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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:45:56 AM |
No offense to the good parents, but more times to none, the non custodial parents want joint custody in order to have grounds to not pay child support....it's ridiculous
Perhaps the reason that most custodial parents are not willing to allow shared custody is because they do not want a lowered or reduced child support. But no where does joint custody allow reduced cs as all it means is having a say in all important decisions in respect to the child.
The family courts also do not automatically award sole custody to the mother! Again a rather pointless argument.
I believe the position that most men do however suggest is that parents start at the premise of shared co-parenting of the children unless circumstances due to the individuals prove the situation unmanageable.
Woman love to bring the minority of problems to the front of the line. Unless they are suggesting that they are unable to make decent selections in respect to mates and they then require the courts to clean up their messes?
And any parent who slags or insults the other parent of their children is contemptible. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:21:38 AM | My ex husband and I have been doing shared custody for 8 years now. The kids move from house to house every Friday. From time to time, we have asked them if it felt too hectic and if they wanted to extend it to two weeks at a time and got a vehement "no way, this is perfect" from them. They have two wardrobes, two bedrooms, two HOMES. They feel equally comfortable and at home at each of our houses. We live within a mile of each other so they have access to all the same friends, school, etc. We communicate almost daily. We both go to all of their games, concerts, etc. We are their parents (plural). They even have a dog at each house. We are both good parents. We discuss rules together. Some of their chores differ between the houses, but they have chores at each house. My ex coaches my son's baseball team, I was his Cub Scout den leader, etc. It is all about the children always. As for finances, the way Friend of the Court figured it out, they figured out what I would pay him if he had full custody, what he would pay me if I had full custody and figured the difference. He makes a little more than I do so he pays me $20 a week in child support. I use that money to pay Girl Scout and Boy Scout dues, softball fees, etc. We split major medical expenses 50/50 and whoever takes the child to the doctor pays the copay. If it seems like one has done it repeatedly, we discuss it and share the expense. We both insure them on our health insurance. I paid for one child's braces, he paid for the other one (they got them at the same time and it cost the same amount for each). We communicate, we work it out. Our kids have two fully involved parents. I was worried that going back and forth would be hectic or disruptive so I'm sensitive when they call and say "I left my ___ at your house, can you bring it over?" and I bring it right away. There's one bag of stuff that goes back and forth. We each claim one child on our taxes. I talk to or see my kids almost every day, even when they are at their dad's because they have activities to be driven to almost every day, often conflicting, so we share that task too. He sees them a lot when they are at my house.
The key? We are both doing it for the kids, have put our differences aside and are friends. If both parents cannot do this, it wouldn't work. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 8:18:58 AM | But no where does joint custody allow reduced cs as all it means is having a say in all important decisions in respect to the child.
If you are speaking specifically of Canada, then I won't even go there, as your divorce/child support/custody laws seem so upside down and crooked, I get frustrated hearing about many of them.
In the States, if you are speaking of joint LEGAL custody, then you are correct. (In many states)
If you are speaking of joint PHYSICAL custody, in many states , parenting time IS factored into the formula for CS that is ordered.
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:40:01 PM |
The key? We are both doing it for the kids, have put our differences aside and are friends. If both parents cannot do this, it wouldn't work.
You nailed it perfectly!
What a great post, Denise! I admire you and your ex for truly putting your children first. You have some lucky kiddos to have parents such as yourselves! | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:04:45 PM | | Mr. Smiley...YOU Sir are a true genius that ought to be running our system in regards to families. Without me, my daughters would not be here....so WHY is it that the courts automaticly hand over custody to the mothers??..There is way too much father hating going on. It's nonsense, all it accomplishes is the ruin of families and it deprives the children of the other parent, which that child dearly needs.....Just like we need our children too. I didn't have kids to just VISIT them during their formative years! The present system punishes the child just because Mom & Dad were a bad fit. That's garbage! | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/12/2008 8:37:38 PM | This is a topic I have way to many opinions about.
All of you posters that say that 50/50 is bad for the kid, to hard and time consuming, to stressful on you. I really have to say to everyone one of you. :-p::::
How about this. Supposed adults that have a child together then decide, "Ooops! my bad." You never should have had kids. For those of you with unique situations where the person changed and turned into a monster, became abusive, alcoholic, etc... You have at least my sympathy although you knew damn well that something was wrong with them. I put myself in your catagory.
Child support is one of the most evil institutions put in place by the government and it has nothing to do with helping single mothers. It is a government system designed to supplement welfare. You are a tool. You are aware that most child support that goes through the district attorneys office is placed in a general bank fund for 30 days to collect interest right.
The funniest thing I ever found out was that the federal law for states to collect federal money regarding childsupport is Title 42 section 666. It is a mandate for the state to collect all available financial and personal information on every father entered into the child support system.
For the child :-) In the first institutions of child support it was a legitamate need because there was a high rate of mothers left without any support or contact from the fathers. That is not true any more.
Anything under 50/50 needs to have the burden of proof of the opposer that the other parent can not / will not provide the child with a minimum defined standard. How can anyone argue with that. Although I do not agree with the current defintion of minimum standard if it was raised then many children would have to be forcibly removed from both parents because they both suck.
Being caught under child support means that up to 25% of your pretax income is garnished from your wages. That is nearly equal to 50% of your take home. If their are two children it is up to %50 pretax. It is the purposeful destruction of typically males lives to assist the state. It is not for the children and if you actually ever did care for your ex and didn't want to utterly punish them and destroy their lives and prove to your children how evil people can be to eachother... you suffer and pay for your own mistake and share your child with their other parent and accept that you must do what is best for the child and not for yourself.
