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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:43:48 PM | Capitano!!!!!!!!!!!! Your wrong about me, your welcome to your opinions but you are wrong.
Well, as unlikely as it is, I may be wrong. It'd be the first time, though. I thought I made a mistake ONE time, but I was wrong. 
Joking aside, I don't know you, of course, but I DO know quite a bit about men. I DO know that 99% percent of any woman's male 'friends' would gladly get naked with her given the opportunity.
I've also met many women who LOVE to collect men 'friends' and are very naive about their male 'friends' reasons for wanting to be 'friends'. They like that these men like them. It bolsters the woman's sense of worth, their self-esteem to have those men around.
Are you like that? I have no idea, but it's more common that most women will admit.
And, no need to feel guilty, really as long as you're honest. Most people DO date/chat with/'see' several people at a time anyway.
Cheers. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:05:42 PM | CAPITANO BLAUGH
Why not just look for female friends if it's only friends you're looking for? Sounds like you are looking to have your cake and to eat it too.
The guys you are talking to are interested in you, as in MORE that just friends. Any guy 'friends' you make will want to have sex with you and you know that. In in knowing that you'll just be messing with those two and any others you 'meet' here.
In talking to those guys, why not say this just to clear the air: " I have absolutely NO interest in you as a lover. You and I will NEVER, EVER, EVER under any circumstances EVER have sex. We will ONLY EVER be friends. "
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Why? Sure i am on as friends, but that's because that's all I want, i don't have emotional hangups, i'm just not looking, obviously here for the Forums.
But:- All men are interested for MORE than friends, they wouldn't be on here.
Why? Why would ALL Guys that she makes "friends" with, want SEX? Some want to develop a sincere relationship there not all here for oh, let's be friends, then go out a couple times, now give me sex baby.
In fact, there are several that honestly are looking for a long term relationship, they are NOT going to try for SEX, well they will eventually
Individual people have the right to decide what THEY WANT. If she wants to commence as FRIENDS first, and see if that develops from there then that's her priogrative..
Further more, MEN whom are intelligent can see through the FEAR, EMOTIONS of past and will talk to women who state Friends, for no other reason other than they like who they are communicating with and ideally would like to get to know them more, and see if they can PUSH that boundry into a relationship.
Let's be honest. For women who aren't ready, have some emotions behind them, there is ALWAYS a man who can break through that ice, and develop a relationship... Someone, sometime, WILL... | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 4:21:02 PM | Well, not sure exactly what you were on about, but just for the fun of it:
Why would ALL Guys that she makes "friends" with, want SEX?
I never said ALL. I said 99% of the guys. The guys who don't want sex with her are either gay or don't find her attractivein any way, shape or form.
In fact, there are several that honestly are looking for a long term relationship, they are NOT going to try for SEX, well they will eventually
Zactly.
Individual people have the right to decide what THEY WANT. If she wants to commence as FRIENDS first, and see if that develops from there then that's her priogrative..
Of course. No argument. My point is that many women are incredibly naive about this.
Further more, MEN whom are intelligent can see through the FEAR, EMOTIONS of past and will talk to women who state Friends, for no other reason other than they like who they are communicating with and ideally would like to get to know them more, and see if they can PUSH that boundry into a relationship.
Sure. Some guys are more patient that others, but the goal is STILL seeing her, you or any other female, naked. (Well, for 99% of us anyway)
Let's be honest. For women who aren't ready, have some emotions behind them, there is ALWAYS a man who can break through that ice, and develop a relationship... Someone, sometime, WILL...
I AM being honest. I'm just shaking my head at the naivete of so many women.
And, as I said to the OP earlier: If she's looking for friends, why bother with MALE friends? Male 'friends' will almost invariably want to bang her. Sometimes women like to play both sides of the coin with it comes to their male 'friends'. Why not just look for female friends?
Beyond that, if it were a GUY who'd posted something like this nearly ALL of the women responding would be telling the OP to stay OUT of the dating pond until he's done all his grieving and self-work so that he doesn't mess with the heads of any sistas.
Cheers. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:40:44 PM | do what ever you think feels right.
if you think there's nothing wrong with talkin to multiple people, then go ahead. even if they say other-wise, then to each his/her own right? either they deal with it or pass. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:06:36 AM | Capitano Blaugh
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99% - yeah alright.
I don't disagree with you.. Off course at the end of the day, the male species is thinking that way, but then again, so are many women but with in addition, wanting just that bit more involved (first) at least.
Mmmm... True again, if i count the "friends" i have developed from a dating site previously 99% of those would if they could...
