| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:11:45 PM |
Whether they make 12K a year or 80K, they are requiring the guy have all these material possessions besides looks. Yet, they are denying this or talking about something else while missing the point (or just avoiding?).
Not true at all! I actually get put off by guys who try to impress me with the material acquisitions....I would hope they have a lot more to offer than wheels, metal, and a thick pocketbook. Having these toys may not mean they are well off. It could mean they are carrying a heavy debt load and the bank owns their toys.
When dating, I am more impressed by a caring person than by what kind of car he drives. There are guys I have been chatting with on here for ages and do not know what they drive. Why? Because I do not care! Still, there is the complete misconception that women are only after a man's money. And there are still the men who pose with their toys on their profiles, still the men who email saying they want to take us gals on shopping excursions to Vancouver or on a trip to see a MLB baseball game. There have been plenty of opportunities here for me...but you know what, I have turned each and every one of them down.
In two prior relationships, I had to financially support the men and no, I am not complaining about it either. I did it because I loved them and valued the relationship. I have no doubt that if the tables had been turned, they would have done the same for me.
A gold digger, I am not, but I have a lot of great things myself to offer to the right guy and he to me...He just has to come to stake out his claim!!
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:12:50 PM | | No, john.duke, they never bought me expensive gifts and we took turns paying for weekends and such. Didn't ever go on any extensive vacations with any of them. I insisted on paying every other turn. I have also dated guys who made more than me, or so I thought. I continue to always pay half the time. It's only fair in my opinion. And dates are not always dinner, movies, etc. Sometimes, it's just a nice walk or bike ride outside. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:21:26 PM | I bet they still paid for dinner and bought the more expensive gifts and paid for all the weekends and vacations right?
And if they bought expensive gifts thats on them.......Who asked??
Another example of showing off.........and an overextended credit card bill..........
It's all in what the men are EXPECTING...And if not promised that .. then poo on their sorry arses......
If you dont have it dont spend it........most women dont need or want expensive gifts...if thats the kind of women your attracting re-evaluate yourself............ | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:26:38 PM | Usually the guys that complain about women "only wanting their money" don't have any.
It is more a feeling of inadequacy on their part.
If you are young and thinking to support a family some day, you don't have to be rich. But you do have to have an attitude of caring for and giving to your wife and kids. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:51:23 PM |
I have also dated guys who made more than me, or so I thought. Okay, now I'm sorta amused. What happened when you found out that those men didn't actually make more than you? I'm just wondering if I read a huge negative connotation into "or so I thought" or if it's actually there. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:01:49 PM | Actually "so I thought" didn't have a bad meaning...
I meant that I didn't ask and they didn't say how much they made, but I assumed because of their position they did. I don't ask men how much they make. Sometimes, the conversation comes up after dating for a while, but I think it's rude to ask. So, no negative meaning....I don't know if they ever did make more or less than me...and it didn't matter. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:09:48 PM | | I absolutely agree with the OP. I'm not even wealthy (far from it in fact), but I don't go out of my way to look for well-off men to date or leech money off of. That's just wrong and very immoral in my opinion. However in saying that, I'd prefer that the guy I was dating was financially stable enough to pay for his rent, food and clothes and the occasional date, and won't have to rely on me to get his necessities. Enough said. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:14:17 PM |
However in saying that, I'd prefer that the guy I was dating was financially stable enough to pay for his rent, food and clothes and the occasional date,
doesn't that go both ways besides the date part since most women are not nice enough to pay for dates? | |
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RoRo1
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Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 60 | |
| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:20:38 PM | well duh, but i do see it happen a lot down here. when u see 22 yr old girls dating 40-50 yr old men, im sure those guys are not exactly poor. thats not the norm for dating anyway.
advice for guys: if you are worried about girls using u for your money, just date in or above your own social/economic class. thats what i do and it works well for me. also if they make decent money, its probably cus they had a decent education. thats a plus because it means they have a working brain in their heads. its really not that hard. so stop ****ing about money grubbin whores lol
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:26:01 PM | Well, let's not pretend these women don't exist.. they do. The irony is, I have heard more women tell me that these girls are out there than I have heard men say it.
And at the same time, there are guys putting this out there in an effort to impress a woman like this. So these two deserve each other, IMO.
After a little over a year of dating, I am not of the opinion that I have run into many girls who value money above all else. I think it probably helps to have some stability.. but then again, when doesn't it? I would like the woman I am seeing to be financially stable and responsible.
And for the guys who are complaining that there is a double standard, that it's ok for women not to have money, but not ok for a man... that double standard only exists because you allow it. Start demanding some standards from the women you date, and do a little choosing of your own.. instead of accepting whatever is thrown at you, like you have no say in the matter. No one is making you date gold diggers or support a woman against your will. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:26:31 PM |
Is it just me, or are there way too many men on here griping that all women want is money?
As is it just me or are there way too many women on here griping that all men want is sex.
