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 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 76
Moving inPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

People "move in" for various reasons, but the BIGGEST reason I've seen - is money (i.e. shared expenses).


Now that is a scary thought. I certainly would not consider moving in with someone that was not financially stable and fully able to support himself in a comfortable manner.

thecatsmeoww
 Selima
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 77
Moving in
Posted: 9/12/2009 1:16:08 PM
Burpie: I definitely don' t think you should even consider letting this guy move in. His life is his responsibility. You are not responsible for him. Also, no one suggested to you to have sex on the 2nd or 3rd date, it was after one or two months of seeing someone that the idea came up if you don't want to be intimate, to me, at least, it is probably not someone you are really attracted to or care for in that way. Taking care of oneself and loving someone else are not mutually exclusive; they can happen simultaneously, without losing yourself or your shirt.
 Runs With Wolves
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 78
Moving in
Posted: 9/12/2009 2:51:41 PM

By the time most of use reach the magic age of "over 45" we pretty much have our own home and space and way of life. What would make someone of our age group leave our homes and move in with someone else. I personally can't see myself giving up my large home to move into someone elses. I'm curious to why anyone would move out of their place to live with someone else. Ladies? Guys?


Security in all aspects of the word! With reference to love and how it is personified…if that makes sense.

I was in collaboration with someone that made it clear that before the relationship was to become serious as in moving in together that I was to know his home would be going to his daughters..lol.. after his death. It wasn’t the question of what he projected to me but the inconsistencies that came about as a result of our planning our lives together.

My thinking, if I was moving in with him, I would be sacrificing my home and what I have become accustomed to; I would also be sacrificing the freedom of design in my new home as well as what involvement and limits I would have as to expenditures while living there, which I assume would be inevitable; would only be existing in the new living arrangement without expressing a huge part of myself (pole dancing – kidding).

At the same time, when and if he dies before me, I would pick up my belongings and move out. Ummmm…there is something wrong with this picture…lol I found no joy of the thought of moving in with him and did not speak of the imbalance. I am sure I put only a part of me into this relationship, as a result, I did not work at keeping the relationship strong and found it easy to let go. It eventually ended.

The reality? I think it would be extremely difficult to make drastic moves at my age without knowing what resources you will be left with in the end, especially if you as a partner sacrifice much of your security to be left with nothing.

I agree with SunnyTexas, I would rather have a prenup even if it’s living together.


Never again will I live with a man in a house he built. It wasn't pleasant making a home, working hard on decorating and improvements, cleaning and caring for home for 22 years, then having to leave it, cuz the law said so. It was just too devastating, even though I was paid for my half of it. I couldn't endure it again. I'll know better next go 'round.


I’ve had experiences where I had given 150% financially in relationships with the belief the relationship was a happily ever after scenario. Never again! lol

Sapphireeyes:

I am really in shock with the answers here....I love being with someone, the soft touches as they go by...going to the grocery store and finding something you know they will love, if one person gets up they just know if the other one wants a drink without having to asking. Having them walk thru the door and it was a line to met them, the kids, the pets and then I would get the biggest kiss...he said no matter what kind of day he had having that many in line to tell him hello when he got home was priceless! The spooning in bed at night, the cuddling on the sofa during a movie, the nonstop foreplay where heated looks turn you on as much as a touch. I guess some of us where meant to share lives and others live alone. Maybe POF need to have this as a category...LTR with separate housing?


I agree, there needs o be another category….


 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 79
Moving in
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:19:52 PM

there is a part of me that is already waiting to be asked for him to move in with me.... I'm actually dreading it...not that I wouldn't let someone stay for a few weeks, but I think it is still too soon to just carte blanche let this almost total stranger move in and yeah, call me untrusting and paranoid, but I don't think I'd do this guy a favor like that after knowing him only two weeks.


Burpie I do think this will be the deal breaker for you. He is already unloading his problems on you after knowing him for just 2 weeks? I would get my roller skates on now!!

thecatsmeoww
 andserendipity
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 80
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History
Moving in
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:04:36 PM
burpie: "a lover? I dunno..... and this might be the deal breaker for our continuing the relationship...so am I untrusting and paranoid or"

that can be so hard, if it's someone you like and have a lot in common with...

but if the radar has gone up, and it sure sounds like it has, i'd say listen to that inner voice...

if it's meant to be, it might be after he's back on his feet? edges of worry and and even of resentment, seem already to be creeping into your post...
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Moving in
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:02:15 PM
I've been on all three sides: 1) our new apartment, 2) I moved in with him, 3) he moved in with me. The living arrangements were never the problem. The first I won't go into, it was bad enough I'd rather not think about it. The second, he decided it was time to move on, but he moved out and left me in his house - he'd have given me his half of it, if I'd wanted to take out a loan to pay off his ex wife's half. The third, well, that ended with him being sick and dying, and us losing the house because of an inept realtor.

Now. I'm not in love with my house, though I hold the mortgage, and I'd have no problem moving in with someone. BUT - all the houses I've seen lovely photos of just waiting for the one and only, are so full and finished and decorated, there's no room for anyone else. I don't have much in the way of furniture I'd like to keep, but there are a few pieces, more for sentiment than value. And I do have stuff. Lots of stuff. Mementos, craft supplies, etc. And my animals. There has to be room to at least store it, and hopefully a spare bedroom that could become an office/crafts room.

