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| | Child supportPage 2 of 18 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18) | SMILEY....
I know you're pissed off and understandably to some point but I think it's cause you had a suckyass lawyer while her's dined the judge. You're getting the same deal that is dealt everywhere so find a new woman for yourself and get on with your life.
Everytime I read one of these topics, I always remember the movie "Back to the Future" part 2 with that scene of 'now that they have abolished all lawyers, it's all gone' LOL.. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:30:17 PM | | it would be too hard to switch off. it already takes me 2 days to get my daughter back to our routine when she leaves for her 24 hour visit every other week and her dad has different rules,etc. she has her own room here vs her dads,so it wouldn't work for us | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/6/2008 9:34:01 PM | | what a perfect world smiley except there are some men like my ex who goes weeks without seeing or calling his kids.does not call them on special days or birthdays and does not see the reason in being around for more than his cursory every other wkend when he follows through with it. My sister did the one wk thing for over twelve years with her ex and she would say that she would not do it again . My ex isn't involved with his kids and lacks the knowledge if tommorrow he had to take over there lives so after telling me I was making him jump through hoops ..I had asked for $50 for our youngest glasses I took him for child support all after five years of not getting child support .So some mothers do not rush out to the sleezy court system but rather give the man the option of stepping up to the plate .However there is a cutting off point where each of us reach our point of I'm not putting up with this or that and I don't regret my choice but i wish he could see that his kids are growing up without him. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 2:57:13 AM |
Problem is the man is taken all rights away and nearly impossible to stay active in the kids life.
Just because this is your situation, doesn't make it true for everyone. Using broad sweeping generalizations is a good way to get kicked to the curb in the forums.
My ex chose for me to have primary custody. He does see them every other weekend. His choice. When he wants to have more time with them, wants to call them, whatever, he can..he is their father and I do not stand in his way.
As for the money....I do work. He is not subsidizing me. But I make considerably less than him because as a couple we chose to have me home most of the time when the kids were little. Thus I do not have as many years in the workforce as he does. Why should the kids suffer because of that? | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:15:13 AM | Not every divorce or custody settlement is so cut and dry. Not every parent is able to live within a couple of miles of their kids, not all jobs are 8-5 some involve travel or longer hours. I also don't see how packing your kids up every 7 days and shuffling them back and forth could possibly be easy on them, although I am sure it does work for cetain families. Do children really need two of everything? Because anyone that complains about supporting their children is certainly going to complain about having to buy all their clothing twice, bedding twice etc.
My Ex has a MEE (Masters in Elec Engineering) I worked two jobs while he was a full time student the first 6 years of our marriage in order for him to get those pieces of paper and although I have a Bachelors degree his income is easily twice mine. So I should not see my kids for a week at a time because I enabled him to further his education? Am I supposed to be able to provide my kids with an equal lifestyle? My 8-5 job gives him the ability to travel, conduct business and earn a higher income. So, I do not see how both of us having to keep a 3 bedroom home is economically feasible or practicle for either of us. I don't know of many single Moms that manage to keep the house, especially in the northeast. Most of us are living well below what we had as a married person.
Your frustrations are common no one likes cutting a monthly check to someone they despise. But think of the practicality of the matter. Most men do not sue for equal custody. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 9:01:29 AM | | mommy2: Excuse me but I disagree with you and your comment, "and since the adults are at fault..." A lot of marriages, like mine, fall apart because the man started drinking too much and verbally and physically abused his wife. It is NOT my fault that the marriage ended! I chose not to be treated like this and I don't deserve to be. I shouldn't be made to "suffer." I suffered enough in the marriage both from the drinking and abuse I dealt with and the fact that I had to get back into the dating scene which is not fun. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 9:08:11 AM |
mommy2: Excuse me but I disagree with you and your comment, "and since the adults are at fault..." A lot of marriages, like mine, fall apart because the man started drinking too much and verbally and physically abused his wife If one parent started drinking too much and became abussive: it is an adult's fault.
Maybe not really both adult's fault. But it's certainly not the children's fault.
