oshan
|
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 26 | |
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:57:39 AM | Shimbo writes: "I've concluded that most women want to be lied to. By definition, a married or engaged man is already promoting a lie, so over time they get better at lying and many women want that; the false compliments, the "romance" and adventure, etc. "
Where in HELL do you draw such an INSANE conclusion from??? I can honestly say I have NEVER read anything so utterly stupid in my entire life! ...and btw, where is YOUR picture??? | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:00:09 AM |
All those that rip on me for telling people to move very slow in the internet dating world can now get a lesson.
I don't see how it makes a difference whether you meet someone through a website, at a bar or in a library.
A lie is a lie.
Anybody can lie just as easily in person as over the internet.
I read a story a while back (either in the Toronto Star or the Globe and Mail) about an older guy who had an accident and passed away. At the hospital, TWO women showed up claiming to be his wife. One lived at one end of their town, one lived at the other. And the guy worked in sales and had to go on 'business trips' regularly. The guy was married to both and had kids with both women and this went on for over 20 years.
And this all started and happened well before the internet became popular.
And some women like to have someone on the side too!
So this isn't just a 'guy thing'. | |
|
shimbo
|
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 28 | |
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:00:29 AM | I don't bother with a picture, baby.
I think your reaction speaks for itself. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:05:20 AM | well I for ones refuse to believe all men are pigs , one could say the same about women 
would we insult the pig yes we proably would ...
if that will or is happening to you , learn of it , make the best of it and the right choices....
most of all dont let it get you down ...
there is somebody out there, that will respect you and love you and he /she will not have the need to mow the grass on the other side .....
thats part of dating i guess .......
so what do we do ?????
WE KEEP FISHING 
KATHY | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:05:26 AM | | Don't bother oshan, people like this see a couple dozen posts about women who have been hurt or lied to, then when they learn a lot of them have gone back to those same men come to the conclusion that they enjoy being hurt, completely ignoring the 1) 36 women does not constitute for women in general, 2) internet dating sites like this generally bring about a small percentage of the different types of personality, and 3) the women who go back to men who have hurt them are usually distraught emotionally and are "trained" by these a-holes into thinking they are worthless without them. | |
|
oshan
|
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:10:02 AM | Recurring Dream wrote: "Did you ever think you're not interesting? You don't show any confidence when you're with a woman? Women want a decent, loving, caring honest man, but they also want someone who can sweep them off their feet and have a blast with, preferably someone who doesn't complain about how nice guys don't get anything. Seriously, I'm tired of this backward logic that "nice guys finish last" mentality, victimizing yourself is not attractive whatsoever. Now I'm not saying there aren't women who enjoy using men as their personal toys, women who can't maintain a relationship with a decent guy or women who just don't care, but 9 times out of 10, there's nothing (obviously) wrong with the woman.
OP: Unfortunately, some guys are pigs. I'm sure you were having a good time with him, but guys like that are only after one thing.
Although, and I hate to be the one to place the seed of doubt, have you ever thought it possible this woman is a bitter ex who wants no one but her to have him, or, does not want him to be happy? Chances are the guy is a pig, but if you think it's worth your time, invest into it a little more."
RD, you are an example of a young man who has years of wisdom ... just want to say I totally agree with what you said. You definitely know what women want, you have the courage to state it, and you don't make excuses for anyone. The 'nice guys finish last' is just a really stupid excuse for not looking at oneself and making the necessary changes in order to be a whole individual...one who has the character qualities necessary to attract someone they want.
I also agree that if a man is worth it, a woman ought to find out, for sure, what the situation is and not jump to conclusions, although, sometimes it's very difficult to know the truth when there is alot of geographical distance between two people. I think this is where intuition can play a powerful part and it's important to be able to trust our own intuition in situations like this. | |
|
shimbo
|
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:14:52 AM | people like this see a couple dozen posts about women who have been hurt or lied to
Actually, a lot of my opinion is based on the approximately 400 women I've met over the past 2 1/2 years. 
It's amazingly funny that when * point out the obvious, it elicits personal attacks. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:20:09 AM | | Im so sorry men like that leave a bad taste in your mouth and make it hard for real decent good men to get a chance..It sucks Im sorry. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:23:39 AM | And just to clarify if any "nice guys" try and dissprove me, I AM one of those apparent "nice guys." I treat all my female friends like queens, I'm there for them, I've gone to extreme lengths to comfort them, I take their sides nine times out of ten, but I've also been "intimately dateless" for several years. Why? Because I'm shy. Because I have social anxiety, I clam up when talking to a woman. Because I just don't come off as "confident." In many senses I am, but not with interpersonel relationships. It's MY problem that I can't get into the social scene, but NOT because I'm a nice guy. So why do I continue to treat women like godesses for nothing in return? Because I LIKE who I am. I like treating women special and I like seeing them smile. Unlike you "nice guys", I don't expect anything in return for treating them kindly and spoiling them. The time they spend with me is treasure enough, I don't need sex and and romance to feel special (but a guy likes a bone every now and then  ).
