| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:38:26 PM | But my job gets me home daily and the woman in my life would not be a free sitter. Wow that just rubs me the wrong way. I am glad to see on how peps jump to the wrong conclusions most of the time. Its entertaining.
It has nothing to do with jumping to conclusions. It's about basing our opinions on experiences we have had over and over and over. The first time I dated a guy with a kid I was 16 and I have dated several more single dads over the years , and every time, and yes I do mean every time, they were either looking for a new mommy for their kids or a free babysitter.
Now before you completely freak out let me say that "I AM NOT SAYING YOU ARE SEARCHING FOR A NEW MOMMY OR FREE BABYSITTER", " I AM NOT SAYING ALL SINGLE DADS ARE SEARCHING FOR A NEW MOMMY OR FREE BABYSITTER , but I am saying that in my experience , and the experience of many other women, many single dads are looking for a new mommies or a free babysitter. Oh and yes I am certain that there are single moms out there doing the same thing. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:09:57 PM | You don't speak for all women. For every one or two of you that had the experience of dating a guy with kids who was looking for a new mommy or a free babysitter there's probably tons of women who have had the opposite experince.
Look we get it..you don't date guys with kids. Why can't your experiences be just yours and leave it at that and quit acting like the spokesperson for every woman who doesnt have kids. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:53:25 PM | Nowhere did I say I was the spokeswoman for all women. Nowhere did I say I speak for all women. I made it very clear that my opinions are based on my experiences. If you don't like my opinions or what I post then by all means feel free to skip right over them. I have a right to contribute to a thread and provide my opinions and views just like you do.
If everybody just let their experiences be theirs ,left it and never gave an opinions or made a post in here then there would be no forums. From now on feel free to skip right over my post as I do to some other posters because I am going to continue posting my views and experience when relevant ,and this thread is relevant to my experiences. After all the title of the thread is "Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father". Seeing as I have had extensive experience in this area then posting in here of my experiences and views is relevant.
Get over yourself you are not a mod and you don't make the rules.I wont be replying to you again on here or anywhere. I do not engage in flame wars. You have a problem then take it to a mod.
Back on topic as to why women stay away from single dads. I have already given my opinion on that and my experiences in this matter. I stay away because of my past experiences and the experiences of women I know who have gone through the same stuff I have gone through. We don't want to become parents and have our own kids so why would we want to be parents to yours? Simple enough explanation. | |
|
| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:37:40 PM | I'm not afraid of anything.
The reason I try very hard to avoid a man with small children is because I'm done with children. I raised three of my own and they are off in the world.
At this time in my life I want to play and children hender play time. (If one is being a devoted parent that is - natural and expected).
I don't want to call my man and say let's go catch a movie and I hear "I can't I have to help with homework".
I know full well if I was in a LTR with a man with small children at some point those children would become a part of my life. I love children and I can not deny any child that comes to me for anything, but the next children I spoil, pamper and discipline will be my grand children, not my man's.
YES, this is me being highly selfish, but honest.
I was a single parent at one time and I took no offense when a man told me he wasn't interested in a woman with children. | |
|
| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:43:19 AM | For me personally, I don't have any kids and don't want any. Dating is a lot of work and maintaining a relationship is also work. Add kids to the mix and things just got a LOT harder. Being a woman with no kids, dating a guy with some just doesn't make sense. I don't understand the things you have to deal with, I don't understand not being able to do what I want, when I want or what it means to track down a babysitter. Nor do I want to.
It's no offense to you of course. I applaud anyone who can take on the role of both parents alone. It's just not something I can/want to relate to. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/8/2008 12:31:34 PM | | Well... I can only speak for myself and I think if I met , in 'normal' life a guy who had kids and I fell for him, then I would accept the fact that he had kids and try to get along with them etc... But, since I am not massively keen on kids, especially teenagers (who have totally pissed me off ever since I was one), I am not going to actively seek to get involved with a guy who has children. These dating sites are all about ticking boxes and looking for your ideal 'type' right? And if you're not that keen on kids you're not going to go out of your way to find someone who already has a family set-up... sounds harsh but that's just the way it is. I'm sure there are women out there who would like a ready-made family to get involved with, and there are lots of single mums out there who are in the same situation and may love to find a guy who has kids too... I think it's just about being realistic rather than berating the fact that your situation has limitations - I'm sure it offers many opportunities too. For example, friends I know who have kids always seem to be much more involved in the local community and know loads of people because they meet them through their kids... maybe you just need to start looking in the right places... | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:34:14 PM | | I think because where there are children, there is usually an omnipresent ex in the picture. And where there is an ex with whom you share children, there tends to be a lot of baggage. It's hard enough getting to know someone under the best of circumstances, but when children are involved it tends to make things harder. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/9/2008 12:09:32 AM | Well said. As a single father of 5 kids (2 mums), who live with me 4 days a week, I would never bring someone I had only recently met to be a part of their lives. In fact i made a promise to them that i would never bring another mother figure into our house again as they had enough already, yes I would date, but I would keep it out of the family.
My biggest fear though, (and I am sure many of you will agree) is someone else trying to take the role of father away from me (or mother for the gals out there). With both my ex's bringing new men into the kids life within less than a month of knowing them quite a few times, it has been a struggle and it has definitely affected my kids.
Having said that, I can only agree that having them live with me has affected my social life. I have had many women contact me in the past and enjoyed good conversation with them all. But once I have mentioned that I have so many kids living with me ... you can almost feel the rush of air as they turn on their heals and run. No I don't talk about them any more than necessary, if they don't ask I don't talk about them other than to let people know I have them.
