| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:02:46 AM | It's looking better. I still think that you should remove this
If you're the type who is after one thing or say the same thing to every woman you chat to on here then keep browsing because I'm fed up with time wasters. That's my time and your time. Just because I'm in a wheelchair that doesn't mean I should be grateful that you would like to bed me. I would like to get to know each other first. and the negative stuff where you repeatedly describe yourself as not being all there in the head: "loopy", "barmy", "do-lally", "daft"...
You don't seem that daft to me and would you REALLY want to be with a man who thought you were and was okay with being with someone he considered to be daft? Putting in stuff like what kind of thing you like to do, what kinds or films, books and music you like, for example, would give someone more of an idea of whether they might share a common interest with you, some mental image of what kind of thing you might do together or talk about together. If you want to find someone who is interested in being with you for more reason than the fact of your being female, you need to show as much as possible that there is more to you than that.
(SilkenFire  ) | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:12:53 AM | Op, don't take it personally as others have pointed out. We all get hit on by these cyber horn dogs. It appears to me, that it is just a cheap thrill on their part and the desire to attain some quick sex. They will test their limits with any female online at the time they want to play their games. Have faith, you're very pretty and when the time is right, you'll meet someone worth waiting for.
Best of luck... | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:19:38 AM | Lorraine74 - just stay the course. If by "attracting the same type of man" you mean via email or IM, those we all get and it's their "stuff" not yours. There are a lot of them that throw out some bait to see if anyone bites. So please don't see that as indicative of a problem with you.
I didn't notice how long you have been on POF. Please remember that no one really knows you to make the choice to not want to date you. So it's not personal if men look yet don't contact, nor even personal if they cross the line of propriety. Your profile will grab the attention of the type of man who will notice that sparkle in your eyes, your confidence that really exudes not only in your images but also in your essay.
You'll be doing a bit of "next" but that's just part of the journey and has nothing at all to do with any of your limitations. For the ones that see your disability as a hindrance? You don't want those dates anyway...right?
The right man will find you although no one can predict the "when", the "where" or even the "who". Meanwhile, enjoy the journey and keep on smiling!!
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 11:39:36 AM | Hi Lorriane, don't give up! You've gotten some fantastic tips that can only help. I know from first hand experience how hard it is. Compared to what you ladies go through, I guess I should consider myself lucky to not get any correspondence at all or the self esteem booster "unread-deleted".  Just like the lottery, you have to be in it to win it. We may be missing a few scales but it's a BIG pond...... Joe | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 12:52:44 PM | I have a few comments on this.
People get caught up on what they attract like it is some magical spell that needs special knowledge to over come but really it isn't. You have the ability to say no and not give them or their type any more power then saying no. They are not a part of you and you are not attracting them they are predators who are trying to get what they want.
Knowing what you want and how that type of person behaves and thinks is all you need to know and the ability to say know when it doesn't turn out to be what you want. This type of problem doesn't only happen to disabled women. It is a common problem that is non gender and non situational. It has nothing to do with online dating either. People are people and there is a wide variety of people. You have choice as well as other people who contact you, take control of your own decision making process and make contact with others.
I think rune3's advice was great for clearing up some of the things that may of been stumbling blocks however sometimes our own thinking can be our own worst enemy.
'attract'? ask a thousand nice people and see if they are attracting nice people? you will find that isn't the case at all. nice people find each other, often with extreme luck involved. Finding rune3 was a fluke of unimaginable proportion. I was three days from deleting my profile and packing in the idea of ever finding someone that i could understand and be understood by and even then it took us months of e-mails and msn to even think it was appropriate and responsible to meet.
People seem to think that dating sites are different then the world but it is no different because people are people. the nice thing about the net however is you can take your time and get to know people before letting them into your life, and the one's that are supposibly nice and all wouldn't even be thinking about sex they would be getting to know you and you them. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 1:13:32 PM | | It takes a special man to connect at a deeper level with a human being with your challenges, especially when the human being is so secure, extroverted and courageous. I would be more subtle, If I were you. I would not throw my disability in a man's face, like you a kind of seem enjoy doing: this is why you attract those kind of men. But that is just my opinion and I could be be wrong. Don't look for dates, from the beginning....start with friendship and maybe more. Describe your soul in your profile, do not attack everybody without discrimination. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:43:21 PM | omg my "view on this" is that how bout doing a obivous thread search. There is about 1000's of threads on "men just want sex"
Please people you are killing me. Just another opportunity to bash us men folks. I'm sorry that only "those men" have contacted you. But trust me there are plenty that want a relationship with the awesome sex. I for one hate one night stands so I know there is at least one of us. lol. So we are not "ALL" the same.
