| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:48:54 AM | Bottom Line: What guys love is the chase. They love trying to get it...lol If they get it right away they have no respect for the woman. They do think that she is a slut. I have a brother and cousins that live by this rule. The part thats hard is trying to hide it when u want it as bad a they do! Never let them see its geting to you!...lol
Its different when you are younger and u have never had it but when you are older u just have to stick to your guns. Just think if you hold out for a little while it will be better for both of you. Maybe then you'll have feelings along with the passion which will make everything better. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:00:37 PM | Conversely, I understand that some women use SEX to control their man-but if he allows it-shame on him-if she gets away with it-good for her ( ok, so I'm a little biased on the subject ). ... speaking of double standards...... [quote/] LOL...that isn't a double standard that is a FACT....   | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:06:07 PM | Never had sex on the first date so I can't answer that question.
Don't think I would either. I have to know and trust a woman an awful lot before I'll open up to her like that. | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 55 | |
| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:37:17 PM | All my relationships have started with sex on the first date. That is not to say I have not had ONE NIGHT STANDS due to her wishes.
I have discovered either a woman wants me or she does not. I have never chased a woman ... to me it is a waste of time, money and energy that can be better utilized in a relationship. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:56:07 PM | | So...your a slut if you put out on a first date?? says who? The friends you brag to the following day? The guy you slept with? Your only a slut if thats the way you want to feel about yourself. anyone elses opinion is moot. Women have needs too. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:40:22 PM | | most times first date sex is all it is, most guys will think that was too easy and think you are to and you will most likely not hear from them again..again, this is most times, some guys may spend a few more nights if it was incredible...a woman who will wait is someone worth pursuing | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:04:24 PM | Putting "rules", restrictions, expectations or limitations on human relationships tends to go against the nature of interrelating and interacting. If anything it puts up even more barriers than it does allow people to interact more naturally.
I've found that I interact best with people who just let things flow and don't try to impose usually someone else's or what they think are societal norms of what should or shouldn't be done. Would we really want every relationship to be the same?
I can only answer that for myself and that would be a resounding NO. I don't keep track, who called who when, who wrote first, who made the first move. My only barometer is my level of comfort, if I'm not comfortable then I'm able to communicate that and would hope the other person would do the same.
The very idea that interaction with individuals could be put down to a constant formula and delineated in a bullet point list, that's eliminating the most important element which is two individuals and their own individuality.
I think that often, people are more attuned to the latest pop psychology fad, what other people do/say/think than they are attuned to their own selves. If there were any "advice" it would be to tune out the "noise" and get more in touch with what it is that we like, find acceptable and to be honest about that, first with our own selves and then with someone else. All too often, many people make relating to others much more difficult and complex than it should be. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:09:23 PM |
All my relationships have started with sex on the first date. That is not to say I have not had ONE NIGHT STANDS due to her wishes.
I have discovered either a woman wants me or she does not. I have never chased a woman ... to me it is a waste of time, money and energy that can be better utilized in a relationship.
I've similar experiences. I don't have expectations going in to it, but that is just the way it seems to work out. I don't judge women any different than I judge myself. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:35:11 PM |
most times first date sex is all it is, most guys will think that was too easy and think you are to and you will most likely not hear from them again..again, this is most times, some guys may spend a few more nights if it was incredible...a woman who will wait is someone worth pursuing
It's true, inspite of all the guys who post to the contrary in the hopes that other women will read it and hop in the sack with them on the first date too...
I've never ever had a long term relationship with anyone I had sex with on the first night...
I've had a lot of short term relationships with women who were willing to put out early on though... | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:55:42 PM | Hey ladies get and read the book "Be Honest Your Not That Into Him Either" by Iah Kerner . You men can too, it explains why what we call the double standard exsists. It's all biological and makes perfect sense to me. Before I read it I thought guys that slept with women and dumped them were jerks now I understand it's more about chemistry.
" | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:20:00 PM | I don't think that there necessarily is one rule for men and one for women. I think it is a sterotype that has been perpetuated by both sexes and it only exists if you buy into it. If a guy is sleeping around he can labelled as a player as easily as a women can be called a slut. I think if you are attracted to someone and have the urge to sleep with them that should be your call to make and not anyone else's.
People always talk about sex as an intimate part of their lives, and in all fairness it could be very important to them, but that shouldn't make you conform to their standards. Sex is also a very primal urge on a lot of levels and in that view it has very little to do with love and more to do with our survival instinct to procreate.
As for men running for the hills... If you have sex and they don't come back it could be for a lot of reasons and not necessarily about the amount of time it took before you slept together. For some, they still might believe that moving that quickly does make you easy or slutty and they might judge you unfairly. In another case they might have been attracted to you and had the urge to sleep with you, but there wasn't any substance to keep a relationship going on. Then there is always the case that the person was purely trying to have sex with you and once they got what they wanted they moved on.
I think deep down every situation is different and you have to gauge it accordingly. Know what you want going into the situation and whatever choices you make just make sure that they are ones you can live with. Not everything will work out perfectly, as regardless of how often people say they don't want to play games we all do it whether we realize it not. It's very rare everyone puts all their cards on the table at the beginning.
