| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:42:22 PM | post script,
MsMocha..you have distance restrictions on your email so we can't contactyou.
I assure you I am all male and act like a grown man should. As I stated earlier if you do contact a lady she either assumes you are pushy, after sex or just doesn't respond so I find it's easier to respond to someone that is interested in me or wants to talk to me.
dusty
wearyly looking for that elusive beauty that waits for me and me alone..
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:53:05 PM | I used never make the first contact with men. Being old fashioned, I preferred for men to make the first contact with me too. In fact I had no idea that his search criteria might simply not have you in it because you're a year off in age for example. Don't assume that just because you can see him means that he's seeing you in his search results.
<div class="quote"> If you add the guy to your favorites and then he contacts you, would that be ok to you? </div c>
This is what I have done up until today,....
Apparently until today,..... I had no clue or was completely wrong in what men thought about this issue,.... thanks for clearing all that up for me fellas | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 1:57:49 PM | I wasn't questioning your manhood, Dusty. Sorry if it sounded that way. I just can't imagine a woman thinking a man is being pushy, or just after sex, just because he contacts her on a dating site. So, why are they here if they don't want to hear from men?
I've heard from many men over the years from dating sites, and never assumed they had an ulterior motive, nor that they were being pushy, unless they had said something to make me think that. Yes I do have distance restrictions on my email, and didn't mean to sound like I was complaining about anything, personally. If men are more comfortable waiting for women to contact them, that's their right. We should all do what is comfortable for us. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:12:11 PM | Shimbo...aka Mr. Deleted and Unread.
My opinion only...
Your attempt at a profile and the lack of a picture explains your lack of response. Your "prefer not to say" in every category shows non-committment and the possibility that you have something to hide. Do you actually consider your introduction as communication? | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 105 | |
| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:48:12 PM | Dustyknight, your responses are very interesting. In my experiences both online and IRL, I have never, ever had good luck if I initiate the contact! Perhaps I choose unwisely, but it just seems to turn the guy off and make him run the other way.
I know I come off much better IRL than I do online, so it works best for me to send out signals (beep beep beep!) and let the man initiate the conversation. Just my experience, though. YMMV. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:52:43 PM | ^^^^ just real life dating experience. Although mostly I wish I had very little experience and with the life long love I seek. I never ever would had guessed to be single this long..
So on topic yes I prefer they contact me..it seems to work best.
dusty
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:43:59 PM | They adore it! Most men appreciate being valued just as a women would. You do not need to "chase him; just send a spark see if it lights in his direction!
As for "type" of man you seek you wanting more assertiveness..... I have known men
sooooooooooooo assertive AFTER they know you. Yet are VERY assertive in other areas of life. Give the guy a break; let him know you think he is special. Than let him know where to find you if he so desires.
I'm 56 yrs young. Old school too! Divorce after 21 yrs causes one to re-evaluate rules.
Do what you believe is right for you.
Good luck God Bless & the Hell with the rest ! 
Ann | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:20:14 AM | I got a flirt this morning while I was out walking. This very attractive man actually drove along beside me for a bit and stopped and got out of the car when I was on my finishing lap. We talked. Only thing is, I like taller men. He looked to be in his late 40's or early 50's. As long as this keeps happening to me in real life, I will see no need to be approaching men first in life or online. I'm very picky, but occasionally I meet a man who really does it for me! But they always approach me first. I usually end up telling them I'm too old for them, but so far, that has not mattered to the ones I've ended up actually being in relationships with.
Men often flirt with me while I'm on my walk. I know I look good in my shorts and exercise tee or tank top. I'm saying all of that to say this. To the ladies like me who are not comfortable taking that first step, get out and about. Men will see you. Men will flirt with you. We don't have to take the role of pursuer. There are still a lot of men who prefer to do that. When a man see's what he likes, he will go after it.
When the day comes when I no longer attract men in real life, I still doubt that I will try to do so by being the assertive one online. Not my style. Will never be my style.  I like traditional men with traditional values. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:16:19 AM |
When a man see's what he likes, he will go after it.
Exactly. Which is probably why most women have discovered it usually works out better for us if he contacts us initially. The only way it might work out the way we want it to, is if he picks up the ball and runs with it immediately and makes all the subsequent moves. I've heard men talk about finally going out with some woman who pursued them and some admit they eventually go out with her because they think it's a sure thing sexually, but they usually end the relationship at some point after the sex is not reason enough to stay.
