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| | Child supportPage 13 of 18 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18) | | I commend any of the men that have been the custodial parent, but so does everyone else, and they are usually more willing to give him a hand than they are a woman. But I disagree that a single and custodial parent should have to have more than one job outside of the home. Who is doing the parenting while you are holding down multiple jobs to make ends meet? Regardless of what some may say, parenting is a very big and important and serious job. Being an at home parent does not necessarily mean that you are just laying about, not if you are doing a good job. In this day and age, most of us have had to have a job outside the home to make it finacial, but when you get home, the real job begins. I have seen so many times when a man is the custodial parent, that people admire him so much for being such a GREAT person and "raising these kids alone" but SO many women raise children alone and no one thinks anything about that, it is just what is expected of them. So many times when Dad is raising the kids, neighbors offer to babysit and help out, women offer to clean house, cook a meal, do laundry etc. But when a women raises children alone, she is expected to hold a full time job, them come home and tend to her home and family with no help from anyone. Quiet a double standard in my opinion. | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 8:50:02 AM | Gem your delusional and don't really understand how much of a "scam" child support is:
For your reading pleasure
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After reading the article "NYS Child Support Collections Top $1.5 Billion" (Feb. 25, 2006), http://www.northcountrygazette.org/articles/022506ChildSupport.html, the words that come to mind are "fraud", "scam", "extortion", "racketeering" and "government oppression".
The state talks a good story about how all the increased child support enforcement and collections benefits the children. This is pure fantasy. The monies that the state awards, enforces and collects is directly proportional to how much it receives from the federal government as incentive reimbursement funding. And that amount is in the several hundreds of millions of dollars. The monies that the state receives for child support enforcement has no strings attached. The state uses this funding to bolster their state employee and judicial pension plans. Sounds like a massive conflict of interest and criminal conspiracy to me. The U.S. Supreme Court held in Tumey v. Ohio, Ward v. Monroeville and Gibson v. Berryhill that judges cannot sit on cases where they have a pecuniary interest in them because it would be a demonstration of actual bias.
Yet, judges, or state employed judicial hearing officers, in the domestic relations courts, sit on these cases every day. This has created a tyranny by having the state criminalize a civil matter. As stated in the article, it says that the district attorneys are getting into the act in prosecuting people for child support arrearages. Again, this is a blatant due process and equal protection violation. When were the payor parents told, at the inception of the child support matter, that the matter would be converted from a civil case into a criminal case? When were they read their Miranda rights, such as right to remain silent about their financial situation, or given their right to trial by jury or right to appointed, competent effective counsel to defend them properly. As can be seen by this lack of substantive due process, the entire child support enforcement mechanism is a fraud and a scam that smacks of racketeering. If any debt collection agency did this for any other debt, they be facing massive fines and criminal charges. They would be put out of business immediately.
New York State claims it is going after so-called "deadbeats" by criminalizing child support delinquencies and jailing those with large arrearages. Sounds good. However, if one were to investigate the situation they would find that most of the state's largest delinquent child support obligors are unemployed, underemployed, undereducated, disabled, minorities, or deceased. That's right--deceased! The state needs to keep those numbers on its books in order to maximize the federal funding it receives.
According to a 7-year longitudinal academic study done by Arizona State University that became the book, "Divorced Dads--Shattering the Myths", it was uncovered that less than 5% of all delinquent child support payors are true "deadbeats"--those with the expensive sports cars and trophy wives half their age. So, where is the child support "deadbeat" hysteria? There is none. It is being contrived by the federal and state governments in order to control families, steal children, and eliminate fathers from families so that the state can become the "super-parent". It is another tyrannical government program to extract money from taxpayers to support the government's own largesse.
The state defrauds the taxpayers by claiming they are doing it "for the children". The government never does something for its citizens without a quid pro quo. In the U.S. Supreme Court case DeShaney v. Winnebago County Board of Social Services, the high Court ruled that the state owes no duty to protect its citizens. So, the question begs: "Why is the state discriminating against one-half of the population to enforce child support?" It is obvious. It is not about the children or getting people off of welfare. It is about how much money the states can rake in so they can appropriate more money from the feds to balance their own budgets.
