| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:39:20 PM | | People usually aren't rude or persistent when asking. That's exactly what makes it difficult sometimes - it's easy to ignore someone being really pushy, but not so easy when they make a very personal question sound so ordinary. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 12:42:48 PM | | I would reply that it doesn't matter, the past is in the past. Make it clear you're over it, as that is what they're looking for (on dating sites anyway). It's a bad sign when someone will bash their ex, so I wouldn't recommend it; even if the ex deserves to be bashed. lol. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:19:36 PM | I would find that very odd. I have never had a guy ask me what happened in a past relationship, they just seem to assume it must be because I was with an *sshole, and I have a hard time convincing them that I've never actually been in a relationship with an *sshole, and sometimes I get a bit miffed at them assuming it  So that gets my back up a bit, and I can see why a woman asking you would do the same. I think they sometimes don't know what else to say so they come up with a list of set questions or assumptions. Possibly it goes deeper though. Possibly it's because they are insecure and want to hear that you hate your x so that they can convince you they would never be nasty to you like she was. They could portray themselves as the exact opposite.  | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:48:37 PM | | I don't like to trash ex's no matter how bad they were. I simply state why do you ask? If they persist, I state I never kiss and tell just as I never talk about someone I dated. Simply state, she is a lovely lady and we will leave it at that. Does not matter if she was or not...........you come out gallant. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:52:59 PM | When my ex and I split up after twenty years, I didn't think people were being nosy for asking me what happened when they found out I was on my own.
I mean...for twenty years, they knew me as part of a couple. And since no one had ever heard me say anything negative about him or our relationship, our separation came as a shock to most people who knew us.
Anyway...all you have to say is that unfortunately, things didn't work out between the two of you. That's it. You don't have to say anything more than that unless you want to and/or it's someone you're close to and who cares about you.
One last thing about being nosy...haha...yeah I guess that bothers me a little. For example...when I find out that a friend or a co-worker I'm close to and who I thought was in a good solid relationship has split up with their long time partner, I normally ask if she or he is okay and if they want to talk about it.
And it's not because I'm being nosy...it's because I genuinely care to know if she or he is okay. We're all different and we all have different things to offer people.
Me, I don't have much to offer to anyone, but I have a good heart and very big shoulders, so when I ask someone if they're okay and if they want to talk about it, I mean it. Not everybody is out to get people or is just being nosy. Some people just care about people that's all.
So if you don't wish to say anything, just say that you would rather not talk about it. The people who matter will understand, and the ones who don't matter don't need to understand or know anything more for that matter (and in my opinion:)
Good luck to you OP... 
JMHO
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:54:41 PM |
I state I never kiss and tell just as I never talk about someone I dated. Simply state, she is a lovely lady and we will leave it at that. Does not matter if she was or not...........you come out gallant.
Yeah, that's the ticket. Lie your way through life and relationships.
And when the facts emerge and your forced to tell the truth ...you can lower your head and mumble. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:55:11 PM | I love "why do you ask?"
You can then follow whatever they put out as a response and the conversation has shifted. Most people do not have the presence of mind to come all the way back to the original leaping off point.
Easiest way to deflect anything is to answer a question with a question.
^ Well, it IS kind of annoying, but most people don't get that that's what you did anyway. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 1:55:53 PM | Wow...the people I've asked weren't seriously offended by that question.
If you don't want to say anything, then say 'I'd rather not talk about it'. But if you're still healing and it's too hard for you to talk about, I'd have to wonder if you're even in a good place to be dating people. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:07:47 PM | | I get this asked to often, my answer is long ago ancient history, I prefere to talk of the present not dwell in the past ;-) | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:16:14 PM | | What I said when asked about a relationship was 'we decided to go our own ways, it just wasn't meant to be and we realized it'. To me that is the end of the conversation about it - no other comments needed nor given! | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:21:41 PM | | you could always say something like, "Why on earth would you want to know that"? or maybe just say it's personal and you don't feel like discussing it as it's a private matter and you're a private person. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:27:28 PM | Just tell them that it is a very personal matter and you do not discuss personal matters with others.
I had a friend who was intensely curious about other people's lives.. to the point of asking pointed questions. I know how you feel about usually the questions sneak up on you and before you know it you are spilling your guts.
Well my best friend and I made a pact concerning this nosy mutual friend. We made a pact that we would not discuss the other with the nosy friend. So one day the nosy friend asked my best friend if I was dating someone.. to which my best friend replied "you know we have made an agreement to not discuss one another with others.. so if you want to know if she is dating I recommend that you ask her".
We think it embarassed this person.. because the level of her nosyness and gossip dropped totally.. she is like a different person to us now.
So be straight foward.. and tell them.. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:29:25 PM | Whenever I have some lame goober ask me personal questions I turn the table on them...I quickly start a real long winded boring story or I put on a depressed look and say, "Its all too emotional for me to speak of"...Oh, give me a minute, the pain is all too much..
