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 glstrick
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 26
Do men like it when women contact them first?Page 2 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
yes it goes both ways. never give up going after what you want.
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 27
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:05:05 PM

He waits for her to make contact.....she waits for him to make contact.......contact is never made......is this like 2 ships passing in the night?


If a woman is being contacted by the men she likes, then there is no reason to initiate contact. If she is not getting the contacts she wants, perhaps it's time to take a little initiative.
 lln0627
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 28
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:08:00 PM
I can understad what you all are saying.
It is upsetting to get up my courage and write to a man first and then not have them respond at all. I was raised in an old fashioned way and don't feel comfortable taking the initiative even though I work at a fairly high level job where I interact assertively with men all day long. So it is reinforcing what mother said years ago.

I believe in gender equality, but when it comes to ingrained habits it is hard to get your mom's voice out of your head, "nice girls let the boys call them".

Just recently I wrote a guy that looked like he might be fun, and he acted like I was offering myself for sale. The response made me put him on my blocked list.

Guys, it would be easier for us women to initiate first contact if you treated us like you DID want us to make first contact. Reply back and at least thank us for the attempt at contact. And don't assume that because we write first we are 'easy'.
 friendlyldy
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 29
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:08:21 PM
I guess I'm old fashioned but I still feel more comfortable with men contacting me first. Even for the first few emails and phone calls, I prefer that. Once we are really dating, I am more comfortable with calling a guy but in the beginning, I'm more comfortable with him calling me.....
 Golconda
Joined: 12/14/2006
Msg: 30
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 4:31:08 PM

It is upsetting to get up my courage and write to a man first and then not have them respond at all.


Men have to deal with this all the time. The men I've talked with say that they get about a 10% response rate from the Internet dating sites. The number one complaint from men is about the non responsiveness of women.
 wayetogo
Joined: 11/18/2007
Msg: 31
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:08:36 PM
[ I wonder what life might be like if women and men just started treating each other as equals instead of forcing each other into game playing "roles" that have nothing to do with who they really are as individuals. No wonder relationships fail if this is how they start..] I would have to agree with Luv 2, I have made first contact if I was interested in someone and have had guys make first contact with me. No guarantees either way, but it is fun trying.
 Landscaper
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 32
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:18:03 PM
doesnt matter this day and age who makes first contact, ladies and gentleman are both equally capable of making the first move.
 ~Sunrise_Walker~
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 33
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 5:44:17 PM
As in most situations, there are those on each side of the question. Some men are fine with women making the first contact, and find it flattering. Some women are fine with doing it.

I'm just not comfortable with the role reversal aspect of it. It's not about which one has control. It's not about being afraid of rejection. Men have always dealt with that, and I'm sure women can handle it too. With me, it's just traditional, what I was always taught. The way I've always been.

Then there's the fact that some "traditional' men who were raised in a certain era, do see it as a sign of desperation or of a woman being"easy". I guess what it boils down to is that people do what's comfortable for them.

I don't like aggressive men, but I do like assertive men. There's just something about a man waiting for women to contact him, rather than taking the initiative, that just doesn't sit right with me. But that doesn't make it wrong. No right or wrong way.
 mamamia57
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 34
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:13:48 PM
I have no problem contacting someone I am interested in meeting and saying hello first. My issue is when they read it then read your profile and just delete the e-mail rather than answer. I find that rude. We are over 50 and not children. Be respectful and at least reply.
 shimbo
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 35
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 9:23:57 PM

We are over 50 and not children. Be respectful and at least reply


To paraphrase Bush - "we don't not want to communicate with the terrorist. We do not want a relationship with the terrorist"

Communication == relationship.

- Signed Mr. Deleted Unread!
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 36
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:10:23 PM
I myself like it ALOT. At least 10 of the dozen or so ladies I have met here initiated contact. [And they were ALL attractive ladies with a lot to offer the right guy.] Add in the fact that like many men, I rarely send out emails anymore, because it is simply not worth the investment of my time. I send ONLY "proper" emails to "proper" candidates only to have them READ and almost never responded to or even DELETED. I would be willing to bet that these "brazen women" who actually send out emails are the ONLY reason many men stick it out on this sight especially if they have never discovered what a great distraction the Forums can be.

It would not surprise me one bit if these brave ladies that will actually email guys also make up the bulk of that tiny little fraction of ladies who WILL actually respond to emails. No matter how short the response. [Even a simple "not interested" would be nice! ] OR will have the courtesy to at least DELETE the email - a CLEAR indication of not interested and something I think most men would interpret as such.

I HAVE met a ton of great ladies here. Just not the RIGHT one. Yet.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 37
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/3/2008 10:51:21 PM
Over my time here, I've done it a few times. With mostly negative results. Seems like the guys are better pickers, lol! I've nearly always liked to one degree or another those that have contacted me (after the first month meat-market), but a number of the fellas I contacted weren't a whole lot like their profiles. Finally I just quit, and waited, and that has worked out very well indeed. May be my age cohort?

 kornbluth
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 38
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:23:53 AM

I wonder what life might be like if women and men just started treating each other as equals instead of forcing each other into game playing "roles" that have nothing to do with who they really are as individuals. No wonder relationships fail if this is how they start.