Federal child support enforcement laws were designed solely for TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) and for welfare families. It was never designed for the "never-welfared" middle class. However, child support bureaucrats and other hangers-on testified before Congress that they needed to bring the middle-class into the fray in order to receive maximum benefits from the federal government in order to bolster state budgets. Interestingly, not one child support payor, or any advocacy group for child support payors was allowed to testify before Congress and the New York State legislature (or for any other state for that matter) in devising child support enforcement legislation. Again, we see a pattern of racketeering conspiracy and government tyranny at the expense of innocent taxpayers.
There is a large hue and cry across the country to curtail divorces because it threatens the very fabric of our society. The reason is because one parent is allowed to divorce the other without any grounds. One parent can divorce and abuse the legal system to win the divorce, all of the money and assets of the marriage, and win custody of the children (with all the attendant financial benefits that come with this). It's all because of child support. Child support enforcement has created the "divorce state". Not only does child support increase the amount of divorces because of the financial windfall to the custody-winning parent, it threatens society. Child support enforcement laws are in reality a threat to national security.
The time has come for lawmakers to take a second look at the draconian child support enforcement laws in this country because these laws are not constitutional. Child support enforcement laws are a threat to national security. To stop this threat, lawmakers either need to eliminate or seriously curtail child support enforcement against innocent taxpayers, or they must tax child support the way alimony is taxed. This would immediately slow down divorces in this country. This is because the custodial parent, (in over 80% of all cases it is the mother--further gender discrimination against males), would think twice about divorcing on grounds that their marriage is not satisfactory, before having to pay the additional large income tax burden. | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 10:54:18 AM | NYS Child Support Collections Top $1.5 Billion
ALBANY--For the 11th consecutive year, child support collections in New York State have reached record levels. In 2005 collections topped $1.5 billion, a 143% increase over collections in 1994.
“Whether it is providing health insurance through Child Health Plus, providing record increases to education funding, or increasing day care opportunities, we are doing everything we can to ensure that our children get the best start possible in life, and the collection of child support plays an important role in our efforts,” Governor George Pataki said. “We have made the collection of child support a priority and for the 11th consecutive year, the results speak for themselves. All children have a basic right to be supported emotionally and financially by both parents and I am proud that the unprecedented level of child support collected has improved the lives of hundreds of thousands of New York’s children.”
The $1.5 billion in 2005 collections represents a $56 million increase over 2004, and the seventh consecutive year of collections totaling more than $1 billion. The collections included $561 million for New York City, an increase of 168% over 1994, and $944 million for the rest of the State, an increase of 131% since 1994. Robert Doar, commissioner of the State Office of Temporary and Disability Assistance said, “Under Gov. Pataki’s leadership we’ve become a national leader and model for the collection of child support. New York has revitalized child support collections by strengthening the cooperation between state agencies, utilizing innovative technology and increasing public awareness of this important issue. In addition the increase in child support has helped countless families move from a public assistance to self-sufficiency as more than $505 million of the $1.5 billion collected went to 226,600 former welfare families.”
In addition to New York City, 39 counties more than doubled collections since 1994. The counties, and percent increase, include Westchester, 190%; Rockland, 189%; Nassau, 180%; Ontario, 177%; Monroe, 168%; Dutchess, 163%; Schoharie, 158% ; Seneca, 157%; Putnam, 155%; Suffolk, 147%; Ulster, 146%; Cattaraugus, 144% ; Albany, 142%; Wayne, 141%; Greene, 138%; Saratoga, 136%; Sullivan, 135% ; Clinton, 133%; Hamilton, 130%; Orange, 129%; Schenectady, 129%; Cayuga, 126%; Columbia, 125%; Tompkins, 121%. Yates, 118%; Onondaga, 118%; Livingston, 117%; St. Lawrence, 117%; Otsego, 115%; Genesee, 113%; Lewis, 112%; Rensselaer, 111%; Wyoming, 108%; Essex, 108%; Erie, 107%; Oswego, 104%; Warren, 104%; Jefferson, 102%; and Steuben, 101%.