Back again to my house. I wouldn't sell it, I'd rent or lease it. And at this point, I would have some kind of contract. My property, such as it is, is my children's inheritance.

With those caveats, I like living with someone, I like waking up next to someone, I like going to sleep with someone. I like having someone to give me an excuse to cook, and I like having someone cook for me sometimes. I like the daily humdrum of life with someone.

What I don't get is where all the intelligent, thoughtful, literate men who can actually write more than one coherent sentence at a time are hiding. Every single one I've come across either lives in a city [nope, can't do that even if I didn't have the animals] or so far away they might as well be on the moon. Wherever they are, they sure aren't around here.
 notfishin
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 82
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:31:34 AM
In the time before we moved in together, we seemed to spend more time and energy taking care of two households and deciding which place we would go to that night, that it took away from our time together. Now, his son lives at his place, we live at what was mine, and we don't have to worry about maintaining two separate residences. (That energy is better spent in other pursuits!) We chose mine because 1) my place was bigger; 2) my elderly dad was next door; and 3) my son was still in and out while in college. Just seemed logical to us.

And it is WONDERFUL.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 83
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 7:26:40 AM
After giving this some thought I think I would relocate to his place and rent my home out.. This makes good sense to my ears..

thecatsmeoww
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 84
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:15:05 AM

there is a part of me that is already waiting to be asked for him to move in with me.... I'm actually dreading it...not that I wouldn't let someone stay for a few weeks, but I think it is still too soon to just carte blanche let this almost total stranger move in and yeah, call me untrusting and paranoid, but I don't think I'd do this guy a favor like that after knowing him only two weeks.

I thought this thread was about those of us over 45, meeting someone, getting to know them, developing a relationship and then deciding whether we'd give up our own private area to co-habitate. I wanted to read opinions on post #1 ....

~OT~ Two weeks OP? I don't know....doesn't sound like a good idea to me, but only you can decide what you are comfortable with. JMO
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 85
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:06:07 AM
...Umm, I think that would depend upon location. I would hate to give-up my current living accommodations. My home is quite spacious, my family and friends are nearby, only 10 mintues from my job and I'm close to all amenities. But it can get brutally cold here in the winter.

But on the other hand, if he happened to live in one of those warmer states....well then, we could possibly do some negotiating. *wnk wink*

...maeflowers
 Hibiscus20
Joined: 6/3/2009
Msg: 86
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Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 9:12:36 AM
Hey OP, you bring up a real issue. I didn't look at your profile so I don't know how much over 45 you are. At a certain age, however, running a home gets more challenging, so that two people helping each other out could be ideal. And if it's in the same town so that one doesn't lose his/her social network. All this assumes a strong emotional bond and commitment are in place.

People accustomed to a certain amount of space should make a determination whether either home is large enough for both of you to be comfortable; and if not, a place that does the job should be acquired. Difficult market to flip homes, however; so it might take some patience.
 Resident Male
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 87
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 11:13:36 AM

But on the other hand, if he happened to live in one of those warmer states....well then, we could possibly do some negotiating. *wink wink*



Something like winters in Texas and summers in Canada. :jumper:
 HumanPopsicle
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 88
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 12:49:11 PM
Living here in Alaska, I hear about the women who leave everything behind to move here with the internet man of their dreams...and then discover that the middle of winter brings out the idiosynchrosies in the best of us and those who get their sunshine from a bottle, oh boy.

These women (and the occasional guy) are the true "sourdoughs"-sour on the state but lacking the dough to leave. It's a different game entirely doing it when you are 25 than 45.

The ideal situation I can come up with is for the 2 parties to keep their houses, rent them out, find a new place they can afford on one income and use the other income for investment and play. And sure a pre-nup seems to some a lack of faith and commitment, but when you're at a place and age where losing everything could mean never being able to gain it back, a person has to take reasonable precautions. I don't wear a helmet with the expectation I'm going to crash, or go ahead and ride stupid because I'm wearing my lid-I don't know if the other person is going to turn left in front of me, so I need to be protected.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 89
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Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 2:03:58 PM
To go to bed with him every day and wake up with him every morning and spend (part of) to time in between, together.

 skier3935
Joined: 10/24/2009
Msg: 90
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:09:06 PM
I think at our age, a couple would be best off moving into a place that was new to both - neutral territory. Not that I have any experience with that. The last time I started cohabitation, it was 1984. Sheesh - I hadn't thought of that before!
 ~Heart~Tunes~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 91
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:48:26 PM
Considering that my marriage has been over for approaching two years, and only in the near future do we FINALLY have a chance to get out of home and property intelligently, you'd think that I would get an anxiety attack even thinking about such an idea (steady yourself, breathe rhythmically into brown paper bag).

