| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:27:13 AM | I am not going to either join in the female "adda boy" that started this thread nor am I going to throw her under the bus as what happened in the later part of the thread.
OP, this should be a learning experience for you in your young life. Actions have repercussions and perception is interpreted as reality. It isn't right or it isn't fair but who said life was right or fair all the time?
When you put yourself in questionable situations you have to be especially mindful of your actions and choices. Whether this is dressing sexy in a pickup bar when in a committed relationship or walking into the wrong ghetto with no clue what is going on around you, the point is that your choices are especially critical. Yes this guy was an @ss. Yes this guy thought he was owed something for the time, attention and drink which was wrong.
My point is that you have to be aware of your surroundings and how those impact your choices and how much margin of safety your surroundings impact good and bad choices.
The crappy part is that you had NOTHING directly to do with what happened in this situation, it was the lowered margin of safety that the environment presents. It also had to do with the 80% of the other woman where this behavior worked. When you have more intuition and life experience you will know this going in and hopefully make wiser decisions. As the old saying goes, live and learn.
Again life is not fair or right all the time, but it is real life none the less. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:31:51 AM | | Thank heavens in the world that i live in, i can still go to a club with my girlfriends and hang out with people i know (as she did), and if a guy i know (who also knows i am in a relationship) offers to buy me a drink, i can accept without worrying what i am doing to his head. I find it absolutely asinine that a woman can't accept a drink from a man she knows without it being some kind of signal that she wants to get laid by him. (Yes even if she knows he finds her attractive). For heavens sake, i would never accept a friendly drink again from any man if that was the case. Tell the idiot and any that think like him to grow up... | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:38:39 AM | mess 27 I think - two posts up - you wrote
Yes this guy was an @ss. Yes this guy thought he was owed something for the time, attention and drink which was wrong.
I agree with so much of your post until these lines.....are you throwing him under the bus now? (smile) All he did was buy her a drink and accept one back and kiss her.
My post about being bought or accepting a drink when you are dancing in a club can indicate a interest or offer for sex later (by both people actually)....i did not mean it always means that or automatically means that...only that it is possible. (Why that point is being so blown out of proportion on this thread, I don't know!)
Seems to me the gentleman's only wrong was ignoring the fact that he knew she had a boyfriend....and my only point earlier was her accepting his drink sort of gave the message she might be ignoring it also. That's all.
We are all responsible for the consequences of our actions. No one did a terrible wrong here, I don't think, neither he nor she....just a lesson to be more aware of outcomes of all we do, say, think, feel.... | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:54:05 AM | ^^^^^
Seems to me the gentleman's only wrong was ignoring the fact that he knew she had a boyfriend No the gentleman's (if you can call him that) wrong was.....
he started screaming at me in front of the whole pub | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:03:41 AM | Even when boundaries are clear,they arent always respected by others...espescially when alcohol is invoved.
Its sounds to me like you were just being friendly in a place you frequented often and when he made his advance on you.You stated your boundaries...
He crossed them when he chose to act out further rather than respect you.
I personally see nothing wrong in what you stated you did.
It is a one sided version of the incedent though. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:26:22 AM | I agree, screaming at anyone is uncalled for and I forgot about that point - I went back and read the OP and I realize I forgot something else also - he tried to kiss her (didn't actually kiss her), at which point it sounds like she told him off and expected an apology....at which point he started going off on her about her appearing to be available by her actions and clothing...
If we want others to honor and respect us, then we need to respect others also.
I think both perhaps made some wrong assumptions about what they each thought they were conveying....that's all. And then both got a different consequence than they expected.