Since 1995, Gov. Pataki has made it clear that there is no element of personal responsibility more basic than parents’ obligation to provide for the support of their children. Utilizing aggressive action against non-paying parents and forging new partnerships among government agencies, New York’s child support system has been elevated to a new prominence, benefiting families and receiving national recognition. Under the Governor’s leadership, other child support accomplishments include: Over 550,000 children born out-of-wedlock have had legal paternity established through the voluntary acknowledgment of paternity program.
The enactment of legislation authorizing the Department of Taxation and Finance to use its broad collection powers to enforce cases that are four months in arrears. In 2005, DTF made 192 asset seizures against non-paying non-custodial parents. The development of partnership between the child support program and the Department of Motor Vehicles that has resulted in more than 385,000 child support debtors making full or partial payment on their child support debt since the program began in 1995.
Automatic cost of living increases in support orders have been provided, to keep pace with inflation and allow families to stay off welfare.
The enactment of legislation allowing for administrative liens on property and increased access to records of financial institutions, government agencies and private entities to assist in collection of support from non-paying non-custodial parents. The development of partnership between the child support program and participating financial institutions that make it possible to identify and seize monies in non-custodial parent financial accounts such as: savings, checking, term deposits, money markets, and cash balances. Since inception in 2002, over $52 million has been seized.
Electronic disbursement of child support payments has made issuance of payments to custodial parents more convenient and efficient. In 2005, more than 3 million custodial parent payments were made via Electronic Funds Transfer, Direct Deposit, or Debit Cards.
More than 6,700 families have been enrolled in access and visitation groups across the state. The goal of this initiative is to improve parent’s individual and cooperative parenting skills and to improve the non-custodial parent’s attitudes leading to greater compliance with child support obligations. Over 11,800 children have benefited from the programs.
More than 112,000 children have been enrolled in employer based health care coverage through the Medical Support Execution project, begun in December 2003. The creation of the Joint Enforcement Team (JET) project in four counties to help prosecute cases where other civil collection mechanisms have proved ineffective. As of February 2006, over 600 cases have been referred to district attorney offices and more than $2.25 million has been collected. 2-25-06
The above is the actual article quoted. The rest is pure opinon, not based on this article at all.
What is child support?
All children have the right to receive reasonable and necessary financial support from their parents. Child support is money paid by one parent to another parent, for the benefit of the child, after the parents’ relationship breaks down. The support payments (sometimes known as maintenance) ensure that the child’s expenses are reasonably met. Normally, the parent with whom the child lives most of the time receives the payments on behalf of the child.
http://www.cba.org/BC/public_media/family/117.aspx | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 11:24:56 AM | Supporting your children is a SCAM???
SO i have been scammed all these years of providing for my offspring?
maybe i should go so sue the little scammers for extorting me, the NERVE of them wanting me to feed and clothe and house them, just because i created them!!! | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 2:24:56 PM |
I have seen so many times when a man is the custodial parent, that people admire him so much for being such a GREAT person and "raising these kids alone" but SO many women raise children alone and no one thinks anything about that, it is just what is expected of them. So many times when Dad is raising the kids, neighbors offer to babysit and help out, women offer to clean house, cook a meal, do laundry etc. But when a women raises children alone, she is expected to hold a full time job, them come home and tend to her home and family with no help from anyone. Quiet a double standard in my opinion..
Agreed.