I would just be cautious, and in no hurry to do so. I'd want someone to really know me well, the day-to-day me, as I them, at least as much as possible. Things like me being a little moody and broody and introverted and needing of solitude at times without freaking out about it. I can certainly do the same. Ideally, it might be best to rent a place together somewhere, kind of approach such a thing with each others realistic needs as individuals in mind, pick out a place that can work well for both in such a regard.

The operative words are that I'd be in no hurry to do so, but not at all adverse to the idea when you're both feeling very comfortable about it, and ready to approach it sensibly. It does have its economic advantages, but I don't think such a thing should come into play when regarding such a thing if at all possible. It should only be a pleasant outcome of everything else, IMO.
 Juste moi Danielle
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 92
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 7:44:26 PM
What would make someone of our age group leave our homes and move in with someone else.
I personally can't see myself giving up my large home to move into someone elses.
I'm curious to why anyone would move out of their place to live with someone else.


I could never move in someone else's place...I can have someone move in with me but not the other way around. I'm an introvert and a loner...my home (where and what ever my home happens to be) is my haven...it's my cave and my cave needs to look and feel and be furnished, decorated and lighted "just so"... :)

Anyway no, I would never give up my home to move in another...he (whoever he is) can move in with me or we can find a new cave that suits the both of us. But I still get to decorate and furnish "our" new cave though...(sorry I'm having a rare and the screen is starting to look fuzzy.....hahaha...anyway...cheers and happy new year to us all:)




 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 93
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:25:51 PM
I have a bit of an unusual problem in this regard. I do a lot of woodworking and have a very well equipped shop in my basement. Lots of heavy, difficult to move stuff.
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 94
Moving in
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:31:21 PM
I maybe would move to get married only! But then he would
have to have a nicer/bigger home than me and also live in a
warm State. I do not like the cold.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 95
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:18:40 AM
Sweetest:
Whenever it is we all leave this mortal coil...hopefully your hand will be held in love by someone who's known the breadth and extent of you from sharing life with you...and is changed immeasurably for the better for having known you in this way...and that you’re not lying there alone full up of the 'stuff' of life...

Some of you have unwittingly put one mighty moat around what it’ll take to reach your heart and crack your particular code; just know this---not everybody is up to pole jumping to that extent any more. Ease up will ya? Love is worth it. One can still be responsible, pragmatic, mature and adult about protecting oneself financially yet still be open---ease up.

Hopefully at 45 plus, we can all find ourselves confronted again with something so real and insistent and that it literally propels us out of our complacency, urges us to be known and revealed to another. We all want someone to see us and know us during our time here…That ‘knowing’ and wanting to be known moves us to be with another…to think past the current myopic fixation with ‘stuff’ to exploring the simple joys of being together sharing your life with someone who, even in the more mundane and niggling aspects…makes you shake your head and wonder how you could ever have mistaken what was really important in the first place.

Sapphire:
I love being with someone, the soft touches as they go by...going to the grocery store and finding something you know they will love, if one person gets up they just know if the other one wants a drink without having to asking. Having them walk thru the door and it was a line to met them, the kids, the pets and then I would get the biggest kiss...he said no matter what kind of day he had having that many in line to tell him hello when he got home was priceless! The spooning in bed at night, the cuddling on the sofa during a movie, the nonstop foreplay where heated looks turn you on as much as a touch. I guess some of us where meant to share lives and others live alone.

I need my ‘space’ and ‘alone time’ too but managed to find that while married and living in the same house with my husband so don’t see living apart as a pre-requisite. Add my vote to moving in together when we reach the point where we can make a long term commitment to each other. Doesn't matter to me whether it's my place he moves into, his place I move into, or we get a new one together. I'm sure we could work these things out.

P.s. sweetest - just saw your profile update, congrats and good luck!
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 96
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:46:23 AM
I look at it a bit differently, but then I sell real estate for a living.

If you each own your own place already, nothing says "luv" more than buying a vacation home together. Now you have three places to be romantic . . .
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 97
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:52:54 AM

If you each own your own place already, nothing says "luv" more than buying a vacation home together. Now you have three places to be romantic . . .

Nope. I used to have 2 homes - city and ski area and nothing says too tired for romance than maintaining two homes.
 Sarah041
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 98
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:23:58 AM
I must be really laid back, a house is just a house, they are common and everywhere.

A great relationship seems more rare these days and worth the happiness it provides by being together with each other.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 99
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:24:18 AM

I look at it a bit differently, but then I sell real estate for a living.

If you each own your own place already, nothing says "luv" more than buying a vacation home together. Now you have three places to be romantic . . .


Indeed that would be perfect.. We each maintain our own homes and have a together vacation home as well.. I could always rent mine out very very easily. We could float between our together home and his home..

But I love owning property..

thecatsmeoww
 fla2004
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 100
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History
Moving in
Posted: 1/2/2010 4:15:18 AM
I have a totally unrealistic 'plan'. my friends and I chuckle over:

The ideal istuation, is for me to meet a gentleman, smewhere north of me, who owns his own place AND wants/is able to leave in the winters to enjoy my home in Florida in the colder month's,,,,The difficulty is lying in the details< meeting, dating, jobs..etc..
Still...........

It is the plan, later...after I finish raising my kidlet.....

Tracy
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