| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:49:30 AM | Have you tried therapy to find out what is causing the problems?
Sounds like you think about stuff way too much to me. Why not just go with the flow?
Thirty two and slept with one younger woman, are you gay (and just dont know it yet, how close to the 'guys' are you)? That is not spiteful, it is an honest question, maybe you just dont know you are, lots of men dont.
Yep thinking about this, if it were me I would be worried, I would book a block of therapy sessions and find out what the problems really are.
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Noticed you are on a dating site with no picture up? Is there a reason for this or are you trying to pretend to be a player/married sort of guy?
EDIT MSG: 13, PMSL now that "where you going granny" could get the poor guy a smack in the mouth, not a good idea OP. :wink: | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:13:13 AM | "Thirty two and slept with one younger woman, are you gay (and just dont know it yet, how close to the 'guys' are you)? That is not spiteful, it is an honest question, maybe you just dont know you are, lots of men dont."
Fair question.
No is definitely the answer.
And besides - isaid in my OP that i've slept with about a dozen - not one as you mis-interpreted.
Teh bottom line is basiucally that i lack confidence i guess with women.
A problem the world over I suppose. There's no immediate solution.
Teh bit that i can't figure out though is that, outside of that area, i don't think i lack confidence at all really.At least not too much anyway.
So why is it only apparent when it comes to women?
As i say - it only occurrs when I begin to relaise there is a real possibility of some encounter happening.
A date obviously falls under that category. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:22:02 AM | I'm so comfortable and playful and flirty around good looking women that my partners tend to get rather jealous. I do fashion and glamour photoshoots as a side career and being relaxed and getting others to relax is simply just part of the job.
Low double digit number is 11 or 50?
My best advice is to keep at it. Eventually you'll get accustomed to the nice smelling creatures we call women. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:20:31 AM |
Unlike everyone else who seems to get excited and probably more chatty at teh prospect of an encounter/getting to know a potential love interest, I just have an initial bout of panic - that outstays its welcome.
This is absolutely not true. A LOT of people get nervous around potential love interests - men and women. You just have to overcome and get around that.
Although - I'm beginning to think that this trait is just part of my make-up - and you are who you are.
I say again, being yourself is not sufficient if you want to be able to attract women. You have to find ways to be better than yourself - and it IS ABSOLUTELY possible to change your nature to produce better results.
It has to be.
If you want inspiration, read The Game by Neil Strauss. That's what I'm doing now and it's changing my thought processes entirely. | |
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eazk
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Joined: 9/8/2006
Msg: 29 | |
| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:38:49 AM |
As i say - it only occurrs when I begin to relaise there is a real possibility of some encounter happening.
A date obviously falls under that category.
And therein, young school, is the root of the problem. You're overthinking it!! And dude...she is soooooooo feeling you overthinking it that she's shutting down ever so slightly, which makes you get worse...and...and...ever hear of a death spiral?
Try having the attitude of "Of course we're going to have sex...I just need to let her know when". If she's not into it, she'll let you know. And remember, no typically doesn't mean 'NO' if she's still hanging around...it mean 'Not Yet' or ' Not Now'. Relax, enjoy the opportunity to get to know a fabulous person and let her get to know about you...that also means you need to get comfortable in talking about yourself to let her see your personality.
The bottom line is, the easiest way to avoid the death spiral is to learn the flirtation dance. Flirting is good, clean fun...it is like little tiny emotional orgasms each time your flirt is received and returned. Focus on having fun...let whatever else happens simply happen.
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 12:18:33 PM | Ok first you do need some female friends. Then you will be more comfortable around ladies. Then next time you see a woman your interested in take a deep breath relax and realise she's just a woman. Either she's going to respond or turn you down. Either way its not tragic go on to the next woman.  | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:29:45 PM | I used to know a guy that would "practice on the ugly girls." as he said. Of course, he was a pompous a$$, but he made a good point.
WHENEVER he talked to women, he talked to them like they were the hottest thing in the world. Basically, he hit on women 100% of the time. Most of us just thought he was a dog, until he hit on a waitress that there was no WAY he'd ever go out with (I think she was older than my mom). When we asked him why he was hitting on someone old enough to be his grandmother, he explained to us that he talked to women this way all the time, because if you "practice on the ugly girls," it just made you that much better at it when a really attractive woman came along that you actually wanted to hit on. Plus, there was really no downside on treating all women really well.
He had issues, but his advice sounded good.
It's easy to have more confidence around women that don't intimidate you. Go ahead and practice on them for a while and see how it goes. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 1:48:13 PM | | You do have childhood issues. You just never resolved them. Instead you pushed them into your subconscious. And now you're stuck here. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:45:19 PM | Don't know why I was reading this, but I got a few thoughts while I read.
It is hard to have a good relationship with the opposite sex if you have been born and raised Irish Catholic. Doubly hard, I would expect, if you actually live in Ireland. You poor thing! The morality police are all around, making you feel guilty for having all those bad thoughts about girls. I know, I grew up the same way, in the US, and am very sorry that it has not changed. Then you think you might be intimidated by women or think women could be better than you? You grew up with several sisters, you said. Pity my poor brother who grew up with five sisters! So I understand. That would do it.
Some advice, for what it's worth from an older woman - Get rid of the guilt for wanting to bed a girl. Ask your sisters what you do wrong. Don't use empathy - "I understand women and how they feel". We have plenty of girlfriends for that. Don't try to be too macho. Instead try smiling at them, telling them how smart they are or how impressed you are with what they know. Ask them questions, don't think you have to carry the conversation. A lull is a chance to change the subject. If she cares for her fingernails, take her hand in yours, examine the manicure and tell her how you love that color.
Don't admire one piece of her clothing, especially not her top. Instead say Hmmm, you look pretty. If she is wearing cologne, say, Mmmm, you smell good. Ask her what she does for fun or as a hobby. Be interested in what she says. Ask her questions about it and say that you are impressed by her interest in that. Ask her if she has a pet and if not, ask what kind she would like. Don't ask about her family or her job at first. That can wait for later. What you want to do now is to find out what you two have in common.
I don't know if this will help, but I can tell you that as you get older things will begin to make sense. You will become more comfortable with women. But do as several said, and practice on everyone you meet. It really does get easier with practice.
Sending a hug for you--- | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:37:51 PM |
Too wooden like on dates
I've come across women who are turned on by this natural state of being. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/10/2008 10:06:49 PM | | Too wooden, that's because you don't know them yet, right? So if you meet someone on here, just chat back on forth awhile and get to know them a little before setting up a date. | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:31:19 AM | I liked what Chinchilla said.
I have the same issue...and I'm a 57 yo woman! It has to do with being one on one with someone you barely know!
I have a much easier time with men that I have met socially in a group and know them first. I just can't do the "Hey, I like you...lets go on a date" thing with someone I don't even know yet.
Here's an idea...one that will be REALLY original in this thread:
You're in Ireland! Go to a pagan festival. Really! Those ladies get to dancing around a drum and you are IN!
Plus...we're alot of fun | |
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| Too wooden like on dates
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:47:50 AM | I seem to have your problem in most social arenas. I am squat for chitchat! And it is probably because I am self centered and really don't care how many kids you have. BUT, I would give anything to be comfotable in crowds, at parties, or such. My head just seems to dry up and I can't think of a thing to say. One of the things I HAVE noticed over the years is that I like the "clan" feeling. That feeling of belonging. And I do much better on inital get-togethers if it has some activity. Such as going to a sporting event or hiking or something. Then afterwards, we have something in common to talk about. Sorry for your problem. I know it is a witch!
Sherry | |
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