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| Child support
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:57:11 PM | As a child of divorced parents, and thinking with a kids' head....shared custody is the ideal if you can make it work. If both parents are reasonable and intelligent...money should not be an issue. Who ever has the child takes care of his/her needs.
I still find that men get the shorter end of the bargain in family court which is sad, in light of the fact that there are laws for just about everything, but most of them do not move along with the times, or reflect the changes in family dinamics. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2008 9:17:08 PM | | I count my blessings that i am and aways will be good financially to care for my childre, i feel for children who do go without, because of one or both parents are stupid. Maybe dad is a deadbeat and moms a gold digging welfare collector, i still would not want any child to go without, because children are precious. People who dont want kids, there are ways to preven that, and i doubt that not wanting kids is a viable excusefor not paying for the ones you have. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2008 12:55:27 AM | Well, here in Indy, they can take 65% for child support, but if you owe even a little bit towards arrearages(sp), they can also take extra. As of Jan. 1st of this year, they also passed a law that the state will automatically increase your support if you are behind. I was behind from when this all started, and haven't caught up just yet, so yeah, I got hit, not to mention a bunch of other non-custodial parents. Supposedly once everything is caught up, they drop the mandatory increase, though it takes over a year of talking to everyone and seeing a judge for them to actually drop the increase. And LIZBETH, I'm not blaming the child support, I'm blaming the system. Re-read my post and you'll see that. ~racerrrr~
^^^I have re-read your posts....and I honestly think you believe your being picked on and victimized because you are forced into paying child support in general.
Supposedly once everything is caught up, they drop the mandatory increase, though it takes over a year of talking to everyone and seeing a judge for them to actually drop the increase.~racerrrr ~
^^well that makes perfect sense....get caught up on the support you were behind in (never did catch the reason for that excuse) and there would be no problem in adjusting the amount in court...(but I still highly doubt you are paying over 80% of your gross net in child support)
You, Liz, are the one that needs to grow up and realize that not everyone is the same, not everyone is a deadbeat, not everyone deserves to have nothing just because they helped create a kid. ~racerrrr~
^^^you know racerrrr...I agree with 2 of the 4 points you have made ^^^above^^^.
1. not everyone deserves to have nothing because they helped to create a child...***important to note that namely the child dosen't deserve to have nothing****
2. and not everyone is a deadbeat.......**** I would agree with that****...
The one thing that is clear to me....is that there are way too many single parents, who have the inability to recognize their responsibilities and obligations towards their kids...until they become ones that are mandated by the courts.
Cry me a river....I have little sympathy for people who have become a victim to the circumstances they tried to manipulate from the start... | |
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Posted: 9/25/2008 3:26:34 AM | | You know, no matter what I say, a woman will NEVER believe me. Plain and simple. The reason I was behind to begin with is because here in Indy, when the custodial parent goes to file for support, you have to wait at least 2 months before you actually go to court. During this time, the court goes ahead and starts the cs, they just wait until you go to court to tell you how much you are now behind. (Since they didn't know what I would be paying to begin with) Then, they inform you that you have to pay "x" amount of dollars towards cs. Now, although I did give her money every week from the time she kicked me out, until court.....I did my part to attempt and help pay for my kids. During this time, with all fees and everything, I was 4 grand behind, that's $4,000. Now, I had no way of avoiding that, since I didn't even know I was supposed to be paying the courts, since I hadn't been notified until a little over a week before court. Now earlier this year, I was ordered off work for medical reasons for about a month. During which I couldn't pay, since I couldn't even get out of bed. So, that put me back to about 4 grand behind again. Once again, I have paid every week, until that point, but was still behind. So, in Indy, if you are behind "x" amount of dollars, you pay extra. Simple as that. With the extra I agreed on in court, plus the states mandatory extra, yeah, I only bring home about 13% of my what would be, normal paycheck. Like I said, don't believe me, come see for yourself. I have all paperwork to prove it. As far as everything else, I love my kids, I do everything I can for them, I have given them money since I wasn't there, and not once did I **** about having to financially help take care of the kids. My only gripe is about the system and the lack of caring for the non-custodial parent's situation. If I was on the street(if I had no family) do you really think the system would approve of me taking the kids on the weekends, uh, NO. IF I had my own place, do you think the system would approve of the kids staying with me, when I had NO food? NO! That's my point. The system could care less about where I live, how I live, until the kids are around, then it's HELL NO! I "could" go live in a shelter or the ghetto, but is that a nice place for my kids to be, NO! Can I get my own place, NO! Sure, I can get a second a job, but what good will it do me if the courts would take that too? Wouldn't help me any. Go to court and ask for a temporary decrease in the amount I pay, no way. Would never happen. Either way, according to you, I should shut the hell up, give over everything I have(anything that would be of value) and work 24/7 to make sure "the kids" as you say it, have everything they want, not need.As it is, I'd give my heart if one of my kids needed it to survive. When I have them, I usually give them whatever I have in extra money, whether it be change or bills, so they can go to the little corner store and get a piece of candy or whatever, while I sit and go hungry just so they don't. Yeah, I'm a deadbeat because I was cheated on and kicked out and have to pay support. Plain and simple. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2008 5:56:49 AM | You created them! wheather you're married, divorced, single, widowed, male , female, rich, poor, dont want kids (my heart sooo bleeds for the ones that think that since they didnt want kids they shouldnt contribute to their lives, hey newsflash, wheather you wanted kids or not if you GOT them you take care of them), you do everything you can to provide for your kids. Sorry you got cheated on and kicked out, crap happens.
