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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:46:26 AM | If in 6 months you still haven't fallen for her enough to find her body to be just fine with you, then I'd say let her go and do not tell her that her body turns you off, that's just cruel and uncalled for, just tell her it's not working for you and let the women find a man who is excited by her and her body.
I'm assuming she's gotten past that there's nothing about you that is smoking hot either, so have you asked her how she feels about that? Maybe she's at the same place you are and wondering if she could love a man who's so far away from being physically 'hot'. But yeah, if you are looking for some fantasy perfection to fill some need for your woman to look a certain way, then this is not going to work. At best you'll trudge along making her feel ugly and insecure and you feeling like you got gypped. It doesn't look promising. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:52:03 AM | See, I don't know that I agree with the idea that if after 6 months.. blah blah blah.. let her go.
It took me a year to fall head over heels in lust w/the guy in my post. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:00:07 PM | Not the first time we've disagreed.  I still say if after 6 months he's still hung up on her looks then there's not a lot of places for this to go, but he needs to talk to her, not about her unappreciated body, but that he's not fully into the relationship and may not ever be, so at least she can move on is she wants. I don't date by looks myself, but if after 6 months a man's personality just hasn't grown on me, I'd call it a day and let him go. There's no reason to leave a person hanging just so you can try to grow to like them despite their failings in your eyes. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:04:13 PM | | Of course it matters. I can't even get off if she isn't hot. Believe me, I've tried. Nice, average looking girl, but I'd be hamned if I couldn't get it off. Lessoned learned. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:06:50 PM | op, you ask
"...I just want to know if it is possible have a healthy long lasting relationship with her if I do not think she is a super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on..... is it possible??? I want to be with her, we both make each other really happy... I just want to know if this relationship is doomed or not????..."
obviously, no one can tell you if your relationship is doomed, or not.....but i had some thought reading this post of yours -
no, she may not be the sexiest thing you've ever seen (good thing or others would be after her constantly).....and so you question whether you will be happy with her in the long term...
well, my thoughts are do you think you could love her or grow to love her? you say how much you both make each other happy, so obviously you do really care about her and the relationship - it's rare to feel such happiness with another and not to be taken lightly, as you know....
you say you haven't yet taken things to the next level - due to fear? due to timing not being right yet? due to neither of you are ready? due to you really can't because you are that put off by her body? does she turn you on at all? remember women can be pretty magical in the love-making department and she might seriously surprise you, and you both might surprise yourselves if there is love generating with you two.
i would not be so quick to drop her, but it sounds to me like this could be your test to open your heart and mind further - to not do what you have done before - to go where you have not travelled before......
for, to me it sounds like there is so much you don't know -
and you say above you don't want her to change - but are you sure? don't you ideally want her to become the sexiest thing you've ever seen? perhaps that side of her is also just waiting for someone to come along and say it's ok to be the woman she truly is.
once many years ago a dear friend (female) told me that and I have never forgotten it - it was a gift.
perhaps your girlfriend also just needs a bit encouraging - not directly, but by your lovemaking, if you get that far, might just change all your preconceptions and impressions you now have.
to me make up your mind to be open -minded and then see what happens. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:28:49 PM | Werae1.... Thank you !!! I really appreciate you and all of you who have lent helpfull words.... unlike daynadaze and a few others that feel the need to be hateful and tell me I'm ugly and so far from being "hot".... (like I don't already know).....
When we kiss and make out, yes I do get turned on and we do have sexual relations...just not actual sexual intercourse... (that is only for marraige). Just because of who she is and how she makes me feel .... to me makes her the most wonderful girl I know. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:33:52 PM | Which is what makes the forums so great.. different perspectives!
Yeah, I can see what you are saying.
It could be that the guy I was talking about and I weren't going for a relationship.. or at least not initially and not really until we were both on the same page. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:44:13 PM | There has to be an element of physical attraction ... but what my eyes find attractive doesn't necessarily have to be attractive to others.
... but her body does not turn me on....
OP, when it comes to turning on ... you are dead right that it has to be on all levels incl the physical one. Hmmm ... saying goes that mind is the best aphrodisiac  ... hmm ... only you can spice it up or leave it that's my conclusion. Good luck! | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 12:57:45 PM | she is really funny, smart, ambitious and has all of the qualities that I could ever ask of a girl. She is very pretty, but her body does not turn me on...