So Tu shay.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:27:22 PM | Roro, I think that is the way to go too. I mean, as I got older the type of man I dated changed. When I was 18 I dated a guy who worked at a gas station, when I was in college, I dated a guy that was in college, when I started working, I dated a guy who had begun his career too. Simple. Logical.
<div class="quote">the sad fact is the most lasting memories we have are the ones that hurt the most.
Yes, and the same is for everyone....but maybe if you communicated your issues openly with your partner from the get-go, you would both have a better understanding of why and how your partner feels the way they do.
I think it's high time that people realized that everyone hurts and we may have different hurts, but in the end it has become part of who we are and hiding it is going to do no good for any of us.
There's a reason most of us don't trust as easy as we did when we were younger.....instead of wondering, ask why...gently.
And for the guys who are complaining that there is a double standard, that it's ok for women not to have money, but not ok for a man... that double standard only exists because you allow it. Start demanding some standards from the women you date, and do a little choosing of your own.. instead of accepting whatever is thrown at you, like you have no say in the matter. No one is making you date gold diggers or support a woman against your will.
Good advice...for everyone. It can be turned around for many topics and used for both genders. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:32:28 PM | | Guys ... I've been married twice & divorced twice ... never went after the ex's for money ... I'm more interested in meeting & getting to know a man ... & when someone wants to introduce me to a man & mentions he HAS money, I tell them I'm not interested ... why? ... I prefer to get to know the person without knowing he has money ... yes, it's nice to have but that is NOT what makes a man ... sorry guys but I'll say it again ... NOT ALL WOMEN ARE AFTER YOUR MONEY... & yea, MY baggage has been dealt with & is long behind me -- unlike some of the guys I've met ... time to move on ... | |
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I purr
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Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 65 | |
| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:33:14 PM | What most women want after once married ,esp. is equality. They same environment they are use to living. Look at those that lost everthing in the floods....it becomes culture shock. Unless, they really had a lot of money they lost it all and were thrown into a world that is totally dependat on the system. They were worse off than those in the system all their life. They did not even have a clue how the system worked. Those already in it work it like a fine tuned piano. Same principle here, maybe the women do not have the earning potential but they are skilled in the social skills that each income brackett is associated with. Yes, I am sure the money is in the back of some womens minds but it is the bigger picture. Now, would a very rich man want a woman from the local trailer park... think not. Now, can you see why a woman that has lived most of her life in certain life style, would not fit into the local trailer park, .... she would not.
Perhaps we all should not be so quick to judge or so quick to jump knee deep into bed before we even know each other's last name. Woman or Man, if you take just a bit of time and take a little bit of time get to know each other and see how the other one lives, speaks, or dresses it becomes apparant...... are they just after my money..... or me? Don't sell yourself short either. It all comes out eventually. Get to know each other. We all have to kiss a lot of frogs and frogetts to get to the real deal. Unfortunately or fortunately, how ever you look at it. Those with money have a higher education and more expensive toys. He cannot hide them or it would not be exposing his true self. We have to be real with each other to really get what we want.
I am not into the money but, I definately like an educated man with traditional manners, and I love the places this takes us. This is my life. I cannot get as excited about ... lets say ...........fishing or K-mart. Yet, some woman and men love going to K-Mart. If he/she truly has money he should be smart enough to protect himself as she/he should be or maybe it just should not matter. I made more than my EX. So what. I kind of think he still liked me and not the money. Even now.
There are many that were upset about the education thing and do you have a car? Not a bad question. Just remember some with only high school education can be just as smart. But education can paly a huge role in this also. Look at the bigger picture, as this too is a huge commitment. Unless we just clicked on the lesser category and not long term.
Wanting someone's money works both ways. or NOT wanting someones money. I hope I have learned to focus more on the positive and what works as apposed to what is a deal breaker and to know the difference. Money can be this. And I love Sonic, and McD but would hate to know that was the diet for a life time... Find the equals and similiarities and you do get a happier longer or permenant match. Just my point of view. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:48:06 PM | | John duke- I've never met a woman who aren't nice enough to pay for dates but they probably do exist. I know I pay for my fair share. Surely being able to date a guy who is financially stable AND can pay for his own rent etc. isn't too much to ask?? I'm unemployed and a uni student but I still manage to get by with what I have and I certainly don't ask my friends to pay for me for things. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:28:43 PM |
So asking that a man to be on the same page as me makes me shallow and superficial? Yes.
You can justify it however you want. If money/material wealth/status (of a guy) is your most important priority, you're shallow. Period.
Most likely, that is what drives you.
If the economy crashes in a major way (and it will, let's face it), are you going to dump your bf if he loses his job or his house? I guess your choices will really be limited based on how the economy is doing? | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:00:14 PM | "advice for guys: if you are worried about girls using u for your money, just date in or above your own social/economic class. thats what i do and it works well for me. also if they make decent money, its probably cus they had a decent education. thats a plus because it means they have a working brain in their heads. its really not that hard. "
Roro1: Do you know why most guys don't do what you are doing?
