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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Dumped, devastated and don't know why      Home login  
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 german chick 1968
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 76
Dumped, devastated and don't know whyPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
who knows why people do things ...
sometimes we want answers and there just aint none ..
maby she started freaking out . you know the relationship issue /commitment ...
you had a great time , you enjoyed it . but maby you where just not the one for her...
keep fishing you
will find the right one for you .

ha I know what it was , you forgot the chicken , that must have been it
 Race25
Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 77
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:00:56 AM
Could it be your poor language skills?
 1Special Lady
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 78
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:09:28 AM
Just had the same thing happen to me, but I was told that it was a "commitment" problem on his part. Could be, but why did he come on soooo strong in the beginning, like your girl? I don't understand it, probably never will, but I know this: I was myself, did nothing to warrant this behavior and I'm just writing it off as a learning experience for me and him having issues.

It just goes to prove AGAIN what I keep saying: A candle that burns hot and bright in the beginning, burns out FAST!! I have learned now that I will slow things down when they heat up so quickly.

Don't look back, look ahead!
 whatsallthis
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 79
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:30:18 AM
I have often in life met women and thought we clocked just fine only to have them turn cold on me. I feel your pain, buddy.
 whatsallthis
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 80
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:30:41 AM
I have often in life met women and thought we clocked just fine only to have them turn cold on me. I feel your pain, buddy. I have almost completely lost hope.
 EasySqueezy62
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 81
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:33:12 AM
smff,

Whatever else you do, like the other poster said don't get all "woe is me" about this or you will kill your chances. Tough advice, but you want this woman to respect you.
 theforeverkind
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 82
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:37:14 AM
communicate. communicate .communicate.but not with us babe.with her.only she has your answers.the devil is in the details...and only you two know those.
she likes you. you know she does.she keeps trying to talk to you.work with it.ask why.explain how you felt.no accusations.be open to believing her.misunderstandings are the death of many good starts. xx
 Enchanted107
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 83
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:20:38 AM

communicate. communicate .communicate.but not with us babe.with her.only she has your answers.the devil is in the details...and only you two know those.

Yes, I am with the posters who say reply when she says, hey you. Ask why she keeps on contacting you. Let her explain why she is trying to communicate with you after what happened. Go from there. I believe she either wants to keep you just as a friend or wants to get back together. If it is a very compelling reason and you want her back, discuss it with her and tell her of your position. Play it by ear. If she is stringing you along, say goodbye and block her. Move on! Never look back.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 84
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 11:40:13 AM
This kind of sorry is just sad.

The OP seems to be a nice young man - and she seems to be a nice young lady.

It is just sad.
 gingersnap4u
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 85
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:00:40 PM
Did she say she was dumping you? She said there was no spark then, sometimes you have to find what would light that spark again. To have a good relationship, you need to have a good friendship foundation. You have to know how to be able to talk to the other person, devulge your deep thoughts without that feeling you will not be understood and not accepted for how you are thinking.
There were a few days you were gone and that can bring on a lot of different feelings.
Perhaps she thought you were playing her! She did try to keep the communication open and you shut the door. If you didn't want her as a friend, why would you honestly want her for more?
Honestly is the policy...when someone says something to you, restate it and ask if you have it right, and if it isn't understood, state your interpretation and ask if that is correct! There is a reason that they say communication is the key, whether it be verbal, written, emotional, spiritual, or physical... but if you shut that down, you are the one who ends the relationship and it shows that you did not want one. If you told her that you didn't want to be friends, she may have thought you wanted the relationship only for sexual reasons.
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 86
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/13/2008 8:33:02 PM
The candle that burns the brightest, burns out the quickest. She is disappointed that she has a new found F**U**C**K Buddy. She did not intend on this relationship getting started so fast on the wrong foot She was taken away from the romance and fling thing, and now she feels there is a "settling down" into the slavery of belonging to a man, who has little intention of commitment. In essence, she has acted like a S*L*U*T, and she getting the royal treatment as such. She does not like this. What is her role now that she has gotten into this mess of a free F*U*C*K.... and you will expect her to give out all the time! This is every woman's nightmare. Now she is stuck in trying to figure out where all of this is going.! You don't even know each other. You haven't really had a long-term attraction that will last. There is no substance here. Too bad you jumped her bones so soon. Sex always changes the entire equation.
 kevinlovett1976
Joined: 9/20/2007
Msg: 87
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:37:29 AM
I dunno, man. Momma say it be's that way sometimes. It's a tough one. Perhaps she was testing you to see if you'd hold the interest through it all, you did, and she sent you straight to the "clingy" bin. I think it's best to show interest in a date but now gawk or go head over bass about them. It creates curiosity....then anticipation.

