| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:11:30 PM |
In today's world of women= to men, shouldn't child support be done away with. Split custody should be by default, 1 week,1 week. This would be fairer for the kids and to both parents and it would do away with the sleezy family court system.
Ok how exactly does that work if they live in different school districts?
This wouldn't be fairer to the kids but harder on them. Also your assuming that both parents are mature and responsible. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:33:29 PM | Do you have ANY idea how much day care costs??? Plus, the suggestion that the kids split their time 50/50 with both parents, one week here and one week there, means that the kids would have very little in the way of predictability and routine. Then there is the question of special stuff like eyeglasses...who pays for that? You get one lens, I'll get the other? Do you work together to find the cheapest pair or do you go for quality? I'm taking this example a little far.
No, child support is essential. Raising kids is expensive. If you made a kid, you get to pay. If you think your child doesn't feel the resentment you have towards child support or their mother, you're wrong. Suck it up and pay. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:54:14 PM |
Plus, the suggestion that the kids split their time 50/50 with both parents, one week here and one week there, means that the kids would have very little in the way of predictability and routine.
I disagree.
My kids understand their routine completely. Kids move from my house to the ex's on Sunday. The following Sunday they move back to my house. If there's anything that needs to be discussed, I call her or she calls me. Better yet, we correspond by email most of the time.
The kids are great. The kids are happy. They have their stuff at my place, they have their stuff at their mom's. Stuff moves freely between the two places. Their friends are the same, their school is the same. Neither kid got less than a B on their final report. They are involved in sports. My middle kid plays Rep hockey at a very high level for his age.
I think it's the PARENTS who are trying to protect their little kingdom that get all fvcked up about this.
I pay CS. I don't like it, but I accept it. If it isn't about kids, I don't talk to my ex. I have no idea about what she does in her personal life. I don't care. She feels the same. We will NEVER be friends or friendly. We are civil and that' s all it takes. I haven't even set foot in her house for 6 months. So what?
Sure, there are situations that are not conducive to shared parenting. But, stop putting your own feelings before the kids. Kids are WAY smarter and flexible than YOU are as parents.
/rant
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| Should Dad be expected to help out now after time off with good behaviour??
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:58:30 PM | I feel like im the only person out there that has allowed my ex to see his child weekly (with full accomodation of me driving our son there AND picking him up) for 4 yrs now ...without going after any sort of child support, besides asking for occasional purchase of shoes ....etc . .....
Up until recently I have always believed that this was the best way and interests for my son, to avoid any form of turmoil in his life as much as possible between his Mom and Dad.
I thought that this was best....but as my life circumstances have recently changed (loss of a parent) and my financial situation has been effected considerably due to it...I find myself in need of a bit more financial help from my sons Dad. To my surprise, he is quite reluctant to give any, seeing as he has become comfortable over the past 4 yrs with the arrangement of me asking him (seldomly at that) for a small hand in help and nothing more or any form of documentation forcing him to do so (other than the fact that he is his bilogical father and my estranged husband)
Im kind of at a loss for what or where to go next. ..... I dont want to start ruffling feathers as I want to keep things calm for my sons sake, but I really feel like hes falling short on finally stepping to the plate now that a time calls for a need for him to.
Any ideas or suggestions??
ps- I do realize that I sound like a doormat somewhat, but please realize that I chose the initial route becaues I was hoping for the most peaceful solution possible for our child. But I do know things need to change now. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 2:59:52 PM | This is such a sensitive issue with me. The system does not work and it should work for our children's sake.
I pay my child support every month for six years since it started. never missed a payment. She pays nothing into the kids expenses. Nothing at all ...... Zero anything my kids get is from me I support both households.
She actually gets child support for my oldest daughter and my daughter does not live with her. She is in college. My daughter complained to me that her mom just gave her $50 every two weeks. So using simple math she kept in her pocket $300 a month of my daughters money every month for five years. Until I brought her to court and it cost me$1500 to make a change no doubt. Judge ruled in my favor only half the money. Why I don't know. Now I give my daughter half of the money directly to her. What her mom does with the rest. This is what I see she says to my daughter that she pays for my daughters car insurance. but doesn't tell her its part of the money she gets from me and tells my daughter its from her. It cost my daughter $100 a month for car insurance. So the simple math again she pockets $100 a month. I just only hope my other two kids at least get the money I give for them. I doubt it very much.
