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 ~Sunrise_Walker~
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 51
Do men like it when women contact them first?Page 3 of 27    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
So, what I'm seeing here is that there are some women, who like me, are traditional and do not send the first contact, and some men who don't for fear of not receiving a reply! And some women who don't for fear of not receiving a reply, or of being thought of as easy.

There are men who say they don't want to be lumped in with the men who send inappropriate messages. So, what do we do? How is anyone making contact here? When I receive a message from a man, I look at his profile to see if I think he would be someone I'd like to know. I would never think of assuming that he is like the one I may have received an inappropriate message from! I take each one on their own merit.

I, for one, will always reply to a message or flirt. Some seem to have given up on even trying, waiting for the other to take the initiative. What happened? When did men decide that women should make the first move? Old habits are hard to break at our age, so if we (some of us) are not willing to take that first step, what then?

I think tradition should win out. I can't imagine a man seeing a woman in real life that he would like to know, and not stepping up and finding a way to make himself known to her. That's what I'm used to. I'm used to men approaching me, as are most of the women here, I would assume. Why should it be any different just because it's the internet? Almost seems like never the twain shall meet.
 grilledsalmon
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 52
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:15:11 AM
I think Internet dating is an equal-opportunity venue, and it doesn't matter who starts communication.
 timemandixie
Joined: 3/26/2008
Msg: 53
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:29:56 AM
HI everyone, I like to see women making the first contact, "Sometimes". But, when we do this I feel, if a woman likes you and reads your profile, "she will make up her mind either straight away, or, she will wait a while. In doing this, it gives her time to deliberate on whether she would feel comfortable with that person......on the other hand, if the male get's in touch, he often doesn't look at her profile, he just looks at her face!!! some women do the same. On the whole, I think if you ladies or girls would like to get in touch, "then do so, we are all wondering what you are like in person". Who knows what will happen, when we are not searching!!! I certainly like women to contact me, makes me feel wanted.
 niceguy53
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 54
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:06:20 AM
I'D RATHER HAVE THE WOMEN CONTACT ME. IT SHOWS ME THAT THERE INTERESTED AND THEY ARE NOT PLAYING ARROUND.
 Dceeeee
Joined: 8/7/2006
Msg: 55
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:32:00 AM
This is the internet....and the rules are different, I think. I would NEVER initiate contact a man in person....even if he hapened to be sitting right next to me, I don't think.

Here, we see all their interests, and we have made lots of friends, (which, lets face it....that's where all relationships should start). I have no hesitation about contacting someone to tell him that I like his profile, or to ask a question about something he said in his post in a forum, or to talk about a common interest we have. It doesn't necessarily mean that I want to go out with him...he may not even be local! If something DOES come of it.....fine....I don't even always expect a response.

Usually I only do this though, when I'm not starting to get to the point of meeting someone, as I don't want to appear to be misleading, if it IS taken as a romantic interest....(responses to comments on a forum post are an exception).

I was first to contact the guy who lived in in PA when I lived in CA....that's how I got here. I could say that means it's a bad idea, but even though it didn't work out, I don't regret trying...otherwise I would've always wondered, "What if????" Life is too short to live with regrets....

~DC~
 ru4meffb
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 56
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:50:37 AM
I am new to this site and was wondering...if someone puts you on there favorites, does that mean they want you to contact them...he never contacted me, just put me in his favorites.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 57
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:38:21 AM

I am new to this site and was wondering...if someone puts you on there favorites, does that mean they want you to contact them...he never contacted me, just put me in his favorites