My son is a good-looking high-energy guy who likes to joke around a lot. Lots of girls have pursued him over the years. He usually runs the other way as fast as he can now after having had a few instances where he eventually felt he was being stalked. Some he may have initially thought were cute, but if there was a reason he hadn't gone after her in the first place, that wasn't going to change. On the other hand, I've known many women who eventually married men who kept asking them out until they said yes. There's a good chance that persistance can pay off for a guy, but I've never heard of it working out that well for women who pursue men. I know this is a generalization but when a woman knows a man is very attracted to her, the very fact that she knows he's attracted to her, makes his attractiveness increase in her eyes. It seems like it works the opposite way when roles are reversed and the more a woman pursues a guy, the less attractive she becomes to him over time. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:54:29 AM | > When a man see's what he likes, he will go after it.
Unfortunately, this "observation" is unable to detect all those instances in which "a man see's what he likes" but doesn't "go after it".
> It seems like it works the opposite way when roles are reversed and the
> more a woman pursues a guy, the less attractive she becomes to him over time.
Maybe she's just doing it wrong. I mean, really, if a guy pursues a woman (or women) and doesn't get anywhere, are we to conclude that men pursuing women just doesn't work? | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:56:48 AM | Candy, I too, am the mother of sons. After fielding sooooo many phone calls from girls who were chasing them, and hearing them talk (but always with respect) about girls who were constantly coming on to them, but who they had no interest in, is, aside from my own feelings on the matter, another thing that makes me know I don't ever want to be one of those women other men talk about in that way.
To me, it's just the natural order of things that men take the lead in "pursuing" women.
I agree, it does seem to diminish the initial attactiveness a man may have found in a woman, when she is the pursuer. And works, like you said, the opposite way when it is the man pursuing. It has for me. When a man is persistent in his desire to get to know me, he does, in time, become more attractive to me, if there was any attraction there in the first place. Weird, Isn't it? | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:56:48 AM |
if there was any attraction there in the first place.
You're right. It's not going to work out any better for a guy if the woman is not somewhat attracted to him to begin with also.
I think maybe the reason it pays off for men to be a little more persistent is because it's one way a woman can tell what a guy's motivations are. If a guy comes on strong but goes away pretty quickly and easily, we know he was just casting his net out seeing what he could get without too much effort on his part. However, when a guy hangs in there for a while (assuming the woman is recipricating his interest by responding in a positive way when he talks to her), we know he's a little more serious about us and is looking for more than just sex. When a guy calls me just to hear my voice and will sit there and talk to me about whatever I want to talk about, then it tells me he cares about me as a person, therefore my attraction for him is going to grow. I don't need validation that I can find someone to have sex with. I do like to be assured that a guy is not only attracted to me physically but also wants to be there for me emotionally. I get that reassurance when he calls me regularly. If he wants to be more than just friends though, he also has to flirt with me and flatter me a little bit too or I won't know he's interested in me as both a potential lover as well as a friend. Maybe where some women get it wrong when they pursue a man who has listened to their problems and has been sympathetic to them is that they have ignored the fact that the guy hasn't really flirted with them. My son said once that he thinks that's why a few girls have gotten the wrong idea about his interest in them. He lent a sympathetic ear and was nice to them. They didn't wait to see if he was interested in them as more than a friend. I'm proud of the fact that he's decent enough to turn down the sex offered to him when he knows he has no long-term romantic interest in a girl. I must have done something very right. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:28:52 PM | How I wish I could get past the old rules. The best I can manage is adding someone to my favourites and then only if I'm REALLY attracted. When that doesn't draw a response, it's a long time before I do it again.
What a chicken I am.  | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:38:37 AM | 4girls; You're not chicken. You're just you and that's all any of us can be. Old ways are hard to break.
Wow! I see that one out of two of my threads is still surviving. Some became offended because I started one asking people to say something good about themselves! So they deleted it. I'm not complaining. Just wondering why that would be offensive to some.
Guess people just don't feel very good about themselves. That is so sad. So now I'm assuming that this one will be deleted by the community also. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:01:45 AM | I am truly glad not all fishies think like the above posters!
I get many emails daily, some to just say hello..yes from women..the hussys! lol
I don't think men as a whole believe that a woman is an easy mark if she contacts them first, maybe in a boys mind..
In my youth I liked the chase and prolly wouldn't have dated someone chasing me but as a mature adult..gulp..oh no..I'm my dad..ok he was cool!..I realize the women messeging me are not hot to trot wanting sex..they are secretarys, doctors and yes even retail sales women looking for a chance to meet someone to date..simple as that..
