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 WhistlePiggy
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 51
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I knew this couple that did a lot of acid together, eventually they kind of separated.

But seriously...

In the case of alcoholism, sometimes the treatment is as bad for the couple as the disease is for the person. I lost the love of my life to alcoholism, she quit the habit with my help and suffering of which I was only too willing to endure.

I didn't drink around her, I was very helpful, loving, and supportive without being condescending, never mentioned the stuff, put her back on the wagon a few times, but after she fully recovered she was not the same in many ways. Not that I wouldn't help her out if I knew that beforehand.

I don't think regular drinking or even drugs can be a bad thing for some people, but if it's destructive two will make it more than two times as bad.
 graitbait
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 52
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:59:25 PM
Sure I've known both.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 53
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:09:09 PM

Two emotionally crippled people do not help each other in any positive way.


Well that's what I was thinking ForumFilly... If alcoholism constitutes an "abandonment of self" which would equal probably being both emotionally and mentally crippled, then 2 times that would be kind of like a double negative rather than a double positive... But I know from my own experience with alcoholics that it isn't just the booze... It's the "stinkin' thinkin'"... the dry drunks... when one or the other of them is getting the "itch" and the other one is still doing okay.. They'd have to do some kind of weird dance to trade off which one has to be the enabler for the night while the other one gets to get sloshed.. Like Dave said:


They did have a couple of iron clad rules. First, always save one beer for the morning. Never drink the last one the night before. Second. The person who opens the beer the next morning gets to drink half and then they must go to the store and buy another case while leaving the other half for their partner.


God help the guy who forgets and drinks that last beer huh?


The woman cheated on the man constantly, especially if she got more to drink out of it. Every single thing they did in their daily life was in the idea of getting booze. They were very good at ripping people off or sweet talking people to get what they needed.


What a life that would be! And she lost her kids... And the kids lost her... Talk about "pain in a bottle"...


and it was because, unknown to me, she was actually a drinking buddy of his and he realized his feelings for her were not genuine, but more an alcohol connection which was more of the pull than a genuine love of her as a person.....plus she reminded him of the aspects of him he was actually not wanting to face just yet.


That really does explain a lot about how little all of the drunken "I lovesh yoush" in the bars that one hears around them, actually mean in the sober world... I have to agree with your take on that WeAre1... It is incredibly honest which I think is kind of a rarity... It's awesome that he finally quit!


she really did make an interesting point about how great work can come from great suffering.


If I lost a daughter, I'd be doing masterpieces then... I can understand how people would want to "disappear" from that kind of pain... I truly can...


But many, just worked and drank, until they got sick and died. Bob


Aargh! So they even managed to suppress their own survival instincts? Aargh!!


A couple I knew ,they were usually drunk. They would argue with each other that neither one of them was drinking ,yet both were drunk. He would hide his booze in the garage and she would hide hers in the house.


Oh.. a lil mutual denial I guess... Wouldn't you think that over the course of the night, he'd begin to stagger as he made his way from the house to the garage and back? Funny way to have a party, I say!


Does it work for awhile? Sure, he loved being with a woman who wouldn't complain about his drinking, care about his health or get in the way of his drink. In turn, his wife gets to drink and party at his expense now without a care in the world about what's happening to the man she supposedly loves.

Will the relationship last? Nope, because he likely won't last much longer but so long as he leaves enough in the bank to pay for her partying, I'm sure she'll continue to be happy.


I feel a lot more sorry for your Mom, Red... It's too bad, nobody can get a court order declaring him incompetent and take over in his business affairs. I would think that after so many years of drinking, his brain will have atrophied and the other areas of his life would be visibly suffering as well. It would make for one helluva court case but it just saddens me that there are so many innocent victims who now, can only watch...


I don't think regular drinking or even drugs can be a bad thing for some people, but if it's destructive two will make it more than two times as bad.


There's no doubt in my mind after reading all of these stories, that you're right spot on with that WP...

Only one poster has said that his Dad and stepmom actually managed to get sober and make things work out... I think that shows that the odds are pretty much stacked against 2 alcoholics being able to actually have a viable relationship. But in their denial, I sincerely doubt they'll be reading this and give a damn, hey?