This nice guy talks goes the same way everytime, and for someone who doesn't date much and have come close to punching a man's teeth out for making unwanted advances on my female friends (just want to clarify, unwanted to THEM, not me), I'd choose the guy who was a jerk but interesting over the wallflower sitting at the back of the barnot making any attempt at verbal contact whatsoever. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:44:59 AM | | Recurring Dream - you are a prince!! your posts are so well written and you are very intelligent and indeed wise beyond your years. are you sure you are only 22??? | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:04:46 AM | The only time I ever got mixed up with a married man (one time--sort of--maybe) was WHEN I took my time! I have found that married men nearly always tend to take some time to meet--they have to figure out a way to do it without their SO finding out. Whenever a man dragged his feet, I learned to move on immediately. There were always MANY other clues as well and I managed to figure it out every other time. The one time I sort of met someone married was a man who admitted he was married but said he was in the process of a divorce. He may well have been as he had his children on certain days (always the same days), had a 'new' home to fix up, always kept me apprised of how the divorce was proceeding--in detail, etc. Regardless, he also dragged his feet--the 'meet' took about 6 weeks to happen. Then dragged his feet for the second meet and I told him to move on. So far as I was concerned by that time I figured he probably was more married than he was letting on. Anyhow, in nearly 2 years of on-line dating, I never had a significant other call me and am almost positive I didn't meet with any other married men. It may be that I have good 'radar' but I do believe my timing had a lot to do with it as well.
As for not being on the forums when married--that I don't necessarily agree with. I truly enjoy the forums. Never have I been able to see responses from such a variety of nationalities, males, females, and different parts of the world to one question. As far as I'm concerned, one counselor is just that--just one objective opinion--which could be wrong or only partly right. Seeing lots and lots of totally objective opinions (some maybe a bit too objective lol!) from so many different 'sources' can give one some truly good insight on many subjects--if one reads them all and has good common sense. Whenever I did research on a subject I always wanted as many facts and opinions as I could possibly get because I firmly believe just about all of them are at least a little bit right.
The forums have especially given me a lot more insight on how men think and that has helped me immeasurably in my present relationship which is easily the best I have ever been in. I really do have to thank POF for that... | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:30:42 AM | | Bad experiences make it difficult for authentic people like myself :( | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:23:13 PM | Zekestone, you got it right! A lie is a lie. To some degree to live in this world you have to trust what you are being told is the truth. I would never DREAM of going on a paid Internet site to date if I was married, but obviously there are people who do. They know that if they say they are married, they have less chance of catching fish so they lie.
A lot of what I am reading is blame the victim mentality. Married people are not wearing signs that state they are married. There are a lot of people in committed relationships who cheat too. It happens. | |
|
| |
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:34:38 PM | HA!!! I had some woman's husband call me! Telling me she lied about her age, she lied about being divorced. I took it with comedy, cause the funny part is I didn't even talk to her for 3 months. I had forgotten who she was!
Made me think... too little to late. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:45:02 PM | [All those that rip on me for telling people to move very slow in the internet dating world can now get a lesson.
This is why you take a ton of time to get to know someone. Time after time I see so many women jumping into bed with someone from the net and then wondering if they should date. Its amazing. Anyway, I hope this is a lesson big time. Good luck and I'm glad you found out.]
Funny, I take things slow want to get to know someone and a few emails and I never hear from them again. Quite frankly no skin off my nose. I am sick of being pushed into meeting someone who states, I am not into endless chatter online. I would not do endless but I certainly feel more then a few emails are necessary to get a feel for someone. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 5:53:39 PM | Thom's theory is nice in the perfect world. But going slow.... emailing someone, talking to them and then finally meeting them, doesn't guarantee you squat. You still have to go out with them a few times to get to know them and the situation.
You will never know if someone is truly single until you go out with them a few times. Then, when you have both their numbers (home and cell), been to their home and met some of their friends etc., do you really know. So yes, don't EVER sleep with them until you have reached all those levels.
I have two situations that are actually the opposite where the guy told the truth but...
1. Met this guy at my brother's party. He flirted, talked, we danced, played pool etc.
Well come to find out, everyone knew he was married but me. So someone mentioned to my sister in law, does she know he is married etc? My sister in law said, I know my sister in law and trust me, she will ask and find out. Sure enough, I asked him if he had kids and was ever married etc. He said he was married technically, but they haven't "been" married for the past year and live their own lives. I said, do you live together? He said.. yes. I said, well legally and technically you are married in my books. The end.
2. Met another guy while out with friends. He was divorced etc. So as he calls me to go out etc and we spend time talking on the phone, he proceeds to tell me how he still lives with his ex because he had a work injury that left him on worker's comp for a few mths and he was getting financially set to move out again. He said I could call anytime.. but funny how he would never answer or call me unless she wasn't home. He said it was out of respect since he was in her home. So I told him, not to call me anymore. Whether he was divorced or not, his situation was odd to me and he still lived with his ex. The end. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:44:24 PM | How many times have you read a newspaper article or heard on TV about the wife of some serial killer who is distraught about all the crimes committed by her husband over the previous 20 years (or whatever) of married life but had NO IDEA she was married to a serial killer, thought he was such a nice god fearing, caring, patient and kind man.
