| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:12:00 AM | Tell you dates you GIVE BLOOD too, which is also the gift of life. Show them your organ donor card.
Problem solved, move on. 
Unless you have framed photos of your specimen cups sitting on the mantle....ick... | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:32:17 AM | I honestly feel that there are more emotional and legal issues for the child that is born as a result, than for the donor or their partner. And as the medical innovations for infertility increase, they do so much faster than societies or cultures can adapt. It opens all sorts of other issues such as kinship and identity for the child. But I suspect that most parents who conceived a child in this fashion probably don't tell them about it anyway.
But overwhelmingly, I think that both egg and sperm donation are positive things, as any possible financial and legal responsibilities will vary from country to country. And who am I to say that single women shouldn't have this option?
I would have no qualms about dating a donor, in fact, I would view it as a positive thing, so long as it were anonymous. While the unannounced "knock on the door" is the picture painted by scare-story journalists, I think that unless voluntary, attempts to find or identify donors is an invasion of their privacy. You would still need DNA tests to be carried out to confirm a connection.
I don't know how I'd feel about having a spouse that wanted to donate, but if he felt strongly about it, I'd probably concur with his decision - again, as long as it remained anonymous.
Be well........ | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:56:33 AM | | what's wrong with that? if you're donating your sperm to a sperm bank then why the hell not? what you're doing is a good deed to help other men and women have a chance to have a child of their own. keep in mind that once it leaves your body it's no longer yours. now, as far as i know the reason the donor is still traced until the age of 18 is because of medical purposes not support. also, i highly doubt it if the child would be trying to trace you down. if there's a problem then the mother would contact the bank and they would notify you...you wouldn't have to face the child. if a young adult told me that they were related to me i might question as to how but i highly doubt that would ever happen. each sperm donation is just like a blood donation....each donation is identified with a number assigned to the donor. only the blue cross has the donor information in their data banks just as a sperm bank, you're a number in their data bank for emergency/medical purposes only. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:57:58 AM | this is one of the few things i wouldn't want my bf to do. i know he's just "a bf", but just the idea that he could be a father to lil kids running around, i just can't handle that. maybe i'm so used to the filipino culture that a family sticks together. donating your sperm, you're creating a child with someone else (not you physically), but that's still a family right there. if you created it, you stick to it! there are so many kids in orphanage, i don't think it'd be the end of our world if i stopped my bf from donating his sperm.
oh, so with that, let's say i'm single and came upon you. i'd still date you at first. it's just a date after all right. but when its starting to get serious, i'll be straight-up with you that i can't handle being in a relationship with someone who'll continue to donate sperm while he's with me. either he stop it, or i stop seeing him. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:25:18 AM | | I wonder if men would date a woman who donated eggs a few times? I doubt he'd care...with women it's a bit different, cause it's really not yours if you don't carry it yourself, but it's the same in reverse. You're helping someone else do something you can do, even if you may not want to. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:28:05 AM | Thanks to everyone for their replies so far, it's seemed pretty mixed. It's almost worth waiting until I'm next in a relationship before I decide, just so I can know for sure - I'd love to be able to help a family that can't have children of their own, but if it's going to prevent me from being with someone I like, then I start to lose out myself.
Some general info on donation in the UK, just for accuracy's sake: You donate over a course of about 6 months, which can be used to help up to an absolute maximum of 10 families. If you have strong feelings about your donations helping a certain group of people, i.e. if you don't want your donation to go to a single woman for religious reasons for example, then the clinic has to abide by that (whether or not to put such restrictions is a whole other can of worms I'd rather not go into  ).
As a donor, you're entitled to be told the number and gender of live births each year resulting from your donation. Those conceived by donation, once 18, can contact the HFEA to find stuff out about you (see http://www.hfea.gov.uk/docs/donor_details0609.pdf if you want to know specifics) which does include stuff such as your name, D.O.B., and so on. They are encouraged to seek counselling before receiving this information, and the donor is informed (if contactable) that someone has requested identifying information. And again, the HFEA ask you to consider counselling for the implications, etc. etc. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:27:19 AM |
I couldn't date someone who would be comfortable having a child walking around out there who he knows nothing about, has nothing to do with and has no interest in.