Thanks for these interesting and in some cases heart-bending stories folks...
 sweet abby
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 54
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:10:50 AM
TWO GARBAGE TRUCKS COLIDING
 sweet abby
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 55
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:12:36 AM
TWO GARBAGE TRUCKS COLIDING
 Renaissance Man 1950
Joined: 7/13/2008
Msg: 56
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:17:00 AM
I'm an alcoholic, sober for almost 30 years. So, my "relationships", during the depths of my drinking, mostly consisted of one night stands met in a bar. The few I did have, that involved seeing each other more than once, were just getting together to get drunk and have sex, and little else.

If you want a great story, written by an alcoholic, about a relationship between alcoholics, there is a very old movie "The days of wine and roses".

Alcoholics, who are actively drinking, are incapable of a stable relationship. A sober partner can try to hold a marriage together, and it can be part of the motivation for an alcoholic to try to find sobriety, but two active alcoholics, who have no intention of finding sobriety? Nope, a stable relationship would seem impossible.
 Solarpanel
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 57
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/20/2008 12:22:42 AM
You never know - they might hold each other upright.

With each acting as a mirror to the other it could just be each thinks the other needs to get cured and decides to support them. They could go to AA together and stuff.

Or they could just spiral down.
 NYCLEGEND
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 58
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:03:11 AM
I work in a bar partime. I've seen a lot of couples with drinking problems. Usually, if both are alcky's, they'll get along just fine.
 MarnieEdgar
Joined: 7/31/2010
Msg: 59
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/14/2010 5:39:29 PM
For anyone to even consider that two alcoholics can have a functional relationship is ludicrous. An alcoholic is a person who has a whole host of emotional and psychological problems which led him to the addiction in the first place. Two sick people together will only breed more sickness...
The most an alcoholic will ever have in his life for any significant time span is a slew of drinking buddies who support his habit. A stable family life and a healthy relationship, never.
Nevermind being in a relationship with one, anyone who has ever even been in the same vicinity as one while they slowly get sloshed knows that it is like suddenly finding yourself in the room all alone. Once they are drunk they are gone. Zoned out. They are there in body but that`s all. A person like this in a relationship?? With another alcoholic?? Both of them checked out mentally and emotionally on a regular basis... forget about it.
The sad truth is most alcoholics end up alone. They don`t find salvation with each other. And there are no happy endings unless they quit drinking and stay sober.
 IHateBarstars
Joined: 11/6/2010
Msg: 60
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/14/2010 6:01:21 PM
Essentially the two enable eachother til one or the other or b0th die by either liver cancer, a drunken injury or alcohol poisoning. Alcoholics as a rule suck at having relationships that don't involve putting back a case of beer every other day.
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 61
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 10:44:57 AM
If the two people in question are "high functioning" alcoholics, they might enable each other quite well. Perhaps them being together means that they don't have the opportunity to fvck up the lives of people who are not alcoholics.

Sometimes these types of people don't meet the criteria for alcohol abuse described in the DSM (psychiatric diagnostic manual). They have good jobs, perform the expected tasks of daily life and avoid legal problems. People can be dependent and not have abuse problems at all. But someone who drinks a bottle of wine each and every day is still an alcoholic.

Be well.
 esp123
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 62
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 11:13:30 AM
Who cares,… its their life and their misery if it turns out to be a negative thing for them. lol

Alcohol has its negative effect so it is clear the outcome for this scenario would be that too.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 63
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 1:18:23 PM
If two people were both alcoholics, from my experience living with one, I would say there would be a lot of verbal and physical abuse, bills not being paid, cars wrecked or no longer having a car. Nothing in the refrigerator to eat because all of the money is going for alcohol. Lack of cleanliness and depending how much they drank sometimes a bath wouldn't help the odor because the alcohol would seep though their pores. The house would be trashed with the remains of the bottles of alcohol, filthy living conditions.
Yes, I do know of a couple that managed to stay together, my exes grandparents they would argue a lot when drinking excessively.
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 64
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 1:20:23 PM
I forgot to add that when someone drinks a lot that a lot of cheating goes on.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 65
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 3:00:14 PM
When two alcoholics mix, there will be an explosion. Just a matter of time. Hell, in AA they even tell ya to stay away from members,,,and they aren't even drinking. It isn't rocket science.

