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| Totally and completely confused
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:16:03 AM |
Did you ever have the "exclusive" talk... I'm thinking the Opost is about finally having that talk, and it not going the way the OPoster had hoped it would.
When she takes ownership of assuming exclusivity before confirming it, I'm guessing her confusion will diminish.
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:47:30 AM | Am I missing something here? Am I the only person who thinks this is just wrong, how can someone [assume people will continue to date others for about 6-8 weeks into a new relationship, ] huh!!
If you are in a relationship with someone then WHY would you carry on looking for or talking to, emailing, messaging, dating, others???
Then to say [at least he told you though]?? Well I can only assume he told her because she found out.
I do not know what is wrong with society today but the morality and respect of dating seems to be something of the past. This is a sad sign of where we are in the world today. Everyone seems to want more and more of everything, always assuming they can get better, the grass is greener, people are not satisfied anymore with what they have got.
And what are those milestone marks for? [beyond the 3 month mark] [you need to make that a year or two. ] everyone is unique and every relationship is different.
You cannot really put 'months and years' on how to run a relationship. Relationships should be about 2 people and 2 people only. Getting along, getting to know one another and being together, with the ups and downs, it's about learning from each other about life etc.
I don't expect anyone to agree with me, I' don't really care if you agree or disagree, just that the post showed me how 'sad' people can be nowadays and how disrespectful of them to treat someone this way.
What is wrong with a 1-1 relationship, whether it be long term or not. (and how can you know if is long term anyway straight away, especially on here)
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:49:14 PM | I just want to update this and say that I have learned so much about myself since this happened. It's hard to explain it all since I'm still kinda absorbing and figuring it out but I really think I was overreacting....cuz I was crying a LOT.
A lot of my pain over him saying he's not ready to be exclusive was from lots of my old baggage from growing up and from past relationships.
Also, I was letting myself get caught up in a beautiful, romantic fantasy of love because of the closeness we share and the fun and sweet times together we have. That fantasy is a lot of fun, but it kinda takes you away from reality. Reality is, I don't have the right to expect too much of him after a few weeks.
More importantly, I was letting the love fantasy grow after I'd hardly known him!! All because of sweetness, closeness, and romance. Trying to fulfill some empty sad need of mine. I think this is the first time in my life I've realized that relationships really do need time to grow...people need to take time to get to know each other. I haven't in the past, and I've regretted it. How can I know I love someone after a few weeks???
So, we're still together; he still amazes me at how willing he is to communicate and try to accomodate my needs.
Like a lot of people, I'm changing and growing constantly. There's a new part of me and an old part of me. The old part was havin' a fit....the new part of me wants to have peace and enjoy the time I have with this guy I'm dating. | |
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:06:19 AM | Reply to Just Em's post:
What you wrote describes what happened to me perfctly. I'm devistated. We had been seeing each other for 6 months (just the two of us), after first meeting 1.5 years prior. i had returned to school, the last ten days of March I was taking exams and studying a lot, did not see him much but talked all the time on the phone. I had a roof leak so I was in the process of repairing the drywall before he came to my home fo the first time (30 miles away). Then my mom got sick and I was with her at the hospital almost 24/7 for 4 weeks before passing away. Again I rarely saw him, but missed him so much. The day after her funeral, I had this dream about him with another woman, turned on the computer and there was his profile. He had deleted his profile when we first started to get serious, as I did. We talked continued to see each other, but things changed with us, I could no longer hold his hand, and I started to withdraw. He was to go to see his sister, plans changed without me knowing as his sister was not able to come back to his city.. I called him July 2 as we had made plans to get together on July 1 when he got back to the city. He told me he had met someone the tuesday before (I had been with him the previous nigiht) and she was with him every night since and had spent the weekend with her. We talked again July 3, he wanted to remain platonic friends, and would I still talk to him if he called? She still has her POF account up, he has taken his off. He said who knows it might not last, he would prefer she took off her profile but she wont. He said there was no chemistry with us. Funny how there was before, things were intense. We had talked about long term stuff and made plans into the future I hurt. | |
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:16:16 AM | | I think in the world of online dating, many people are constantly looking for the BBD (the Bigger Better Deal). I've dated at least two men who openly admitted to being addicted (their words, not mine) to online dating. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, who are seeking the same as you. Good luck to you in finding happiness. | |
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:21:22 AM | I hear this so much! Even when people "have the talk"..and agree.
I don't know what it means for the future, but it can't be good.
I really think the internet is the true reason for the change. Too many people (men and women) are always looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal)...they cannot seem to stop themselves from continuing to look even after they have made an agreement to be in a committed relationship.
When the next click could bring the BBD... the addiction is just like gambling. They begin to compulsively look... more and more and more. | |
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:02:05 AM | Ah, so there is a term now ... "Bigger Better Deal"! 
.... love it ... all the "singleton / relationship" terms these days!
.. you can blame it on the Inernet ...... but, I believe it is deeper than that .... nothing is that simple ..... our society is a "throw-away" society .... everything is replacable .... even relationships .... sad, but true ..... for some people, that is .... but not me! ... and, not for my future partner ..... these quality people seem to be fewer and fewer .... in the singleton world, that is! | |
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| Completely and totally confused
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:17:27 AM | He didnt lie to you hun ...
I do NOT cheat on someone I am in serious relationship with YET I will do what I want , when I want and with who ever I want and he can do the same ... unless something is said to change all that ... Dont get me wrong I dont go dating alot , I just keep my options open until something changes that ...
It depends on the person and how they see things ...
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