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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:20:40 PM | I've been there, too. I've met people I thought were DDG, but after getting to know them they became truly ugly, and I've known people I thought were funny looking, but as I discovered their inner beauty they became beautiful to my eyes, too.
Looks do change - not just because of age. One of the best life lessons I every got was when I was 16. I've always been short and curvy wishing I was tall and willowy, but I always liked my face, especially my eyes. I was in a bad car wreck and smashed my face into a windshield. I looked pretty awful there for a while, but I learned that looks are fleeting for many reasons and if I based my worth on my looks sooner or later I'd feel worthless.
Anybody can be in a disfiguring accident, get cancer, so many things. If you get the chance to spend time with someone who makes you truly happy - happy in a way that makes you feel better about yourself - and you turn away from that, then you truly don't deserve it.
Go slowly - see what happens. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:28:33 PM | Ummmmm, believe me, there are a lot of guys in their 60's and beyone who are tight, horny, willing, able and experienced to the max in how to please a woman and how to love a woman and how to make her go "ah" and "oh" and smile and their balls don't drag the ground......au contrair....your daddy probably could please your girlfriend better than you..... | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:06:30 AM | | I think a physical attraction IS important in a relationship. It's not all about how pretty someone is, there is so much more to a physical attraction than just how someone looks. I have found men that I think are attractive/handsome but I am not physically attracted to them. Physical intamacy is part of a relationship. If you are with someone who doesn't "turn you on", you are missing part of the relationship and may be so unhappy you will find other "flaws" in that person. | |
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Kixxie
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Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 130 | |
| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:58:04 AM | | Alot of people say that looks arent important. Well, they are to me. Maybe that makes me shallow. But.... a persons physical looks are normally part of the attraction. I've been in the situation where I had met a wonderful man that had most qualities I was looking for......but when it came to the idea of a physical relationship....I couldnt do it. To me a man doesnt have to look like a male model.......but he has to be attractive to me to at least SOME point if the relationship has a chance of going from friendship to something more. Good luck to you | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:04:16 PM | | my thoughts on this are what happens if the perfect looking person you think you fell in love with changes? it could be weight, amputation, scarring, becoming paralized etc, are you still going to be in love with them? If the answers no, then break it off. To me, being in love with someone means you love them no matter what they look like or what may happen to their physical appearance in the years to come. I do agree, physical attraction is important in the beginning, but as women, we generally have to compromise when it comes to what the majority of men look like, and not in a good way! So guys, take a real good look in the mirror and be honest this time, and be happy when any woman gives you the time of day! | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:32:42 PM |
So guys, take a real good look in the mirror and be honest this time, and be happy when any woman gives you the time of day!
Pffft...whaaaaa??? Are you serious? What is that supposed to mean? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:47:32 PM | You're likely to hear how shallow you are and a lot of other hooey.
But let's just for the sake of being kind be real for a minute.
If it's not there NOW it never will be.
No. It won't be possible to have a long and healthy relationship.
Why? Because it's already NOT healthy now.
You ask what you should do?
You should be real and be honest with yourself.
Something isn't there that you need to be there for the relationship to be good and to be real and it's not there.
Can you make it past that? You can fake it - if that's what you mean. But fake it forever? No.
And eventually what she's lacking NOW will just be one more checked box on a list of things not right about her.....
So....don't procede any further in a relationship you KNOW you aren't fully invested in 100% that's wrong, it's dishonest, it's harmful to the other person and since you KNOW it now, to me you're only compounding your role in being responsible later.
Tell her BEFORE you sleep with her that you're not into her body.
That way she can decide if the pain later is worth getting laid now.
And that is what this is about.
You may not like the bluntness of hearing it - but that's the reality.
She's a nice girl, You enjoy time spent with her, maybe you could get off ok with the sex even though her body you know up front doesn't turn you on....maybe you could fake it enough to make sex ok.....
Gee, that's what we all really WANT in a relationship isn't it? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 4:57:16 PM | | yes that should of been a red flag as it will bother you as long as your with her and tend to be more bothersome over time which will lead to wondering eyes for both of you as a lady is often feel only as beautiful as her lover see her as | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:17:14 PM | Well diamondgirl, you had me right up until your last comment...not quite sure where that fit into your other reasoning, which was pretty profound. For everything else, I am with you. But the "sisterhood" is null & void on the last part and I actually have to agree with the guys response to what you said. Speaking to the men by saying "Be happy when any woman gives you the time of day" seems a bit harsh. We all have our own personal likes/dislikes regarding physical attraction, but there is no need to make it seem like no man is worthy of a beautiful woman. Sometimes physical beauty is canceled out by a nasty disposition, and I say this with conviction, for I have heard many men say it and I have to agree!  | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:47:29 PM | | Well, it depends. Is there anything that she can do to increase your desirability for her? Is she overweight? If that is the case, then there is a very simple solution for that; she can lose weight! If, on the other hand, she has permanent flaws, then perhaps the OP can focus on what it is that attracts him to her. Is it her smile? Her charming personality? The way she carries herself? Her intellect? Her sense-of-humor? Whatever it is, he should just focus on that. But a word of caution: the grass is NOT always greener on the otherside. He may very well find someone who is physically attractive, but may not offer much of anything else. Sometimes we never know what a great thing we have until it is gone. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 5:54:28 PM | | Tell her the truth brotha, she's an awesome lady and you would love be friends with her. Don't lead her on, that will hurt her more. She will respect you so much more by being honest, tell her what she needs to hear, and not what she wants to hear. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:32:35 PM | Do her a HUGE fav. and cut her lose!!
I am VERY comfortable with how I look, I dated a guy(he is now on this site now, watch out ladies) He had issues with my body and how I looked. He had some BIG issues with my chest size to the point he'd make a big deal about and would tell his buddies how much it bothered him.