It's just so hard to read people anymore....what one person percieves as a great date, another sees as terrible, even if there was any phermonmania.....is that a word? I should really shorten my vocabulary. I meant if there was anything physical. I've had dates that seemingly had no chemistry that showed up down the road wanting to pick up again, and I've had dates that seemed great.....laughing, touching, hugging, kissing.... that fell off the face of the planet. I've never been good at sugarcoating....I'll chalk those up to having found what they thought to be greener pastures.

But hey, any love is better than none. Eh? Worse you invested 20 years.....my advice is lay back for awhile after the initial date. Don't show all your cards during the first hand.

I've yet to have had a bad date from POF, from MY perspective anyway. Nobodys cut it off early. Internet dating is kinda like buying a car from carmax, you're going on faith. It is what it is.


She thinks she's got fashion.
Thinks she looks so fine.
Thats what I keep tellin her.
I tell her all the time.




 repair-guy
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 88
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:28:39 PM
Don't you get it OP, she said there's no sparks because your a fireman,
you put the fire out.
Maybe I'm missing something here, but after reading your posts it's obvious to me that there is no foundation to this relationship you speak of.
If it was a blaze - it was arson, and you were playing with the matches.
You went from great looking couple to 'no spark' because you rushed in.
Do you approach fire-fighting in that manner? Run right in to a burning building, hose in hand?
Or do you consider if the building can support your intentions?
What were your intentions anyway... didn't you have a good time?
Can't have your cake and eat it too.
 scillyclam
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 89
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:28:53 PM
God yours is so like mine.
I met sombody just like you,known her for 18mths go on holiday to my birthplace the Isles of Scilly,we get back everything fine miss a week end as we were both busy goes down hers the next week end ,fine text regular,then txt dries up , i leave it couple of days THEN BANG BOMBSHELL DOES NOT WANT TO SEE AGAIN, ask why,she then informs me that she has no feelings for me anymore.
I just cant get my head around it,we had no cross words ,everything was tip top ?????
Scilly
 scillyclam
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 90
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 12:31:42 PM
i am fishing have been non stop for two weeks ,but to no avail is it me begining to think so ,or is it once bitten twice shy
Scilly
 MaximumPipage
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 91
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 1:59:51 PM
Just harness the stress and put it into a positive better yourself in every way you can. Working out is good for stress relief. If you keep your mind active enough you will forget about it.
 shanny4
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 92
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:02:56 PM
hello..well...i can imagine how you must be feeling....devastated!! and you have every right to feel this way..your human...we feel...we hurt...its normal...especialy when things in love and romance are concerned..its your pride..your ego..the questions that run through your mind over and over about what went wrong..we cannot predict the future so this is this risk we have to take in dating and findin the right one...it sucks when we have to keep going through this kind of situation.we have to remember that its not always something we have done..but that its something thats going on in their lives too...that could affect your relationship...so...its best to try to beat yourself up over it too much....its consumes so much energy ..mean while they sail off into the sunset living their lives..they are just more lessons for us to learn....if we took it so personaly then we would never date again....if however...it keeps happening...then you may want to look at yourself and go over some of your goods and bads and could try being different next time....to see if thats a problem or not...it could be that you havent met the right one...and as much as we dont like being dumped...it can be a blessing in disguise...so your free for when the right one(soul mate ) comes along ...let it go...if she comes back...you want a very reasonable excuse why she did it...and her trust tha she wont play you again...though i must say that..in normal dating...sometimes after a few dates ect dome people just come to a conclusion that the person isnt right...but i do believe n honesty and telling the partner the truth so that you know..what went wrong....get out and enjoy yourself for a while and forget this bad egg....there are plenty out there just waiting to date you...never know...you maybe the next one to do th dumping then you might understand it a little better....
kind regards
shanny
 FishOwl
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 93
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:32:34 PM
Been there, seen it, had it done to me.

Reason? Good luck. If you want to be really perplexed, ask her. She may tell you, not that it will do any good - you won't understand it.

You could have said or done something that, to you, was nothing. She took it entirely the wrong way putting emphasis on the wrong place and grouping you into some group of "men" who always think the same way.