If you were raised to not make first contact..great!...but that was 1958 and this is 2008 where yes, believe it or not women are equal in most things and are NOT whores and sluts or looking for sex by contacting a man they are interested in.
I'm sure glad the women in NW IN don't feel as some of you do..
Manners are manners no matter what geographical area you live or come from.
I tend to believe most are citing extremes and not the norm in 2008.
fishin is better'n wishin!
Dusty
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:42:36 AM | They're not hussies, and you know that and I wasn't implying that they are. I understand what you're saying and I understand your views. But like you, I'm also glad men in my area are not reluctant to approach a lady they think they may be interested in. No right or wrong! Just us being who we are, and being happy with that.
Hoosier men are the best!
Even the one's who don't agree with me. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:21:50 AM | Just an observation here  but isn't it rather funny... the topic asks if men like it when women contact them first.... but there are so many women on here answering the question????!!!!!  | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:03:46 AM | | I have given up making first contact because of the low response rate . I respond to a woman . but , get nothing back . That why , I let the woman contact me . | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:52:25 AM | | I think this thread obviously shows that the preferences are based on each individual. I have no problem either way. I do my share of pursuing but find it flattering if a woman contacts me first. I don't think bad of a woman that contacts me first. It's still who the person is that I base my opinions on. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:02:09 AM | Dusty, I didn't say women who make the first move are hussies or easy marks. I've done it myself especially when I first got online but as I said earlier, it was usually a wink (on another free site that had that option) not a message. Most guys responded with a message. On this site, I've also sent out an initial email occassionally. I didn't realize until a week or so ago that you could see your contact history and it separates it into whether you made first contact or they did. My percentage of making first contact is less than 1%. The other 99% of all first contact was made by the guys. Of the 1% that I contacted first, some of them I already knew and saw them online so I said hi, some I contacted because of POF events, and some had already talked to me using IM so I responded with a message so I would remember who they were. Of the ones I contacted first simply because I was attracted to their pics and liked their profiles, either they didn't respond at all or their responses were overly sexual so I can't say it has ever paid off for me to make first contact on this site.
Of all the doctors, secretaries, and retail sales women who have contacted you first, did it ever result in more than one or two dates with them? If so, I'm glad it worked out for both of you. Since I have met several guys who messaged me first and a few of them I dated for quite a while, from my perspective, their success rate is much higher than mine since mine is zero when it comes to writing first (although my results from sending winks were very good). I thought (like some of the other women on here), that adding someone as a favorite might work in the same way as a wink, but I don't think anyone has ever written to me just because I added them as a favorite. | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:56:54 AM | [Men have to deal with this all the time. The men I've talked with say that they get about a 10% response rate from the Internet dating sites. The number one complaint from men is about the non responsiveness of women.]
OP and all...Initially, I had no need to contact men first. Being a new fish in the pond, I had so much email intially, I felt like I had a full time job responding to each and every one. Now things have levelled off, and I take the time to contact men whose profiles I have found intriguing enough to want to know more. If they don't respond...I wouldn't want to know them anyway. If they respond in a "thanks but no thanks" manner, thats' OK too, but I appreciate the courtesy. Others...I have enjoyed chatting with them, and we arranged a meeting, or the conversation simply dropped off...or we may send each other a line now and again. I haven't had to block anyone yet. I think people on all levels respond to respect and courtesy in a positive manner and a compliment or two before the 'rejection' seems to cushion the blow.
Why should men make all of the first contacts? Is this not an equal opportunity web site? Women have the vote now... | |
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| Do men like it when women contact them first?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:21:19 AM | Shirley; You are so right! Why should men always have to be the ones who send that first contact?
I guess the thing that I find strange is that some men here have stated that they never contact women first! That is what I mean by role reversal. They have left it totally up to women to contact them. I don't see that as a very manly attitude to take, but it is their right to do so. And it doesn't make them less of a man, in the eyes of most women.
If and when the day comes when I'm not getting the attention of men in real life, I daresay I would maybe consider making first contact with men on dating sites. I'm not sure about that. I've never been in that position where men are not approaching me first. Like so many women who live in small towns, or who don't have the opportunity of being out and about where men can see them.
As I've stated earlier, my reason for being here is to broaden my horizons for dating. The more men I meet, or have contact with, gives me more opportunities for finding the next man who will be in my life.
I admire women who don't mind being the pursuer! Hats off to them! I don't see them as being easy, desperate or too aggressive. I'm a very assertive woman, myself. Just not when it comes to this particular thing. We all do what works for us. And by this age, we know what that is. | |
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