Happens to me all the time.. I am all of the above but I happen to be welll fluffy! Some men are not attracted to large woman as some women are not attracted to large men or small men. We all have choices! There are plenty of fish out there. If she does not stimulate you then hunny let her off your hook! | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:05:38 PM | I think physical attraction does matter. I am overweight and am not even remotely attracted to overweight men. I don't expect a man with a rock hard body to be attracted to me. So guess what? I am working on it and quickly. Look out!!! Why should I wreck my long term happiness because I am too lazy to exercise or keep away from the junk food?
If you really like this girl, then you should sit down with her and tell her how you feel and that you would like to be "MORE" attracted to her. Make sure you say it in a loving way and be prepared to be patient with her while she works on it. If you have any chance of having a long term relationship that is successful, you need to be able to tell your partner how you feel and the ability to be honest is paramount.
One thing, you also need to make sure that you aren't also a sloth and are equally sexy. There is nothing worse than being a hypocrite. Maybe going on walks or bike rides together and doing things where you can be active together will make the transition easier. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:15:15 PM | What exactly is wrong with her body that has you seeking advice in the forums/ you say everything else is all good, but...... I agree with the poste who said if you really are in love with her,then there are no imperfections.
Also, there are many different kinds of love, maybe you love her but aren't "in love" with her. If thats the case, then its best to move on cause you will hurt her.
Good luck,
Angelgigi  | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:16:58 PM | I think that if after 5 months of happiness that you are still hung up on her looks, maybe you aren't as happy as you thought. As others have said on here attraction has a lot to do with physical appearance but it is also different for everyone. You are not going to change how you feel about her looks.
My question to you is, why if you are not attracted to her now, did you ask her out in the first place? And are you with her because you she makes you happy or because you are lonely? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:29:34 PM | | If a woman just has one physical element(smile, a body part, the way she carries herself, etc.) that gets my attention and attracts me to them then considered me attracted to them physically. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 1:46:10 PM |
When we kiss and make out, yes I do get turned on and we do have sexual relations...just not actual sexual intercourse... (that is only for marraige). Just because of who she is and how she makes me feel .... to me makes her the most wonderful girl I know.
One question: Have you had sexual intercourse with any other woman? And if so, how did that go? If not, maybe you are subconsciously "holding back" so nothing will happen before you get married to somebody. Or maybe *no* woman will arouse you "that" way until you marry her? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:09:59 PM |
I just want to know if it is possible have a healthy long lasting relationship with her if I do not think she is a super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on..... is it possible???
It must be because how many super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on women are out there? A whole lot less than there are successful relationships is my guess.
One of two things is going on here. You are either having delusional thoughts that you can successfully play out of your league (ie is the kind of girl you want going to think you are the super-hot-sexiest-thing-I-ever-laid-my-eyes-on guy of her dreams?) and therefore need to do some real soul searching as to what really motivates you in terms of a relationship. Is it about the connection with another soul, or how that person and her beauty reflects on you and your worth?
~or~
You are not as into this girl as much as you think you are. Trust me, as so many other posters have said, true love sees only beauty. As a test, I am wondering how you would feel if she had another person interested in her, who truly appreciated all that she was. Would that make her more appealing physically to you, if another man saw in her something you did not?
I don't think the question is whether or not this situation is possible. I think the question is whether you are capable of being in a relationship like this.
Wow. Good luck. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:15:38 PM | | yes it does matter to some extent. There has to be some physical chemistry between 2 people or it wont work and you are just kiddng yourself. There are thousands of "nice" men in the world but if I am not a little bit attracted to them physically forget it, just because someone is nice doesnt mean I want to date them, you need mental and physical chemistry for 2 people to click. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 2:37:57 PM | you need to stay with this woman. honestly.
i can't stand **stards who uphold looks so damn much.
it's as if a girl can't so much as breathe without being bombarded with things to tell her she isn't good enough.
if i could i would be an asexual and not care for guys at all.
they really tick me off. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 3:31:22 PM | Sounds to me like you've found a wonderful girl, but she just isn't the right wonderful girl for you. I've read thru all your posts, and my ear is hearing you asking for people to help you talk yourself into 'settling'.
