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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:30:12 AM | | In my opinion, it all comes down to 2 people, you and your partner. I, myself, am overweight and know it. I'm active AND I'm not active. Just like everyone else. I have in my profile 'a few extra lbs' but further in my profile without going into specifics, I say that because it just has that option, that's as best I can do with what's offered. Some say I'm not overweight and some say I'm fat. Well whatever I know what I am and if it's not something you're looking for...then that's your loss because my weight doesn't tell you what I am like...or tells me what you're like. As for bigger women being more compassionate/passionate understanding, bullsh|t I can be just as much of a b|tch as can a barbie toothpick. If anything, us "bigger" girls don't put up with the BS other people feed us lol....notice I said other people, I'm not singling out any gender :P lol | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:32:52 PM | Sometimes I am a few extra pounds, sometimes I am thin and sometimes I am somewhere in between them both. I tend to yo~yo which is a bad thing healthwise, but I figured if I put average that should cover them all and I don't have to change my body type every month.
Fox, I don't think just because you or other women are thin you become a "barbie doll" or have the barbie syndrome. However, I can think of a few "barbie dolls" that I have been friends with and that statement seems to ring true for them. By "babrbie doll" I am talking the bleached hair, fake tan, pouty lips (cuz they pratice so much in the mirror to get it just right..lol), heavy make up, boobs displayed for the whole world to see etc. They are so self absorbed and think that the whole word should revolve around them. I had one friend who still cannot figure out why she is single. Its the guys she goes for....they are just like her and with two people so self absorbed and suffering from the "me first" syndrome its no wonder the relationships never work. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:18:43 PM | | I sort of grinned when the fellow up there talked about curvy women and I know what he means. I don't mean to be mean but what amuses me is when women have absolutely no concept of what curvy means. Having a huge top, several rolls for a middle and huge bottom is not curvy. The waist should be 10 inches smaller than the top; that is what makes curvy and is a good indication that they are active because exercise will keep you proportional no matter how much you weigh. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 8:56:40 PM | Wow, after reading all four pages one thing is clear - everyone's perception about size is as individual as people's sizes. Someone cannot really be defined by the number on the tag of a shirt. What one person will perceive as average, someone else will call overweight. So be it.
Girls carrying extra weight will always believe guys are looking for the barbie type. It's human nature to justify why someone is not into you. The sad thing is, this is not always the case - it could have been a number of different things. The OP's experience is probably correct - big girls don't want the "handicap" of being labelled BBW - we want our date to see the person we are inside and to see we are more than just the number on the dress size. I have found once you are honest with yourself and with your profile pictures, you will have a lot more success dating.
OP take average with a grain of salt, like height. For the most part, women will always want to weigh less just like men would like to be taller. You are allowed to have your preferences just like everyone else. Going on dates with people who don't look like their photo is just part of the process and it works both ways. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:05:54 PM | Just notice a picture of a man on his profile, what I see is he is at least 50 lbs over weight, but he says he is average, so let it be him.
I think I am the only one who openly say in the picture caption that I have gained at least 10 pounds this year, but I am not really anxious in looking for a mate in here, so it is self explained. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:24:44 PM | | On the other hand I have about 25 pounds to lose and my profile says a few extra pounds. The truth doesn't always do the most for your self esteem, but it does keep people from getting the wrong impression. Once I am back in shape, my profile will go back to average. Unless I was cut from marble I would never say I was athletic. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:24:48 PM |
....Someone cannot really be defined by the number on the tag of a shirt....
More truth in that line than one might believe!! I can wear any thing from a "M" to an "XXL", and they will fit the same on me, except the "M" are shorter and don't cover my lower appendage as much as the "XXL"
As has been noted in many of the posts, size is in the eye or mind of the beholder. We are all built differently, we all see things differently and this will always be the case. Our personal preferences are just that!!
I have friends that are larger than I in both height and girth, and I have friends that are smaller than I in both, as long as we are friends, what does size matter, it is the conversation, wit and intelligence that we are really seeking.
Personal preferences are put aside for friendship, but are drawn upon for dating, courting, wooing and other activities that may come into play, and it is a persons personal preference at the time of making the decision to go the extra step that is used in the determination.
Size is like age, either you have the right one or you don't!! | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:41:27 PM | I don't get a lot of pictures taken and tend to dislike those that are taken. So my pics range from 18 months to several years. But they're me. I'm honest in describing myself and what I want.
In some discussions, I hear too much tolerance for blatant lies on profiles. If people tolerate it as the way things are done, then that's the way thing keep getting done.
Because the original poster used an ugly TONE in posting his complaint, the first page of replies came out hostile to him, and reflexively supportive of the liars. Later this duscussion settled down to something I can agree with. People lie. I would prefer it if the lies raised more hostility than they actually receive. But my preferences don't rule the internet. My strata won't even let me put up a pockmarked wall.