So far as the looking for another mummy goes .. well... I am not even looking for a relationship of any kind. Just friendship. So they aren't running because they think I want a shag or because they think i am looking for a new mum for the kids.
I have no answer for it. I don't know if I will find one. But I do know that before I had my children on a permanent arrangement I had less rejections and held friendships longer. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/9/2008 12:19:43 AM | I should also add that yes I am sure that the Ex's in our lives must be a part of it but lets not forget, most people with kids are meeting other people with kids (whether they live with them or not doesn't matter really) and most people with kids have ex's.
It could just be that they think we aren't what they are looking for ... one then wonders what others look for in a coffee friend. Does physical attraction matter at all for that? hmmm so many questions | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:49:06 AM | OP this is a great question.
I recently dated a lady that had kids of her own but when we started dating (dated over two years) I told her that my children where the most important thing in my life, and they are. From that point forward it was always an issue that had to be dealt with when she felt I wasnt devulging all of my time with her.
I felt as though I provided a large magority of my time for her but when my kids asked for time it was a struggle.
I will say I am careful with what I say now but my kids are the most important thing in my life. They are still with me and she is off doing whatever.
As to what makes women tick I fear we all shall never know the answer to that question | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:58:46 AM | OP: I don't have a problem dating a man that is raising his children. However, if they are very young it will put many restrictions on his time with a woman. Some aren't willing to sacrifice this or they could very well meet someone that is not in this situation.
Kudos for doing the right thing by your children! | |
|
| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/9/2008 5:58:16 PM | It's not about being "afraid" and in general I find it deprecating when people ask "why are you afraid of... something something."
But to answer the question: if I wanted to raise kids I'd have my own. In which case I'd probably be fine with dating single fathers. But as I don't have kids and that makes pretty much all the good things in my life possible, I don't find it plausible that I'd want to get into a very close relationship with a single father. I give you respect for your decision and all, but I just don't want to bring kids into my life.
In general I try to date divorced guys who have teenagers, the kids live with their mother, and the guy is fixed. I get along pretty well with teenagers and that way there's no possibility of him getting ideas about me bearing his kids.
So that's my point of view. | |
|
| |
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/11/2008 11:36:53 PM | | ok Im a single dad and yea iv found the same thing except 1 woman I met 13 years ago as a frend then were reunited after 8 years and datid for 1 year yes she had a daughter by then to for some reason it didnt work out long distance custody battle yada yada yada. then this past apr had another chance lastid a month were perfect for each other and ador each others kids and the kids feel the same way but low and behold after may long weekend she disipeard without a trace yea I know whare she is kinda but not really so do I keep looking or do i go find her and possibly be hurt more than I care to be or leave well enough alone and wate for fate to bring us together again | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:46:03 AM |
I have no problem dating a man with kids and even eventually marrying him. However he would have to have no problem with the fact that I am not interested in being the new mommy , babysitting or doing any discipline. Many of the single fathers I have run across just want a new mommy/babysitter for their kids.
That is kinda retarded. How can you commit to marrying someone and then not be prepared to engage in the fundamental needs of the newly formed family unit. How can you not care for, discipline or bond with the children. The way you describe it your marriage would just fall apart.
javascript:smilie(' ') | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:51:06 AM |
That is kinda retarded. How can you commit to marrying someone and then not be prepared to engage in the fundamental needs of the newly formed family unit. How can you not care for, discipline or bond with the children. The way you describe it your marriage would just fall apart.
Retarded? Wow how incredibly un PC and offensive of you.  Anyway a step parent is not supposed to be the one disciplining or doing the parenting. Do you want to know who is supposed to do the disciplining and parenting? The parents of the child. You go and ask and psychologist what they think about step parents disciplining, and they will say that it's not a step parents place.
Now if I was unfortunate enough to be in a situation where I had a child with someone who I was not married too there is no way I would want or "let" some other woman try to be my childs mother. I would be my childs mother. I think most parents would agree that the thought of some man or woman coming into their childs life and taking over as the new mom or dad makes their blood boil. A step parent is supposed to know their place, and their place is not to parent or discipline.
A step parent should be a friend to the child or a mentor. Sort of like an aunt or an uncle. They should be loving, protecting, a safe haven when things are confusing and they need to talk to someone other then mom or dad. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/13/2008 3:12:14 AM |
You go and ask and psychologist what they think about step parents disciplining, and they will say that it's not a step parents place.
Well "disciplining" is really passé so maybe you need to ask a more modern psychologist.
With that being said, that's one more reason I wouldn't go very far with a single father. There is no way I'd share my house with kids to whom I'm not a figure of authority. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/13/2008 3:15:59 AM | Well "disciplining" is really passé so maybe you need to ask a more modern psychologist.
Yes you are right most parents simply don't discipline anymore which is why just about every child you run into is a foul mouth , angry, demanding ,spoiled brat. But of course most parents will also deny that their children are like this. Oh well ignorance is bliss I guess, and you truly can choose to see and hear only what you want to.
I like most kids. The ones that are being properly raised, but have no use at all for the other kinds nor their parents. Thankfully my sisters and my brother still do the "passe" thing and discipline. Being an aunt is a wonderful thing. | |
|
| Why do women stay away from a man who chooses to be the single father.
Posted: 10/13/2008 8:47:52 AM | | MFP, I would have to disagree with you regarding the step parent disciplining the children. When I remarry, I plan to treat any children as my own. I will expect her to do the same. They will be our children, not "mine" and "hers". Will I defer to her when it comes to decisions regarding my step children? Most definitely, but when it comes to correcting and discipling the children, they will be treated equally. | |
|
Home
login 