Best of luck to everyone  | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:32:42 AM | I dont know how to take quotes from other peoples comments so Im trying to remember the ones I want to respond to!.....
Firstly, I have taken all the negative/derogatory comments off my profile but the tongue stud pic is still there. I dont see why that should be an issue, Im simply poking my tongue out. If a man sees that as 'Im up for it' then hes sadly mistaken and a downright perv! But thank you for mentioning it.
Also I do NOT enjoy throwing my disability in anyones face. I DO NOT enjoy being disabled one bit but its me, its who I am and I think its important to state that I am disabled...Its a very very big factor about me. Im hardly throwing it in anyones face by just stating the facts. Does anyone else think thats what Im doing or is that just one persons opinion?
Finally, Im not bashing you men folk. Thats why the title says Im looking at MYSELF! Im looking at where Im going wrong, not where you men are going wrong.
I have been on here on and off for about 18 months and Im clearly doing something wrong. I have taken on board everyones comments and made big changes to my profile as a result. Im not desperate for a man. Im willing to wait for the right one. I have lots of positives in my life but theres a piece of the jigsaw missing. I simply wanted opinions on how I come across and I have listened so thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply!
L XxXxX | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:21:18 PM | After being on this site for awhile, I decided that maybe I needed some help with my profile and had it reviewed. Several comments noted that my pictures all showed me in my powerchair and that I was "shoving down our throats". I was only showing "me" but changed my pics and mentioned the chair in text only. I think my profile is an honest representation of me and I'm happy with it even if I am a fish that is still swimming  alone. I think that as long as YOU are o.k. with whats in there after hearing everyone and making changes, that's what counts. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:12:12 AM | I agree Joe...I didnt see I was shoving it in their faces, I was merely being honest. If I met someone in a pub they'd see the wheelchair. Online people can be who they want to be and so many lie about the real them. Some post pics that are 10 years old etc. I have shown the real me. I have made changes to my text but Im not changing my pics!
L XxXxX | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:18:38 AM | | your such a bonny quine. men are wan**rs lol. i get the same type of guys just after one thing. and im defo not wantin that! well only when im in a relationship ha ha. you dont need to change youself you seem like a genuine down to earth person xxx | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:00:09 PM | L
As someone who met you on POF and has been lucky enough to meet you in person, I KNOW what a superstar you really are. (That'll be a tenner please...)
As a bloke who has tried his luck on these dating sites, I can tell you that it's not just you ladies who get the "full-on" treatment. I think that it's probably true that some people online have no manners (or nettiquette as we geeky types like to call it..), I also think that the internet allows people to hide behind alternative personas, sometimes a good thing, sometime bad.
As for you, well, what can I say - I'll talk to you offline, but for now, LOVE YOURSELF, you're worth it, the right one WILL come along one day.
Love ya to bits, u, me and beer soon!!
Snowy xx | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 12:05:01 PM | Ahhhhhh Snowy (I hate calling you that!) youre simply the best and you know it. I know I can always count on you for an honest heartfelt opinion.
Loves ya too zillions...Is the beer on me or you???
L XxXxX | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:11:05 PM | I think that some women (or men) can only be attracted to the kind of guy/girl who will jerk them around.
I don't think it is something that is easily changed , it's just the way it is.
Unless you can change yourself (near impossible) , you will be destined for drama .
