up their marriage/relationship."
Tell them you don't need their drama and stop listening to that crap. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 4:58:03 AM | What I don't understand is if you feel strongly enough against cheating, why would you continue to be friends with 3 men who are doing just that?
By remaining friends with them, you're condoning it to a degree yet then you're considering turning around and telling their wives/GFs? | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:19:02 AM | UCBerkmaiden,
I would assume that you never have been cheatead on.. Lucky you!really...
Being cheated on is one of the most horrible feelings, you go thru all these
emotions.. and in your mind you need to process everything that has
happened. The first being is why it did happen..
I believe that everything that happens in a marriage/relationship is private between
husband and wife if someone were to tell me what an a** my husband was it
would have just annoyed me and I would have automatically became defensive.
But really that is just me... Some woman all ready know that they are being cheated
on.and dont want to deal with it right away. In my case I found out, confronted him
kicked him out, went to doc's, closed accounts than went to attorney. Than after all
that I had time to process everything that was happening to my life, and to my kids life. When I was ready than I informed family and friends what happened..Its about taking some control on what is happening in your life..I personally didnt want to hear about what anyone else had to say. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:20:28 AM | Hey guysss!!
Ok.. answering some of your questions..
1. I have NO CLUE why they confess these things to me., must be coz we all go way back and they know I dont know the wife/gf well enough .. so it's not a RISK telling me?? (Im just taking a wild guess here).
2. NO, I have not been the "other" woman to any of these here.. however, I did date one of them before he got with his long term gf. (He always seemed like the guy who would NEVER cheat, know what I mean?? Turns out he's the absolute worst.... ). I no longer consider him my friend.. we had a fight.
3. I dont like having cheaters as friends... but down here its SSOOOO common!! So, like some of you advise... if I were to cut them off just because of their cheating.. I would probably end up with 2 friends. And my 2 friends dont cheat because they dont even have a boyfriend... get my point?
4. I feel VERY strongly against cheating because I've seen it done to close relatives a LOT, to myself and to friends. I hate it when ppl think they can step all over other ppls emotions.
And by the wayyyy... PHEONIX GUY... english is my THIRD language and I LOVE ALL CAPPS !! ALL CAPPS RULE!!! :) lol... | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:31:42 AM | I stay out of other peoples love lives and I also do not make it a habit to chat to married men online. I have not met one wife yet that would appreciate advice or gossip from a single girl their men chat with. Believe me these women don't care that you have known them forever. Married means stay away.
Unless you are related to these people find some new friends. Cheating = Lying so you cannot prove that these guys are not yanking your chain just to look cool or convince you to hop into bed because they get away with it all the time. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:04:14 AM |
3. I dont like having cheaters as friends... but down here its SSOOOO common!! So, like some of you advise... if I were to cut them off just because of their cheating.. I would probably end up with 2 friends. And my 2 friends dont cheat because they dont even have a boyfriend... get my point?
Ahh, well this very nicely ties up your moral dilemma. If it bothers you soooooo much that you are willing to break a confidence BUT it doesn't bother you enough to end a friendship over it... then I say you are not in a moral dilemma, but are just enthralled with the righteousness and drama of it all.
~~
One of my very great friends was also best friends with my then SO. She knew my SO was having an affair... it threw her into turmoil. Her decision was not to tell me; she ended her friendship with my SO and continued her friendship with me, telling me that they had a severe difference of opinion that she just couldn't condone. I didn't ask her the details of their falling out - figured it was their business and if either one of them wanted me to know or needed my thoughts, they would tell/ask me.
I do not know how this woman listened empathetically to my angst during those crazy-making days of denial... you know, when you keep adding up all of the evidence but conclude that even though it sure seems like they must be having an affair, they can't possibly be doing that. She stayed very focused on my feelings and not the story of it. This seemed very logical to me, because one wants to avoid a triangle in these friendship situations. The closest she came to saying anything, and this was actually pivotal in my realizing my ex was having an affair, was one day she was leaving my house and turned and asked "So, I've forgotten, just why is it again that you are so convinced he couldn't be having an affair?" I answered her, but my answer rang as illogical to my ears so I sat with it for a few days and then, once again, confronted my ex about the situation and "forced" him to admit what was going on.
As soon as my friend found out I knew she came to me, hugged and said she was so sorry, she figured that if I was in denial it meant I wasn't ready to hear it, and she hoped I would forgive her for not telling me. I thanked her, said how awful it must have been for her to carry this secret, how dreadful the moral turmoil must have been, how humbled I was with her integrity and that I honestly didn't know if I was strong enough, or principled enough to have managed what she did. | |
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| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:11:54 AM | Why should she suffer the knowledge of something that may end up stopping and going away. Right now, she's fine...then he changes and gives this behaviour up, and there you are delivering hurt she may not have to wrestle with. Minding your own business is an idea thousands of years old.
Be careful of what you think you do for others that's really for you.  | |
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 48 | |
| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:31:01 AM | | Unless you like Drama I would say no. Why get mixed up in someone else's drama? Unles it is your very best friend and then doing the right thing can still cost you a friendship. We don't like to believe those things and if true we are then embarassed. This is one of those things that has that double edged sword. I had a friend that did that I did not judge and then guess what... she is living with my EX... So maybe you just evaluate the actual friendship. Do you really want someone with that kind of low standards as a friend. Something to think about. Lesson learned for me... people like this do not have any boundaries. NONE AT ALL. | |
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 49 | |
| SHOULD I INFORM HE'S WIFE SHE'S BEING CHEATED ON?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:31:37 AM | | Unless you like Drama I would say no. Why get mixed up in someone else's drama? Unles it is your very best friend and then doing the right thing can still cost you a friendship. We don't like to believe those things and if true we are then embarassed. This is one of those things that has that double edged sword. I had a friend that did that I did not judge and then guess what... she is living with my EX... So maybe you just evaluate the actual friendship. Do you really want someone with that kind of low standards as a friend. Something to think about. Lesson learned for me... people like this do not have any boundaries. NONE AT ALL. | |
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