Amen to that, Wayetogo. If the "old-fashion" ways were so good, they would still be the norm, and they're not. How "old fashion" do you want to get? Hubby as lord and master? No escape from a bad marriage? No right to vote? No indoor plumbing?

In making first contact, it would help greatly to read the guy's profile and ask about something in it. A conversation needs a topic. It won't do to say only "Hi, wanna chat?" because that one has been taken over by scammers, gamesters and airheads. And if a profile doesn't give you enough to go on, forget it, because that's what profiles are for.
 caddboy
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 39
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 4:52:05 AM
Of course we like it when women contact us first. We are normal (sometimes) human beings and like the fact that someone sees a quality about us that they find attractive enough to make the first contact.
 goaliebns
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 40
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:03:39 AM
Yes we do enjoy it.
 ColumbiaSingle
Joined: 5/20/2008
Msg: 41
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 6:57:42 AM
I would have to say that I simply have had no experience being the one who pursues - I am not comfortable at all with it. Teaching old dogs new tricks takes time !

I am seeing a lot of women & men over 45 who want to date like the very young - FWB or "hooking up" I always had dates and the men always asked me and I did not sleep with them on the first date.

But I am thinking about pursing men I like. I just need to think about it - the rejection part does not bother me at all - hell, I am used to that. It is the fact that I think a lot of men will think you want to have sex, really quickly and nothing else.

This has happened to me more than once. The guy offers his number, I give him mine in return and he never calls. Then he e-mails and tells me to call him. Once again, it is my lack of experience that makes my decision to not call him.
 applebyte
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 42
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:03:45 AM
I find for myself I have two sets of guidelines - online and offline. I have no qualms about contacting a man online - I think its more accepted. I do tend to shy away from initially contacting men offline.
 Bluesman247
Joined: 4/27/2006
Msg: 43
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:34:04 AM
Sure,I'm happy getting messages from new people.
 sam-spade
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 44
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:29:24 AM
lol. You're like the guy who watches the love of his life walk out of his life forever because he's too shy to say hello.

Never mind what guys want. What do YOU want? That's what we like.
 bunkai
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 45
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:01:04 PM
My understanding is that the men out number women on these sites by quite a large margin. As well it is also my understnding that women receive many messages that are of an undesirable nature from a certain segment of the male population. So in my mind it sometimes seems that when I should initiate 1st contact are the women actually going to notice or are we going to be lumpted in with the undesirables automatically? I think it would be so much simpler for the woman if she is the least bit interested to indicate that. My 2 cents (CDN)
 koolbuck
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 46
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:52:06 PM
I actually like it when a woman can be confident enough to make the "first move" as it
is..."when a woman challeges a man's masculinity" naturally most men would "think
how do I want to take this?" on the positive side, he would take a second thought and look into it further, on the negative side...."he'd lose it" but a wise and confident man
would recognize...."she's really challenging my ego" and prove it...either by wisdom and see where it goes!
 LRV1981
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 47
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:01:25 PM
It takes an open-minded individual to realize that if he/she is intersted in something, he/she would try to make first contact or seek information about that person. People who are narrow-minded don't believe in this. Some females don't believe in first contact. 9 times out of 10 men make first contact.
 i am cher
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 48
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:23:31 PM
I think the answer is that men want the women they are interested in to contact them. That said I prefer the men to contact me. I think I get a better response. I also tend to answer all my emails unless the sum total of the message is something to the effect of "ewwww your cute".
 nontoxic_texan
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 49
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:07:59 PM


I can understad what you all are saying.
It is upsetting to get up my courage and write to a man first and then not have them respond at all. I was raised in an old fashioned way and don't feel comfortable taking the initiative even though I work at a fairly high level job where I interact assertively with men all day long. So it is reinforcing what mother said years ago.

I believe in gender equality, but when it comes to ingrained habits it is hard to get your mom's voice out of your head, "nice girls let the boys call them".

Just recently I wrote a guy that looked like he might be fun, and he acted like I was offering myself for sale. The response made me put him on my blocked list.

Guys, it would be easier for us women to initiate first contact if you treated us like you DID want us to make first contact. Reply back and at least thank us for the attempt at contact. And don't assume that because we write first we are 'easy'.


A real eyeopener for all of us on POF would be an experiment where everyone or at least a participatory group of people would be assigned a profile of the opposite sex. Let the profiles be the full gambit of super hot on down. Then let the emailing and communication habits take over. We would all learn what the other side deals with from sexual suggestive emails to unread/delete.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 50
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/4/2008 5:51:21 PM
...I did when I first joined but have since stopped. Now I will only contact someone usually as a result of something they may have said in the forums but I don't search profiles at all.

....maeflowers
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