She ask sincerely for opinions, I thought from her original post - why we (the posters) are getting at each other for our different opinions does not make sense to me. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:27:04 AM | | I agree with We are 1. You gave the guy mixed signals. If someone offers you a drink the only way to deal with it without giving the wrong impression (to some people) is to politely refuse, that way there's no confusion. It shouldn't be that way but you have to accept that there are some less than mature people out there. If you don't accept it and make sure you leave no room for misunderstandings then it may backfire sometimes. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:44:43 PM | Reply to message #17,
My boyfriend isnt around at the moment i do see him a couple times a week though and we speak on the phone. He was a friend of one of my friends buthe knew perfectly well that im not available, i didn't want the drink i was being polite as he bought it as part of a round. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:51:21 PM | The last time I checked, we lived in a free society. You seem to have a solid relationship, so enjoy it. After this incident, you should appreciate your man even more. This guy you speak of, is, in my opinion, a real GEM! That is NOT a compliment either. I hope he grows up someday, the sooner the better! Any woman that gets involved with him right now, would not be a partner, she would be a prisoner!
good luck. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:56:57 PM | | Just another point i'd like to state i've been with my boyfriend since i was 13, never been un faithful and nor has he. And my group of huy friends includes my brother and his brother. The drink he bought me wasn't like he bought it for me especially it was part of a round, i just politely(or soi thought) included him when it was my round next. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:00:03 PM | I don't think if I had a boyfriend, I would want him out at bars buying girls drinks... but I wouldn't want him to post a photo of his tongue on a dating site either.
Maybe I'm just odd. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:02:59 PM | | He was embarrassed and humiliated and too immature to know how to accept his mistake and bow out gracefully. Some people have little respect for others and just assume that if they make a move they should get something for it. Just like if a girl is pretty some men think it's okay to leer at her because they seem to think she's on display for them, or some women will go up to someone pretty and call them all kinds of names, when the pretty girl was doing nothing but enjoying a night out. There are insecure, rude, nasty people of both genders all over the place, you can't reason with them, they don't have that type of mental capacity, just ignore them or **** slap them and leave them to their own self misery. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:05:13 PM | | Me and my boyfriend have no trust issues, im not on the dating site im on the forums, my profile (that my boyfriends brother set up) states NOT SINGLE/NOT LOOKING, as for the picture, its only a photo and it's hardly going to appeal to anyone its not like i've posed in underwear or put up a photo that i hpe to get responses to. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 2:57:19 PM | Total and complete knob..
wow.
he knows your with somebody and your not allowed to go out dressed up with friends for a night of enjoyment??
some friend. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:37:12 PM | | yeah, it's called if i buy her a drink and she smiles and buys me one back im getting laid syndrome..you put him in his place and he did not like that..so next time, dont take his drink, send it back | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:54:09 PM | | I believe this is more than a dating site....it's a social site which is why they have catagories listed for not single, dating, and friends. My group of friends is the same way. Everyone goes out, has fun, buys each other drinks, etc. and it's all good. We KNOW who is available and who isn't. It doesn't mean all the taken people have to dress down....Don't think the poster did anything wrong at all. :) | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:00:19 AM | | you really confused the guy buyinghim drinks and failing to comunicate with him at the very least you should have at least given his entire table a free round of drinks you cheapo. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:53:20 AM | ^^but, it turns out, in her post just a few up from here, finally she says it was not what I thought from what she first posted - it turns out he had included her in a round of drinks he bought the table, and then she included him in her round she bought.....
so, not personal at all, really, that they pretty much indirectly bought each other a drink.
mess 1 she states
Recently i was dancing in a club with a few of my guy friends when a guy i know who likes me bought me a drink, i accepted it and said thanks and i also made sure to buy him a drink back, he knows that im with my boyfriend so i didn't see a problem until he tried to kiss me.
mess 35 she states
The drink he bought me wasn't like he bought it for me especially it was part of a round, i just politely(or soi thought) included him when it was my round next.
so, OP, did you choose to write your original post as you did because you felt you needed extra justfication for your wanting 'to be right' here and him 'wrong'?
seems to me you really led this whole thread on with this really quite big change since your OP to me....
under the present circumstances of much more of the truth now, i don't understand why you felt the need to start this thread at all - you got the support of your friends there to ignore him and that was that. i agree. it sounds now like he was out of order and you were also with misleading this thread - perhaps purposefully.