Anyone "raising these kids alone' is a hero - it ain't easy. Lack of money makes it even harder. | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 2:42:02 PM | Even better I have always been a availble parent everyday no matter what. As of 3 months ago my oldest moved in with me, I still pay same child support too his mom. Who by the way still has my daughter. I told her dosen't matter too me money isn't an issue I want happy healthy kids. People say I'm a fool for not trying to readjust my support, Dont matter I got a good kid that I'm happy with. I agree single mothers get a bum rap not enough credit, But dads deserve the same. I work cook clean and put up with a moody as heck 15 year old daily.  | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 3:52:42 PM | | Child support isn't a scam and those that look at it as such are being foolish. I feel that it is wrong when the government agencies have to step in to collect it for the parent. Tax payers have to pay salaries to the workers that do this. If two people can be together long enough to creat a child, they should at least be able to make an agreement and get the money due that parent to them only once monthly without any problems. I will have to say in my exhusband's defense that whatever else he did wrong to me and in our marriage, he never one time missed bringing the child support check to me on time, and even a couple of times, when problems arose for me financially, he paid me twice and then it came again next month as if nothing had changed. He was also aware that we both made a child but that I was the one that walked around, misshapend and uncomfortable for 42 weeks and then pushed a 9 1/2 pound boy out and that my body would never be the same again. When it was all said and done, I had a baby and he did too and never felt a bit of discomfort in the process. I was the one that breast fed and got up at night to tend him and to sit up at night with a sick baby while he slept. He was also aware that I did not belittle him or criticize hime to the children. I did not keep them from seeing him. As parents, if you care about your children, you will be willing to do what is best for them. My kids did not choose for the two of us to get together and procreate, we did that. I found a good person to have a child with but the marriage did not work out. Then it was time for us both to step up to the plate and give it our best swing at doing what is right and best for the kids. No need in feeling like such a victim. You had part in creating the situation. | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 5:54:51 PM |
Child support isn't a scam and those that look at it as such are being foolish.
Well that my depend on the side of the street you happened to walk on. I also suggest one reviews or looks at the occupation and education of both the custodial and non custodial parent.
Now yourself being a nurse with a degree it suggest you are very capable and were also involved in the finacial support of the children.
But i challenge you to say the same of countless of other custodial mothers.
The mature student...who at 35 is still in school looking for who is is complaining about a lack of cs? I just bet she does wonders herself..but complains constantly.
The well established mother who at 22 is pg again and suggests it is all the problem or issue of the ex's who stole her money and is not sending her enough cs.....overlooking or ignoring the fact that she has done what to prepare herself to be a contributor to society let alone assist or be a contributor to raising her children.
I was the one that breast fed and got up at night to tend him and to sit up at night with a sick baby while he slept.
well i was expected to get up myself every other night...even though she also breast feed......and change the diaper and put my child back to bed....even though I had to work the next morning. LOL...the reality was I was the one who had the better bonding with both children...so her lack of ??? worked well for me?
No need in feeling like such a victim. You had part in creating the situation.
Well I agree but also point out like so many woman...you talk about financial responsibilities for men....but are loudly silent...or unable to suggest the same responsibility for woman that you seem to advocate for men.
And then you also probably unable or unwilling to allow joint shared custody....using the abuse or other issues to avoid fostering better relationships with children and both parents...because they say the only reason men ask for custody is to reduce cs....when perhaps the only reason woman refuse share custody is because it reduces their cs..sorry the child cs...if some will believe that one! | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 10:29:26 PM | Liz his arrogance and ignorance screams that he cannot grasp that not all custodial women are the bad people he perceives they are. However no one does it as good as he does! Rolling eyes here..I don't need his criticism or validation. I work 24/7 on call which means I am paid for every fire call, every medical run ect ect. We do more than put out fires. The pay is not that great but the work is rewarding. If I lived in a big city I am sure the money is better, but that's really an ignorant statement from someone who really doesn't know anything about our occupation. About getting that second part time job...hmmm. After I work a 55-65 hour week I am sure that wouldn't leave me much time with the wonderful children I brought into this world and love so dearly. I am a great provider and do hold my head high as my children know the difference between being loved and not being manipulated with "things". They have respect and integrity which money cannot buy. My guess is he became the custodial parent because he bullied his ex in court. I hope he doesn't teach his children to be cruel and make fun of people like he does, he hasn't even walked in their shoes. Must be nice to have nothing better to do that pick on people who choose to do the right thing. His self righteousness doesn't faze me as my ex already gave me that dress rehearsal.  Not that I owe westpark an explanation
