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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:26:43 AM | The good people are still around.
They are just wondering why people are treating them cynically. 
Seriously though. I ate em. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:08:38 AM | AA : (AdorableAnnie)
Here's the deal. Yes, it seems like America is going to hell in a handbasket, but the thing is this: I DO agree with some of the posters, Didnt read ALL , but attitude has a whole lot to do with our mindset. Im so sorry about your town. I LOVE MICHIGAN, thats where a good share of my maternal relatives live, right on the lakeshore around Kalamazoo, PawPaw, Mattawan and St Joseph Harbor. I try to go there every year with my kids but gas is outrageous this year. I hope i can still go.
Have you thought of doing away with at least SOME of those "CAN NOT CONTACT UNLESS" ??? YOu know, you just might be missing out on the relationship of your LIFE by ONE YEAR!!! :) | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:51:26 AM | Vancer and wannaC are right.
There's a whole lot of good people around.
America is going to hell in a handbasket and there's a lot of chaos. You may have to search harder, longer or deeper, but there's plenty of good people left for you to explore. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:42:18 AM | Thank you all for your positive and encouraging words.
Wanna - you made me think of something about my town. About Michigan - there is A LOT of negativity here, despite it being an incredibly beautiful state. I don't know if anyone knows this but Michigan has been on the bottom of the list for bad economies in the nation for several years running (like last or next to last.) Perhaps this is the shroud of gloom that I feel here. I came here 4 years ago from Richmond Virginia and since then I've notice that things seem very bleak to many people because the economy has been so bad for so long with no sign of it getting better. When I moved here the first thing I noticed is all the run down cars, houses, yards and the way people dressed and looked (not well taken care of.) I don't judge anyone for personal taste - just observing what I noticed. That's not to say say there aren't wealthy people here, just less of the middle class and far more poor. What people consider "good jobs" here is anything over $8.00 an hour! Small businesses and foreclosures were deteriorating at record rate far before they were across the nation.
I came here with a different state of mind than the natives, there are a lot of people here who have a different outlook on life than I do. This part of the state is known as the "bible belt." There are many very conservative christens here. There were even parts of the county until a few months ago that were "dry" and sundays are still "dry." This could be part of the problem because I don't fit in with their mindset (again not judging, just observing.) I don't go to superbowl parties, I don't hunt and fish, I didn't marry my high school sweetheart, etc. I don't go to chuch. I am not trying to oversimplify but I am a fish out of water compared to many here and by no means am I saying all of michigan is like this either nor do I think they are bad - just different.
So ghost- I think you are right, I must just keep digging harder to find people I can relate to.
So in essence I am aware of what's going on in my area and the reasons why. No offense to anyone here but I wasn't looking to be analyzed I just wondered if anyone else had experienced these types of things where they live. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:31:42 AM | I think it is ironic to post this question in the current venue. Why? Well, because regardless of what I say, I can only further your point. It is quite impossible for me in a non-personal arena to embody a friendship. There has to be a tangible interaction that indicates I am forgoing a part of my selfish self to become your friend.
BUT, I shall disagree with you. It is very possible to be a friend, and a close knit member of a community. What I argue is that it takes a relationship on more than one level; three levels is really indicative of what I call a friendship. An example: I have known a couple through my parents since I was a child. I was a year ahead of their son in school, when he died of brain cancer. I tutored students for her class when I was in eighth grade, and taught chemistry for her when I was in college, and had statistics from him. Is it any wonder that when he was raising funds for a new school, he called me to do the traffic study?
I read quite a few comments on the relationship forums that indicate that there is difficulties for friendships to grow beyond the single venue of POF. I don't find that surprising, because we are hopeful to push to a friendship, but proximity is often what is lacking. This is a forum for entertainment primarily, and we are trying to form the friendships out of it.
I remember a previous pastor quoting some prominent figure as stating that the most functionally positive contributions to our society come from local churches. Initially, I thought he was trumping up his own utility, but then I considered that my contacts in church are indeed the people I will most likely form friendships with, since I often have personal contacts with the members through their families outside of church, and business or political interactions may follow thereafter. Thus, common bonds help form the basis for positive community contributions. I tended to agree with the prominent figure's thesis.