The children had no say in the matter when they were born into a relationship that would eventually fall apart due to a parent's drinking and abuse. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/7/2008 5:40:25 PM | | I guess the key words here are shared custody, no child support by default. If circumstances don't fit then by all means it shouldn't. I have a friend who'se a trucker. He's paying child support as he should be, he's on the road 28 out of 30 days on average. Another friend of mine came home from work one day to find his neighbour and his wife in bed. His wife didn't work so now he's paying $1200 a month , child support and alimony because his wife didn't work while they were married. By default he's allowed his daughter every second weekend. This is a serious flaw in our system. My neighbour has a daughter who's 21 going to university. She's living in an apartment in a different city than the mother. By law he still has to pay the mother child support. He's getting calls from daughter needing money. She's not getting the money from the mother. He loves his daughter so of course he's doin his best to help her out.Serious ,serious flaws in our system. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 5:57:43 PM |
In my opinion, split custody is bullshit.
It seems to be getting common now, as a way of trying to cater to everybody.
But I think the children suffer.
I've been doing 50-50 with my ex since she left. Kids are here one week, then at the ex's for a week. It's been working fine for almost 7 years. The boys are getting to the age where they'll be able to choose where they live and they will want to move in with me full-time, I'm sure.
They are healthy and happy guys. It's become such a routine the ex and I don't even have to talk very much, which is great.
It does bother me that I still have to pay quite a bit in child support, but that will end when the kids move here. It'll be interesting to see how the ex likes paying....  | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:07:12 PM | well, father can make a simple motion to court with Daughter support, and SC can be re-directed to daughter. Mother may wish to fight it, but has no case..... Ya, I know, it costs money and time, the only way out is agreement by both parties or a court order........
Funny case I read..... Facts are (recent case)
Man and wife divorce, have 1 child
Bio Father pays CS
Woman gets remarried for a short time
Divorce, and woman seeks CS from Step (Loco Parent)
Court agrees (because Family law..... Your a parent if you play the role) there is a check list .....
ok, back to the case....
Step Dad fights in court, but loose. Bio dad, little to no income, new Step dad on the hook.
Anyway, the bio dad, and mom get back together and re-marry. now child is with both bio parents. Step dad, seeks relief from support. Lower court agrees.
Bio Dad appeals, and judge hands down a bombshell. Step Dad to pay till 18, or done school, or marriage etc.
Our wheels of justice grind slowly lol | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/7/2008 6:12:44 PM | | LOL, my ex pays his child support so I guess I'm lucky I even get that (less then $50 a week) but he's never met my daughter. I dont think he ever will, he's into a bad life style. She's just a get out of jail card to him....But I'm not bitter, he's doing whats right for her. Even if it's for the rong reasons. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 7:28:18 PM | I could write a book but....
If one of the parents is a deadbeat is it really best for the children to be with that parent half of the time?
What if one parent does not take any responsibility for the child(ren)? I'm talking never pays 1/2 of the doc bills, never buys clothing, never buys school supplies.....
What if one parent is abusive in any way? You really think split custody is the best? | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 7:44:18 PM | I agree
Ps, It's not called "Split Custody", It's called "Shared Custody"
Split Custody is where there are 2 kids, and one lives with one parent, and 1 lives with the other. Courts don't usually practice this, but parents can agree on this when the kids don’t really get along, and or a huge age spread, and or, parents are going to be living very very far away (ie Vancouver and Toronto) where weekend travel is not gonna happen.
Sole= Lives with 1 parent and that parent makes decisions
Joint=Lives with 1 parent and both make decisions
Shared= Somewhere between 40-60% (Both Parents are sharing the kids)
Split=2 or more children and some live with 1 parent, and some live with the other. | |
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Posted: 7/7/2008 7:54:02 PM | | Wow. I'm in a situation where, yes the family courts are failing. Unfortunately, they are failing my daughter. My daughter is 4 years old. It is hard enough on her that she doesn't quite understand why mama and daddy don't live together. To ferry her back and forth every other week would cause more confussion, I think. Not to mention, her father and I live in seperate states. As for the split custody... I'm having an issue tryin to have FULL custody granted to me. I've been to court 4 times now.. he still refuses to get a job, pay his support or even call during the week to see how his daughter is doing. Yet, somehow... the courts still feel he needs to be in her life. Though, it took supervised visitation for him to even administer the medication for her asthma to keep her out of the hospital. I don't think the 50/50 custody by default would work in every situation... just my opinion. | |
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achef
| | Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| Child support
Posted: 7/7/2008 8:27:48 PM | | i feel you i have my daughter 6 days a week and 3 nites and i still pay 400 a month i cant figure it out kinda crazy to me i have her from 7am to the following day atill3 pm some days i dont have her over nite but i have her the most crazy system | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:40:19 AM |
I've been doing 50-50 with my ex since she left. Kids are here one week, then at the ex's for a week. It's been working fine for almost 7 years. The boys are getting to the age where they'll be able to choose where they live and they will want to move in with me full-time, I'm sure. You assume that it will be your boy's decision alone, and their mother won't have any say???