let it go, OP....obviously. and then we all can too.
one last thought - yes, it sounds like he might have been out of order assuming he could try and kiss you, but perhaps you could just take it as a compliment that he wanted to. :) | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:00:18 AM | | If your boyfriend has no problem with it then why should anyone else? Dress how you like, if men think youre a tease thats their look out not yours hun. If youve got it flaunt it and be damn proud of yourself! | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:03:12 AM | | Oh and as for the comments about sticking your tongue out Ive been told off for it too as theres one on my profile. Apparently its suggestive but that wasnt my intention. I am a fun loving cheeky person always sticking my tongue out in pics, looks like youre the same xxx | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 7:20:31 AM | | Ahhhhhh the wonders of what a bit of alcohol can do. Sweetie, the guy's obviously an idiot and by you killing his ego and embarrassing him, reacting the way he did was his own way of covering up his failed attempt to kiss you. He is obviously still living in cave man ages because just because you're with someone doesn't mean you have to dress like a nun and are under lock and key at home. Life continues and no matter where you may be, at a bar with friends, at the grocery store, at work or just running errands, men may still approach you and it's up to you to set limits as you did. You did absolutely nothing wrong. He was thinking with his other head and ego and thought he'd actually be able to get you to fool around with him when your boyfriend wasn't looking. He tried, he failed, he felt like a complete loser and he didn't like it. You weren't screwing with any one's head ... he's the one who only screwed himself. Let it go. It's really not worth a thought. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:07:13 AM | Alcohol may have messed with his head. Though he might have felt spurned, there was no excuse to embarrass & or humiliate you. He tried to control your behavior which is a big red flag in my book.
A gentleman would apologize & afford you the courtesy to accept.
GentleAura, you nailed it. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:21:35 AM | """"Recently i was dancing in a club with a few of my guy friends when a guy i know who likes me bought me a drink, i accepted it and said thanks and i also made sure to buy him a drink back, he knows that im with my boyfriend so i didn't see a problem until he tried to kiss me. I stopped him in his tracks and asked him what he thought he was doing that he knew i was with my boyfriend, i thought i might get an apology or at very least that he would get lost but instead he started screaming at me in """"
Hang with the winners, you get what you pay for. Maybe pick better freinds, or don't go out drinking so often. Nobody has screamed at me while drinking in many many years. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:13:00 PM | | You hurt his ego and he didn't know how to react, except to act like a total ***hole. I went to a club a long time ago when I had a bf, this guy asked me to dance (not slow dance, just regular dancing to hip hop). Afterwards, he asked me for my number and then I told him, "I have a bf, I'm just here to dance and have a good time with my friends." And then he flashed on me too. He actually said, "****, what the **** are you doing here then if you have a bf?" EXCUUUUSE ME? I do not see the harm in going out, getting dressed up, and having a good time w/o my bf, especially if he knows where I am and what I'm doing. | |
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| Am i really screwing with their heads??
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:32:21 PM | This seems like one of those pretty typical cases where the woman was supposed to read the guys mind and not act like herself, which was someone that has a completely trusting relatinship with her BF. As well she was supposed to read this idiots mind that he'd go mentally postal because his sooooo fagile esteem got hurt, even though HE KNEW she was already taken.
As a female I have seen this time and again. I have to say I have been on the receiving end of a drink that I didn't want to accept at all, however it was set before me, by the bar tender, then I was later approuched by the person who bought it.
I had seen him with a gal he was smoochy kissy on, and he told me he sent her home, and that they were on the verge of breaking up. He then went on to say it was HIS perogative to by a pretty lady a drink.
That personally was NOT flattering to me, and since I seldom go to bars, I since have stopped going at all...
As for the drink, it sat on the bar counter until the bar tender took it away...
What I do find interesting is that it is perfectly ok for men to go to strip clubs, and bars for a guys night out, with wives and gf at home, and no body bats an eye about this.. Talk about some people that have totally double standards... | |
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