Because the women who make more money than them intimidate them.
I have a couple of men saying they just feel insecure being around a woman who drives a better car and makes twice as much as them.
The women who make as much money as them just happen to NOT be the type these men like.
Most men I know who are single, want a young hottie, but they don't want to spend any money on her.
The young hottie, of course doesn't make as much money or at all and they want an older guy who provides for them.
So, nobody is happy. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:14:47 PM | if you,r not interested in our money how many homeless guys have you gone out with . me i perfer to know it that than not know what you want . i,d work hard for a girl that makes me happy even knowing thats what your after . it the stupid courts that screw every thing up .... | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:03:14 PM | The guy I married had about 5 dollars to his name. I had more money as the custom when I was young was the guy always paid. We both worked very hard. We banked my check which was less than his and lived on his check. We invested. We were lucky and our investments made us some money. Look ahead 30 years. I am thinking we are ready to retire with no worries. He is thinking I want a young woman to replace my getting older wife. He meets young woman with 2 small kids and takes off. We are now spending our hard earned money on lawyers because he won't settle our case. The young woman was no doubt looking for a sugar daddy as she is the same age as ny daughter and didn't give my soon to be ex so much as a hello until someone told her he has a million dollars. He doesn't have a million dollars and if these lawyers keep draining us neither one of us will have a happy retirement. Also I am seeing a gentleman who has less money than me and I always pay for his gas as I don't drive and he lives about 60 miles from me. I have never been a gold=digger, I know they are out there but there are also many good women out there just looking for a guy willing to work as hard as they do to enjoy life with and not get dumped because of age!!
Linda | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:52:49 PM | Alex89, when did I ever say that money/material wealth/status of a guy was my most important priority?
I never did. It isn't nor will it ever be. And actually I have tons of choices. I know some people who have lost their jobs and they find new ones. And no, I wouldn't dump my bf, if I had one, because he lost his job or house, unless he just sat around all day making no attempt to find work or do anything. | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:03:49 AM | Everyone has an opinion on this, there are Women who go after money, one of my ex's split up with me for someone with a Ferrari, last I heard she had married him and he has lots of affairs, hope she's happy with her choices (actually, that sounds bad and it isn't. My thoughts are that I honestly hope that all my ex's are happy as obviously they weren't happy with me, if they had been or I had been then we may have still been together).
The problem is that people generalise on the rules of attraction and then when the person they focus on doesn't find them attractive they invent excuses as to why "I haven't ended up with that person".
Would I date someone who earns more than me? Yes (awaits lots of messages from women who earn lots of money).
Would I date someone who earns less than me? Yes.
I'm not rich (disposable income yes, rich no) but I earn more than most people I know in the area I live, my current plan is to pay the mortgage off on my house (not big) which is the only loan I have, I'll keep my 3 year old car rather than buy a BMW on credit (which I could afford to do if I wanted) and then that money can be invested to retirement (6 years till mortgage free), if I meet someone along the way then my plans will change.
My last girlfriend (fiancee) was from Eastern Europe, we met in the States, we used to fly back and forth and she moved here for a while, it didn't work out for one reason and another and after 6 years together we split up and she has moved back. Was she after my money? Obviously I earned more than her and helped her out but I knew what I was doing, I now cannot complain that she was after my money as I made the decision to spend it at the time.
You talk to people you find attractive and then if you find that person interesting (vertically) and more importantly they think the same about you, then you have a chance of a relationship, anything else just isn't going to work but at least if you paint labels on it rather than take responsibility for your decisions it's easier for you to deal with.
Personally I prefer the view without the Rose Tinted Specs.
Would I date someone who doesn't take care of themselves or weighs more than me? No
See? I'm shallow...... | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:24:42 AM | I agree with Katietxgirl.
Alex89, The men I know go out and get another job if they lose one. If you are a professional who normally earns 6 figures, this can take a few months but it shouldn't be a lifelong condition. I sometimes have folks tell me that they have been out of work for 2 years and just can't find a job. If I couldn't find a job after a few months in my home town, I think I would get the hell out of town and find a job in another town. I notice from your profile that you are "between careers". Has this been an extended state of affairs? Is this why you are so sensitive about this topic? | |
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| About to drive me crazy....all women are not after your money
Posted: 7/6/2008 6:22:46 AM | If a man mentions money when you are dating him - it means that it is important to him. If he talks about golddiggers etc whilst you are dating him - it means that money is important to him and he doesn't want to share it. If he talks about money and the lack of it (in his case) in the context of dating - it means he is after what you have got.
Of course money is important in life. I am as aware as any man that I want to keep what I have, I don't live a life without credit cards or debt for some man to come and spoil all that! Unfortunately I have had a few friends who have been down that unhappy route and been totally cleaned out by the 'beloveds' and dumped when no longer needed. In my opinion that sort of behaviour is nothing less than a crime.
Instinct is a great thing, look, listen and learn - especially in the early days of a relationship and you will find out ... and move on if necessary. | |
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