| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:51:19 PM | | My answer is a reserved "yes" since you stated that the communication of attraction has already been relayed. In that case I know that the girl likes something about me and I am trying to further the relationship with her. Yes that is great fun, flirts back and fourth....I think many people on the thread read your question to mean that the guy has no signs of attraction on the females part what so ever before the date. In that case, the answer would assuredly be "no", I wouldn't go out on a date with a woman just to see if she likes me. Since I started dating online I've learned that it is much better to know for sure that there is some sort of physical attraction before meeting. It can be done online, you either make sure to share lots of pictures showing you in more than just the flattering angles and today many people have video cams for video chat. So really the chances of meeting someone and not being physically attracted are much lower if enough sampling has been done online via images or video. I made the mistake on my last POF date to rush into a meeting, though the initial attraction between us was there...she realized I was a tad bit more geeky than she was interested, in particular I got the "you remind me of my ex. who was great but..." treatment. Had we just talked more before actually going on a date we probably would not have ever done it and saved us both some time. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/7/2008 9:57:24 PM | I do enjoy not being 100% sure when my relationship is going to be consumated, as long as the foreplay isn't so good I'm unable to satisfy you.
I can agree with this.
Not knowing is pure TORTURE. But when you know you're going to succeed, it's completely wonderful.
"I want you to jump off this cliff for me. Make a leap of faith."
"Are you going to be there to catch me if I do?"
"Maybe, I can't say."
CUT THE MYSTERY!!!
Lucy, and her football. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 6:24:14 AM | ULO: Nothing wrong with flirting. It doens't cause what the OP was describing, hence why I never even considered it part of the topic.
asydneymale: I got that the Op was describing had to involve flirting. How else would a woman communicate to you she was interested? If a woman I was on a date with began subtly flirting with me, I would take it as a sign she thought there was chemistry there, and I'd respond in kind if I thought there was too.
It's much more interesting than coming right out with 'how about it luv?' lol
ULO: You are arguing flirting as an alternative to coming right out and asking. That sounds close enough to 100% sure when it's going to happen for me, thus not following the original post.
asydneymale: I'm not arguing that at all. Just because a woman shows interest in you in that fashion, it's by no means a 'lay-down-mazaire' it's going to lead to anything more that two people enjoying each other's company.
If it is going to lead to more, the layers of ambiguity will gradually peel away, but you have to engage in the dance in the first place to find out for sure one way or another.
ULO, I have bad news for you. No one is ever going to be able to give you a "clear" signal of any kind, because you have that rare ability to misunderstand everything. Asydneymale was nice enough to explain it to you again, but you managed to nitpick all the meaning out of his explaination too. Sigh.
My condolences to the woman who is trying like mad to get your attention and start a little rhythm with ya. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:47:26 AM | My answer is a reserved "yes" since you stated that the communication of attraction has already been relayed. In that case I know that the girl likes something about me and I am trying to further the relationship with her. Yes that is great fun, flirts back and fourth....I think many people on the thread read your question to mean that the guy has no signs of attraction on the females part what so ever before the date. In that case, the answer would assuredly be "no", I wouldn't go out on a date with a woman just to see if she likes me. Since I started dating online I've learned that it is much better to know for sure that there is some sort of physical attraction before meeting.
Boom! Pretty much the way that I feel. I guess that's all the more reason to not be shy and coy when having a conversation online. Don't get me wrong, because I love the sexual teasing, very much so! But only when I know it's with a woman I connect with on that same level. I have no interest in talking about sex or engaging her on that topic if that's something we don't see eye to eye on. It doesn't have to be the first email, but if we can't talk about it, then I pretty much know that it'll be a problem down the road. I don't mind breaking some eggs, but I don't want to do cartwheels trying to get there.
It's also why I don't mind sharing more pics with her and not just these little pics on the website. She might as well get a better idea of me upfront. That doesn't mean that I'm running around naked hanging off a tree and emailing them, cause that's for the second date.  But really, a man knows how to keep a bit of mystery going too and most women like it.