She had the affair and I divorced her and she married him .... thank God!
She still goes to counseling. She is still miserable.
She yanked the kids out of there original schools when I kicked her out of the home.
Her family was on my side the whole time. I was the one at the holiday dinners at her fathers house with his grand children and not her.
I had to give her half the equity of the home, half of my pension and I pay child support when I have them 6 days out of 14. One day short of equal time every two weeks.
Cost me $31,000.00 to divorce her .............. she payed nothing!
I only responded because I saw
Suck it up and pay.
Why do SOME women get away with financially NOT being responsible to raise there kids? Men have to cover the cost and a very very small percentage of women actually do pay.
We are not in the 1950's any more. It has to be changed! | |
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ksr61
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Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 56 | |
| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:04:40 PM | capitano_blaugh I agree.
It never stops amazing me how, in many situations, one parent always seems to want to be the one in complete control and use the kids to achieve that control. If the question of equality ever comes up when it involves kids there is always an excuse as to why that is not possible.
Kenny | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:08:24 PM |
am in the process of a divorce and am worried that that would be the case. It just seems so pointless to explain to a judge what a worthless POS he is, and how I KNOW my daughter would be SO much better off without him. :(
Steff: You are a real peach yourself in that you did at one point find him acceptable enough to date and marry and sleep with. What does it say about your character if you did all those things with such a worthless character? But now you are denigrating or calling worthless a part of what your daughter is.
So what again does this suggest about your character? | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/9/2008 5:31:41 PM | One other thing about child support in Canada is that it is based on your total income, including taxable benefits. So all those non-cash taxable benefits I get like medical insurance, extended health etc.. I have to pay child support on these. The funniest one though is that my employer pays for my daughters medical insurance and extended health, of which is a taxable benefit, of which is included as part of the child support calculation.The interesting part is that when the government changed to the current tables they knew of these flaws but did nothing about it.
I have also noticed in responses here and other threads that when shared parenting and reduction in child support is suggested the excuses come out about how it isn't practical and just would not work. Yeah, if you live too far apart then sure but as I have told a few friends going through divorce when their wives have said they want one, good, then let them move out without the kids. There is no reason for the dad to leave these days as he has just as much right to the kids as he does to the house. Don't like the marriage, door is there.
As for child support I have paid for the last 12 years on time, every single month as one should. Now, because my daughter and her mother do not get along our daughter has lived with me the majority of the time for abou the past 5 months. You would think that after that amount time and after paying all those years my ex would offer to pay me. Nope not one word and I can't stop paying her unless I go to court and get the order changed. I guess some people have integrity and some don't. | |
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| Should Dad be expected to help out now after time off with good behaviour??
Posted: 7/10/2008 5:59:11 PM | MR SELECTIVE...
I am realizing this , yes. I suppose it just helps with some guilt I am having to have to persue it without the verbal comitments we had agreed to 'if' I ever needed it. Perhaps my fault for being so naive in believing another comittment from an uncomittable person. :(
Oh well suck it up princess I suppose.
Thanks for reitterating it, it does help to know im not completely unreasonable. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:27:59 PM | Westpark2-
I dated, slept with and married this man because I loved him. Out of the blue one day he comes home to tell me that he got fired. After that, he started to change into a mean irrisponcible jerk who laid on the couch all day or went to hang out with his drugy friends, not spending anytime looking for a job or even spending time with his wife and baby. He just change. It blindsided me, to be honest.
My daughter is not in anyway shape or form defind by that man. She will be better off without him because he associates with people who do drugs and is also a emotionally abusive man to both me and his mother.
Is that anymore exceptable to you Westpark2?
S | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:17:26 PM | Yes, the system is out to screw over all men in divorce. Of course, how could I forget that.
...and the same "system" allows men to walk away from their court ordered support obligations , often times over...and over....and over again. so, at the end of the day, if there is no effective enforcement of court orders, how "screwed" can you actually get??? | |
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| Should Dad be expected to help out now after time off with good behaviour??
