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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:56:13 PM | Wow, can't believe the total disregard for the environment from some posters here.
First it's suggested to grow a tree over the ashes of the book, next to turn it into mulch.
Let's try to think of future generations before so hastily polluting the earth. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/8/2008 4:15:09 AM | | If you aren't yourself, then you're not going to find someone who likes you for you. That's just the simplicity of it. You will snag "someone" but he just won't be the right one, and then you're going to get sick of him fast or he will get sick of you when he realizes you're not who you said you were. So if everyone just fessed up to who they are and what they want, no matter how strange and freaky, then they could find the other strange and freaky people who are suitable for them. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:55:02 PM | Ok, I went and looked up The Rules- seem like a very disrespectful way to treat someone you supposedly like!
Look, we all know SOME men can't be attracted to women who pursue them, and are only interested in the unattainable and the thrill of the chase. So please join me in a little prayer: May the double-standards men and the double-standards ladies find each other, and may they leave the rest of us the hell alone!
Perhaps the site ought to be divided. One section for men who need to chase and women who need to run away. One section for those of us believe gender roles be damned, it takes two willing participants to make a relationship! | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/8/2008 12:59:17 PM | For the most part I think books like that are written for people with so little backbone they can't walk upright. In an effort to teach people to respect themselves a little more, they instead came off as manuals for either turning on or alienating the opposite sex.
I don't think they were meant to be followed to the letter, rather they were meant to better center those who were extreme cases of doormat. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/8/2008 3:52:38 PM |
Let's try to think of future generations before so hastily polluting the earth.
Unfortunately they didnt think before polluting literature with that book. Sorry, my disdain for that book goes far beyond rationality. Owning that book is ALMOST a dealbreaker for me | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/8/2008 10:32:16 PM | Only works if U have something to offer. Most women today ONLY have sex to offer and that is easily obtained from others.
I would never chase a women unless she was:
1. From a good family
2. Wealthy by her own means
3. Gorgeous
4. Unobtainable for other men
5. Sweet, Loving and Caring
Since that kind of woman does not exist and even if she did she would never accept me so why chase a fantasy. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/9/2008 9:58:26 AM | I feel that would be no different than playing mind games with someone. I don't want that done to me and I would not do it to anyone else. How can "The Rules" be the same for everyone anyway? All of us are different with different wants/needs/desires. Why would I want to "pretend" to not be available to someone I am interested in ? What works for me is to be myself and not follow someone elses rules who has no idea who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
As to the comment made by msg 36 I would hate to think a man thought so little of me that all I had to offer was sex. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/9/2008 11:45:04 AM | Some of "The Rules" is common sense but as for the rest I found that there is a certain type of man "The Rules" works well with.
There is a very basic problem with it however. People do tend to be themselves on a long term basis. Putting on a front for a year or more takes too much effort and will eventually fall apart.
For those women who naturally follow "The Rules", that is how their personality is and it is not going to change. The man who enjoys this but eventually wants a long term relationship with one of them is probably going to get tired of the chasing and want the woman to 'settle down' but it is not going to happen if that is their basic personality. I have male friends who are like this. They love the chase and the adrenaline rush it brings them but then they can't understand why the woman doesn't eventually settle down with them and quit being like that. They don't seem to realize that those women are NOT acting--that their personality is just that way! And they are not going to change....
The women who follow "The Rules" because they believe in them and are not naturally that way are in for a hard road and may end up attracting men who are not what they really want anyhow.
Best to just be who you are and look for someone who complements that. As they say, for every Jack there is a Jill. Chances are good that there is someone out there for each of us--probably multiple someones. And don't forget to look for someone who IS the way you would want them to be long term! They are NOT going to change if the two of you decide to pursue a long term relationship. If you like the adrenaline rush the chase brings, then by all means pursue those types remembering it will always be like that as they are unlikely to change. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:39:46 PM | A female friend of mine lent me "The Rules" and I finished it in an hour or so - it's pretty light reading. For a while now I've been thinking that there's a right way and a wrong way to date and I thought the book might be useful.
Now I'm thinking that it makes more sense to be yourself from the beginning, as other people have said. I think that when you meet the right person you won't need to act in a way that is artificial to you. When you meet the right person things will fall into place naturally. (And maybe I'm being too naive and idealistic here...!)
I think the real problem is meeting the right person and recognizing that you've met them. Often we expect that we'll be hit with an overwhelming sense of attraction. I don't think it always works that way - sometimes I think you have to get to know the person first before you realize that you're attracted to them.
Oh, one other thing I didn't like about "The Rules" is that according to its authors, it's not enough to attract the guy, if you want to keep him you *always* have to follow the rules. Hello? If you're with someone for 30/40 years you're supposed to keep up a facade the whole time??? Talk about unrealistic expectations! | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:10:50 PM | Basically the book is pretty much telling girls to be unavailable and make the guy chase you.
The Problem with any of these Books, regardless what Advice is given, they get you into a State of playing Games, how to respond, what to say, which way to maneuver. If she plays others, others will play her. What comes around goes around.
It becomes a Strategy, "Your Move Now" Tactics, the Plotting of Actions to "Get them to". This has more to do with Acquisition & Conquering than with Love & Life, where the naturalness of the "Real You" has been lost, sabotaging your Mindset into that of a Schemer.
You can walk all over these Books by simply sitting back and immensely enjoying yourself with the Company you are in. All the Pieces will automatically fall into Place.
"Reading into Things" is for those who haven't got the Nerve or Brilliance to ask, and will usually find themselves in a Stupor and State of Confusion about just about anything.