(Maybe I shouldn't judge you negatively, but) if you drink and use drugs often, and are looking for a woman for "other relationship" while you're currently with someone: I suspect that your home is not fit for children. I hope your ex has enough common sense not to allow her children to live in such a household.
Personally, I'd think that she should be fightening tooth and nail to prevent her kids from spending half their time with you now. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:54:29 AM |
You assume that it will be your boy's decision alone, and their mother won't have any say???
Well, legally, there comes a time when the boys CAN decide where they will live DESPITE what the other parent says. Maybe they'll choose to stay at the mother's full-time, but I doubt it. If that is their choice, I'm not gonna fight it.
(Maybe I shouldn't judge you negatively, but) if you drink and use drugs often, and are looking for a woman for "other relationship" while you're currently with someone: I suspect that your home is not fit for children. I hope your ex has enough common sense not to allow her children to live in such a household.
Personally, I'd think that she should be fightening tooth and nail to prevent her kids from spending half their time with you now.
You're FUUUuuuuunnny!
You ARE judging me, assuming you know the first thing about me. HOWEVER, check back next week 'cause the info I've got on my profile now is getting a bit stale. I'll try to put some good stuff in there just for you.
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| Child support
Posted: 7/8/2008 1:11:01 PM | | In cases where the dad is a deadbeat, the mothers get custody of the children. In cases where the mother is a deadbeat, the mother gets custody of the children. The mothers get custody of the children no matter what. Even if the man is a hard working individual and he marries a lazy no good for nothin deadbeat that won't even clean the house, the mother gets an added bonus on top of child support called alimony....its time the system changes. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 2:07:57 PM |
(Maybe I shouldn't judge you negatively, but) if you drink and use drugs often, and are looking for a woman for "other relationship" while you're currently with someone
LOL...so why did you not suggest his occupation would perhaps lead the children into bad habits?
His occupation is not legal and that would lead the children into dangerous or perilous situations.
I am sure a person could use that to argue an unfit role model.
But then common sense is a slippery slope or perhaps simply missing? | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 2:53:39 PM | | Yup that's exactly what I'm going through right now. Rotating a 5 yr old is very very difficult, especially when the Dad really had nothing to do with the child from the beginning. He lets him do WHATEVER he wants, which makes it so difficult for me every other week. I have not changed anything, I'm still the same Mommy but with more frustration. He lets him stay inside all day long and play video games, which my son loves. So when ever I pick him up he cries and does not want to go with me. This does not make me feel so good! Bed time is so hard, since he stays up past 11 pm every night with him and does not get up until 10 or 11 am!!!! I have to get up early to go to work and my son does not comply. In fact everything that I'm against, like him drinking soda, my ex let him do anyway. He's doing this to me just to be a ass! He really has no idea what to do when it comes to raising a child! Unfortunately I have no means to change this. I don't know what it's like in other states, but Florida recently changed many laws. One of them is in which shared custody is the way to go. Now I'm all for his Dad to be in his life but NOT like this! | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 2:54:53 PM |
LOL...so why did you not suggest his occupation would perhaps lead the children into bad habits?
His occupation is not legal and that would lead the children into dangerous or perilous situations.
And, believe it or not, in Canada Piracy is still illegal and 'on the books'. I know because a buddy of mine with whom I sailed for years took a contractor to court for piracy. They guy went onto my buddy's boat to collect a disputed sail. My buddy's boat was a 'numbered' boat and could still be seconded by the Queen under Maritime Law....
