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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:43:27 AM | | I don't get the father figure folks are talking about. I thought a 17 year old kid wrote this story. Surely a 40-something old guy isn't taking orders and being obedient to the plans and whims of this 20-something girl...that's a MOTHER figure. I can't imagine an adult of any kind getting another adult of any kind to "stay" until one feels like going to bed...what? Is this a joke? | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:26:51 AM | YOu gotta man up. It seems like she wants, a boyfriend/girfriend/daddy. Maybe some abuse in her past? No one person can be all of that for anyone. It's not fair to either of you to try . There's some kind of issue there to be sure,but regardless of that, you're letting her run you. You gotta put the brakes on that type of stuff man. I'm not saying you should stop seeing her, but you have to what's good for you also. If you want the relationship to take a more intimate turn, and she doesn't...you might want to look elsewhere for it. Don't give her an ultimatum or anything like that. Simply let her know that she's not the only person in the world you could be spending your time with. Let her know when you're interested in other women. Drop the name of another woman you're interested in seeing. Se how she reacts. The thing to remember is ,you have to be honest and LET HER KNOW .
Two reasons: Firstly, so you don't feel 'guilty'. Let's face it ,you guys ARE dating each other. It's just without the physical intamacy portion. In other words...on HER terms. Tell her you respect her needs, and wishes ,but you need that intimacy. Tell her you're not abandoning her. Tell her that you can still do all the good stuff you've always done,and that your friendship wont be changed because you value it so much. It's just that now, you are also gonna see other women who ARE willing to be 'more' then just freinds with you. If she's a real sincere friend, this should be fine. Honestly, I kinda doubt that she will be. But at least you manned up,and put your cards on the table w/ her. The second reason to tell her, is to pull her card, call her bluff, smoke her out, you know what I mean. She'll either pi$$ or get off of the pot...on her own, when she hears about, much less actually SEES you w/ another woman. YOu've allowed her to dictate the direction,and pace of the relationship. Wrong answer my man. It's obvious that she needs love and attention. But what about you man? What do you need? If this continues the way it's going, I promise that you'll start to resent her. YOu don't want that, and she doesn't need that. Creating a little distance, and mabye re-defining some boundaries might not hurt either. Bottom line: Stop letting her run you, especially a woman who doesn't think enough of you to actually BE with you. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:34:53 AM | Sorry this is going to be harsh:
She wanted a puppy and she got you -
ffs what are you a man or a mouse? Being treated the way you are is not healthy for you or her.
Try saying something like:
I have an idea we should do this, and when she talks over you, or dismissed you as a naughty little puppy, you say "OK, will see you when I get back, bye" and leave, no recriminations, just walk right out the door, dont finish it, just do something you want to do for a change, saying "see you tomorrow". Go on you know you want to.
Msg: 28 - Isn't that baggage? | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:11:38 AM | | Been there done that. I dated a woman that was 49 when I was 32. She wanted to be with me but too ashamed to be seen with me in public. Yet I met her daughter. She asked me to go to her work and get her keys so this handy man guy could install the blinds. She asked me to wait outside, I was like what the heck. She was too ashamed to let everyone see I was dating her. You're much better off moving on. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:12:19 AM | "I am not attracted to women my age, and it seems that the younger ones are attracted to me."
By your very words, THIS younger women is not attracted to you. Good lord...you are 45. Do you REALLY need to ask strangers about this mess? Have you gone without sex since you have met her? Dumb..just...dumb. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:09:56 AM | It should be obvious. File the restraining order now, this one is NUTS!
Being a good christian doesn't include allowing yourself to become a victim or a psycho or enabling someone to continue bad choices. She is just running her old life in a new surrounding.
The best thing you can do as a human being or christian is get her the professional help she needs and to walk away. You will do her no good and you will do yourself even more damage. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:22:35 AM |
Being a good christian doesn't include allowing yourself to become a victim or a psycho or enabling someone to continue bad choices. She is just running her old life in a new surrounding.
I couldn't have said it better myself! | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:40:33 AM |
The only time i am at my place is to sleep,she won't let me [leave] until she is....
"LET" you leave???? Huh? Are you a man? Do you not have a life of your own? Geesh -- even when I'm dating someone I don't see them every day.
Peek inside your underdrawers.....are they still there? | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:17:01 PM |
Peek inside your underdrawers.....are they still there?
OMG - that is way too funny.... cracking me up! I gotta remember that one! | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:22:39 PM | This is ridiculous; tell her that you want to date people and with her all around you that you can't do that.
