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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:37:50 PM | in answer to the deleted thread which is so annoying when you are in the middle of answering it
its when they say dont call me or else
and you think, do they really mean it, or is it just heat of the moment?
naturally they have already told you at the start they always mean what they say and say what they mean.
but this one time do you chance it. They could be thinking 'oh no, I gone and done it now' so they are too afraid to ring you......
love and peace
hug someone new today 
regards from 40, defender of the faith, the weak and the ridiculous. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:10:25 PM | It wouldn't matter to me, both are fine as long as our chemistry is right. I've dated both and it worked great. The kids really preferred the guy with kids b/c of his son's toys being readily available (oh, the minds of youth). Didn't like having to travel to see the other guy that didn't have kids.
The guy that doesn't have any, he loves kids and yes, does want A kid...and I would still be open to having children for that reason.
I don't think it's a biggie. But as you mentioned OP, there are pros/cons to each...if he has kids, you may have to deal with the ex plus the children, and the other stuff that bring on additional stresses to a relationship like different parenting styles, custody/child support battles, etc. I don't have either at this point...no ex, child support/custody battles...just my babies. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:55:28 AM | | I'm still torn on this, but I don't look at whether they have kids or not when dating. I was a step mother for 12 years, so I have experience already. I dated both men with and with out kids. One had 3 children, and 2 of his children I adored, one drove me absolutely NUTS and my own children did not like her. This made it extremely difficult. I dated another with 2 kids, that I thoroughly enjoyed. We never dated long enough for him to meet my children, but seeing him with his own children showed me he wasn't the one for me. And then i dated one with no kids, and I just didn't see it going anywheres. He seemed "to young" even though he was only a year younger. We just were not on the same playing field of life. I have a daughter aproaching her teens, I need someone who can relate. I try to stay open minded. No matter what you will have challenges. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:29:57 AM | As a Mum of two teenagers, who was also a step Mum and a Nannan to the step grandkids until I was shut out of their lives, I admit that I dont really want to play Mum to any more kids, mine or someone elses. When you split from someone with kids you are likely to lose the kids as well as him so the pain is more.
Having said that, I think the kind of bloke I'm looking for is likely to have kids. As long as he's not looking for a step Mum for them its not a problem at all.
I like the company of young people, its not that I'm anti kids, I just think I've spent a lot of my life looking after others and Im enjoying the independence I have now so I dont want to give it up. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/28/2008 10:11:54 PM | | I would much rather date someone with kids. It's not that I expect someone to come in and be a dad to my children, but there would have to be a level of real involvement in our actual lives...I think a single father would understand that better. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/29/2008 12:51:48 AM | For me, it would definitely be a case-by-case situation.
I think to get more definitive answers, you would need to expand your categories. For example, single parent full custody, single parent joint custody, single parent no control-only visitation rights or less. Then there's the ex's status. Ex involved in raising the kids, ex-partially involved, ex-non existant (by choice, jail, or passed away). Finally, you'd need to separate into age categories, good/bad kids, babies, adult children, etc, etc...lol.
I am a single father with a son who lives with me full time and a daughter who doesn't. I wouldn't mind a woman with or without kids. In a relationship, if there is chemistry and you are both able to accept the other person's life (and everything that it encompasses), then it will work. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:02:42 PM | | I agree with you it all depends on how the person is around children whether it be yours or theirs. My children are over 16 so they don't need a father (they have one) but I have dated men with children and without and I've had good and bad experiences with both. But with another subject that was touched upon in this forum if the man does not have children but wants them I can't date them because I can't have anymore but I know that their are women out there in their 40's like myself that can have children so it's tough. If they just didn't or don't want children of their own then that's different, either way doesn't matter to me as long as they don't want me to have any. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/30/2008 9:12:54 PM | being completely selfish, It would seem ideal to date someone without children, yet love children and are a "grown up". Perhaps she would like to have more children. With this person it would be less likely to have her ex involved and no worries of bringing two families together.
However, at my age, what is wrong with this person that she doesn't have children? Does she need to grow up? Is she selfish? What is the issue?
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. It really depends on how we match up. Yes I know, my kids are part of me but the adult relationship needs to be solid before you can completely worry about the children. I wouldn't want to date someone that was perfect for my children but not necessarily for me. I would be right back where I was in my first marriage.