In summary, I would state that the three level interaction is a requirement for a solidly bonded friendship, but they don't form the friendship. I have many acquaintances I interact with on three levels, but I don't count them as friends. Still, the local get-togethers for POF participants are an integral part to expanding this electronic venue into more-developed friendships. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:43:52 PM | I know some people whose behaviour is very giving and compassionate. I know some people whose behaviour is neither giving nor compassionate. I believe that all people are good, but due to suffering, pain and confusion, some are more easily able to express it than others.
I think that the internet increases our sense of connectedness and in some ways this is so unbearable, the knowledge of all the pain and suffering in the world, fears for the planet and the human race, that we must needs disconnect a little because it is unbearable to empathise with so many.
I have never found that older generations are more admirable or good than younger ones. Older generations tend to be more emotionally violent: guilty of racism, sexism, narrow-minded bigotism, in ways that younger generations, being better informed, are horrified by. Older generations are less likely to show compassion towards animals (vegetarianism is a growing trend among the younger generations, not the older ones) and the planet (it tends to be the grandson, not the grandmother who bothers to recycle or who is even aware of the issues of pollution.
My hopes lie with the younger generation, I see much in them that is good, I feel that the kinds of stress they have to bear are much harder than the utter ignorance of our grandparents. Our grandparents worried about themselves; these days kids genuinely do worry about the planet. They read blogs from people in war zones; they are endlessly manipulated and assaulted by the media. People do tune out, as a measure of self-protection, but there are few true zombies out there when you take time to observe people with an open heart -- it is just that they cannot bear the constant complex assault on their feelings that daily life has become. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:16:08 AM | They have mostly died of old age, even though it has been said that the good die young.
Have you noticed that the moral value system (and I am not talking about religion here folks!) has been reprogrammed in our world?... The hope is clearly not in the future generations (IMHO) as they no longer have a point of reference for integrity. Good people will always come from the most unlikely places though - like flowers growing out of cement. What is rewarded by the world's "civilized" system has been otherwise known as the "Dark Side" in the movies and it is the prevailing ...Matrix of our day.... No you did not imagine it, although many would love to slip you a pill to correct and plug you back in....
The hope is only in individual and independent thinkers as it has always been in human history. The trouble is, wherever you happen to be, there are fewer of them around in this world full of cloned sheep. Thanks to a "smaller world", technology and "progress" - the not so mighty dollar is God, while people's value and life's accomplishment is measured in $$. Has it ever been different in the world?... Yes. There has always been a class system and greed, but the ratio of people with open eyes and good hearts was vastly and categorically, radically different. I have lived on three continents and have witnessed both great good and great evil in people. Even the perception and the centuries old knowledge in the Arts has mutated into a perverted goal for sterility and reliable predictability.
...Also remember - cloned sheep will have their perspectives too... and they bite. So let's now sit back and enjoy some free "therapy"!   | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:44:09 AM |
The hope is only in individual and independent thinkers as it has always been in human history. The trouble is, wherever you happen to be, there are fewer of them around in this world full of cloned sheep.
You might try going to a few public meetings to see just how individual and independent most people are. Each has their own vision of how things should be and is not afraid to make it known. The one surprising similarity is how they all think that they know what is best for everyone else and lump everyone else's ideas together as the same.
But it doesn't mean that these people are "bad", they are all motivated to do what they feel is "good", though sometimes it is for their own good. But from the people I have encountered, the blatently self-serving people are in the minority and are powerless until they group together. Then they become a dangerous entity which must be exposed as such. Luckily they thrive on secrecy so exposure is usually all that is needed. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:28:29 AM |
I have some ideas as to what has caused this sense of disconnectedness, I would really love to know the cure. Honestly I'd like to find a good guy some day but more importantly, I'd like to find some good friends someday too.
i feel exactley the same way.
most pplz like to bring others down, to make them feel better.
i love to meet more "truley good" pplz.
i have oftern wonderd, why pplz enjoy seeing others misery, espechially if it is caused by "them".
its not quantity of frinds, its the quality.
unfortunateley, there is no cure. but you are ok, as long as you can tell the diffrence. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:32:27 AM |
But it doesn't mean that these people are "bad", they are all motivated to do what they feel is "good", though sometimes it is for their own good. But from the people I have encountered, the blatently self-serving people are in the minority and are powerless until they group together. Then they become a dangerous entity which must be exposed as such. Luckily they thrive on secrecy so exposure is usually all that is needed. i couldnt agree more, that is verry well put. I think you are right, I must just keep digging harder to find people I can relate to. true, as we all relate to diffrent things, if we was all the same, the world would be a boring place. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:07:06 PM | AA - Kudos to you for opening such an apropos thread!