I pretty much lay it on the line when I'm attracted to a woman. All these guys complaining that they don't want to wait for an answer are pretty much guys who are hesitant to ask a woman if she finds him attractive physically, mentally and sexually. Then there are the guys who don't know how to take a "no" like a mature adult and thus women end up playing some bullsh!t game. Screw that sh!t. My old man could be a b@stard sometimes, but he did raise a man. I'm not saying that guys should be stating, "Hey baby I wanna fvck!" But get it out there some way bro! What do you got to lose?
And the thing about the blue balls: Personally speaking, I love it when a woman and I are teasing the fvck out of each other. I love going to work with her on my mind and my c0ck hard for most of the day. It makes for some funny situations at work, but it puts the most devilish smile on my face and good Lord, does it make me horny! The only thing about it is, is that she better expect a pounding when it does come time to do the dirty. Tease me? Okay, but just don't expect the rose petals on the bed and cherubs flicking harps when we get it on. It's gonna be more like against the wall fvckin' and I'm gonna try to break some furniture. And that one time hitter quitter, you can forget that. In fact, if it's a weekday, she might as well call in sick the next day, cause we ain't leaving till we can't move.
Speaking of which, I had the one of the most intense orgasms yesterday when I was masturbating.....oh wait....wrong thread!
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:57:59 AM | Wow, misunderstanding in one thread gave me the ability to misunderstand everything? Maybe if I can pull off being funny, intelligent, and some other good stuff I can develope the rare ability to do those all the time :)
"My condolences to the woman who is trying like mad to get your attention and start a little rhythm with ya."
Condolences is a very appropriate word, because she must be dead. I haven't even seen her or heard from her once. Wow, there it is again. Chalk up another victory for the curse of misunderstanding everything. Hopefully this will add attempts of sarcasm as humor to the list of curses.
Another thing I'm misunderstanding is why I'm not the only person who took the OPs post as teasing instead of flirting. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 7:59:47 AM |
The only thing about it is, is that she better expect a pounding when it does come time to do the dirty. Tease me? Okay, but just don't expect the rose petals on the bed and cherubs flicking harps when we get it on. It's gonna be more like against the wall fvckin' and I'm gonna try to break some furniture. And that one time hitter quitter, you can forget that. In fact, if it's a weekday, she might as well call in sick the next day, cause we ain't leaving till we can't move.
Boom! Exactly. I don't think you can walk up to someone and request such a weekend. Well, you can, but 15 minutes into it, all the tension would be dispersed and all that would be left is alot of "direct" coversation about what to watch on TV . | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 8:12:42 AM | ^^^^That's why if you take it out of context instead of reading the whole post, you miss exactly what I said. You jumped over the conversation bit too fast. You jumped over the teasing and flirting bit, too. I love sex, I want to do it with the woman I care about all the time. And I like the steps that lead up to it. But I don't talk about it or spend time with a girl who is not on the same page. That's another thing you missed.
Hmmm....maybe you are not above misunderstanding?
edit for below: Okay then, let's get together and talk about sex. Just jivin', just jivin'! Let's just tease....kidding, kidding! Let's masturbate? :laugh: | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:49:29 AM |
Hmm. Thought I agreed.
Seems like the guys from Tx expect their ladies to a little before they .
I'll keep that in mind if I'm ever out your way.
Proud as I am of the great state I live in, I wasn't raised in Texas. I think it has to do more with past experiences than locations. Reminds me of a song that came out before my time. Somehting about I know what boys want, and how they can't have it, I even remember her singing the words/souns "Nya nah nah Nya nah". All that matters is that when the flirting does happen, I know it is sincere. If that's already the case I don't have any expections about talking or not. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:59:57 PM | It depends. That 'period in between' as you call it can be a lot of fun. Most have probably experienced going out with someone on 3 or 4 dates. During which time you do really like each other, have gone from being cordial friends with each other to holding hands and you can feel the sexual and romantic tension. But so far nothing more has happened than a hug and a kiss goodnight. Finally after your 4th date you're cuddling up on her couch and before you know it you're probing each other's mouth, and spending the night together. The best dates are the ones that keep you awake in bed all night. The best kiss is that one you've been waiting for.
On the other hand.....Let's say wer're in that period in between and then we find out she just wants to be friends (meaning she's playing games...hard to get or just likes to flirt and have her ego stroked) that pisses me off.