JMO | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:28:09 PM | | There will always be certain men that are like that. The right one will come along and he will be the one to give you all the loving that you need. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:30:29 PM | | OP, it's not you. As your profile stands currently, I see nothing that would infer 'desperate' or 'one night stand'. A friend of mine signed up and within 3 days received full nude pictures from two different men, and a couple lude requests. She reported them, I'd assume they were dealt with. However, a couple who are from POF came into my jewelery store looking for wedding bands. They told me their stories and mentioned POF. It works, but as in life, don't let the bad eggs spoil your buffet. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:41:24 PM | | If you are physically diabled, then POF or other dating sites are probably not for you! Internet dating is a game, and the best players survive it. It is rough, tough, you run into all sorts of liars..... even the police are lying here! For real. I have been internet dating for three years. I enjoy it, because I am a player. Female players do not give sex away! We know how to handle men, and it's pretty difficult. One in fifty men is decent. Changing your profile will not change that! It's a fact. Meeting different guys has been fun, but I would not recommend it for you. I think you should probably join a church group. Actually, I have more fun with the members of my church than any internet dating. The ads for Match.com on the television make it seem like it's so romantic and everything is just so scientifically proven and matched..........don't believe it. Dating is very stressful, even for the most skilled. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:56:31 PM | | Your profile is great. As said, we all get those emails. Delete and block! But one thing that cut down on that for me, was eliminating IM. I think the ones that are patient enough to wait for an email response are less likely to proposition you via the internet. (not making any generalizations about people who IM!) | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:01:37 PM | Lorraine, men are men, and boys are boys. Unfortunately some boys age into mens bodies without benefit of emotionally or mentally growing also. They sit behind their keyboards and hide saying the weirdest sh*t. As happenstance would have it, we posted on the same thread somewhere recently and I checked your profile. Love the blue eyes, and the smile is killer. Your profile is interesting and you seem like a fun lady. If we were not age and geographically challenged I would date you. Although I must tell you, you know your situation, and it will take a man, not a boy or someone shallow to make that work. Just keep fishing, you may have to throw back a few more than the rest of us. In the end you'll get your guy, and it will be worth it. God Bless, Bob
edit: smilee, I beg to differ, 1 in 50 are good? You just must be sticking to the "player" types you classify yourself as. I know alot of great guys on here, who are straight up and looking for an honest relationship. The only answer I can give you is you must be fishing in the "shallow" part of the pond. | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:17:42 PM | Hi there Loraine,
I understand exactly where you are coming from in seeming to attrack men that are only interested in you for sex. Trust me when I write that you are by no means the only one. I can't tell you how many guys I had to block because of that very issue. The funny thing I'm looking to date as in get to know someone, says so write on my profile but some men still push the sex issue right up front! I'm sorry but that will turn me off on the spot. Really too bad for those guys because I LOVE sex (they would be smiling for days), but call me old fashioned, I'm the type of woman who would like to know the person first. And there's nothing wrong with that!
BTW I took a look at your profile and I wouldn't change a thing! | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:34:10 AM | To respond to smilee4u (msg 44) I think you have completely missed the point love! Why should I not be on POF???? Just because my arms and legs dont work does not mean Im simple in the head you patronising tart!!!! Sorry but you have seriously peed me right off with your comments. I dont want to join a bloody church group coz Im not religious. POF is as much for me as it is for you. Im simply asking why Im attracting those who just want sex. I AM NOT DESPERATE FOR A MAN!!!!! How many more times do I need to say it?????????
As for the rest of you thank you for your comments xxx | |
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:45:33 AM |
Just because my arms and legs dont work does not mean Im simple in the head you patronising tart!!!!
I don't think smilee meant anything directly hurtful by her comment, the perception that disability is synonymous with being a simpleton is commonplace. Kudos, Lorraine, for speaking out. I get a bit feisty myself at times when it becomes necessary to clarify that traumatic brain injury is not synonymous with stupidity.
I stand by my original post in the thread. We all encounter "critters" and it isn't a personal thing. Just stay the course.
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| Im taking a good look at myself!
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:20:52 PM | To Smileee, Oh PUHLEEZE. Take your patronizing attitude somewhere else. I got news for you, we Gimp women are usually Tougher than the rest of you! How dare you imply that we are somehow "unskilled" or can't "handle men" as well as you! And, If you honestly think church groups have fewer Players than other places, or that church-going men are kinder than other men toward disabled women, then you are sadly misinformed. You even admit to being a church-going player yourself.  | |
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