I watched my husbands body shut down over short period of time until his death, losing my husband was the hardest, emotionally wrenching time in my life, something i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy, and i STILL did what had to be done everyday for the children.
BTW this may or may not work for everyone, but when me and the husband seperated, (we got back together before he died but thats a different story), what we did when our kids needed things, such as new clothes, we would go to Sears, get what the kids needed, and just split the bill 50/50.
We also went grocery shopping so he would have food for the kids at his house, and me at mine, and again simply both pulled out cash and split the grocery bills 50/50.
I do understand this wont work for everyone, but if its feasible why not just split the costs of what the kids need?
The again we had our CHILDRENSs interests at heart despite whatever issue we had with each other at that time. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:21:07 AM |
The again we had our CHILDRENSs interests at heart despite whatever issue we had with each other at that time.
So did/do my ex and myself. However, her lawyer had her own best interests at heart so everything got f*cked up in the beginning. What we're left with are the lingering effects of the spiteful actions of a vulnerable person who was manipulated by one of the worst leeches in society. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2008 8:38:38 AM | http://www.dss.mo.gov/press/2006/081606.htm
This is the press release for the Securitecard that Missouri uses. It's not to look out for what the money is spent on, it can still be spent on anything the CP wants. It was instituted to save the State money in actual paperwork, and sending paper checks out. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/25/2008 6:25:24 PM | | well i would love for the father of my boys to have as much to do with my boy as i did. and money is not going to buy that time. i think the absent parent should pay child support. not for my benifit but for the children. and so if they dont want to then try paying half of all the expense it takes to raise a child and see where u come off better doing. and im not after apay check just alittle mental, physical, emotional help. i do it all with nothing including the money part. so untill u have full responceability u have no ideal what it cost and what it takes to raise children | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/27/2008 9:47:07 AM | The courts will only allow that if that is what both parents want and they have to be very civil to each other, living close to each other as well so the child is around their friends at all times.
I choose not to, me and the father were in conflict and the less time we had to deal with each other was for the best.
Some parents op for this because their are afraid to have to pay support. I guess they think it is cheap to raise a child. Some want it for this reason, not that they tend to pay any attention to the child while they are in their care. | |
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Posted: 9/27/2008 11:01:29 AM | | Your ideas moderator are very ideal. Child support is good and it is bad at the same time. 1. not all men want to get involved in the childrens life or want shared parenting. Well, fine if you dont want shared parenting then most of your support will come by paying out money for the child. I agree with that. The real issue is when men ACTAULLY want to get involved in the childrens life and share the parenting of that child but yet the mother doesnt want it. Dont give me the bullshit of "its hard on the child to move from one place to another". Its hard on the child that they dont get to see both parents equally and get the parent/child influence they deserve. ITs getting them adjusted to that life style of going to moms one week and dads another week is the hard part. its not like they have to move everything they have every week. See the reason why woman get so angry at shared parenting is because the money flow will be either cut off OR reduced to an income that they cant survive on. Well, I'm sorry but its not called mother support its called CHILD SUPPORT. I have a two bed room apartment, cloths for my child, food in the house, toys for him to play with, a bed for him to sleep. My child also has a hard working and loving father who doesnt do drugs and has a clean record. Yet right now....I am supporting two house holds. I am supporting her and me at the same time.PLUS I have him half the time. Do you woman have any Idea how rough that is? His mother is loving and to me is a great mother BUT she cant even hold her own ground. Why should I have to pay for her ignorance? Eventually, If this continues I will fall behind in bills and move back home. my hometown is a 100 miles north of her. and my hometown doesnt have jack as far as jobs. So I will be forced to take a 7 an hour job....THEN GUESS WHAT? My child will have a dad that lives far away, and no stable home from either parent. Also, it will defeat the purpose because now she wont even get child support because I will be even more broke then I am right now. The problem is....woman need to get off their ass and get a job or a better job and start sharing the child with the fathers that are willing to do so. as far as the men that dont want the children half the time.....then pay your child support. period. | |
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Posted: 9/27/2008 11:32:46 AM | | thefirstknight, imo you are the first post on the issue that actually makes sense, from all around. | |
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Posted: 9/27/2008 6:50:09 PM |  knight Very well said. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2008 2:02:53 AM | The real issue is when men ACTAULLY want to get involved in the childrens life and share the parenting of that child but yet the mother doesnt want it. Dont give me the bullshit of "its hard on the child to move from one place to another". Its hard on the child that they dont get to see both parents equally and get the parent/child influence they deserve. ITs getting them adjusted to that life style of going to moms one week and dads another week is the hard part. its not like they have to move everything they have every week. See the reason why woman get so angry at shared parenting is because the money flow will be either cut off OR reduced to an income that they cant survive on. Well, I'm sorry but its not called mother support its called CHILD SUPPORT.........~thefirstknight23~
^^^I think you should research the reason that judges give primary custody of a young child to the person who has PRIMARILY been the constant caregiver from birth.