Back to the title of the post. I have a mental image of beauty that's fairly slender, but when I meet people in the real world that can be overridden by real-life intellibence, attitudes and personality characteristics. One of the BBW's on this thread is a ravishngly beautiful hottie, but it, er, wasn't mutual and we departed on friendly terms. I wish more people valued honesty in profiles than sometimes seems to happen. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:24:01 PM | | I agree with many of the posts here on this forum. I too have struggled over which selection to choose from for my weight when asked. I am not obese, but I am not "a few extra pounds" either...a nice word I have seen on other websites is "ample". An easy solution to this would for the moderators to add a few extra descriptions in profile settings. I however, mention my size in my profile, and send a full body shot which is only a few months old to anyone I am interested in meeting. If they can't handle it - their loss. It's all about honesty - if I'm lied to about anything by someone I plan on meeting or dating, that is it - game over, and next. Like I've mentioned before, some dude tried to pass himself as Brendan Fraiser to me a few years back...I called him on it and never heard from him again. All kinds of liars and posers on the net. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:03:35 PM | Just to change the perspective, although im not disagree with the lady's!
I seen a profile once and it was "average" this girl was 5'4 and 100 pounds!
How dare she be average you may ask? (I wondered the same thing)
She was asian! 
Theres too much aggression here, all togethor, and breath in, and breath out, and breath in, and breath out!
Perspective is everything! And objectionable to everyone elses perspective! | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:26:42 PM | I think perhaps Big Fish should allow a section where we can simply put our own adjectives for what our shape or size is....could change daily for some depending on how they are feeling that day...lol | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:41:54 PM | An easy solution to this would for the moderators to add a few extra descriptions in profile settings.
I think that would complicate things even more.... heck, they threw in "AVERAGE" as an extra, and look at what happens.
Like I said in an earlier post, you are either Athletic, Thin, A few extra pounds, or BBW.
The word "ample", let's face it, is a nice way of saying overweight or BBW. People need to be straight forward in their profiles. If it makes a person feel bad to post overweight, or BBW, or THIN for that matter, in their profile, then that's a self esteem issue, that can only be dealt with the person who posted the profile. No one can change those insecure feelings.
As Brazen said in an ealier post, there are those who are VERY active with hiking, running, sports, and still battle with weight. Tis why I listed myself as "THIN"...because running a 10k would likely kill me ! LOL! | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:47:29 PM | because running a 10k would likely kill me
No, it wouldn't.... You'd be amazed at the shapes/sizes of people who DO run/walk...get OVER the finish line!
and 2 thumbs up for what you and Brazen both had to say. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:52:35 PM | I just put prefer not to say about body type.
I am overweight yes, on the other hand I have lost 46 lbs and 31 inches since March and work out 2x a day. My blood pressure and cholesterol are "perfect"..(Dr words)
When I discuss meeting someone I tell them I am overweight and send pics if they ask. Its hard to meet someone and have them shun you or never call again to even say they are not interested..so do not place all the blame on the person who is not totally honest, maybe experience has simply made them unsure how to "label" themselves. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:51:46 PM |
I think perhaps Big Fish should allow a section where we can simply put our own adjectives for what our shape or size is....could change daily for some depending on how they are feeling that day...lol
ha ha, yes, then I could put "too damn sexy for my shirt, but I kept it on any way"
seems a much better fit for me than "average"  
wait, stop it.... leave that alone, don't click that <---- ooops, sorry, I just had to push my non existant ego out of the room so I could finish typing here ........ er, what was I saying? sigh, to be stupid and not blond, now that's perplexing me
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jayrog
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Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 92 | |
| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:21:55 PM | | good point. this drives me wild to. what they should do is put the general canadian guide for normal weight,for their age and sex, then call that average. then try 1o over, 20 over, 30 over and so on, as well as under. Now this is left to the wishes or dreams of those to decipher how they like, and can lead to a complete waste of time.Ones opinion of average could vary from their enviroment they live in. Average for wal-mart I am sure is higher than holt renfrew?. For some of us weight is a deal breaker, as well as many other things people may NOT be looking for in their mate I hope u have sucess in this one, its sooooooooo important | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:36:37 PM | also the term "Average" is kinda degrating!
I think the key is to thy self be true!
I find a girl who knows shes big and rocks that, is way more attractive, then a frumpy average, and guys you know this is true, confidence is key, and its not one size of people that have a issue with confidence!
And i agree with Fox, because of the "average" i could be easily classed "Athletic" but im not because im not chiseled from granite, but compared to some of the average, i could be Mr. Olympia, even if i am a bit smaller and the strongest, its not my fault! i don't even exercise So i put thin, for me by the BMI or Canadian food guys, im underweight,ive dated women of all sorts of types and sizes, and all of them where attractive for their own reasons, because obviously i was attracted, the only real fear i have is asituation where i might be confused for food  | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/9/2008 7:57:59 PM | I think that this is a pretty emotional discussion/topic.