Only on POF could such a gesture from a guy get turned into some lingering horrible fault in his personality. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:17:05 AM | Yes it is a fault to have children running around out there who you know nothing about, care nothing about and want nothing to do with. Half of him is what made this child possible. Half of him is a part of this child.
Only on pof could people think it's ok and a good thing to have multiple children out there in the world who will never know you and who you will never know. What a world we live in. Even children who have been adopted have the right to know about their background. Now the children who are the result of donor eggs and donated sperm have no right to ever know this whole other side to them. We all have a desire to know where we come from and these children are no different.
it's really not yours if you don't carry it yourself,
That's like saying you are not really the parent to the child you adopted , or that the child your wife gave birth to due to donated sperm is not your child. It's also like saying if you have a surrogate mother carry the fertilized egg from you and your husband is not really yours. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:33:16 AM | While I don't think this is on the same level of donating blood, OP, what a man does with his sperm before I become intimate with him is absolutely none of my business. However, if it was someone I was intimately involved with, I might have a problem with it if he wanted to do so after we were together. I would definitely question his motives. It's a tough question to answer without ever having been in that situation. I don't honestly know what I would think.
I do have to add that if I became seriously involved (meaning talking marriage and such) with someone who had donated sperm in the past, I would probably eventually want to know about it. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/5/2008 10:47:56 AM | Upon first reading, my gut instinct is to say "No."
After thinking over the question/situation further, I'm still going to have to say "No."
I might not have much of a problem if he had done it in the past before I met him (maybe he needed some fast cash?), but I would certainly not want him to be donating while we were in a relationship together. I'd feel...well, weird about it. And yes, I do think I'd feel a bit possessive about where his sperm was going, especially if we're long-term dating, married, etc.
It's really hard to say without ever having experienced the situation before. I don't look down on people who are involved with this kind of 'donation', but it's not something I'd want my boyfriend/husband to do while we were an item. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:54:11 AM |
Now the children who are the result of donor eggs and donated sperm have no right to ever know this whole other side to them.
Actually, as of April 2005, they do (at least in the UK). Check my previous post. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:56:33 AM | It wouldnt be an issue for me as I have a child and dont want any more. Im even considering being a surrogate for my sister. Im sure some men would have an issue with that.
L XxXxX | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:20:00 AM | | sperm donating isn't any big deal. sperm isn't like an egg. the egg holds most of the genetic coding and is more valuable than the disposable sperm. the sperm is less significant. think of it as fertilizer, not the primary coding for the life form. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:45:46 AM |
the egg holds most of the genetic coding and is more valuable than the disposable sperm. the sperm is less significant. think of it as fertilizer, not the primary coding for the life form.
You are joking right? There is no possible way anyone can be that ignorant of the process. The sperm holds half the genetic information that will go towards the creation of the child. So you see sperm is much more then just "fertilizer" . Without sperm there can be no baby because half of the genetic information needed would not be available.
If what you are implying would be true then that would mean that there really are no fathers , because they are only the fertilizer for the egg , and contribute little to no genetic information . You know it's strange how things have changed. In the middle ages and beyond it was thought that the woman played no part in the creation of the child. She was only the place for the child to grow. It was believed that only the mans "seed" had anything to do with creating the child. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:50:56 AM |
That's like saying you are not really the parent to the child you adopted , or that the child your wife gave birth to due to donated sperm is not your child. It's also like saying if you have a surrogate mother carry the fertilized egg from you and your husband is not really yours.
Those are all different scenarios. What I meant by that was - if I donated an egg to a couple that needed one and they took it from there, it would NOT be my child, as they carried and raised it. Sure, it's biologically mine, but we're talking about people who can't have a child but would make great parents vs. a person who can have a child but may or may not be parent material.