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:25:38 PM | If he won't do it willingly, he'll have to do it unwillingly.
..unless he is self-employed (cannot be wage attached) or a chronic "job jumper". then, child support is virtually impossible to collect. take it from someone who is owed 27,000 for a child that is not yet five years old, and both california and texas courts know exactly where this deadbeat is. pathetic "dad" and equally pathetic "system".
(yep, totally bitter). | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:14:02 PM | cool i found a subject that i am well in. And I have plent of talk concerning.
First lets explain my sitiatuation to get a feel from my shoes.
I have 2 kids, one daughter age 6, and one son age 1, from two different women.
I have never been married, but i have been in court both times on custody, support & visitation.
I have 100% full custody of my daughter, and i receive 0 zero support, benifits, etc... I provide for 100% of her care and costs.
I have 50/50 with my son. I have him 3.5 days a week and he is with his mother 3.5 days a week. And yet i also pay child support for him. Not taking into account that everything she has to buy for him i also have to buy. But because i work for a living and she lives off state benifits. I have to pay. How is that fair? its not. But thats the messed up world we live in. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:03:52 PM |
But because i work for a living and she lives off state benifits
___
Is she living that way to raise your mutual son? To be sure he has a parent around to raise him? Just a little friendly reminder that , regardless of the grown up begrudges people tend to get as life goes on, be thankful that your son has a Mom thats willing to stay at home and raise him. Believe it or not theres Moms out there this day in age that cant wait to run out of the house each day and let other people raise their children each day while they get to claim and boast them as their own!
Honestly your son is probably better off *unless she is mentally unstable of course* to be with his Mom, who in fact is 'working' on raising your children :) I know its a tough pill to swallow..not trying to get all woman power on you. On the flip side , kudos to you for raising your daughter on your own....you should be a little more aware then of the efforts that are (or should be) put into daily living and raising a young healthy mind :)
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:05:27 PM | | the above post I just put should only have the first part quoted above the line I wrote. Sorry Im new at this forum stuff. lol | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:17:36 PM | It's a tough system - the fact is that the children have the right to benefit from the income of both parents - period.
The problem is that if the non-custodial parent makes a good income, it creates an incentive for the custodial parent to either quit working or choose an easier job that pays less because there is still the guaranteed income.
The system as it stands today, tends to favor the mother in terms of custody, and though it takes two to tango, it only takes one to decide to forego birth control and have a kid, thus guaranteeing a piece of the father's income without the inconvenience of having to put up with the father to get it.
That being said, I can't think of a better solution than the one we have right now for determining support. There's no way (without really involving outside agencies) to ensure that one parent isn't profiting unfairly from the support, and pocketing money that rightfully belongs to the children.
I'm a single dad, full-time, with two children. Their mother doesn't (voluntarily) pay any support, even though the courts assigned her a paltry sum as support. In my opinion, however, it's worth every penny of the support I'm not receiving in order to keep me from having to deal with her - I'll keep it that way and earn my own damned money... | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:41:31 AM |
In my opinion, however, it's worth every penny of the support I'm not receiving in order to keep me from having to deal with her - I'll keep it that way and earn my own damned money...
could not have said it better! | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:02:41 AM | Yes I guess in a perfect world it would work
My ex had his parental rights removed
But in my state he is still obligated to support his child.
I have spent countless hours in support court making sure my son was getting his money..Not my money ...his
When I hear about a parent ( male or female) complain about supporting their own child I have to wonder if they realize that child is here because of them. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:16:35 PM | | would you feel that way if you the one witout custudy and paying child support | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:25:00 PM | To those that have 50/50 custody or those that have no custody and are still paying support, have you exhausted every legal avenue available or have you just resigned to it? If you still pay support without grumbling, then to me that illustrates your true commitment to your children, regardless of the legal status of your custody.
Child support is such a heated issue, isn't it?!
Those that receive it feel they deserve every penny. Those that give it are sometimes concerned that the children's needs are not being met with it, or are upset that the parent receiving the CS really does not need it. Those that do not get it from a parent that is supposed to pay it seems is mixed. Some fight for it. Some just let it go.