Perhaps you also need to consider...it stands to reason that when a parent has made the choice to be the PRIMARY caregiver during a marriage /relationship...it might temporarily impact their ability to step into a top earning job?
You might also consider that the disputes about money regarding child support.. can actually impact your chance of having a shared custody agreement..
It is all in one's perspective. What makes your arguement more valid than her's?....cause you say so???
Nope.....divorce is all too common....most of us have learned that there are 3 sides to every story....just cause you can say it....dosen't make it true....
Haven't you heard...negotiation is the key for successful relationships in the 21st century.... | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:09:29 AM | U cant make people spend time with there children. It would be horrible for children to be cared for by someone who doesnt want to do it.
My daughters dad wants nothing to do with her and the last thing I would want would be to force him too. How horrible for my child | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:16:24 AM | It seems that "thefirstknight23" has hit the nail on the head! I know a lot of guys that have an equal amount of time with their kids, yet still pay an outrageous amount in child support! Yes, In a lot of cases, it is very necessary for the child support to be paid out, if the kids are to keep their home status equal (or even close), plus you have to factor into WHY these marriages didn't work out. Each situation is different!
Marriage breakups are brutal on kids no matter what! Everyone suffers in one way or another!
Even though I battle my ex about support, in the end (well....I'm not dead yet :), I've had to just dig my heels in and do the best that I can for my kids....on my own! I never dreamed that my life would have turned out this way....but, in hind site, it's the best thing that I've ever accomplished! I worked damn hard to get where I am now and I know that I'm a better person for it! It was never easy!
Once my ex decided to leave me in charge (100%) of the kids....that's when I realized that the almighty dollar is is peanuts, compared to my kids having TWO parents involved with the kids! The loss of continual contact of one parent is a major reason that some kids suffer!
When my ex left, that is when I got REALLY angry with him (as if I wasn't pissed at him already). And here I had thought all along that not getting child support was hard!
I've adjusted to the situation (took a while) and my kids have also adjusted to it. They know that no matter what happens in life, I WILL ALWAYS be there for them!
Stability and a whole lotta love, is what kids need the most!
I firmly believe that any parent (man or woman) who thinks that THEY shouldn't have to WORK to pay for their kids.....are selfish & spoiled people! | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 10:39:13 AM | I couldn't agree more that family court is "sleazy." I also think they should call it "women's court." But more to the point...the money I used to be able to spend on the kids when they were with me, now goes to my ex as a blank check as net income. No receipts are required to prove where the money is going.
Now, when the kids are with me they still want to be fed and clothed. They also want to do activities or many kinds. My solution is to have each parent pay for the child's needs when they are with that parent. You want the kids 80 percent of the time, then you get 80 percent of the bills. I think there would be a mass exodus of mothers making men's lives miserable and demanding they are the "better" parent. They would stop using their attorneys to trash the man.
As it is now, I pay CS and entertain them, as well as providing custodial care. Is that fair? I don't think so. I also pay half of their medical bills, and school expenses. It never ends. Divorce benefits women, until they start to date (****) so other guy. My ex went to Hawaii. There went my CS for that month.
I think it is pretty stupid that the courts grant a divorce, the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you, BUT STILL WANTS YOUR MONEY EVERY MONTH OR I GO TO JAIL FOR VIOLATING A COURT ORDER. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2008 10:42:48 AM | Wait for it creative guy. It's not about the money its about the kids.
She works hard raising your kids she deserves to go to Hawaii, how can you be so selfish?
Come on, you were abusive or worked too much or maybe didn't change enough diapers or fooled around with your secretary. There had to some reason you made her leave you.