Who cares what she wants; you need to move on. Tell her you'd like to keep in touch and see eachother once in a while but you want to date people.
If she gets mad say if you were my friend you'd want me happy.
YOu need to man up and take care of business. Take control of the situation | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:15:02 PM | | you two want different things, u cant force her to to want the same thing as you , this is a classic case of getting over the person when u really dont want to , if i were u i'd really treat her like a friend since thats what she wants, and go on dates with other women if she complains just act nonchalant and be like " why are u so upset " i thought u only wanted a friendhsip | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:35:42 AM | | Thank you for all of your advice,i have deciced to just be her friend,she is in the hospital right now for mental reasons,she has had this for ten years,and she has tried to take her life more than five times.You can't blame her for the way she is,she was born that way,but it doesant show up till in the 20s.She hates being this way she just wants them to get her on a medicine that will make her feel normal.I have decided that i can't handle a relationship like that.I want a women that is mentally stable.Are there any women out there that are stable. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:18:00 AM | | She told you OP you are too old for her. Apparently not all younger women ARE attracted to you leave her alone. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:11:03 AM | | What I dont get is why everyone is jumping on this woman and calling her a psycho? Obviously the Op has set the boundaries in this relationship (none), she told him she wasnt interested in him as a romantic partner, he accepted this in the hopes that this would change over time, and he apparently was fine with this relationship until the romance didnt blossom. Now he finds this behaviour unnaceptable, pushy, intrusive, controlling, etc,but until he figured out she wasnt going to change her mind he was OK with it. Frankly, she was honest from the start, but the OP wasnt as he was hoping for something different, and she is the one with all the problems? | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:15:15 PM | DancinDan, my advice to you is this - keep you relaxed attitude, don't push boundaries and just enjoy time together. Be her friend and companion through 'thick and thin', let her vent the topic of age difference whenever she feels like and reassure her that age has nothing to do with wanting to be around someone special in heart and mind  . Sometimes love needs to grow on someone  ... and then it needs to be nurtured.
Best of luck! | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:13:22 AM | Thank you for your posative advice,its nice to get nice advice,instead of negative ones.
I don't know why so many people are against age differance,if you are both mentally,and phisacly on the same wave lentgh then so what.I know alot of couples that are married,and are 30 years apart,and they have the best marrage ever.
If God can provide a 13 year old for a 37 year old,then who are we to complain.If you don't believe me then go to the book of Genesos in the Holy Bible,and read the story about Aberham,oh by the way after his first wife Sara died he took another wife who bore him six sons,Aberham was a hundred and twenty years old.In European culture it is common practice for a twenty some year old women to go after a guy in his 50s and 60s.Its because they know that a guy that age wont cheet on them,and they want to have children with them.Again thank you. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:26:26 AM | Grizzelda says:
What I dont get is why everyone is jumping on this woman and calling her a psycho?
OP says (before that):
she is in the hospital right now for mental reasons
There you have it.  | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:51:46 AM | | And what, OP, is wrong with women your own age? Mature women are more likely to have dealt with puerile issues like hers. Maybe it's time you GROW UP and realise you're not 22 anymore. If you're going to insist on chasing "young, nubile flesh" like some pathetic little Peter Pan, then you richly deserve everything you're getting. | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:12:02 AM | Dan 123!R u kidding me?
"If God can provide a 13 year old for a 37 year old,then who are we to complain."
This is sounds sick to me.I think that you you have some issues also.
I don't care if it was writen in the bible it reall makes me sick to my stomach.I think you take the Bible a little too litteral my friend.The comment you just made.A 13 year old with a 37 year old...is Called pedophilia in north america and is punishable by law and frowned upon.It will usually get you a big butt whoopin.
And 50 year old men do cheat...and women who go after those men are usually gold diggers looking for money.
Come on are you that naieve???? | |
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| I don't know how to handle her.
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:29:29 AM | Grizzelda says:
What I dont get is why everyone is jumping on this woman and calling her a psycho?
OP says (before that):
she is in the hospital right now for mental reasons
There you have it.
So says the guy that admits that he was hoping for something other than what she was willing to offer, and was dishonest in what he wanted fron the start and who is now pissed that it didnt pan out. He didnt set ANY boundaries and chances are probably encouraged much of her behaviour in his desire to have a relationship with woman. Dont think that the OP is looking at this situation too objectively or sees his part in what he is describing. I wouldnt take too much what this guy has to say as truth. Being hospitalized for "mental reasons" could be anything from depression to stress related symptoms or a reaction to medication or just plain bullshit to make his behaviour look better. Something just isnt ringing true with this scenario...... | |
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