Marketing for these Types of Books usually targets the Unknowing and the Confused, and if they can con you into believing they have the "Inside Track" whether true or false, they make you part with your Money. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:47:17 PM |
MizQ said:
I have some advice for you...
1. grab the book and throw it in the trash.
2. take the trash outside immediately and dump some other ucky trash on it, so you are not tempted to dig it back out.
Am I TOO Seattle? When I read this I literally cringed and thought, "what in the hell are you doing! RECYCLE IT, don't toss it in the landfill!!!!!"
James, Port Orchard, Washington, USA, Earth | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:36:53 AM | Optiron.....
your transcript there made you look like more of an ass than her.. ok she wants to be wined and dined.. i dont see the problem there, i like the chase, i like to do the running.. and by the sounds of it you had only met once (in a pool) and after you said goodbye, you hit back with a snide comment about how as soon as you had got back from date you were on the phone to someone else... its for reasons like this that women feel the need to be chased.. ok she was doing the same it turned out.. though she may just have been saying that to get back at your comment.. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:05:37 PM | books like that are based on well-studied human psychology. people always want what's just slightly out of their reach (applies to both genders). the caveat is: if it's too far out of reach, people will give up and move on (and, hence, some of the posters who say they'd just walk away). very, very simple!
btw, those rules will work for a while and the presumption is by the time one gives up those rules, the relationship has already been well-cemented and no longer the need to "play hard to get."
op: yep, those rules will work (assuming you're not looking way, way out of your league). the catch is you have to give the other person just enough positive reinforcement that he/she doesn't give up, yet not so much positive reinforcement as to appear easy to get. easy to say, not so easy to execute. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:48:21 PM | These so called "Rules" suck a$$. I thumbed through a similar book and found it to be trite and useless. (Never mind that I basically broke every one of them!  )
Ditch the book and be true to who you are. Eventually you will find someone who appreciates you for it and you'll avoid the pitfall of getting stuck in some pseudo-relationship based on someone else's definition of propriety.
Happy fishing.  | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:20:33 AM | Just the title is a turn off. The rules? Which rules? For what?
Is that the book written a few years ago by those two Ann Coulter look alikes who claimed to have the real scoop in manipulating men into marriage?
Goodness, I have never read it, because just the title and the implication shoot my interest down pretty quick. And I wouldn't suggest it to anybody, unless they are writing an essay on human behavior studies and attempts to modify the curse of Nature.
Better to trust your heart and your instincts, and make your own rules.
Mines are if you are honest, smart and I am attracted to you, I will give you a chance, no games, no exploitation, no unreal demands. You be a man and I will be a woman. First fishy stunt I will raise an eyebrow, but give a second chance. Another fishy stunt and I will let you back in the ocean. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:26:08 PM | | Damn straight! My ex's friends gave her that book to read-she went on the warpath and went wild, (maybe not from the book per se but it allows somebody to develop a standard that may be unrealistic)-not in a relationship, but in bed w/other guys! So much for "The Rules." Stupid is as stupid FOLLOWS. Be yourself, cut someone some slack, you both might be very happy! By the way-they told me the above unpertinent info, but it does add color, flair and is my right! Ha! | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:45:48 PM | | Damn, seems most women today follow those rules, HUGE turn off, I hate it when I am expect to do everything, if a women isn't willing to try and make plans herself with, if she won't call/text etc, shes just not inerested PERIOD, also actions speak louder then words. This is something I should really understand myself sometimes. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:36:47 PM | | I know that but when i used to work at a bookstore guys would buy books on how to pick up on signs and find out about the games. Its a joke a total and complete joke. Since when did dating become into a safari hunt? I just think that there needs to be up fronting when dealing with it not signs when i am suppose to run to second or third base. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/2/2008 1:14:27 PM | From what I can see, "The Rules" are just the female equivalent of "The Game". It's just how to be a female player, a femme fatale, that always keeps men interested, and always keeps things on her terms. But mostly, it's all about learning how NOT to be a doormat.
The only problem with being a doormat, is that being a doormat, is NOT about how you treat the other person. It's about how you think of yourself. Effectively, you are reacting to what others do, because you believe that what THEY do has far more effect on your life than what you do. So The Rules changes that from the OUTSIDE. SOMETIMES, that does change what you do on the inside. But when it is a very ingrained habit, then it just becomes rote.
It's like putting "No players" on your profile. All it does is attract players.
You really have to change how you see yourself on the INSIDE, and then you change what you on the outside automatically.
Read this one instead, I heard it's pretty good
Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives
http://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Women-Their-Lives/dp/0060976497 I read a quick summary of this book. It seems to make it clear that the reason that women have so many problems in their life is because they lack self-esteem. To be honest, with every chapter I read, I was reminded of a few very attractive women who got used, again and again, and with each chapter, I was mentally ticking off that they did everything described. Probably a very good read. Also explains exactly why so many women feel the need for The Rules.
I definitely feel that many women need to read a book. But they need to read a book on how to develop healthy self-esteem, and good self-efficacy. It will all flow from there. | |
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| Did anyone have any success with following The Rules?
Posted: 10/2/2008 1:35:46 PM | | Funny thing about rules: They don't do you a damn bit of good if no one else is following them. Have you ever even tried to get a guy to take out the garbage or mow the lawn? How are you going to get him to date by a set of rules? If you are so hot that you can cause the blood to rush from his brain to other parts of his body, thus destroying his ability to think rationally, you might be able to lead him to the altar, if that's what you really want. Chances are, he would have a moment of clarity and run away. Do you want a man, or a puppy? A puppy won't leave the toilet seat up, but it won't come and get you if your car breaks down and you are stranded in a blizzard. | |
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