Out of the odd million marriages in your country or more, how many cases of bigamists have you actually heard of, like the example earlier when the man dies and 2 wives arrive at the hospital.
How many friends have you that had men who were always out of state selling beef jerky?
Newspapers etc always manage to make a problem seem more widespread than it really is.
It may seem hard to accept but try to. When 50% of your friends tell you about the guys who cheated on them, consider the possiblity that maybe as they did cheat they could be the same few guys.
Logically how can loads of men cheat a certain number of women. If most guys were cheating then that mean that most women would have to be cheating too. The ability to cheat only works out mathematically if its a limited number of men doing it.
That means the remaining guys arent cheating. So perhaps women have to re examine how they select men for dating. Obviously their current method isnt too successful, choosing men who are good at talking to women, well groomed, smart and funny etc etc etc. These been the very men who are cheating, and they can cheat because they have the social skills that enable them to talk their way out of trouble. On the other hand the 'nice guy' who doesnt cheat doesnt get as many dates because they lack the abundence of social interaction skills that attract women.
Conclusion. Women who choose men cos they are attractive, witty, social etc stand a higher chance of been cheated. Women who choose 'nice guys' wont be cheated on, just be bored with and embarrassed by their nerdy boyfriends.
You pays your money and takes your chances girls.
obviously I am sorry when anyone is cheated upon, it's not nice. but you humans are well human. If dating remains a participant controlled sport instead of controlled by centralised government you have to accept the consquences of the system flaws.
Read my profile if you think this is a pity me post
"not single not looking" been the big clue. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:05:12 PM |
i said this before and i will say it again.....i read so many posts that ask the question should i tell on him....most of the answers were NO its none of your business,
best revenge is to move on and live a better life and so on...
well i might be wrong, but if anyone that knows anyone who is cheating behind their SO and would tell , i think more people would think about twice before cheating.....
I wonder if the people responding to those threads are the same people responding to this one though. Maybe those people have had something to hide in the past, so their responses are empathetic?
That's just one suggestion though. When it comes to telling a wife that her husband has been cheating, I would not want to be the messenger on the barrel end of that gun. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:14:11 PM | Sorry to hear that.....some people are just jerks. Good thing you and his fiance found out now BEFORE more happened. I feel terrible for the woman that has a child with him....SHE has to deal with him for the rest of her life....THANK GOODNESS you can just walk away......
And SOME people wonder why we just plain give up on dating....sheesh...... | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:23:59 PM | | Its easier to get away with that kinda stuff when U don't have to think about the spouse,fiancee checkin out the credit card bill and findin a charge for a free site like POF...Its easy to cover ur tracks by gettin on a free site like this...Just makes it harder on the good guys.... | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:29:52 PM | | i think she is lying... i know how girls ...i know cuz my friend did it ot her ex bf. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:29:55 PM | I had a similar situation, once... Long time ago. Similar, not exact.
I met this guy online, he seemed so great. We met, and he brought his roommate with him. Female roommate - but, that didn't bother me... I believe men/women can be friends without ending up in the bedroom. So anyway.. He and I started dating, we went out several times.....many of the times his roommate came along.. I hooked her up with a single guy friend of mine. Eventually, she told me she had dated him before. That made it a little more complicated, but wasn't a big issue for me. Except, I wondered why he hadn't mentioned it. It was when she began acting jealous and catty, that I started to wonder about the situation. We broke up, and I later found out that they were not just "roommates", they were still TOGETHER, and apparently trying to add a third to their relationship! The part of your situation that reminded me most of yours, I had also found out the name I knew him by, wasn't the name he went by. He was using his middle name. Everything about him was fictitious... Crazy situation!
As others have said....... Be glad you found out early in the situation!! lol | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:32:11 PM | | women lie too... i know cuz my friend did it to her ex bf and find his phone and called every woman in it.. he is willing to call and sort it out, try it, but you never want baby mama drama or crazy ex in the picture. | |
|
| His fiancee called me
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:46:56 PM | mthomjmark.....All those that rip on me for telling people to move very slow in the internet dating world can now get a lesson.
This is why you take a ton of time to get to know someone. Time after time I see so many women jumping into bed with someone from the net and then wondering if they should date. Its amazing. Anyway, I hope this is a lesson big time. Good luck and I'm glad you found out.****************************************************************************************************************
I am the same as you. I was actually on here for dating. I changed my profile after being here because of how fast people move.
I want to meet someone over time. I dont understand why this dating thing has to be so fast paced. Granted I know we ALL know when someone is or is not our type but IF we DO think someone IS our type its FAST FORWARD hurry hurry hurry!.....I dont get the "3 date" rule either. HOW can you possibly know someone in 3 dates? Well enough to be intimate with them?!
YIKES........
Anyway, I agree....if more people took more time getting to know eachother, things like this probably wouldnt happen. (NOT saying OP would have slept with that guy....just saying that obviously someone let him the guy do what he wanted in order for him to think he could do it again)........Come on people...what happened to "DATING"????? Jeeez! take your time! get to know one another! | |
|
Home
login 