I'm a few extra pounds. I'm 5ft 11...the least I've ever weighed was 155lbs when I was 29. It was decidedly NOT a good look for me. You could count my vertebrae on my back...my ribs were poking out...I looked like a holocaust victim.
Now I"m a pudgy 240lbs and am working on shedding about 60lbs.
I think that it has a lot to do with perception. I recently talked to a male friend of mine and confessed my actual weight number. He was shocked. Said he thought I *might* weight 220 on a 'fat day' and still thought I was padding my weight by about 15 lbs.
Well...as mentioned, I'm pretty tall. I carry my weight well I suppose but no, I'm not happy with my body so am taking active and continued steps to make ME happy with ME.
If you think about it...(as a very broad generalized statement) we are all looking to find The One that we want to Grow Old with. What do you think I'm going to look like when I'm 80? Let's say for argument's sake that I'm a svelte 80 yr old..I am going to guess that I'd still be subject to the same spots and wrinkles that other elderly people succumb to. As one of my close friends has aptly said "at some point the best of our physical relationship might be holding each other's hands in matching wheelchairs".
Having said all of that - sure physical attraction matters!!! I believe in being honest. If I put A Few Extra Pounds as my description I am telling everyone that YES...I'm not the athlete I once was, but I'm not a sloth either. If my size matters to people they are not the people I am likely to be attracted to either.
It's a fine line to walk. There are a lot of people who date within their 'norms' or have 'check boxes' of what their partner would look like. For myself, I find that not having a 'type' that I date has led me to have amazing relationships with great guys who I would have never met had I stuck to some sort of social 'set'.
I'm unique! Just like everyone else ;) teehee | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/9/2008 8:17:06 PM | Wow, Alluria, you're tall!!!
I'm almost 5'10 myself, and the last I checked, my 'ideal' weight would be 130 pounds... thats absolutely insane, I think the last time I weighed that, I was in like jr. high or something! I'd be absolutely skeletal at that weight.
Like you, I can stand to lose a bit of weight, 15 pounds at the very most, but I am also big boned (my hands rival that of any man! ) and I also carry my weight well. Most people have no idea that I weigh as much as I do, they all peg me for 20 pounds or so lighter, which is cool! At our height, and extra few pounds is really nothing in the big scheme of things... If I was 5', then a few pounds could make a world of difference, only because of the height.
I openly admit that I could lose a few pounds, and I openly admit I'm not as active as I'd like to be, due to circumstances, but I know if I got my shit together, that weight would fall right off. It's just a matter, of, well, getting my shit together!
I put average, because in my mind, even though I could lose a couple of pounds, I AM average. I look around me, and people of my height, are generally roughly the same size I am, or bigger, so I figure that to be average... is that wrong? again, its all about perception, like has been stated numerous times already.
<quote> not having a 'type' that I date has led me to have amazing relationships with great guys who I would have never met had I stuck to some sort of social 'set'. </quote>
Most definitely agree with you on that one. BTDT!
In the end though, I truly believe there is someone out there for everyone, no matter what your size is. It's worth holding out for the right person who will accept you for the person you are, rather then someone who tries to turn you into the person they want you to be. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:39:21 PM | | After reading all four pages, we are no closer to the answer. Everyone has different ways of describing their bodies. I think POF should have a category for weight. Combine that with height and one can soon get a good idea what one looks like. It won't be perfect, but it will certainly be better. The problem also relates back to the photos on the profiles. Try to put up a good selection of photos. A variety of shots from close up and different angles in different clothes. Borrow a camera - there's lots of them out there. | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:09:50 PM |
I think POF should have a category for weight.
Because those who DON'T see themselves as bigger, are going to be honest with THAT number too, right?! | |
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| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:45:09 PM | Height and Weight are sooo subjective.
I'm 5ft 11...I can't tell you how many dates I've been on when I've worn FLATS or FLIP FLOPS and the dude SWEARS he's 6ft tall...only for me to be taller than he is. One guy was *barely* 5ft 10...and he claimed he was 6ft. Seriously...if *I* am taller than you...you are NOT 6ft tall. | |
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jayrog
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Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 100 | |
| why do big girls think they are average
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:22:23 PM | | oilerman, got my first unknown hate mail today. Don,t we all have preferences we want without being judged for having them. After all i am looking for a long term mate, and i choose to look for certain things. So do they i seriously hope. Age, color, religion, weight, anything else does NOT matter if one only wants a friend. they come various ways.It is not meant to offend anyone, just clarify the confusion.Last i heard some ladies like teeth, no big guts, no crack,healthy hygenic, some rich, some fun etc. We all are free to have choices, and don,t deserve hate mail | |
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