| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:28:04 AM | | I like being alone, and also like spending time with someone too. I think one of the things I'm proudest of is my independence and comfort in my own skin. That said, sure would be fun to be able to share things with someone again. To me, the key to the acceptance is to find things you really do enjoy, get out there. I like to horseback ride. For a long time, I didn't go because I didn't want to go alone. When I finally did start going again, it was really peaceful and I loved it. Now I go as often as I can. If you start to do the things you love again, you'll find it not so hard. Then, if you do find someone fun - that's gravy. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:44:02 AM | i like being alone since i am the most obnoxious person this side of the planet as far as women are concerned.
but hey they prefer a guy thats honest? | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:47:49 AM | | 1st thing, never is a long time. never will never happen so please never say never again. now accepting being alone. its not as hard as you think and does have some rewards. first of all by accepting i think you mean being ok with being alone. acceptiance is just looking at the situation and saying, yeps that about it. when you become comfortable in your own skin by seeking other hobbies and finding times for friends, church, clubs whatever your thing is you find your life becomes more full and happy. the big plus to this is that when/if you meet mr. right you dont have all your emotional eggs in that one basket. if i depend too much on my lover/partner to fill the empty hole in my life then the upshot is she IS going to disapoint me. not because she is not trying or wants to but because i put too much pressure on her for my happiness and do not accept responsibility for it. so learn to like you mber and get comfortable in your own skin. it only makes sense because (as billy joel said) "sooner or later you wake up in your own space, either way its ok you wake up with yourself" (my life) the old stranger inspired parrothead | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 1:25:32 PM | | Embrace that being alone and being lonely are not one and the same thing. You are only as isolated as you choose to make yourself. And I agree with what others are saying about the unexpected. Many moons ago I decided to swear off men for a while. Afterwards it seemed like they started coming out of the woodwork. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 2:14:46 PM | | There is beauty in being alone, accept the quiet and peacefulness it gives. Listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite tv program, read a book, or in todays rushed world just sit back put your feet up. Or listen to the news and in all the depressing stuff they have on there you can acknowledge that your own life really isnt that bad after all. Accepting alone-ness takes a bit of time, but when you reach that acceptness its beautiful. Good luck to you. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:22:13 PM | | Its something that hasn't been easy for me either, but its time to figure it out myself. I have tried many dating sites and its all the same. The games, the lies, the meanness, its totally ridiculous in this age group. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:43:08 PM | Mber - when you think about it, when we were born, we were born alone (ok - except for twins/triplets, etc). Chances are, we're going to die alone for the most part.
That set aside, think of life as such: "yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a PRESENT". Waking up each day, loving yourself, seeing the good things in life, and having an abundance of gratitude, you'll discover you're not so alone. Above else, when you go out to dinner, eat your dessert first, then settle for your main course  Like some of the others have said, a man will enter your life when you're not looking (and probably when you're dressed in a ratty old t-shirt). | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 3:53:35 PM |
The games, the lies, the meanness, its totally ridiculous in this age group
No, you have to remember that many in this age group are survivors of relationships that went south, usually at a horrific emotional, mental and financial cost. Many are actively seeking to deal and heal, but they are scared. Many others are looking for proxies to wreak revenge on, for what was( or what they THINK was)done to them by their partner in the defunct relationship(s). It's SAD, I'll give you that, but ridiculous?Not so much.
The issue I have is that I get a lot of attention from men 15 to 20 yrs my senior. Many of them are still in excellent health...it's not about that. But I've already buried one husband, WAY before I should have had to,and wound up alone. Why should I sign up for a pretty likely bet that I'll have to bury ANOTHER SO...and again be alone?
Now, let me just say that if I really fell head over with a guy significantly older, I'd run that risk in a heartbeat. But to be with a guy 20 yrs older than I, simply to "be with someone"? Nope, thanks just the same. And I'm not remotely interested in the cougar thing. Again, if I truly fell head over( purely by accident) with somebody 20 yrs younger, it would be a different story. But I'm not going to embark on a path of dating younger men just to "be with someone".
What does that leave? The guys from 45 to 62, who are still licking their divorce wounds. By the time they get old enough to fear being sick/dying alone and WANT a serious partner, I'm gonna say... sorry guys. You don't get to have it both ways...go find some other fool.
I don't mean that comment to sound bitter or like a threat...because it's not either one of those things. Simply my statement of freedom from the social pressure to have a man in my life at almost any cost. If God has chosen another man for me,He'll reveal that fact in His own time. In the interim, I've chosen to participate in online dating, volunteer, and generally just "get out there",because I also believe that the Lord helps them who help themselves
Cindy O | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:38:24 PM | I went back and read the first post and there seem to me to be two points: 1/ how to positively deal with aloneness and 2/ what productive steps can be taken to meet people (read men). Since the post there have been many good suggestions; however I think you are right to question both.