I'm just saying, it is a way for "some" women to move slowly into this dating thing, sites and feel more comfortable but again, i do agree, a lot go in very blindly and their expectations let them down.
Cheers back | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:16:58 AM | | yes i do but the one u want 2 talk 2 aint on when u want 2 talk 2 them!! | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:48:46 AM | | It depends on how much time I've put into something. If I meet someone after just a week and I don't have a clue how it's going to go then I'll keep chatting. If I feel there's something there I won't. Right now there are 2 very interesting men I'm talking to and they both travel for work and we really have no idea when we'll meet...yes, girls, done the checks on married etc-used landline and office numbers etc-this is the first time this has happened and I'm not going to pick one now...I'm going to just kind of wait and see at the moment. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 1:01:35 AM | | I talk on here to a few guys who are pleasant to chat with. I chat with guys in my working/home life every single day, chatting on here is no different to chatting to males I actually know in my ordinary everyday life. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:42:45 AM |
I'm just saying, it is a way for "some" women to move slowly into this dating thing, sites and feel more comfortable but again, i do agree, a lot go in very blindly and their expectations let them down.
Yeah. Again... I have no problem with people chatting with/dating numerous people at a time as long as they're honest and upfront about it. I don't even have a problem with people having sex with numerous people at the same time as long as they're upfront and honest about it. I've done it both dating and having sex with a number of women but I was very careful about disclosing that there was no exclusivity.
My issue, I guess, is that many women collect a stable of guys who are interested in her, but she has no real interest in them but she isn't being honest about that. She's getting her emotional needs met because these guys are showing interest in her, spending time and money on her and she, perhaps 'unintentionally', is stinging the guys along.
As I've said many times: Women screech about men using them for sex, but MANY women use men for relationship.
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:12:12 AM | | Not really sure you have a clue what you are on about Capitano??? But anyway thanks everyone for your advice. I dont feel guilty now as I am just been me xx | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:17:55 AM |
Not really sure you have a clue what you are on about Capitano???
Well, I happen to know very well what I'm on about. Again, I'm a guy and happen to know a lot about how men think. I've also had a lot of experience with women and have a really good idea about how they deal with dating and relationships.
Again, if you really believe that the men you want to be friends with think the same way as you do, test your belief. Tell them that you will NEVER have any interest in them as a sexual being, nor will you EVER, EVER, EVER sleep with them even if they were the last man on earth.
But, no, I don't know everything as hard as that is to believe nor can I speak for EVERY guy, only the 99% of them .....
Cheers. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:32:30 AM | I don't feel guilty. I've always believed that until I'm sleeping with someone, who I talk to is my business...
However, to put that into practice is MUCH harder.
I've been told on multiple occasions, when I thought I was being honest, that I shouldn't disclose the fact that I'm talking to other guys. (Keep in mind.. TALKING and not even dating!)
According to one guy, I guess guys want to believe that they are your only suitor or something. I don't tell them to try and make them jealous, but I feel that it's the honest thing to do.
Once I'm dating someone... meaning more than a first date, then again, I think more disclosure is appropriate, but until there is sex, I don't think I have to disclose 100%.
My 2 cents...
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:45:00 AM | | Just because you seem to associate everything around SEX doesnt mean that we all do. The guys I talk to seem to be genuine pps, not once as sex etc been mentioned. So stop thinking how you think and expecting everything else to be as you think!! This message is aimed at Capitano!!!! | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:57:50 AM | OP, until you are in a committed relationship, there is no reason to feel guilty over talking to a couple or even several guys at once, especially if you are ONLY talking and not dating. If you are talking to three men, who knows which one will be the one to sweep you off your feet? Or if none of them will?
hopeful, I looked at your profile. No offense, but if I were in your age range and you emailed me, I would give you a polite "thanks, but no thanks." You don't exactly build yourself up, but are a "normal" guy--then why should a woman want to contact you? What makes you different? Also, where you explain that you are a small/thin man, don't do that! It sounds self-denigrating. Be more positive. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:58:10 AM | I don't think who else you are talking to should be discussed with someone you haven't met... it is just bad manners.
Men who send first emails do not tell you how many others they have also contacted.
The point is to find someone you want to be exclusive with... not to make everyone you meet exclusive right away. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:58:23 PM | CAPTIANO BLAUGH
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Okay, well here's the thing. If you were up-front with me and said you were seeing two other women, i'd think good, at least i know your not going to cling and your working out whom you really want to be with if it is any of us, whilst at the same time, breathing space for me, to ascertain what i think as well. If you said you were sleeping with them as well, and they knew that you were doing that with the other, i'd laugh and say seeya..