You are describing a problem many people face including myself. I live in a rural area with small cities scattered about which doesn’t see infusions of new people or ideas. That makes it tough meeting people. I have also changed my design from meeting a life partner to just forging genuine connections with people. I find keeping affiliations with a university is a great way to do this and meet people who are tolerant of diversity, have ambition and think empirically.
You certainly don't need any advice, but these are the observations I have drawn over the years on why people are this way:
1. I discovered that many people once they get into their 30s and beyond have an invisible field about them that says "I have enough friends and people in my life. I can't stretch myself further". Sure they make polite conversation in public, but from middle age on, most people are so busy with family, kid's soccer games, work, etc - that they do not offer themselves up. I have seen this from my friends who are very busy with their activities.
2. I am convinced technology, while a good aid, is also making society more impersonal. In the 'olden days' when we met people in the real world, we had no choice but to get to know them over time. The good, the bad and the in-between all unfolded over time before we made a value judgment of deciding if we wanted to become closer. Nowadays, with the internet and sites like this, if one glance at the person's photo and cursory look at their standard 150 word profile statement doesn't strike the reader with an instant sense of connection - then click, click onto the next one. I always thought how hilarious it is. These sites are filled with people looking to make connections and there are probably many who are compatible with each of us, even if only at a solid friend level - yet too many do not maintain communication.
As a side note, more people should see the Synthetic Happiness video on the TED site. It is by Dan Gilbert of Harvard and illustrates how people undermine their own happiness by the choices they make.
Good luck to you. It is good to know others have sensed the same situation. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:37:39 AM | Too many people living in cities, when by our very nature we are a tribal species better suited to living in small groups.
People are still good, but living as we do where we know hardly anyone anymore, where can we show our goodness.? | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:03:12 AM | Good people are everywhere. You have to take a min out of your schedule to notice them, and then get them to slow down long enough to become your friend. If you want a new friend, all that you have to do is open your mouth and let a few kind words flow out. It isn't hard to do.
There are more good people than bad in this world.
Here is a story of some good people: (very sad)
Last week I had a late dinner meeting. I left the restaurant @10pm. About 2 miles from the restaurant a lady, on foot, ran out in front of my truck. I never saw her. There was hardly any traffic on the road. I was in the middle lane of a 3 lane road, plus a turning lane. They flew her to the hospital, but she passed away. It keeps me up at night, and probably will for some time.
Good People: There were 2 men, that I have never met, that both saw the accident. Those guys stayed with me until midnight to be sure that the officers on scene had their information and their story of the accident. My light was green. The lady ran out in front of me. There was nothing that I could do. I know this because those guys told me time after time, "There is nothing that you could have done, man. It isn't your fault."
Another guy, that was the only other car on the road. He was ~75yrds ahead of me, stopped and came back to see if he could help.
Two young ladies were leaving the 7/11, and they came over to help. They were with the accident victim before I could stop, turn into the parking lot and get back to her. I was back with her in less than a minute.
None of those people had to help, but they all did. No one was medically trained. Everyone stopped, took hours out of thier lives to help. The 2 guys were there from 10:05 until midnight. They both asked if I was okay before they left.
There are good people everywhere. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:25:40 PM | Republicans. They don't give a **** about anybody, and people notice. We have Coulter, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, etc, spewing hate and discontent on a daily basis with military psy-ops precision.
I call it the Alpha effect, i.e., we tend to imitate the people at the top of the alpha hierarchy, Narcissistic association. The Chinese say "when the government is just, the people are simple, when the Government is corrupt, the people are devious".
Money and conspicuous consumption, media driven consumer values that crowd out traditional values to begin with, become exaggerated, cronyism becomes common, and internecine status wars get ugly.
Just an observation, the Eighties weren't pretty either if you recall: almost the first thing the administration did was kick the mentally ill out into the street, it kinda set a tone, if you know what I mean. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:18:55 PM | I AGREE. I THINK YOU MUST BE A GOOD PERSON OR YOU WOULDN'T WRITE LIKE THIS.