If this girl is truely that wonderful, you need to let her find someone that WILL find her sexually attractive.
No harm in staying friends, but - don't be FWB. Give her a chance to go live her life the way she deserves. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 4:24:01 PM | I'm glad this thread has remained fairly civil.
Physical attraction is so dicey, I have said on other posts, that when I was back in my 20's and looked at people in their mid-40's that physical attraction didn't matter anymore, that at "that age" looks don't matter. Well as a 47 yo it still matters, not as much but it still does.
I was in a "relationship" several months ago with a guy I found EXTREMELY attractive, but crazier than _____ (yep, that crazy) His looks wore off fast as the looney bells got too loud to ignore.
Seems you are trying to talk yourself into a relationship with this girl, probably not a great idea, it may change at some point, but don't drag her into it now...
Always ask yourself - would you want someone to do it to you? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:00:03 PM | Whether or not it would be possible to have a long-healthy relationship depends on what KIND of relationship you desire from this "girl". If you are after a platonic "best-friend" type of relationship, then fine. But, why would you even WANT to "take it to the next level" if you are not attracted to her? I had a similar situation when I dated someone who really was not my "type", but I adored him anyway. By the time I wanted to "take it to the next level", his physical attributes, or lack thereof, did not even matter to me; for, the beauty in his personality and affection for me superseded all else. Were it not for differences in certain aspects of our culture, we would still be together today.
You're not "THERE" yet. The fact that you have to ask if your perception of her body is something that you should worry about shows that you're just not ready to "carry your relationship to the next level". Is this something that "we" truly want, or something that SHE wants?
Be honest with her and, more importantly, to thine own self be true. There are plenty of guys out there who ARE, indeed attracted to her: Inner beauty and outer appearance --- mind, body, and soul. One should not struggle at something so intimate as sensuality. Before you can be physically intimate with this "girl" .... why don't you treat her like a LADY and become emotionally and verbally intimate with her: Tell her how you feel about getting sensual, more physically intimate with her. Are you man enough? Or are you afraid that she will drop you like a hot potato when you tell her that you're "just not attracted to her"? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:06:48 PM | I was at a 4th of July gathering of my best friends cousin(female), who before that day if A) she weren't married and B) she gave me the chance, I would have had more than a good time with. This lady is extremely hot, loves sports, has no problems farting and belching with the guys. Once I witnessed her TELLING her husband everything to do including changing shorts she didn't like on him, I told myself there is no way I would ever get serious with this lady even if opportunity knocked.
So here is what I always say when it comes to looks or attraction.
If woman A) was average looking maybe a couple of extra pounds, but just absolutely fun as hell, treated me like a king, and was totally into who I am as a person, and woman B) was totally hot, but I had to watch everything I do, say, or who I hang out with, what I eat, drink, basically live, woman B would not stand a chance.
So in all yes physical attraction does matter, but by far is not everything | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:21:26 PM | If you're not physically attracted isn't it like a good friendship? Of course the physical isn't everything, but it is part of the equation of a good male-female relationship.
The other question is are you just looking for faults that aren't there to protect yourself from taking the relationship further?
Just putting things out there :P | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 7/6/2008 5:40:40 PM | Personally I think you are seeing her with the wrong eyes, look with your heart if you want to see in your future, look with your c*ck if you only are worried about now (there is a reason it is called a one-eyed trouser trout)...
If sexual intercourse is only for marriage, is that where you wish to go? If so, then realize that the two of you will have a different connection than what the majority of people who are out rutting around like dogs in heat and it is based only on physical attraction; however, when they try to make a relationship out of lust...it just wont work. You are talking about someone who you HAVE REAL possibilities with vs someone makes you a horn dog.
What do you think is attractive? How is she different? If it is weight or something more permanent? Lets say you ditch her and find YOUR perfect ideal woman to be attracted to and yet she has none of the features your friend has? I mean I am more attracted to taller men but I have dated shorter ones, I would never dream of limiting myself to someone who is taller. | |
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