They run so fast, "thinkin I a total nut and never ask again...   | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:37:18 PM | My last break-up was a horrible ordeal, and the way I'm healing involves just the opposite of having to explain it to someone. Also, there were emotional issues at stake that tend to divide men and women right down the middle.
I'm sorry... but I have to ask why you're on a dating site right now. If the situation was that horrible and you're still healing and can't talk about it then you're probably not ready to date. Dating involves opening up to people and trusting and it doesn't sound like you're ready to do that yet. If there are issues at stake that will scare people away or upset them then just get it out on the table so that you can see who is willing to deal with it and who is not.
I do ask people I meet here why their long term relationships failed because it tells me a lot about them. It will tell me how level headed and rational they are. It will tell me if they're bitter and untrusting. It will tell me if they did something wrong and regret it. It will tell me if they're at risk of going back to their ex even. It will also tell me if they're ready to try again at finding love a partner to spend the rest of their life with. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 2:51:18 PM |
May I ask what happened?
The possibilities are nearly endless:
"THE PUBLISHING CONTRACT FOR MY MEMOIRS STIPULATES 'NO COMMENT'.....
"I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT WHILE IT'S STILL BEFORE THE COURTS..."
"SINCE THE SEX CHANGE THINGS WERE JUST 'DIFFERENT' BETWEEN US..."
WE FOUND OUT WE WERE ACTUALLY SIBLINGS -- SEPARATED SINCE AT BIRTH"...
I am sure you get the idea.... | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:46:00 PM |
I didn't like her nosy questions.
I think this is the best response yet! Humor almost always works, OP. Asking them "Why do you want to know?" usually works as well, as they usually don't have an answer (as someone already said). If they do come up with an answer, say...something like, "Oh, I was just concerned about you.", just say, "Well, thanks!" then turn and walk away.
Bottom line is that you don't have to answer that question from anyone unless and until you're good and ready to. I cannot stand nosey people ~ if I want to talk about something, I will. Until then, mind ya own. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:23:43 PM | I've been asked too- and usually just say; it didn't work out. I live in a small town where my last boyfriend was born- so its best to not say very much!!
To those who think its a way of finding out about somebody you just (or haven't) met; isn't that a little too soon to judge? Everyone has different reactions to things- and unless you know someone really well.......... | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:34:16 PM |
Everyone has different reactions to things- and unless you know someone really well..........
You're exactly right... that's why I ask. I don't want to date a drama king, an emotional wuss, an abusive personality, etc. The reason they broke up will usually clue you in on those types because of how they will explain the situation. Calling the ex names, getting angry, crying uncontrollably etc are all signs that they're not ready for a relationship or that it will be healthy. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 7:07:00 PM | ^^^So sherilyn, how many men have you discounted or not gone any further with based on their explanation of past relationship breakups after 1 or 2 emails (per the OP's original question)? How many guys after 1 or 2 emails, broke down and started crying, called their exes names, etc. answering your questions about their past? After 1 or 2 emails. Just curious.
~ds~ | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:32:13 PM | | How 'bout something easy, yet truthful. "We just weren't right for eachother" No blame, no story, and it's enough of an explanation to shut people up. And you're not lying because you obviously weren't right for eachother. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:32:37 PM | | And what if they think you're just nosy? I don't like being asked that- at least not right away. If they start talking about their ex without being asked- thats a sign right there! | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/3/2008 1:45:35 AM | I don't see how asking a potential mate about their previous dating history is too nosy. You can gauge a lot about a person by how they answer that question. They may just be checking the tone of your response or to checking to see if you have truly moved on. There is a huge difference between a man answering "It didn't work out, we wanted different things" and a guy that answers 'The b1tch took me for every nickel, and ran around on me like the sl*t that she is"
As far as co-workers or casual acquaintances they are probably just concerned for your well being or wondering why a guy that seemed happily married got divorced. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:57:27 AM | | The response "I'd tell you but my lawyer's advised me not speak as the movie rights are in negotiation, as well as the civil suit's in progress." seems to work for me. | |
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| May I ask what happened?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:58:49 AM | "I didn't like her nosy questions."
"Why do you want to know?"
I like both of these.  At least they ask. 
When you are "WIDOWED" it is many times treated like the plague. . Widowhood seems to scare a lot of guys.
I haven't figured out if that is the "ghost syndrome"  or not. Most guys just don't seem confident enough to make their own place  and it seems if they don't have a license to slam the ex for something  then they can't deal with the fact that there are good relationships, that ended tragicallly.
The other party still must live and still must move on. 
It is the same with divorce. It doesn't matter HOW it ended. The point is that it is time to move on.     
It's not a circus here - refrain from excess smilies so the post can be read - see Forum Rules 
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