If she is starting to really like you....she'll be crushed to find out you don't have that physical attraction to her. If the pysical is not there, you'll never be truley happy with her.....if you not tottaly dig'n your chick..what's the point!! | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:41:13 PM |
Should I be worried about it? would it be possible to have a long-healthy relationship if I'm not physically attracted to her
The answer is - maybe, but most likely not. But that's going off my definition of a healthy long-term relationship and that includes a healthy sex life. It's impossible to have a healthy sex life if you are not attracted to the person.
You may learn to be attracted to her, but if you want anything out of this relationship you and she need to talk and talk now. About where you both think this is going, what you need, what you expect and everything else. If you're both cool with how things are for now and willing to wait and see then you wait and see. But if you aren't on the same page you need to cut each other loose. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:07:27 PM | | Well ,just as in everything-----their is a up and a down side. If she was a fox--you would be worried about all you friends coming around to hit on her and if she was (un attractive to you)---she would be hitting on all your friends. So think about this---sounds to me like -she spent the night at your place and you saw her the next morning without make-up-------more beauty comes from the heart. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:11:25 PM | | so what if her body isn't perfect, whatever she looks like i bet she looks better than a lot of other people. if she has a good personality then why not be with her? looks aren't EVERYTHING you know. no one has a hott bod forever. and i wouldn't be talkin there sir, you ain't so hott yourself. i think sheee should find someone better. you don't deserve her :} | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:17:46 PM |
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with preferences, we all have them, and of course, everyone has their own idea of what attracts them physically..
That being said...if her body bothers you that much? Do her a favour.... cut her loose and let her find somebody that loves all of her just the way she is. Everyone deserves that....
I kinda agree.
There have been people who I may have not necessarily liked certain physical aspects about them or maybe I wouldnt be attracted to it seeing them on the streets but the fact that I like them causes me not to focus on it .
I think everyone wants to be with someone they are completely attracted to physically and otherwise and I wouldnt want to think that my partner simply tolerated my looks but didnt really like it. It's kind of sticky but as *Tee* said, if you can't look pass it or really don't like it maybe it's best just to be friends. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/8/2008 8:57:18 PM | Is it her body type you don’t care for? (Is she’s curvy & you prefer very thin athletic women or vise versa) or is she just a little out of shape? (Needs to drop 15 pounds or whatever?)
If it’s her body type, you need to move on. I do not think you will ever find her body type attractive if you don’t after as six month period of making out, and since there are men who would prefer someone more shapely than athletic, (or vise versa) she needs a man who finds her HOT! And let me be clear: you are allowed without apology, to NOT find her attractive....
If she just needs to lose some weight and tone, up, you still say NOTHING to her and instead you work on getting your own body ‘hot’! (Maybe it is, I haven’t looked at you picture because to me that has no bearing on the question) Either she will join in voluntarily or then you’d have valid reason to walk away: someone who puts in no effort when you’re putting in effort, is a compatibility issue more than any thing else…
OK, here’s a honest answer from curvy woman stuck in a thin & Athletic world my entire life (remember Charlie’s Angels? Twiggy? These were my role models growing up and set the stage for grown men my age fantasy women)…..and to be clear this is not a pity post from me, I’m just saying I know exactly what I’m talking about here. In fact, I was with someone for years before I discovered that they never found my body type attractive, but thought I was quote “so beautiful a woman in every other way they couldn’t be without me”. (I weighed 135 pound back then-NOTHING I could have done would have changed his perception of my body type; he likes thin athletic women) However he thought he was being kind and romantic with that comment; it’s the worst thing any man can tell the women he’s supposedly in love with!
Don’t you dare tell her what a few have suggested! Don’t you dare tell her you don’t find her physically attractive!!!! You will scar her for life with that comment!!! Even though I don’t have any serious body issues now, the sting of that comment is forever etched in my mind…Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so let some other man lust after her and want her and move the hell on if even one ounce of you thinks you’ll do her a favor by sharing your feelings with her….This is the one time you keep your mouth shut and just say it’s not working out for you! Details are NOT a necessity here!
If you think it will get BETTER when your married, you could not be more wrong.....You may be confusing LUST with love and when your actually sharing a bed, you may wish you'd made a different choice.... | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:34:53 AM | Yes, it does matter. We all deserve to be with someone we are at least physically attracted to. We all want someone we can physically desire. It's human nature.
This does not mean the person has to possess model caliber looks, nor does it mean appearance is the only thing that matters.
If you can't muster up lustful feelings for the one you're with, you will eventually wish for them and perhaps seek them in another. It's just a matter of time and hurting someone's feelings.
I'm skeptical of anyone who claims they can look beyond physical attraction. I believe anyone who claims they can is someone who's willing to settle.
Think about it. How many times have you fantasized about the man or woman of your dreams, and visualized or hoped for someone you *weren't* attracted to? | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:59:00 AM | I recommend you move on. From personal experience there is nothing worse than being in a relationship and finding out your partner does not find you sexually attractive. I can attract men like flies because of my personality, intelligence and competence. I am also very pretty. However, I am also not thin, not even average. I wear a size 18, a 16 on a good day. I will most likely always be this size as I eat very healthy and I work out about an hour a day, including weight lifting. There are time periods when I have fluctuated lower, but I am an Endomorph, and I never stayed there.
Point is, when I realized that my partners were not physically attracted to me, after many years of being invested in the relationships, devastating was not the word. Frustrating was also a good adjective, as both times I learned it after the physical intimacy dropped off and I had become frustrated at lack of same.
Do you and her a favor; move on now so she can find someone who will accept her like she is. Otherwise you are going to end up with a very frustrated partner and your eyes will start roaming. | |
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