Thank you Liz for your kind words..being the custodial parent is hard REWARDING work to those of us who really care about our children. Its not about what your ex did or didn't do. Westpark doesn't leave room for the fact that there ARE deadbeat parents out there. Maybe he needs to grow a brain before opening his mouth. I am not frazzled by his opinions..afterall they are like ***holes...everyone has one. Sucks to really be him!  | |
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Posted: 11/23/2008 10:44:27 PM | Rotty hang in there with your 15yr old..time passes fast and you're doing great I am sure. Most teens are similar. I just think its great you love fatherhood so much! You really "get it". Kudo's. Gem, sweet and grammy...you have a wonderful thought process. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 10:38:59 AM | | Westpark2, You did help to create your situation. Did someone hold a gun to your head and make you copulate with the mother of your children? I seriously doubt it. You made that choice and may have needed to know your partner a little better before the deed was done, but obviously did not. Yes, I am a nurse and have a degree. Did you not know that someday you may be expected to support to help support a family? I did and I worked my way up from an impoverished childhood, as did the kids' father. The point that I am trying to make is that WE made the choice to create our children, both of us, and both of us need to provide for them. I provided more of the physical needs than their dad and he provided more of the financial needs. He also made more money than I did. But we were both there at the time of conception by our own choice. If you are not happy with how the other co-parent of your children does, mayby you should realize the fact that YOU chose to have a child with this person. YOU made a poor choice and now it is time to accept responsibility. You sound like a person that wants to blame the rest of the world for the problems that you have, and cry "It's not my fault. I am so mistreated!!" We bring on the problems that we have oftentimes. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 11:19:32 AM |
SO many women raise children alone and no one thinks anything about that, it is just what is expected of them. So many times when Dad is raising the kids, neighbors offer to babysit and help out, women offer to clean house, cook a meal, do laundry etc. But when a women raises children alone, she is expected to hold a full time job, them come home and tend to her home and family with no help from anyone. Quiet a double standard in my opinion. Are you serious? I don't know a single man who gets special perks just because he's a man with kids. I do, however, know lots, LOTS of women who get many things handed to them simply because they're women, and oh, poor them for raising kids alone, and women can't be expected to pay bills, and women can't be expected to work when they have kids... blah blah blah ad nauseam. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 2:54:11 PM | Pisces~ Everything I have I earned on my own..without help....I work hard for everything we have. I don't get perks...or expect anyone to give me any. Talk about blah blah blah ad nauseum. I don't view myself as"poor me", as I have the greatest gifts God will ever give me.
I make our children a priority because I love them and they deserve to feel loved and wanted. I show this by example of my own actions...integrity is not something with a price tag attached to it. I know a few that get perks and yes some of them are men. However I am not one of them. I sure hope someday you are in a position to feel what I feel and live by your convictions with honor and grace. Its real easy to poke others with a stick when they are tied to the fence. Compassion for others is a lost art...I feel sorry that no one taught you to have a heart. I wish you find it someday... | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 3:33:46 PM |
Did someone hold a gun to your head and make you copulate with the mother of your children? I seriously doubt it. You made that choice and may have needed to know your partner a little better before the deed was done, but obviously did not.
You are absolutely correct and I do not have a thing to say to counter that suggestion or statement. And equally all the custodial mothers who come on here to complain about the lack of cs or the lack of enough cs...the same suggestion is equally valid?
If you are not happy with how the other co-parent of your children does, maybe you should realize the fact that YOU chose to have a child with this person. YOU made a poor choice and now it is time to accept responsibility. You sound like a person that wants to blame the rest of the world for the problems that you have, and cry "It's not my fault. I am so mistreated!!"
I made that realization years ago. Which was why I stayed with her despite knowing I was miserable and in an unhealthy relationship. It has been 6yrs now and life is wonderful and as a custodial father...who has never seen dime...of support...never seen any help for 2 sets of braces...never had any help paying for the extra curricular activities...never seen help paying for the before and after school care...