FACT.
I don't want some guy who is a "honest" but on the same accord, can't give one a go and see, if it's not for them, DONT take it further, and check out another lady .....
I certainly don't want one that uses and allows the women to use, them sexually and emotionally running around saying hey, you going out with Anne tomorrow night, or me?
HAHA, So funny.....
OP...... Nothing wrong at all with what your doing and not all guys want SEX, don't care at all what this gentleman says, they don't...
As a man off course, they think a tad with the yard stick, but they don't necessarily chace with that in mind, if they are truly looking for a long term relationship, only the batchelors that are still enjoying their lives, and are not ready to settle are wanting two or three of you out there at a time.
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:06:23 PM | I'll let you know when it happens.
Right now I'm just feeling guilty thinking about two different guys who are viewing me at the same time. 
And now I'm going to turn my IM on.............. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:09:02 PM | | If you are just trying to get to know men and it's in the exploration stage then I don't feel a need to even say anything. I assume they are chatting with more then one woman and likewise I am chatting with more then one man.. I think the hardest part to me would be having time and energy to email several at once and really start getting to know enough to meet them... | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:21:38 PM | Absolutely not! Why would I feel guilty? I haven't made any promises to anyone. I'm out there meeting different people and I assume the people I'm meeting are doing the same. I'm actively looking for someone I'd *like* to get exclusive with but I haven't met them yet. I don't bring up to one guy that I'm seeing or chatting with someone else unless they ask. What would be the point? I did once exchange a few emails with a guy who asked and, when he found out I had two other online conversations going, he suggested I was a "player." We'd exchanged exactly three emails, had never met, and he had some idea in his head I shouldn't be chatting with anyone else? Weird.
No, chatting and going out with others is fine as long as you aren't leading anyone to believe you're being exclusive with them. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:37:49 PM | | if i'm just going on 1st meetings and nothing really has developed on the phone or in e-mail, then there's nothing to feel guilty about. if, however, one or both parties is /are obviously becoming enamored/hooked in (whether by phone or in real life), then it's time to be up front about dating around. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:33:27 AM | Per the advice of a couple folks on this thread, Ive updated my profile a bit to seem more "positive". But the fact still remains that Ive yet to hear about a guy who has this problem. We're lucky to get 1 woman to take notice, let alone feel guilty about more than that. Youll have to excuse my cynicism on this subject, as 4+ months of rejection has gotten to me. I just put it out there more than most guys do. I guarantee there are a lot of men rolling their eyes to this thread...they just arent vocal about it.
I was kinda under the impression no one took the time to read profiles these days, really. Ive been told by many women, if she dont like the photo shes not going to care whats been written. Its good to see some people still read. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:20:07 AM |
Does anyone feel guilty when you are talking to more than one person who you know are interested in getting to know you etc???
Yep
I just wouldnt do it.
I wouldnt be involved with anyone who was doing it either. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:59:12 AM | When I first started using dating sites, I DID feel the guilts about talking to more than one "contact" at a time. If I had some other lady message me during that time, I would tell them that I was in touch with someone else and would not follow through with that new person. However, when that first contact fizzled out, I suddenly found that it was difficult to get back with the next person, as they too had moved on, and weren't particularly interested in being regarded as "second choice". Yet that second person could well have been "the one".
Sometime still don't feel comfortable about it even now, but I don't worry so much about speaking to two women at once any more. After all, it's not as tough I have made any commitment promises to either of them.
I think what happens is that during the ongoing talks, you will decide by default, which person you favour, especially once there is a first meeting.
I agree with what you are doing op - be open and honest with them if they ask. Not sure it's necessary to tell them otherwise.
Enjoy the dates - I'm sure you will know who you prefer when you do go out with them, and the sooner the better, I think. | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:40:47 AM |
What a "chore" it must be to come onto a website and have dozens of interested people wanting to talk to you all at the same time. Gimme a break.
Uh huh Hopeful (going off to whistle while he thinks about this...) | |
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| Do you feel guilty!!!!
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:42:06 AM | I'll talk to anyone, though in practice I tend to try and restrict how many people talk to me at once. As soon as I actually plan to meet someone, though, I do feel guilty about talking to other people, even if I don't really know what I think of them. It's a pain, and I've no doubt I'd find someone far quicker if I were willing to date multiple people simultaneously or line up new dates ready to replace ones if they don't work out... but you have to be who you are.
Capitano, you sound very bitter... And for the record, some of my closest friends are women whom I'd never have sex with. Yes, they're attractive so I'd theoretically like to, but I'd still say no if the opportunity ever arose. | |
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