12 year old that hates her father Free Dating, Singles and Personals

12 year old that hates her father Posted: 10/28/2008 4:50:11 AM
It's funny, I get continually called names yet no one can come up with one rebuttal of anything I've said. I can refute everything. So, you call me names... how does that change the truthfulness of anything I've said?? It's been a while since I've been n here and didn't see your reply. I apologize for saying you were acting obnoxious, you are right. It was not appropriate. I will conceed my ex was not the wisest choice I could have made had I known then what I know now, that much my daughters are aware of. However, if I had to choose between doing it again and having my children or not doing it again and not having my children - my decision is extremely obvious. I can also say with complete honesty, when I made a decision to have a child with this man (and yes she was planned) I definitely felt he would be a great Dad. I still believe he would be if he wasn't so foggy. I have spent years trying to balance not saying anything bad about him and not letting my children grow up thinking his behavior is appropriate and what they deserve. Clearly, they do deserve better. Clearly, they need their feelings validated. I have spent years trying my best to be understanding and accepting of him and I not only teach it, I model it. I do speak with him regularly and when he is around we go out to eat as a family as much as I can handle and he's spent a week at Christmas in my home for the last 4 years. I teach my children that sometimes we don't like what family members do, sometimes we don't even "like" them, but we still love them and we are there for them emotionally when they need us even if it is for nothing in return. It doesn't mean we have to revolve our lives around them or live wih them when it is not in our best interests. I have told my daughter, I will never say it is ok to never speak to him again, it is merely ok to take a short break and think things through. I have encouraged her over the years to talk to him and to write to get things off her mind, and she has only to not be validated by him and given the impression from him he really doesn't care how she feels when it comes right down to it. So, then I tell her I know that hurts and it stinks. But part of loving someone (if only from a distance) is loving them even when they don't love themselves enough to do the right thing. I'm sure to you it all seems so easy to decide what is right and what is wrong, but the reality is, it is not easy at all, it is all extremely complicated. No matter what we try to do or say as parents there is always some hole in what we say. You really are damned no matter what, and all we can do is pick the most important lessons as priorities, and work on the others as we go. I think most parents know that. Those of us who are "real" parents try the best we can. I don't mean you by the way, I mean biological parents verses being an active dedicated "parent". Unfortunately, being with children in any other capacity doesn't offer the same lessons. One more thing, believe me I have discussed choosing a "real" man and making better choices in men than I have with my daughters, and I have done it hopefully without putting the father down unnecessarily. Unfortunately, I've had other examples to work with :) Yet, I've also lived alone for the last 8 years, because I no longer settle, and do pay much more attention to the red flags. Sometimes you just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one. I'm sure you get that - having not found your mate for life yet. I honestly hope you do someday just like I hope the same for me. Kids need people who are not their parents to give them different perspectives - thanks for offering children that piece of the whole picture.