That was sarcastic for those who can't hear me. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2008 11:48:37 AM | | cleansed, you need to leave creative-guy alone. First off you dont know his situation to even judge him. Who knows.....he could have worked his ass of and spent time with his kids as much as possible and then she was unhappy and screwed around on him......so you dont even know. YOU DONT KNOW. It isnt selfish for him to say that becuase if he is paying an arm and a leg for a woman who NEEDS child support then she shouldnt be going to hawaii in the first place. | |
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Posted: 9/28/2008 1:46:31 PM | Excuse me first knight but did you read the whole post? I am on his side try reading the last line again and then get back to me.
My point is it doesn't matter what a woman does, she can be the one who ends the relationship and we men get crapped on by a biased family law system.
She could be screwing the pool boy while a man is working 70 hours a week to provide for his family and she still gets the house the car the kids and the guy gets a mercedes payment for the rest of his kids life.
Again try reading the last line. Everytime a post like his comes along any number of the ladies here will start with don't you care about your kids? PAY
The man wants total shared 50/50 parenting and any number of the ladies here will reply with no such thing PAY! You are just looking for a way to reduce your child support PAY!
Sorry will refrain from sarcasm. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:38:55 PM | If she wants to go to Hawaii, she needs to do it on her own dime.
The fathers job is to provide for their children, as well as they SHOULD.
It it not a fathers job to reward mom with vacations, she needs to do that on her own. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 3:30:03 PM |
My solution is to have each parent pay for the child's needs when they are with that parent. You want the kids 80 percent of the time, then you get 80 percent of the bills.
Agreed. I would take my kid 100% simply because I love her. I would even pay Mom to walk away.
I think there would be a mass exodus of mothers making men's lives miserable and demanding they are the "better" parent. They would stop using their attorneys to trash the man.
I think your ex-wife and mine went through the same "Trashing the Husband" course. lol. Is there a univeral playbook?
I think it is pretty stupid that the courts grant a divorce, the ex-wife wants nothing to do with you, BUT STILL WANTS YOUR MONEY EVERY MONTH
The courts should put fault back into divorce and require marriage counseling if one person wants it. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 6:51:08 PM | I think you should research the reason that judges give primary custody of a young child to the person who has PRIMARILY been the constant caregiver from birth.
But it's still just an assumption. Yes, my child spent all day with her mother (while she was awake). However, her mother worked a graveyard shift and usually went to sleep about 2 hours before I got home from work and slept almost right until the very minute she had to walk out the door... 2 hours after our daughter's bedtime. I was pretty much solely responsible for our daughter between 14 and 15 hours per day during the week, and the duties were only shared for about 8 - 10 hours per day on the weekends with me again assuming sole responsibility for the remaining 14 - 16 hours. Why was I not granted primary caregiver status in the breakup since it was a role I had during the marriage? Or is it only the 7am - 5pm hours that count?
Perhaps you also need to consider...it stands to reason that when a parent has made the choice to be the PRIMARY caregiver during a marriage /relationship...it might temporarily impact their ability to step into a top earning job?
Never affected mine. I was quite able to maintain my job the whole time. Granted... not top earning, but that's because I made a choice to work a job that facilitated my devotion to family time. It's an adequate living.
You might also consider that the disputes about money regarding child support.. can actually impact your chance of having a shared custody agreement..
But the demand for child support in the first place never impacts a mother's chance of being granted primary caregiver status with limited access being granted to a quite willing and capable father. Why is that?
It is all in one's perspective.
Indeed it is. Most people don't like to admit that sometimes fathers can actually love their children. That would require a certain degree of humility to admit that perhaps there are children being shortchanged as a result of the antequated biases that exist in family law. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:51:03 PM | | Im feelin ya on that Mike. With you being both a provider and a caregiver for your child, no reason you should be shafted in family court. Hope it can work out. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/28/2008 7:52:55 PM | Even with split custody you still pay child support if there is a disparity in income. We wouldn't want our children having two different lifestyles depending on which home they live in. That would suck.
I agree with split custody. The hardest thing for all children is to not be with their parents ... both their parents. Children are able to handle the change associated with split custody way better than parents ... they aren't as set in their ways as the adults.
When my ex and I split the advice from the child theapist was to split the week as well and since then I have my girls Wednesdays and Thursdays and every other Friday Saturday Sunday. My girls love it. They get to see both of us and because we're still both good parents and trust eachother in that regard it works.
Trusting your ex is the key though ... they don't need to be a good spouse but you have to trust that they are a good parent. | |
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| Child support
Posted: 9/29/2008 3:50:25 PM | | i agree smiley, i fought my ex for that situation and i believe good fathers are stereo- typed by dead beat dads. the court system tells us what is best for our children. i dont mind paying my CS i just wanted my equal time with my children , thats what is important. 50 / 50. your not only on this one. | |
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