So what other responsiblity would you like me to accept? | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 4:12:53 PM | Westpark2, You might start by stop complaining about your kids mother. If you have on this thread, you probably have elsewhere that your kids pick up on it. How do you think that makes them feel? You helped create the situation, if you do not like it, go through the correct channels to correct it, not whine to others and criticize their mother. Were you not aware when you had these kids that they had to be provided for? Did you not prepare yourself to support a family? So... Now you are, but you do not have to support their mother.
Pisces, you need to meet a few more single fathers raising kids. My brother was the custodial parent of his kids and their mom took every other weekend and some holidays and for a month in the summer. My mother babysat for him often, picked kids up at school and delivered them to extracurricular activities, went by and did laundry, for no charge. His sister-in-law would drop by and clean up his house for him occasionally and cook extra for her family so she could bring it over for him and the kids. Everyone acted like he was a superdad or a saint because he was raising the kids. Don't get me wrong, he is a really good guy, but women raise kids alone all the time and no one drops in to clean house or do laundry, bring food or taxi kids around for free. That is a mom's job, in most peoples opinion. I have worked with men that raised their kids alone and people think they are so great for it, but don't think anything of all of the mothers that have raised thir kids alone. Yes, there is a double standard. Besides, do you not have children? There is nothing like having a little firsthand experience when discussing a matter. I raised my kids, held down a full time job and took college courses during a lot of that time, and still mannaged to pay bills. Yes, I am serious. And I was expected to and DID pay bills. Please think before you type. Your ignorance is showing. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 4:33:34 PM | Grammy, all of those things that happened to your brother, happened because he had family who wanted to help him out and who could help him out. I wouldn't call it a perk to have people around you who feel like they want to help out. I'd call it having a decent family who want to be there for thier loved ones... and why should he have to refuse the help or chase these people away if they really want to help... that would be stupid. And are you saying that because your brother had these so-called perks, that every dad goes through this wealth of help and love from friends and family? I hope not, because that's a pretty huge generalization.
I know plenty of moms who receive help as well. It's a two-way street. I also think that alot more single dads are willing to accept help more than the moms. More moms have this "I'm a super mom" persona, that if they had relatives or friends take the kids on the weekend, or do thier laundry and cook thier meals, that they feel like they wouldn't be doing thier jobs. If you don't have that kind of help... then don't knock those who do.
Parenting is a hard job, whether your a single parent or not and whether your a dad or a mom. I can assure you that being a single dad isn't as glamorous as you paint the picture to be. But if you sleep better at night thinking you worked harder than the average single dad, only because your a woman, then who am I to keep you awake? | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 4:50:41 PM | Gramy;
Guess you must have missed the posts on here and other threads where West has stated that he chose not to collect child support from his ex because of the effect it would have on her financially.
Is this the type of compassion that you are talking about Firegurl.
In my own situation even though I take care of my daughter at least 50% of the time I still pay full support instead of suing for reduction. Reason, my ex could not afford the good place she has for our daughter.
What I and others want addressed is inherent inequities within the system for both sides.
BTW; Firegurl do you have backup to prove that he bullied his ex in court. Sorry, but you speak of integrity but make comments like that, not cool at all. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 4:53:24 PM | | Excuse me Hooked and Happy, but he is my brother. We had the same family. I would have not refused help if it had been offered. No one brought food to my house or fed the kids on the nights that I had classes. No one dropped by and did laundry or ran a vacumm or washed a sinkful of dishes or unloaded a dishwasher. They did think that housekeeping chores fell on a woman's shoulders and we should keep up. I did most times. I did my motherly duty AND held down a job. I will admit that Dad came over a few times and mowed my yard and informed me that it looked really grown up and that I needed to keep things better. The point that I am making is how differently people percieve single men with kids and their duties and single moms with kid and equal duties. There is a difference even in families. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 5:51:19 PM | | I wouldn't trust my son's father alone with my son for 5 minutes. He's already proven that he can't cook for, clean, or bathe himself, so there's no way I would ever let him have him for a week at a time. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 5:53:36 PM |
.I feel sorry that no one taught you to have a heart. I wish you find it someday... If having a heart comes at the expense of taking personal responsibility, then I'm glad I was taught the latter and not the former. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 6:53:31 PM |
The point that I am making is how differently people percieve single men with kids and their duties and single moms with kid and equal duties.