It is going to be very difficult, that I can promise, but you need to move on and find someone whith baggage checked.
 lollipopgirl1
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 94
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 10:42:19 PM
This happened so long ago, and I'm sure the OP is over her already (I hope so anyways) But I still have to throw my two sense in. I have done what this girl did to you many many times. I've had the sparks, felt the instant chemistry, and within hours, it's gone. I don't know why, I don't know how, but it just happens. Maybe it's cause you work your mind up with what you want to feel, and how you want things to go with this person. Living an illusion. I did it quite a bit with my current boyfriend, this time I tried to ignore it, and eventually it went away, and we're still together.
 Sceves
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 95
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/14/2008 11:13:35 PM
No you can't have her back. She has something going on with someone else or other guys. Listen, girls always have a plethora of guys in the waiting to get with them. They get all this attention and it makes them very arrogant and they feel they can get away with anything therefore the coldness. Just let it go and find some other girl.
 CSIN
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 96
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 9/15/2008 12:22:02 AM
You should have asked her in the beginning what was wrong. So far you have four pages of different answers and you are no closer to the truth you seek from the posters.

Numerous things could have occurred in the interim of your absence. You stated that she told you she was ill. Maybe she is pregnant by another. Maybe her physician's office called with the results of some tests, which could have been traumatizing to her, and she may have felt she could not talk to you about it as it was too personal to share this early in the game. Perhaps her drinking was to cover her anxiety about some upcoming news. She was having trouble sleeping, that is why she mentioned your snoring - because her mind is not at peace. She went to the couch. This is not what "horny, out of character, men-playing" women do.

She made plans with you. She made plans for two. Something jumped in between these plans and I do not believe it involved a past relationship.

And yes, trust your intuition. What occurred between you two was real. What has happened to you and your relationship is surreal. My friend, stop cutting off contact with her if you want her. And most of think, think, think! The answer to what happened is before you. All you have to do is put the pieces together. in Be patient. Listen to her. I believe she honestly cares for you but does not feel trust in the relationship. She is reaching out to you. Listen!
 Ayce Bets
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 97
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:07:49 AM
Dude,
Don't be a douche bag.
 drumsafrican
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 98
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 11/29/2008 6:26:16 AM
I think you're very naive about how to develop a relationship. You immediately jumped into a serious relationship without getting to know each other. This usually takes at least two months of spending time together. Your neediness to "become a couple" immediately, with someone you hardly knew, is what led to this ending. You set this up for yourself, unfortunately. Also, having sex almost immediately with someone you hardly knew is also a recipe for disaster. I would seriously consider obtaining some therapy with regard to your relationships with women. You need to learn how to set up a relationship so that it works more effectively, because you are so desperate to be in a relationship that you don't get to know someone first. That will lead to these types of interactions happening again and again.

Good luck,
Judith
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 99
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Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 11/29/2008 7:22:04 AM
I think maybe she suddenly had doubts and totally backed off. She reacted quite definitely, saying there's no spark, but you felt there was and she seemed to behave as if there was. No wonder you are confused. I think she's probably given herself time to reflect but in a rather clumsy way. I suspect she is interested but thinks you are more interested and then panicked at how involved she thought you were getting. You could try keeping cool, keeping a little distance between you and then seeing how things pan out. I think she needs to know you have self control and aren't going to freak out and start pressuring her. It sounds like you've shown that already instinctively. It doesn't sound to me like you want to give up on her yet, but I'd still be wary if you get talking to her again in case this is a pattern for her - making approaches and then backing off dramatically - it could get hurtful for you and you'd have to decide at some point if it's worth it.
 comforyou
Joined: 11/20/2008
Msg: 100
Dumped, devastated and don't know why
Posted: 11/30/2008 7:06:55 AM
i think that you should keep the lines of communication open just test a hey once a month see if theres a response. dont push for a convo . let her. and if you do talk dont ask. let her feel comforrtable. maybe shes one of those people who likes her freedom and doesnt want to be pressured. i do think somthinig happened where she lost interest before your trip. maybe she met someone she thought she'd be interested in and realized later it was a no. ive had men do that to me and then try to come back later because they dont want to totally say no but, leave the may be still open. its takes 3 months to really think relationship thou. i really believe she may have felt you were becoming to clingy and she wanted to back off. again sometimes well will never know. if you want her, be a friend .be cool just a hey. nothing more.see what happens. if she cares she'll come back around dont chase her. she'll miss you. meantime keep busy and date . you may pine over her and lose out on someone really special . another women in your heart is a big turn off to another.
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