And maybe some can call em "functioning",,,but only because someone hasn't made the alcoholic deal with the problem so they just let things "be". Far,far cry from "functioning".

Alcoholics have ONE friend,,,and that's booze. When it comes right down to it,,,,the booze wins,,,,,EVERYtime. Many people don't understand this when things look "good" or "rosey". You are only witnessing a itsy,bitsy, tiny bit of their "true" lives. It's nasty shiat.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 66
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/15/2010 4:23:30 PM
Two people who are complete messes are obviously well suited to one another so let them have their dysfunctional,co dependent enabling relationship.
 OpenItAndIFillIt
Joined: 6/10/2010
Msg: 67
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 11/16/2010 7:01:17 PM
My dad and stepmom are alkies. They have been together for 40 years. They would have split up long ago if it were not dor hard liquor. When one gets ont he other's nerves, they go to the bar and get stone drunk. They may still get on each other's nerves, but the nerves are deadened by alcohol.

My brother and his wife at one time were heavy pot smokers. Tommy Chong is a light weight compared to them. They've been together for 30 years. They stopped smoking about 10 years ago. Now, they are both too old to bother with breaking up.
 feefyefoefum
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 68
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 5:55:33 PM
I agree...I had to kick an alcoholic out of my apt. because I couldn't handle coming home from work and finding my entire wine collection gone. I am almost positive that she's now involved with another drunk...but i'm glad...let them drink their lives away...
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 69
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 6:33:52 PM
I saw this happen. 2 alcoholics married.
They were married out of high school and fortunately they didn't have any children. Slowly but surely they drank their lives away. Eventually they got separated, lost their home and both of them died alone in their early 50's with no family that could muster an iota of care for them.

It was very sad to watch.
 BelleVintage
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 70
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 6:57:28 PM
Ugh, why such a grim prognosis?

They may be each other's #1supporter and force in staying sober. When one falters, the other understands and supports with love, understanding, and patience.

People are not their addictions. They are not alcoholics, they are 2 individuals suffering from alcohol dependence, why is it that only their alcoholism is taken into account in deciding if it will work or not? I'm not that's all all there is them.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 71
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 7:23:02 PM
Msg 70....Don't understand what you are saying...I hope
 BelleVintage
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 72
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2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 7:29:15 PM
Which portion did you not understand?

That they don't necessarily have bring each other down? That they can support each other in staying sober?
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 73
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 7:37:41 PM
I guess to answer all I knowis that I know of two people that are married and are alcoholics and they still drink. They are not into recovery nor care to be. They both are with one another because they both want someone who is like them. Now if your post is about whether two people that are in AA can help one another, I don't see why not, along with other strong support from others. Would have to be obviously more difficult then just one of them being an alcoholic. Problem with only one of them being an alcoholic, they want badly for those around them to join them. Lots of this is whether they are still drinking or they are sober, maybe you are talking strictly about the ones that are getting help and not drinking and that they can help each other.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 74
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 7:50:00 PM
John..


Problem with only one of them being an alcoholic, they want badly for those around them to join them

You are absolutely right!!
I had relatives through marriage that were both alcoholics.....the common bond is the booze and they fought like hell...hid booze on each other but confessed to "love" each other.
The glue that held them together was the acceptance of each other.....
They don't want to hear...anyone, telling them their life is a wreck or their drinking has gotten out of control....
Sorry but they do become their addiction....

I had a short relationship with a man that was a hard worker but still wanted to drink and party until pass out time on days off....Not my cup of tea.
I got tired of being a babysitter...designated driver...apologizing for his drunkenness... not to mention money issues...
He liked to be surrounded by friends that drank like him too....everything revolved around drinking....always!!
How does that song go..."You ain't much fun since I quit drinking"......lol.
When I broke it off because of his drinking....he soon picked up with a woman that liked to drink as much as him....birds of a feather.

I believe in AA...they tell you not to hook up with anyone that has your addiction of choice in common.....
 coderedjulia1
Joined: 6/1/2013
Msg: 75
2 alcoholics in a relationship.... what happens?
Posted: 8/11/2013 11:00:20 PM
I seriously don't know, but two alcoholics will just make the desire to drink worse. An alcoholic and one that isn't is also a wreck too cause soon that other person will get sick of their shi.t.
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