I have had sole custody for 8 years now and I don't collect child support. The other parent can not be involved in our lives because she is mentally unstable and dangerous to herself, society and our child. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:46:40 AM | It does seem that he has all the excuses in the world. I am dovirced and have two kids. Pay a grand everytwo weeks and she gets 25% of my annual bonus and also gets 20% of my military retirement....so what.
The kids are taken care of and I get to see them as often as I can.
as long as the kids are ok, than life should be good. | |
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| child support
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:18:29 PM | .............................................................................................
Readi, I admire your outlook. Good for you making sure they are safe and well taken care of. :) | |
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| child support
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:50:30 PM | | readi in your case this works great. You're in the military i assume, probably away from home alot. What about the real dads that brought up their kids and were fully involved in children's life while their Bimbo wife was getting her nails done and sleezing around. As soon as break up occurs, Mom decides faith of kids while dad pays lives in small apartment and gets his paycheck garnished by welfare. Kids being raised by babysitters and the streets.Where do you suppose the child would be better off? Bimbo mom or hard working dad??? In 98% of cases Bimbo mom gets custody of the kids, house and dad gets taken out of kids life(except every second weekend) and replaced by mommy's new boyfriends every 6-8 months, using her bedroom as a revolving door. The system stinks. In all fairness lousy Fathers exist while good moms raise kids. I suppose in these situations the system works. BUT 98% of dads are not lousy. We have seen what has happened to society since this system was implemented. The women seem to be getting skankier and the children seem to be having more problems in society. I say its time to get rid of child support and the real parents who want to raise children will surface. In Finland child support has been abolished and families are doing better. This notion that men are evil in the family courts must stop. | |
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| child support
Posted: 7/16/2008 1:35:07 PM | Smiley;
Here in BC there has been some improvements regarding custody; with it changing from about 95% mother custody 10 years ago to about 70% now. So progress is being made.
When changes were suggested about 10 years ago to move over to shared parenting a senate joint committee was set up. Their recommendation was that the divorce act move from custody and access to shared parenting. Unfortunately, women's groups denounced the ideas as it would force women into poverty, men didn't really want to be custodial parents etc.... and the recommendations were sent back to committee almost 10 years ago.
As one advocate said, for too long the best interest of the child has been the best interest of the mother. Times are changing though and once more women have to pay child support (interestingly enough about 85% of non-custodial mother don't pay, wonder why we never hear that on the news) then we will see a real shift to shared parenting because, guess what "it will then be in the best interest of the child". | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/20/2008 9:19:49 PM | I disagree, that would completely confuse the kid even more then they already are. I didn't go through the court system and gave my son's father an open end visitation where he could take his son anytime he want's but he choose to take him only on Friday night's @ 6 and bring him home on Sat @ 12.
As far as support there is very few men out there that will help out with everything, yet you have the low life's that leave everything up to the parent who has the child full time to take care of everything and think the little amount that they do give for child support goes a long way. WELL I'M SORRY TO SAY IT DOESN'T!!!!! NO OFFENSE TO THE GOOD GUYS OUT THERE but the one's who B_ _ _ _ and complain that they have to pay support you help create this child and if the two of you were still together you would have to take care of him/or her. I GIVE COMPLETE AND TOTAL CREDIT TO THE SINGLE DAD'S CAUSE IT'S NOT EASY... BUT IT SHOULD GOES BOTH WAYS FOR MEN AND FOR WOMEN WHO EVER THE CHILD OR CHILDREN ARE LIVING WITH. THE PARENT THEIR NOT LIVEN WITH SHOULD BE HELPING OUT ALL AROUND PAYING AND GIVEN THE SUPPORT NO MATTER WHAT.
sorry i know i'm late putting my two cents in but i am!!!! | |
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| Child Support
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:52:51 AM | | Wow!...this guy sounds like a total loser but there are plenty of good fathers who care about our children and want them in our lives as much as possible. The court finds this as trying to avoid child support but I find it discusting. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/21/2008 9:32:51 PM | From a little different perspective.....I'm not the custodial parent and pay support. I work my a$$ off daily to "attempt" and make a life for myself. Most of the time I am working 60-70 hours a week. After the child support comes out, I bring home 13% (thirteen percent) of my gross. Now tell me the system is fair. On top of support, I am also supposed to provide insurance and pay for half of the schooling costs. OK! I "could" work a second job, but I would have NO time for sleep, no time with the kids, no time for anything. Not to mention the courts "could" put a garnishment on that income also, since it's considered "EXTRA". I know I'll get negative responses. You should pay no matter what, no ****ing since you created them, blah blah blah.....it's all excuses.
While I live with my mom because I can't afford to support myself, my ex kept the house, car, everything. She is now working on her second degree and DOES NOT work. She doesn't need to. She sits at home with her husband(who also has 2 kids and doesn't work) and they do NOTHING! They bring home (without working) 2500+ per month, plus since it's not considered income, they are on welfare/food stamps/free insurance. If the system is so fair and great, why I am living well under poverty, yet still expected to pay for schooling, medical, food(when I have them), not to mention everything else? Just a little rant for us guys that are doing the best we can, trying to be the best fathers we can, yet are still getting shafted, while the ex's are being treated as goddesses, sitting at home, living off the system, collecting child support and gripping because "they aren't getting paid enough". Gripe and say I'm wrong all you want, but I see it all the time, it is VERY common almost everywhere and is statistically proven, look it up! | |
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