I'm the same age and know that the chance of my meeting someone is statistically small. POF likely isn't going to change that and I think there are many "male lurkers" here who are either hesitant to contact women or really aren't looking. Both are fine but it does change how older people should look at this site.
I agree with embrassing your aloneness and moving forward with intrinsically rewarding activities - dance if you like to dance, sing if you like to sing, ........
On a positive note - POF is a great place to share thoughts and ideas and the forums provide much entertainment. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:45:46 AM | I agree with the idea tha we et from life what we send out. The latest talk is about the power of attraction. What you send out is what you'll get back. I was digging my heels in on that issue for a long time and finally I surrendered to the concept. So what do I experience - well each day I see the beauty in the world instead of dwelling on the negative. From a dating perspective, I haven't found Mr. Right but I have met some very interesting and interested people. I found that I was my worst enemy.
As I re-read the note I realize that getting to this new state is easy, but that is so untrue. It takes work to change your thought process. But when you do the rewards are limitless. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:57:10 AM | | no one can say what is around the next corner, however it is usually when you stop looking that the elusive object of your search appears, accepting alone-ness. we have all come to that point at one time or another, wondering if in fact there is someone out there made just for me, answer, maybe. are they close by? are they everything i am looking for, maybe. no one really knows what life has in store for them or we wouldnt have made the choices we made. look at it this way, you come and go as you wish, meet friends for a night out, accepting the cards life has dealt so far and knowing sooner or later your going to get that winning hand is a step in the right direction. keep an open heart and mind and you will be happy. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:52:08 AM | The concept of thoughts ,feelings, and imagination, can attract an out come so we must always strive to be positive and be grateful for the good things we have otherwise to think negative attracts the negative things into your life .
So yes you are so right to adopt your way of thinking it will make a big difference in your life. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:51:18 AM | sorry for your past experiences kitty. as i have said there are lots of gars in the cyber world,more so than in the real world me thinks, but dont give up just yet. as we say in aa dont quit ten minutes before the miracle happens.  | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:52:14 AM | | stray thought, as pointed out before lonliness is a choice. being alone is a social statement of fact, being lonely is how you interpret those social facts | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:58:01 PM | | As others have pointed out...being alone is a physical place you are in at various times of the day or night. Being lonely is a state of mind. How one decides to eliminate either is a matter of choice and recognizing the difference between the two. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:22:53 AM | Do you desire a man in your life because you need one or because you want one? If you NEED a man to make your life complete, then you have not learned to stand alone, and will not carry your fair share. If you WANT a man in your life, not because you need him but because you desire his company, you are ready for a relationship. We should all be capable of standing alone, so that we can carry our fair share of the burden. You will love yourself much more if you follow this rule
Sherry | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:38:44 AM | | Be happy with yourself ... realize that you need only you to be complete ... acknowledge your own self-worth ... be at peace with yourself ... know that you are in charge of you and your feelings ... be in charge of you and your feelings ... make a conscious decision to be happy all the time ... no matter what happens, it could be worse so be happy... smile ... enjoy the day ... | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:11:12 AM |
I'm starting to think that I may never again enjoy the pleasure of a man's company on a date;
Why would you think that? There are plenty of single men out there. You just have to decide that you are ready to meet them and go out with them. | |
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jedi4
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Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 47 | |
| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:02:22 PM |
I'm starting to think that I may never again enjoy the pleasure of a man's company on a date; that's why I'm in *contingency-planning* mode.
Get a younger guy from another country, men do it.. why cant women.. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:18:41 PM | Alone-ness and loneliness are two different animals in my book.
Doing things alone is what makes me who I am.
Wanting to share what I've done while I'm alone is when loneliness enters.
But "Contingency Planning" scares me. Planning for something to happen
makes it less likely to happen. It's also betting against yourself in my book.
I guess though a fool with a plan is better than a genius without one. | |
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| Accepting My Alone-ness: How Can I Do So?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:24:29 PM | very funny, Jedi...
Being alone is what alot of us are. Most of us would like to change that.
If you just want to "date"...that could be fun.
I'd say what alot of folks have said and first learn to enjoy your own company, then the potential date would see you must be fun to hang out with.
If your looking for that special guy...that could be fun too!
Do all that stuff you've always wanted to do...he'll be there....thats my pearl. | |
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