If you figure out favorites let me know...I think it just means they want to look at you...i have deleted mine several times after a month goes by and they never tried to contact me. I think it is suppose to be a way to tell is someone is online so you can use the instant messenger feature. Good luck to you and enjoy the site...some really amazing people are on here.
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 58
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:07:18 PM
congrats lln on making the first move. it takes a great deal of courage to come out of your comfort zone. dont be put off and dont listen to ghosts. you droped your line in the pof pond and a gar bit. not all us guys are gars, you know that. again congrats on coming out of that comfort zone and happy
 parrothead 13
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 59
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:11:17 PM
another thing on contacts. for me personally i look at a couple of things before deciding who to contact. one is the pof "matches". while admitedly they are sometimes tough to figure out on what criteria i was matched to some of the gals. the other is the "viewed me" section. if i like what a gal who has viewed me has to say about herself i may make first contact. surprisingly i have had little response from any contacts i have initiated but have had at least a lot of good conversations, and some good dates, from those who contacted me.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 60
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:21:32 PM

So in my mind it sometimes seems that when I should initiate 1st contact are the women actually going to notice or are we going to be lumpted in with the undesirables automatically? I think it would be so much simpler for the woman if she is the least bit interested to indicate that. My 2 cents (CDN)


...Well from what I've seen, I don't think you have to worry about about not being noticed or undesirable but then you are from Winnipeg

To make it easier on both parties maybe PoF should introduce "the wink" or "the smile".....that way the option of winking or smiling back is left up to the other party. I have encountered some males that needed to have a brick thrown at them haha

...maeflowers
 ~Sunrise_Walker~
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 61
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:58:59 PM
I was thinking POF had flirts. Do they not? Guess I'm getting it confused with some other site. It would be nice if they had flirts, winks or smiles. Maybe we all should suggest that!
 opnmydm
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 62
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:10:19 PM
this is a very outdated way of thinking, this is 2008, if you like someone, say something, if you dont, how will the other person know, you may have lost a chance at something good because you think it is the guys that should make first contact...communication, is that not what all people want? it sure is the key to a happy relationship//
 caddboy
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 63
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:52:48 AM

I have encountered some males that needed to have a brick thrown at them haha


Ms. Mae that's gonna hurt but it is something that some of us males need.
 upstate-gal
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 64
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:19:27 AM
Every man I have ever contacted first has failed to respond.

I have no trouble getting dates, just never when I make first contact. I don't mean just here on POF, this has been my life long experience. Every so often I used to try it again, but always the same result.

So... outdated or not.... my experience is: Do Not Contact Him First, it is a waste of time.
 ~Sunrise_Walker~
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 65
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:14:32 AM
Upstate; I have to agree with you. I've never initiated contact with a man online or in real life, but I've never had a problem getting asked for dates. In real life, men approach me and more times than not, I'm not interested. But, I have heard many negative remarks made about women who are "after them".

On another site, I have seen men make fun of women who email them, but are overweight, too old or too young, or otherwise not attractive to them. The main reason I come on dating sites is because I can say exactly what I'm looking for. I'm not necessarily looking for a man my age, or my race. If that were the case I wouldn't even be here!

It would be presumptuous of me to assume that any man here that I may be attracted to, would be interested in hearing from me. Sure, men can say the same about women, but since it has traditionally been the man's role to be assertive enough to approach a woman first, I think it's up to them to take the risk of a woman not being attracted to them. Personally, I would not be interested in a man who waited for me to contact him first. I would be curious as to what else I would have to take the initiative in. Would I be expected to pay for the first date? Would I be expected to always take the initiative? Would I be expected to wear the pants in the relationship, should it get that far? How far does this role reversal thing go? I'm looking for a real man. A real man goes after what he wants. I know there are some men here who still believe in that. JMHO
 VinylMusicJockey
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 66
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:23:16 AM
I think it's "chicken and egg syndrome" - what came first?

I have no problem with a woman contacting me first. In fact I heard from a woman I considered contacting but after reading her profile I figured I'd never get a reply from her due to this or that. While we found out we really didn't have all that much in common we both made a new friend, which was nice. It was a nice surprise to see a woman take enough interest to make the initial contact.
 Ladiebird
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 67
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:42:37 PM
Having read the whole thread thus far, I'm still at a loss as to whether first contact from me is a good idea

Hmmm.. maybe I could use "is first contact a good idea with you?" in the subject line.