I try to keep it to simple keel-hauling, lashes with the cat-o-nine and the occasional hostage taking....
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Posted: 7/8/2008 3:31:11 PM | Posted By: smiley12345
"In cases where the dad is a deadbeat, the mothers get custody of the children. In cases where the mother is a deadbeat, the mother gets custody of the children. The mothers get custody of the children no matter what. Even if the man is a hard working individual and he marries a lazy no good for nothin deadbeat that won't even clean the house, the mother gets an added bonus on top of child support called alimony....its time the system changes."
Here here my man. We are not all bad fathers or dead beats but we are treated that way by the system in place. In my case I did not get custody in the temporary hearing because my ex wife lives with her two retired parents and one retired uncle and I am a single working father. My ex does not work either but I pay for all day day care for my son. Don't get me wrong either. I gladly pay that money to get him out of the house if only for half the day but the thing is if I don't pay it I get hauled to court and fitted with an anklet. I could have full custody and keep him in the same day care. Just doesn't make sense. Hopefully I'll get a fairer shake when we go to court for real. I am a good parent to my son when I am given the opportunity. | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 8:07:47 PM | No.
The OP writes:
...shouldn't child support be done away with. Split custody should be by default, 1 week,1 week. This would be fairer for the kids and to both parents and it would do away with the sleezy family court system. You're not thinking this through, Homer. The default is whatever the two of you can agree on before the matter has to go in front of the judge. The judge will sign off on whatever the two of you agree on. What could be fairer than that?
The court system will only be involved to the extent that you and your ex can't come to an arrangement. And the rulings will always be in favor of the one who has the most documentation. That is a simple concept that people seem to screw up overandoverandoverandover.......
If all you've got to give the judge is your heartfelt conviction that your ex is a deadbeat, but your ex can come up with receipts on how much beer you buy, along with a net log of the porn sites you surf, as well as a hardbound journal detailing every argument you two have had going back two years, who the hell do you think is gonna prevail, mister "Heartfelt Conviction," or Ms. "Physical Evidence?" | |
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Posted: 7/8/2008 9:03:41 PM | I aree with you on that, what about those judges out there that dont give damn what a dead beat you are, so long as you can be a okay father. You dont have to be great, but if you can feed clothe and shelter without abuse or neglect, then you can be as much a loser or 'deadbeat' as you like.
I am in the prosses of a divorce and am worried that that would be the case. It just seems so pointless to explain to a judge what a worthless POS he is, and how I KNOW my daughter would be SO much better off without him. :( | |
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Posted: 7/9/2008 9:52:08 AM | 1 week there 1 week here I'm not so sure if that is good on the kids. I believe it would depend on how close the parents are and if the children have friends and enjoy being at both homes.
As for the child support I'm working through that right now with my ex. Before he moved out I set up a budget to make sure he could afford his bills and then only asked for what I needed to help pay for the daycare costs. I pay 17K in daycare each year, I do not feel it is a burden I should carrying on my own.
I have never agreed with the child support rules and regulations because many times it does not take into consideration that both parties need to live. I know that what the court will grant me in child support would not allow my ex to live and therefore I will not request it.
I don't think there is a suitable answer to your question. I do believe if both parents are paying everything equally there is no need for child support, but in most cases this is not the case. Even if my ex is able to take the kids every other week. I still pay the daycare cost, the lunch for school, the school clothes and supplies, their after school activites etc. My rent is also higher because I have a three bedroom home where he has a two (We have three children). So I believe this is what the child support is for however I do believe woman have taken advantage of the system just trying to get all that they can and not worrying about the other parent.
Just for the record I have been on the other side as well, as my ex has children from a previous marriage that he also pays child support to, to a mother that no longer has to work because her new husband makes enough to support them, however he is still paying the support as he is obligated too through the court system.
It is a catch 22 and I have no idea how the system can fix the problem.
But to answer your question the 1 week 1 week thing would only work if each parent paid their share of the bills during that week including, clothes, parties, school activities etc.
Two people can choose to go that route if agree to no child support, they do have the option of not letting the court decide. | |
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