The bottom line is that you have to live your life how you want to live it. Eventually you'll find the person that is right for you and you won't need to worry about things like this. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:46:32 PM | "I don't judge women any different than I judge myself.'
Thank you, thank you, thank you. The voice of reason. I very recently slept with someone the second time I saw him, and it was something I hadn't done in years. But I felt I knew what I was doing, and thought that I knew where we were headed ( the operative word being thought). I spent the next several days kicking myself for giving in to desire--until I remembered that I hadn't been there by myself! Whether he and I will see each other again in a romantic capacity, I don't know. But I no longer believe that our having slept together was the kiss of death--and the responsibility for it certainly shouldn't rest with me. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:54:40 PM |
I read recently in a magazine a quote from a man, it said...women that have sex on a first date are not marriage material. :(
Well, I just don't agree.
If I think about the women I slept with the first time I met them, some were not my cup of tea for whatever reason, but the opportunity was there and I was horny, while others were my cup of tea, but I wasn't theirs.
I can say why I didn't want to take it any further than that first night, but I have no idea why the women who didn't want to see me again chose not to, despite my enormous penis and tongue that I can use to smooth out my eyebrows.... 
Anyway... some women I did see more after the first time, others not.
I just don't really get why women get so messed up about this topic. I mean, come on, many of you have slept with a guy the first time you met him and had no intention of seeing him again. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:43:28 PM |
"I don't judge women any different than I judge myself.'
But that doesn't necessarily mean that the guys judge themselves highly either....
and the responsibility for it certainly shouldn't rest with me.
Yep, much easier to blame someone else...
I'd be interested in seeing how it works out for you...
How about giving us a followup in a few days/weeks | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:45:33 PM | Been There done that first date jump into bed thing thing quite a few times and I guess from what the men have said here it must have been good because I even married one 4 months later....it was the 70's though.......
Nowadays I am a little older and wiser and for me it boils down to this:
No Love equals No Sex.
It's just that simple.
I would rather masterbate and be celibate.
Sex with a literal stranger whom I am just attracted to and "Like" is like eating a hambuger when I am craving Filet Mignon.
Not quite the same. It serves a purpose without satisfying my need for intimacy, which I feel can only be achieved with someone I am in mutually in love with.
True intimacy transends sex to a higher plane of love and fulfillment that is yet to be discovered and extremely satisfying in a way only it can be.
Once you have achieved this level there is no going back.
As far as rules and waiting and double standards, unfortunately yes as you can see from the majority of posts from the men it still applies.
I just tend to look at it from a different view and as a personal choice of mine instead of a rule I must follow. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 7:20:07 PM | there are as many "rules" as there are ppl...from personal experiance comes personal responcse..some have 1 date rules..3 date...want experiance ..want a lambkin..want a personal "sl8t...want a lady in public/animal at home...
I think a lot of it is BS and all game playing...it is no wonder there are relationship problems..
a woman who rarely has sex the first date meets a guy she really likes..skeeps with him..a rarity for her..he beleive s this mean slut .... she loses him..
sad but true..
a guy who is waiting for THE ONE gets horned up and finds a chcik for pleasure and he gets called a pig...wtf??
SOCIETAL mores and beliefs have been so ingrained we are fuked up to say the least..
I say be up front...FORM Your own beliefs and do not THINK you r opinion is a fact..
the main fact is
WE ALL WANT IT..lots...
and read the ETHICAL SLUT by Dossie Eastman | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:17:47 PM | I don't believe I used the word 'blame'.
Yes, I had sex with him. But guess what? He had sex with ME. It's a shared responsibility--a woman shouldn't have to feel as though she hasn't lived up to some antiquated societal double standard that a man isn't required to adhere to.
Jeez, Mom--how many times have I asked you not to get involved in my forum conversations? | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:28:09 PM | The double standard still exists, although it is not as harsh as a generation or three ago.
What blows my mind in OP's post is the implication that f*cking on the third date (3 date rule???) implies more morals than f*cking on the first. Silly rules. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 8:38:29 PM |
I mean, come on, many of you have slept with a guy the first time you met him and had no intention of seeing him again.
I'd venture to say that not many, unless he was horrible in bed or the act was a product of drugs and alcohol. Women are romantically seduced with sex. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/5/2008 9:39:17 PM | | I did it shallow makes you feel bad no connection. It is just sex......bad sex at that. NO feeling, bad sex. I will never do it again. It is not worth the feelings after. And yes they think you are a slut, it is just sex for men. I need more. Diffrent but true for me at least. | |
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| One Rule For Men and One Rule For Women
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:08:57 AM | | I don't date someone unless I'm interested in her, so it makes no real difference on which date sex happens. I'm going to keep dating her. In practice, the second is almost always the one. I haven't changed in getting older either. If I'm going to have a girlfriend, I'd rather it be with one who gives me that immediate feeling of a tear-the-clothes-off rush you get with instant lust rather than the pragmatic committe meeting approach to discuss when it would be proper to plan an evening to have sex. I'd be more likely to keep dating someone who ripped my clothes off on the first date than one who seems dead from the waist down. | |
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