Liquid405:
*So, in short, its a resounding HELL NO, unless we know that it is leading somewhere.*
Exactly my point. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:47:33 PM | Ambiguity? No, that is for masochists.
Sexual tension? Ah, the looong time span between wanting to have sex and actually doing it! The thrill of knowing it's going to happen and dragging it out. Yes, I like it. All five minutes of it! 
Sexual tension is only good, if you are virtually guaranteed to get there. If it is still undecided, see my reply on ambiguity. Once I got a call at work (around noon) to look forward to a fun-filled evening of the naked kind. That was hot. Then I got home and she was no longer in the mood. Hence, dear OP, men often do not like extended periods of extension. It hurts (in more than one place). | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 10:45:09 AM | I still think it's funny how the thread that spawned this one had nothing to do with subtlety during dating. The men in question were lamenting subtlety that was *obstructing* the ability to gauge whether a woman was interested in dating or not.
I know, that's why I hoped to hear the other point of view, like Aurora, DmanOK, pokerjimmy, mytfinman and others. There are two points of view on this among men, it is not a male female division, it would seem, even though certain guys with an INDIVIDUAL preference for obvious come ons, would like all women to believe that every man on earth is that way. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 12:07:49 PM |
I know, that's why I hoped to hear the other point of view, like Aurora, DmanOK, pokerjimmy, mytfinman and others. There are two points of view on this among men, it is not a male female division, it would seem, even though certain guys with an INDIVIDUAL preference for obvious come ons, would like all women to believe that every man on earth is that way.
I would just prefer consistency. If you're all over me, flirting with me all night, telling me how wonderful it is to see me... don't suddenly stammer out some excuse about having to take your dog to the chiropractor when I mistake that for interest and ask you for a date.
Sexual tension *on* dates? Fantabulous. I would hope by the second or third date you know if this person is into you or not, so by then the need to gauge that is usually gone. Then you can get down to the good stuff.  | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:30:36 PM | | Subtlety can be more romantic, but sometimes just fades out or goes wrong before anything happens. On the other hand if a women is too upfront and just starts talking vulgarly and practically ripping his cloths of he won't respect her much and it would probably end in a one night stand. However, personally i prefer the women to make the first move when it comes to physical aspects because a man with manners wouldn't want to impose and so if they both shy off forever, nothing happens - altogether disappointing. It's a permission thing as well, women need to grant the male permission, even if the man does most of the chasing. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 3:57:21 PM | It's a permission thing as well, women need to grant the male permission, even if the man does most of the chasing.
Yes, I agree, this is a very successful dynamic. An aggressive guy might be a better initiator of sex, but a respectful one will be easier to live with afterwards. Ideally, ambigous flirting escalates into fairly non-ambigous flirting. Even guys who claim that consciously, they don't know how to "interpret" the flirting will no doubt be draw to a girl who is interested in them.
I think the key factor is time. People on other threads often talk about hooking up immeadiately. The ones who "wait" have talked about a three date rule, which I think is still kind of fast to be really into someone. And that was the second part of my initial question about people "disappearing." Maybe I didn't make it very clear, but I wonder,
Do you think the preference of knowing right away, unambiguously, if a girl wants to have sex with you is because people often disappear after first dates, and that circumstances in the internet dating/speed dating/bar pickup culture don't really allow more ambiguous flirting situations to "play out" over time? | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:01:07 PM | | the biggest thing I worry about is whether she's interested in me or her perception of me. All that build up is great when it's genuine and with someone you really have an intellectual connection with...but when it's contrived for the sake of something she read in cosmo then I have zero patience for it. | |
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| Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates?
Posted: 7/9/2008 4:20:43 PM |
Do you think the preference of knowing right away, unambiguously, if a girl wants to have sex with you is because people often disappear after first dates, and that circumstances in the internet dating/speed dating/bar pickup culture don't really allow more ambiguous flirting situations to "play out" over time?
That's part of it, yes. But as I've said a couple times already, it's more that we meet people who put forth all of the 'classic' signs of interest that bail when we try to take it to the next level. Like I said before, if you've been sitting in my lap for the last hour, don't act surprised if I want your phone number. | |
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