| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:25:42 PM | It matters, it so definitely matters, but is it the be all or end all? I am of an age where the hard, perfect, beautiful body has it's place in the "tickle trunk" of life. That is not to say that I can be attracted to a man who does not look after his body. I look after mine and I am attracted to men that look after their's. We are, however, not perfect and we inhabit a world of gravity. I have my lumps and bumps of children and life.
I had been struggling to convince the man that I had been seeing off and on that he was beautiful. I felt breathless thinking about him, let alone being near him. He is about to turn fifty and yes, he has a little muffin-top above his belt. What the HELL. It was a kissable, beautiful zone. You have to understand, within your particular place in life's passage, what is important to you, now and where you can compromise. This might change in a few years, as time unfolds. Just be true to her and to yourself. Don't tell her two years from now that all the emotional connection doesn't make up for what you need physically. We are, at core, physical beings - our needs do change though. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:28:17 PM | | if you really loved this person then no it shouldnt matter -when u make love is it just because of how she looks or because your there with her on every level, but then again you r male so i suppose u didnt understand any of that. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:33:14 PM |
if you really loved this person then no it shouldnt matter -when u make love is it just because of how she looks or because your there with her on every level, but then again you r male so i suppose u didnt understand any of that.
How a person looks is as much a part of her, as are her beliefs, wants, hopes, and desires. A woman who has "let herself go" is telling you a lot about her strength of character, and concern for her partner. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:36:48 PM | I am posting this because it reminds me of my last relationship. Physical attraction is VERY important.
If you aren't really feeling it move on. Be nice about how you go breaking it off with her though she is going to be really sad when you tell her that...but if you don't she will end up breaking it off with you or getting what she needs elsewhere one thing I've learned about women is they are a lot more perceptive than most men and she probably already knows this is how you feel... | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:38:23 PM |
For any who's totally evaluating people by their looks and bodies, consider this. Fast-forward about 30 years. Your spouse has been diagnosed with a disease that makes amputating part of her/his body mandatory
Why do people always go to ridiculous extremes in presenting an argument? Is it, perhaps, because their argument, absent statitistically insignificant extremes has no merit in logic?
If a partner has some rare disease, that requires amputation, that is, obviously, a rare and special situation. Even when it happens, it doesn't cause the person to let himself/herself go in other areas. So, yes, a woman might need a radical mastectomy, but that wouldn't cause her to put on 100#. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:07:41 PM | Heh, I love those extreme case points people try to make.
There's a big difference with bald chemo chicks or 1 legged dudes VS. people who decided "now I'm married to this person I'm gonna eat donuts and stop hitting the gym cause if they dump me for gaining 100 pounds, they're just shallow."
Believe me when I say this, there's reasonable and there's insensitivity.
I have to work hard to be like I am in my pictures there, I'm in the midst of some serious excercise. I don't plan to stop because i *got* someone, whoever dates me has gotta understand if they're a bad influence or never excercise I'm gonna look sh*tty and I can't let that happen. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 3:27:02 AM | Her body doesnt turn you on? really? how does she look like exactly because from what i see in your photos you have no right to be picky about anyones body. is she 600 lbs and full of cellulite?
i mean you expect her to be turned on by you so i cant imagine how horrid her body must be if you think she is worse looking than you.... | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:42:33 AM | Msg 205 - this isn't a ridiculous extreme or a rare case. Talk to survivors of all types of diseases, conditions, accidents and see how many spouses or s/o's bailed - men and women.
Msg 206 - I agree that once a lot of people settle down they let themselves go. That didn't seem to be the case with the OP, since he didn't say they had married or made it exclusive.
And in closing - until you both can say, "been there, done that, got the t-shirt," don't be so quick to call my example ridiculous or extreme. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:45:01 AM | People have what they like and what they don't like, it doesn't always have to be a physical attraction that is the key. My normal "type" of woman is good looking, in decent shape, but I've known a few women whether it was their extreme passion, or really intelligent and witty that I enjoyed being with sexually.
I've been with really good looking females with attitudes and personalities of a damp mop, and had no attraction to them.
If you're not with a woman where you want to walk in a room, strip her naked, make her assume whatever position then devour and take her...then you're not going to want to later. That's just the way it is. You are not physically attracted to her or you wouldn't have a problem making her yours and being knee deep in it.
I'm sure you don't want to hurt her feelings, but little hurt now is much better than bigger hurt later if you go next level with her (many women associate emotion with sex). Good Luck. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 10:13:23 AM | Yes it does. Big time.
Without physical attraction, you can still have other type of productive fulfilling relationships: you can be friends, coworkers, business partners or sports buddies. You can discuss books, exchange recipes or share how Sara Palin's VP nomination is the closest thing to a thrill ride that hasn't been inspected in the last 20 years.
But for a lover, you DO NEED TO FEEL ATTRACTION.
If you are not feeling it now, let me tell ya, the sh*t don't get no better .
Everybody is entitled to that buzz of the stomach when it comes to mating, and the attraction is not neccesarily nor exclusively about beauty, so don't let others with their judments call you shallow nor not sexy enough, for you have every right to shoot for what moves you.