The thing with child support is yes, it is going to benefit everyone in the home that the child lives. There is no way around it. If the receiving party uses it for rent, then they are being benefited as well. If they use it for groceries, same result.
But, how 0n earth are we going to police something such as that, and should it be policed? | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:48:33 PM | | No way. Do away with child support ? that is RIDICULOUS!! Children need things food, clothing, dayacre,schooling, personal items, a roof over their head etc etc. Also not all parent are responsible enough to even take their child on their own and bouncing your child around from week to week is not fair to the child. I do agree the family court (at least in delaware) SUCK. | |
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Nona37
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Joined: 3/31/2008
Msg: 73 | |
| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:48:46 AM | I believe it depends on the situation. The Family Courts can NOT just automatically grant "joint custody". What if one of the parents is a bad parent? What if one of the parents is not capable of handling "joint custody". It's solely up to the discretion of the judge and I agree with the reasoning.
As far as child support is concerned. I do not agree with doing away with child support, the sole reasoning for Child Support Enforcement Agencies is due to the past of horrible parents who neglected their children financially. If someone wants to complain, thank those particular people. Child support is about the child, not the parent who is primarily taking care of the children.
I do believe some split arrangements are ridiculous though. A good example is a man I had recently met but who turned out to be a "flub" stated that he fought to have his children daily splitting up the days with the mother. He was honestly astonished when this did not occur. He was also complaining about how the mother moved 25 miles away. I'm sure he was being pushy hence why she performed this. Sometimes parents are selfish on both sides of the fence. Parents should definitely hold the children's best interest at heart always.
No offense to the good parents, but more times to none, the non custodial parents want joint custody in order to have grounds to not pay child support....it's ridiculous! | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:12:48 AM | Problem is our system encourages break-ups. Everybody invoved is used to living a certain lifestyle....woman kicks man out and the kids are hers by default man must leave and pay 30 percent of his salary. Woman keeps kids and her lifefestyle with a 20 year pension and man is stricken in poverty and loses the right to see his kids.
Well smiley although that may happen, it doesnt always happen. Here is another scenerio, guy gets girl pregnant, leaves, girl pays for everything herself, guy wants to see child but doesnt feel he has to help support the child, guy shows up for visit with new clothes/shoes, girl struggling to feed child, guy takes out different women spending lots of money and child needs things.
I do agree that the justice system can be unfair however if they abolished child support here, we would have to pay a lot more tax because there would be a lot more children and a lot more people on welfare.
I have a child with a deadbeat who pays once every three or four months and always different amounts and has a LONG LIST of demands from him on what I should or shouldn't be doing. I honestly cant be bothered to fight with him for child support or to explain that the money he is supposed to pay is to help his child. The point is the non-custodial parent should be paying to help the cost of taking care of the child. And I agreed to half of the federal childsupport guidelines amount because I didnt want to take ALL HIS MONEY. So look where me being fair got me? | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:14:30 AM |
Problem is our system encourages break-ups. Everybody invoved is used to living a certain lifestyle....woman kicks man out and the kids are hers by default man must leave and pay 30 percent of his salary. Woman keeps kids and her lifefestyle with a 20 year pension and man is stricken in poverty and loses the right to see his kids.
Well smiley although that may happen, it doesnt always happen. Here is another scenerio, guy gets girl pregnant, leaves, girl pays for everything herself, guy wants to see child but doesnt feel he has to help support the child, guy shows up for visit with new clothes/shoes, girl struggling to feed child, guy takes out different women spending lots of money and child needs things.
I do agree that the justice system can be unfair however if they abolished child support here, we would have to pay a lot more tax because there would be a lot more children and a lot more people on welfare.
I have a child with a deadbeat who pays once every three or four months and always different amounts and has a LONG LIST of demands from him on what I should or shouldn't be doing. I honestly cant be bothered to fight with him for child support or to explain that the money he is supposed to pay is to help his child. The point is the non-custodial parent should be paying to help the cost of taking care of the child. And I agreed to half of the federal childsupport guidelines amount because I didnt want to take ALL HIS MONEY. So look where me being fair got me?
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