No different from men who donate sperm by being there till you get pregnant and bail...a father is biological, but who cares if they don't want anything to do with their child. It's the man that raises that child that is their "dad". | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 10:10:00 AM | Donating sperm is harder than you think. Most men will be rejected. Typical *minimum* standards for donating to sperm banks include:
Must be 18-35;
Is not overweight;
Has a college degree (preferably post-grad);
Is at least 5'11" (too bad, OP)
Yes they WILL ask you about your income, and it better be pretty good;
You can NEVER have had Hep B, Hep C, and a host of other diseases.
---And that's just to be able to give your first donation. The bank then (and up to 90% are rejected after this) tests that donation for:
Count;
Motility;
Freeze-ability;
Morphology.
--Then you submit a medical history of you, *and* your family.
--And then you will have a complete physical, and yes the "glove" will be employed.
Still interested? I extracted the above from:
http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/sperm/sperm.html
Good luck. | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:01:19 PM | I think it's an incredibly personal decision. And I don't think your decision should depend on what future girlfriends might think. What matters is how YOU feel. Do you want to help couples or women to get pregnant who can't otherwise? Do you want to make a difference in someone's life -a HUGE difference that would last for ever? Is it important to you?
That's what you need to consider, not what some silly girl might think about it.
For one thing, when we gals date guys, a heck of a lot of them already have children. Really, to me, that's no different in that we are talking about their past sexual history and procreating. Because to ME, children w/your genes are not my children regardless of how you made them. Of course, the children you'd have of your own would be part of your life, I'd assume, unlike sperm donated. But my point is that I really have no right ot have an opinion about what you did with your sperm before you met me.
NOw, if I were in a serious relationship w/a guy and he was considering donating sperm, that would be a bit different, perhaps. Or perhaps not. Maybe only if we were considering making babies together.
FWIW, I would have donated my eggs if my sister had needed them, or if I just found I was uber-fertile when we did IVF. Turns out I wasn't... But my then-husband and I had 100% agreed that if we did IVF and had babies and still had embryos frozen that we would donate those embryos to someone else who wanted kids. THere are women who do IVF who have 25 frozen embryos...since they don't usually want 25 kids, they have the option of donating the embryos when they are done family-building. It's at least as personal as donating sperm, if not more. And yes, I would have done it, in a heartbeat.
Another practice in the infertility world is for "you" (a woman) to split the eggs w/another woman. She pays for your cycle. Then half of the eggs that are mature go to her, and half go to you. Your half are usually fertilized w/your spouse's sperm and her half are fertilized w/her spouse's sperm. Any embryos that result from your half of the eggs are yours and she gets the embryos from her half of your eggs. I would have done that and thought about it also, except, again, I had crappy eggs and barely made any so it was never an option.
OPie...getting back to you. The only caution I give you is consider what happens if you never have kids with someone. You will know you might have kids out therein the world with your genes, but here you are with no kids of your own to raise. They usually don't let women donate eggs unless they already have at least 1 child for this reason. And I have a friend it happened to. she donated her eggs years ago before she had kids. And here she is...41 yrs old, and still has no children, but she *knows* there might be kids in the world w/her genes. Mentally and emotionally that's hard on her when she wants to have a baby so badly.
Kaylie | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:26:26 PM | Not only would I date a sperm donor, I married one. I also contacted an organization that allows children from sperm donation to contact their fathers. A child is a wonderful gift and it was a wonderful thing that he donated.
My husband was in college at the time and said "He might as well get paid for something he was doing anyway." | |
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| Would you date a sperm donor?
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:43:28 PM | I would absolutely date someone who had been a sperm donor. I have a great deal of respect and appreciation for these men who choose to help people experience a miracle!!!
For the women who say they wouldn't date a sperm donor, would you also not date a man who had given a child up for adoption as a teenager? | |
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