I lean strongly towards women with children in my search. But never rule out women without children. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/31/2008 1:10:18 AM | wen my daughter was younger i would have preferred to date a guy with out kids.. i was a single parent most of her life and just think its easier if he didnt have kids...
now my daughter is grown, i would def prefer a partner had no small kids, ie under 12, but you cant help who you find attractive.. and have dated guys both with and without kids, some have had lovely kids, younger than 12, and not been a prob, some ..well.. we will leave that out.. im not into bashing or airing dirty linen..
but suffice to say not all kids are as nice as some... | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/31/2008 4:08:08 AM | | Hey, don't worry about it. I felt that way at one time. Although I have separated from my ex who is in NJ, he didn't have any children of his own when we met. Mine were 2 and 3 yrs old at the time. He accepted mine as if they were his own. Even though we are apart now for 2 yrs, he still talks with them, sends them presents, i.e. birthdays, holidays, etc. The main thing is - worry only how they treat the child(ren) that you have. That should be the solid basis - how good they are. It truly depends on the guy, just because they may also have children when you meet, that doesn't make them a good parent, etc. Look at all the dead-beat dads in this world - and mom's also at this stage. Keep in mind that it is the quality of the guy that should count, and his heart! Sometimes for reasons unknown these things may simply not have happened to them in their life. However, sometimes you just have to tell yourself, "things happen for a reason". Maybe it was just meant to be! Hope this helps somewhat - Take care of yourself - his heart and actions should be the main focus! | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/31/2008 7:27:18 AM | | i seperated from my husband 9 months ago and i'm trying to start dating again. i've asked myself this question a few times! i'm 36 and have a 2 year old and a 14 year old (teenager and a toddler)! for someone without kids, that's gotta be scary to a man! i did meet someone, however. he's 36, divorced and has never had his own, but wants his own. i don't think i want anymore, honestly. and when we have conversations about my day and my homelife with my kids...2 year old tantrums in the store and my teenage daughter having boys in the house while i'm at work, he seems to get kinda freaked out! he doesn't "get it" at all. his reaction, is "wow, you have your hands full, it sounds like your house is very chaotic!" well, yeah! i have kids...that's life! i don't think he understands what it takes to be a single parent, or for that matter, a parent at all. so, i'm now doubting whether he's up for the job, and yes, it's a full time JOB! i love my kids and i want anyone i'm with to love them as much as i do and not look at them as my baggage, so maybe i DO need to find someone with kids, so they "get me" and when i try to talk about my day at home, they don't get scared off by it. :) | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 7/31/2008 8:42:41 AM | | being a single father of two kids, that are still at home, i find it eaiser to date women that do have children, my kids are in their 20's so they are not really a factor, as someone said earlier i don't want a mother for my kids nor do they need one, i feel that dating someone with kids adds common values to a new relatationship, i love kids and even though i may not be their bio father, it takes a real man to be a dad. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 3:50:20 PM | I'm fine either way. As long as they dont hold the fact that I have kids against me. I'd rather them hold something else against me 
But if I _have_ to pick, maybe without because they are probably coming into the relationship with less strain.
Bud dads know all the things I face, the kids can play, he already has kids and probably wont want more, etc. so that has its advantages too. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:27:50 PM | | For me i do not have a preference...i would have kids again...i am a loving and compassionate person...if she does have kids...i respect those kids like i respect my own kids...Kids didnt ask to be brought into the world....so you should accept them ...love them and respect them too...But thats me.. | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:18:44 AM | | As a single father truly i want someone who understands, doesn't matter if they have kids or not( but in my experiance ladies without kids don't understand) what they need too know is my daughters come first i would drop everything for them but i need to make myself a better person for their sake, women with children do understand the priorities and will make allowances and single girls without kids wont, maybe im pessimistic but ive been alone for two years and every women ive gotten close too doesn't understand my prioritys they list in order My daughters, My job (so I can pay for what they need), and everything else... maybe thats wrong but i dont believe that | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:28:20 AM | single parents are the way to go,
even still there are problems,
might not accept your child into the home, an leave them standing on the outside looking in,
there are single parents out there like that, ,
trust me i found out the hard way,
so again, there are so many pros an cons,
who would of thought that a single parent can do something like that,
but you pick yourself up an move forward, | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:48:34 AM | | I prefer a woman with children. I have a 3 year old girl I am raising alone. If not for me She would have noone. I am the only chance she has in life and I intend on making her proud. Some people call children BAGGAGE. I watch the way a woman is with her children and calculate how she will be with me. Who wouldnt want a woman with children ???? | |
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| As a single parent, would you rather date someone with kids or not?
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:43:18 AM |
When I meet a guy with kids, I think, "Well, THIS is going to be an issue." When I meet a guy without kids, I think exactly the same thing!
So true, Windchick!
I strongly prefer to date men who (a) are adaptable, forgiving and believe in compromise; and (b) don't have any current relationship - other than I suppose a holiday card or vague fondness - with an ex. (a) is found most often in parents - although it's wonderful when a nonparent is similarly complex and mature! (b) alas is almost exclusive to nonparents. It's very very hard to find widowers or dads with entirely sole custody (as I have). Even those dads who share custody and have a truly gentle, nondramatic relatitionship with their co-parent, usually only get to this point after a decade or so of divorce - meaning, his kids are much older than mine, making joint family outings difficult, and the dad himself is much older than me, making us incompatible as dates. Alas!
I've been open to both single dads (at least those with no ex drama) and non-parents and I've had the most success by far dating nonparents around my age, who enjoy kids and family activities, but who don't necessarily want or need children of their own. (I've also met several otherwise-wonderful single dads with kids around my kid's age, who are mired in ex drama; these guys make good friends instead of being dates.) But hey, to each her own "demographic," right? :D | |
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