There are instances though, when that attraction might not be evident right away, and rather be established and grow as time goes by. I think the key to clear the difference is to gauge whether your potential partner has any aspect of them that sorta grosses you out. | |
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Dven
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Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 211 | |
| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:11:07 AM | | Physical attraction is one half of a the whole equation!If its not there ITS not there.Ive had the same issues before, and its the difference between a friend and a lover!End the path continue the friendship. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:09:59 PM | Of course attraction has soemthing to do with whether one likes another. However if your thinking of taking it to the next level you could close your eyes while doing intercourse or other Sexual activities and pretend that your with someone else until your both satisfied then open your eyes to a smiling satisfied face of the one you like to love but not to see...  | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/23/2008 1:41:24 AM | ive never been loved so it would be nice one day to meet a woman like that who is really honestly and genuinly in love with me.
of course physical attraction plays a part but ive found that from a lot of the women ive met ( and dated ) that all the love and care and passion dont give a damn if she doesnt fancy me...............not sure ive ever feen fancied, oh well...sob sob sob.
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/23/2008 4:42:31 AM | It actually matters to me above everything else.
I find this curious. I was married to the love of my life and we ended up having no attraction to each other. Very sad to say the least, he is a wonderful man, but we ended up being more like brother and sister than husband and wife. I loved him so much, a big reason why it was so hard to leave. In big picture it does end up to be a big issue.
Please dont let that happen to you. I divorced over the sexual issues years and years down the road. If there is no attraction it may work for a while but in the end it will bite you in the ass! | |
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TS1964
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Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 217 | |
| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/25/2008 10:40:52 PM | OP, probably you already have recognized the consensus displayed in this forum thread. And that is to do what is right and let the woman go so that you she could find happiness with a man who will accept her as she is now.
I met a woman on here a few years ago, I was never really attracted to her physically. But since I and others question the importance of physical attraction, I didn't want to think of myself as shallow. I liked many things about her including the sex. In fact, she was the craziest woman in bed I ever experienced. Despite all this, I didn't become more attracted to her as time when on, like I thought might happen. In retrospect, I was fooling myself. In the end, I had to tactfully tell her how I felt, and you can just imagine how she was feeling about this. I finally do understand that if I am not attracted to a women physically from the beginning, the odds of that changing are pretty much nill. Today, I won't get involved with anyone that I am not attracted to physically, and I'm no longer down on myself for this fact. Physical attraction is just as important to both gendars as I have found out. This will save me and the woman much heartache later on.
I hope that you will do the right thing. It will be best for the both of you in the long run.
Best wishes
TS from Chicago Suburbs | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:02:38 PM | | I think pysical attraction is very important! If I am not attracted to a girl, I cannot go out with her at all or let alone build a strong relationship. That is why free online dating sites like here at POF or DatingBetter.com are cool. You have a good period of time to get to know the person as see what she looks like........ therefore you get both the physical attraction and the personality attraction. Better then meeting someone on street where you don't get to know the personality, just the looks. Cheers:0) | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:12:08 PM | Physical Attraction Matters to everyone,,,
Anyone says any different is spending too much time being an armchair Psychologist..
or Basically Living on another Planet......
It's Step One..
Gumbo....... | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:09:39 AM | I think it does to a point but, have any of you ever been smitten by someone that was completely the opposite of what you were looking for? Yeah, it kind of happened to me a couple of months ago. You see, I happen to be attracted to Jessica Rabbit kinds of bodies and this girl was a straight up bean pole. The thing that kicked my ass was her personality though. You know, nothing seemed to go wrong and we clicked immediately. The thing was that I ended up quickly becoming a fan of lean and mean bodies because she presented me with an incredible example of what I may have overlooked in life. And the satisfaction of discovering this led to a great couple of days before she spit me out.
So I don't think looks matter as much as personality but, they still matter enough to consider. And if you truly find the desired personality, she will look exactly the way you probably never hoped. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:12:04 AM | Msg 205 - this isn't a ridiculous extreme or a rare case. Talk to survivors of all types of diseases, conditions, accidents and see how many spouses or s/o's bailed - men and women.
Referring to "what happens if.....?" and throwing in amputation is, in fact, a ridiculous extreme. I know a lot of people. I was even a small town Mayor, owned a business that dealt with the public, and I'm involved in sales. In my whole life, out of the thousands upon thousands of people I know, I have run into exactly 2 people, who had amputations after marrying their wives, and those circumstances were later in life, because of diabetes. However, I know countless men, including me, whose wives went from average to obese, after marriage.
If you look hard enough, you can short circuit a serious discussion, by throwing out the extreme, statistically insignificant cases, but discussing those doesn't further understanding of the central issue.
Beyond that, the OP is about the role that physical attraction plays in terms of forming a relationship in the first place. In terms of the actual topic, it's key.
An oft repeated experiment done by sociologists in controlled conditions, has consistently shown that people will pair up with their "opposite number" in terms of where they fall on the "physical attractiveness" scale. To put it simply, "7"s will pair up with "7s",and "10s" with "10s". Extreme wealth, celebrity, or popularity can alter that in specific individual cases, but as a broad, general rule, "attraction" is the first step, in terms of who we seek out. Most of us, though, have a sense for who, among the opposite sex, will likewise be attracted in return.
Those who haven't developed that sense, or who think the internet makes things different, are the ones posting angrily about the other sex being "shallow", or starting threads about why email is never answered.
Friendship isn't dependent on physical attraction, so if the OP wants to have a "friendship" as opposed to "romantic relationship", fine. Even with initial attraction, if things get off balance, and the "7" you married, let's herself go, and is now a "2", it will eventually strain a marriage. | |
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| Physical Attraction.... Does it really matter????
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:28:51 AM | OP do the girl a favour so she can find someone who truly appreciates ALL of her.
to pursue a relatioship with her would only bring heart ache when you start eyeing/ flirting with women whose physique is your ideal... | |
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