No, the point your trying to make is that YOUR family treated their son differently than you, and perhaps percieved your brother as a man who may not have been able to handle single fatherhood.. or maybe they just liked him better?
Not all families treat thier sons and brothers like they couldn't sweep a floor or cook a meal. It sounds like you have some real resentment towards your family for not doing the things for you that they did for your brother, but don't mistaken your family issues with that of all the other families. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 7:23:56 PM | Hooked and happy, please do not try to tell me what the point that I am trying to make is. I feel that I am competent to know my own mind. How did you become an expert on me and my relatives? Maybe it is a bit different where I lived and when my family was younger than where you live, but it was considered by most that women took care of all household duties, the children, and often even the yard. Men worked outside of the home, tended to many of the financial matters, provided what the family needed and when he came home, his work was done. Did not sweep a floor or do housework, bath a child or change a diaper. So when he became single, he MUST need a woman to help him. But women , well... they just have to learn to cope, hold a job, run the household and family as well as they ever did, take care of mechanical problems, etc...then when the parents become elderly and need assistance, guess who is expected to look after them and see to their physical and medical needs??? The daughter..
No, I do not resent my family nor did they love him more than me. But I am realistic enough to see things the way that they are. They never thought one thing of me learning to make my way in the world alone or the loneliness that I felt, but had so much sympathy for the problems that he had. | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 7:46:31 PM | | I think there is a huge difference in how men and women were perceived in their roles in the 1950s and today. I grew up with both my parents working and having successful careers, sharing the household duties and everything in between. And I say thank goodness for that, and the fact that both women and men today can share in everything in a household, from changing diapers to cooking dinner. It is unfortunate back in the old days people had that school of thought, but in my experiences, both in my parents generation and my own, I can't recall seeing a man getting any special consideration for raising his own kids. It is certainly not as common as women raising kids on their own, by no one I know would give them extra kudos for being a parent. If they didn't have a skill they needed, they can certainly come to me or another friend to learn it, hell I've been a single parent for 11 years and just learned to drywall :) | |
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Posted: 11/24/2008 8:07:08 PM | Amore, from different posts that you have made in the past, I think that you must perceive me as an older woman than I am. I would imagine that I am about your mother's age since you are about the age of my children. I am not yet senile nor do I have one foot in the grave.I do remember well raising my kids. I was not a parent in the 50's or 60's, but I was in the 70's, 80's and early 90's. I have many skills, (not great ones but help in a pinch) since I was married to a building contractor for many years, I can also do hang drywall, help pour cement, wallpaper a house, rewire a lamp, change out an electrical switch, do interior and exterier paint (not just residential, by the way) and have even helped out with roofing a house on a couple of occasions. So I have done many things outside the house or medical setting, much more than my exhusband or any male relative that I have, have of domestic skills.
In the late 80's and early 90' s I was often dating and even today in the work place , there will be mention of a man... just recently this happened and someone made the remark that "He must be a pretty nice guy, he is raising those kids by himself." How often to you hear someone remark that about a woman? And I am not talking about the olden days. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 11/24/2008 8:12:05 PM | Grammymeg I am guessing that my parents are probably about the same age as you as well then......and I know that they "are" a bit old school.....even though they divorced and remarried in the 90's.
If my brother became a single parent tomorrow, to his 3 children, my parents would be worried SICK! And somehow, for me, they don't worry as much. I think it has to do with their belief about capabilities. They know that I can raise children on my own. They would faint at the mere suggestion that my brother do the same. I don't think it's based on our personalities as much as the idea that "child raising" is best done by women. I'm not saying I agree at ALL with that concept......I take everything on a case by case basis.....
Some people just see it differently. It reminds me of people that call it "babysitting" when a man in a 2 parent home is watching the kids while his wife is out. lol....... | |
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