WE'RE RAISED TO COMPETE WHICH TRANSLATES "ME FIRST"
I WAS THINKING ABOUT SELF CENTEREDNESS LATELY AS I'VE BEEN EXPOSED TO A GOOD DEAL OF IT. I'VE PARTIALLY CONCLUDED PART OF IT IS INHERENT AS A SELF PRESERVATION MECHANISM. BUT AFTER THAT IT'S GREED AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS. I HAVE A BUSINESS AND PAY MY EMPLOYEES ABOUT DOUBLE THE GOING RATE. I HAVE LESS BUT I'M CONTENT WITH MY LOT. I AGREE WITH YOU THAT PEOPLE ARE SHORT FUSED. I'M THAT WAY AT TIMES BUT NOT SO MUCH. I THINK MATERIALISM AND INSECURITY IS AT THE BASE OF MUCH OF IT. WE DON'T OWN THINGS, THEY OWN US. I HAVE A NEW JEEP AND THE AC IS ACTING UP THAT DICTATES MY TIME WILL BE SPENT MAKING MONEY TO REPAIR IT, GOING TO THE DEALER, ETC. MYHOUSE DEMANDS MY TIME AND MONEY. MY SHOP AND TOOLS AND BOAT............I WONT EVEN GO INTO THE SLAVERY TO INSURANCES RELATIONSHIPS AS I'M IN BIZ.
THIS AGE WE'RE IN HAS SO MANY COOL THINGS , THE ABOVE STUFF AND THIS COMPUTER I'M ON, BUT SOMETIMES THE COST IN WORK HOURS IS TOO GREAT.
I.E. WORKAHOLICS. I'VE COME TO A POINT WHERE I HAVE WHAT I FEEL I NEED OR WANT.THE HOUSE IS NEARLY PAID, I HAVE A BOAT TO GO ON THE ISLAND AND GO SWIMMING AND LET THE DOG RUN ON THE BEACH. I PLAY GUITAR IN SOME BANDS BECAUSE I LIKE TO. I LIKE MY JOB ( EXCEPT THE PAPERWORK)
I JOINED THE ROTARY CLUB, THERE ARE A LOT OF "GOOD PEOPLE" THERE.WE GIVE BLOOD, ERADICATED 99.SOMETHING % OF POLIO IN THE WORLD,BIG ON SCHOLARSHIPS FOR KIDS. MY ROLL IS HABITAT FOR HUMANITY, WHERE I MEET MORE GOOD PEOPLE. I BELONG TO A COUPLE GROUPS WHERE THIS HAPPENS. THERE ARE SOME REALLY GOOD PEOPLE AROUND. I THINK PEOPLE THAT "GET OUT OF SELF" ARE MORE CONTENT. LIKE YOU SAID ABOUT SELF ABSORBED.
THIS IS HOW I MEET NICE PEOPLE AND OVERCOME SOME OF THE THINGS THAT CREATE ANGST.
I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE. TELL ME IF YOU THINK SO...YES OR NO !
PS
ALL OF THE "I" STUFF IS NOT MEANT TO BE... LIKE....BRAGGING , IT'S AS WELL AS I CAN DO TO EXPLAIN WHAT WORKS FOR ME. ALSO I JUST JOINED THIS POF AND BEGAN SHARING THINGS, PROBABLY GET BETTER WITH PRACTICE. | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:01:41 PM | Thinks cosmetics.
Back in the day we didn't have access to such a wide array of multi-media. Keeping up with the Jones has been around since the beginning of time, but back in the day you only had your local townspeople to compete with. Now-a-days we are super-exposed to mass multi-media, we want the best cars, houses, clothing, electronics, beautiful friends, and perfect mates.
We get so caught up in trying to succeed in life that we miss out on what actually makes life worth living.
Sometimes people wake up, one day and realize how empty their life is, some people drown out their problems with drugs or alcohol, others give up entirely, a few try to fix their lives, fewer still succeed.
I sometimes think about moving to a third world country, building a house on a sandy beach, and trying to get back to the basics of life: family, friends, and internal growth.
Unfortunately I doubt that I will ever make that move, I'm too tied to the system to ever cut myself off.
John | |
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| Where have all the good people gone?
Posted: 7/17/2008 2:16:41 PM |    
over here! I'm one!
which is all i wanted to say, but they didn't allow a message that short
seriously though, we have been programmed to be a 'consumer' society... the lifestyle we live is not natural... and it shows
'look deep into nature, and you will understand everything better' einstein
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