Seems some of the men would prefer it, and others don't. Then there's the members that aren't saying lol.
 longrifle
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 68
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:54:53 PM
I have to agree with you buddy! I find it very flattering, even sexy, when a woman follows her heart/head and makes contact with a note saying that she enjoyed reading/looking at my profile! She doesn't even HAVE to be interested in dating me, if she is so much the better! I'm even thinking of taking it a step further. There are tons of women that catch my eye on POF that I'd like to just send a note letting them know they have a gorgeous feature/profile that caught my eye, just to thank them for helping to make my day!
 Paumanok
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 69
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:37:30 PM

Such a man demonstrates purposefulness, assertiveness, diligence, focus, and confidence
I can demonstrate all that just by sitting here in my underwear typing a 1st contact email that says "u r hot"?! Cool! I am the man!
 ~Sunrise_Walker~
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 70
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:16:46 PM
Interesting responses! I realize that no man is going to come on here and say he'd rather women not contact him first. But I still wonder if deep down, that is the case.
Some of the responses are surprising, and not what I'd expected. I really thought I was probably the only woman who felt as I do about it!

Was also surprised that some men have given up on contacting women . My, how the world has changed. However, whoever sends that first email or that 10th email, I think they should be aware that if it's not done with good taste, they shouldn't expect an answer. Emailing saying "You're hot" is not my idea of good taste.
Come on now!!
I know you were kidding about that!
 xtangent
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 71
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:33:05 PM
In a perfect world it would be great waiting on the man; so would a one income household!!!
 *lilacwine*
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 72
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:28:28 PM
I do it. There are so many people on these sites that it can take forever for someone to come across your profile. Then they may be in a hurry and not really take the time to look closely. If you contact them first it really gets their attention. I dated one guy for a couple of months whom I contacted first, and he said that he loved it and wished more women would do it. If they're not interested, so what? Go one to the next one!
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 73
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:46:43 PM

Interesting responses! I realize that no man is going to come on here and say he'd rather women not contact him first. But I still wonder if deep down, that is the case.
Some of the responses are surprising, and not what I'd expected. I really thought I was probably the only woman who felt as I do about it!

Was also surprised that some men have given up on contacting women . My, how the world has changed. However, whoever sends that first email or that 10th email, I think they should be aware that if it's not done with good taste, they shouldn't expect an answer. Emailing saying "You're hot" is not my idea of good taste.


This man likes it when a woman contacts him first. Even "deep down", I know I do. How could a guy not? It's flattering!

Now granted, there are times a woman has contacted/flirted with me and I didn't get the hint (my sis used to slap my arm when it happened in her presence), but I'm getting better at woman-speak.

To me, when a woman makes first contact it speaks volumes of her character and station in life.

It tells me she's willing to take a walk on the (traditional) male side of the dating game and see things from that viewpoint. Which implies she'll be appreciative of my efforts to see things from her female viewpoint.

It tells me that there is a 'good chance' that she has thought it through and is picky about the guys she dates.

It tells me she has confidence in what she's bringing to the table.

Overall, I consider it a compliment and respond accordingly. If the chemistry is mutual it will not deter me at all from following up asking/contacting her the next time.

just a few thoughts
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 74
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Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:42:56 PM

Ms. Mae that's gonna hurt but it is something that some of us males need.


...Well I'm trying to be a little more subtle, but if that doesn't work I happen to have a roll of duct tape in the trunk of my car.


...maeflowers
 Resident Male
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 75
Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:42:14 PM
Personally, I seldom contact women, unless they put me on their favorites list. That gives, a least some, indication that they're interested.

It's my feeling that there are many more men than women on dating sites, which allows for more choices for the women and fewer choices for the men.

I've seen some women state how full their inbox is. I have my doubts that, that is the case for all but a few men.
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