| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:53:24 AM | | wow, i don't think me and my bf have ever argued about who would pay for $15. my bf always changes the oil, pays for it ect. i also do alot for him...so if she does alot for you, like maybe doing your laundry or helping you pick out birthday presents or picking up a card for mothers day for your mom because you forgot then i wouldnt think about it. otherwise im not sure what to say..seems like a petty reason to be worried about or mad at to me. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 3:16:10 AM | | I'm having computer issues right now or it could be POF. I'll catch everyone up on my replies shortly. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:23:55 AM | In the beginning I bet she offered to pay for the oil ect and you told her "put your money away" I bet you said it enough times that she just automatically assumes this will now be part of your honey do list.
Tell her up front it's her car and she should spend her money to maintain it.
Maybe it's me but I would never ask someone to take over doing a job I know i can do myself | |
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I ROC
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Joined: 10/26/2007
Msg: 29 | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:37:56 AM |
I dunno...I know this is your reporting and interpretation of the moment, but I'm getting this drift that there is a bigger problem brewing and money may be at the root of it.
yeah i gotta agree with that...Op i think you needed to have given a little more information about the situation..i mean how often do you use her car?..do you always have to pay for oil and all the other stuff you do on her car etc?..do you help with gas sometimes?...i sense there is some kind of financial problems bigger than what you mentioned though.. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:00:39 AM | She should pay at least for the supplies, what your putting into her car in order to fix it. You doing the work for her is saving her more money then she has to fork out to you for the oil and stuff. I think she's trying to take advantage of you when it comes to this. She should be appreicative of you doing this for her, saving her alot of money, then to raise a stink about it...
It's not a mans job to pay for everything or do all the car work... women are capable of paying for things too... far as the car thing goes, believe it or not but there's plenty of women out there who actually have car knowledge, who know how to fix alot of problems that can occur with a car.
As long as your paying for the gas you use with her car on the weekends, she has no leg to stand on. | |
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isoU
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 32 | |
| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:17:44 AM | Tell her to make U a fabulous dinner because that is what women are good for. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:37:17 AM | | Imagine if you went out for dinner, and you asked HER to pay for a change? If you're always the one who pays, then that's what men are for, right? So she'll naturally expect you to pay for fixing her car! If you refuse, she'll probably go to her Dad, expecting him to pay for it as that's what Dad's are for, right? | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:46:29 AM | | Well, if you are using her car the most, then yeah, you should do it for free. I've had guys that I always used my car, due to having air conditioning in my car, and they didn't theirs, but I paid for all the gas and maintenance, and that is not going to happen again. They can either do the work, or pay for it, but I won't. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:54:45 AM | | I suggest telling her that if she thinks $10--$15 (which is essentially half of what she would pay at some kind of quickie oil change biz or HER share of the preventive maintenance on the car she says the two of you use more on the weekends) is too much to pay then she is welcome to squeeze in time and cough up the money to have someone else do it. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:01:16 PM | | I think you should dump her and come live here in Las Vegas with me just in case my car starts acting up. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:09:51 PM | | Whats the point of doing something in a begrudging way.You resent doing the work and paying for it.I am sure your girl is aware of your attitude, if not she is now.I would buy the stuff and learn to do it myself. I could not be listening to all that resentful whining. If not I would bring it to the garage. I could not be beholden to a nitpicking man.I bet she does plenty for you, including letting you use the car. But you just see it from your side and what YOU are losing out on.Loosen up, buy some gas. discuss whats fair with her,, not on here.It all adds up in the end.Strewth!!!I would be tempted to tell you to stick your oil, where the sun don't shine. Try changing it there. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:50:00 PM | Take control of your relationship or it will control you.
If you have a problem with it, say something and put your foot down. It's okay to not be a push over sometimes... or all the time. :) | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:09:28 PM | | OP ...sounds like more to the story than what you revealed...but if not, I agree with those who suggested she buy the oil and filter and you change it for her... | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:40:38 PM | I certainly don't agree with the "that's what men are suppose to do" argument BUT I guess it really depends on how much more you are using her car. It sounded like you were saying that your car can only handle going to and from work and that you guys use her car more on the weekends (if I'm wrong please correct). If that is the case then yeah I don't think it would be unreasonable for her to ask you to help pay for maintenance of the car.
but...yeah I do agree with your overall theme I guess that just because you're the man doesn't mean you should be expected to do that.
Cheers
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:24:24 PM |
OP ...sounds like more to the story than what you revealed...but if not, I agree with those who suggested she buy the oil and filter and you change it for her...
Yeah I think I know what's going on here as it is a classic story. It would be all fine if they traded favors and all but I have a feeling this girl has him paying for a lot of things much more then her share.
Dude, if this is a common happening, do yourself a favor and don't put up with it. I suspect she will probably get someone else to pay for it and change it if you don't. Don't be like me and wait for your bank account to thin out and she leaves you when your lower on cash.
This sounds mean but I once told some gold-digger that asked me not only to fix her window but to pay for it also, "hey your goodlookin but you ain't that goodlookin. Bye now." | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:28:32 PM | | That's pretty messed-up Tony. I pay my mechanic $40 to change my oil. $20 is not much and she needs the car too. I would gently remind her of this. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:41:09 PM | Did she ask you like, "will you please do this for me?" or "when are you gonna"? There is a difference.
If she is not worth 10 or 15 bucks (which is what I am assuming that she is thinking) then you got some problems.
I agree with the "mans job" idea, but also with your logical way of thinking about it. She is just trying to manipulate you to do it with the justification part.
Here is my suggestion:
Make it a couples thing to do. She does not appreciate the actual work that goes into doing it, so show her how. You buy the oil filter and she buy the oil. (Or vice versa). Have her help you and/or show her to do it herself. You could turn it into a whole afternoon and have some oily grubby sex afterwards!!
Oh yea, the doing something for you in return would be nice, also. But she should appreciate your efforts and do something back that you will appreciate.
Worse case scenario, just do it, but the next time she wants to go to the movies, decline her and remind her that money IS tight and you paid for her car stuff, AND your own. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:45:24 PM | Well, I'd probably be spending the $40 and taking it to Jiffy Lube and letting someone else get dirty 
But, I'm thinking there's more to this story... $20 is nothing for a woman I'm in a relationship with... but then again, if she's always *expecting* him to pay for stuff (dinner/dates, etc) and she never contributes, that would change that dynamic.
Or, he could have some issues of his own about it, if he's putting a battery in and "possibly changing then engine mounts", and he's driving an old clunker with bad a/c with a "graduate degree" as his profile says, maybe he's got money problems himself?
Dunno, but... I'd think open communication would be the way to handle it, rather than griping on POF - doesn't bode well for any relationship if the opinions of a bunch of strangers on a website have more meaning than communication/compromise in your relationship. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:37:17 PM | | That's what men are suppose to do?I would know where to start to change oil in a car.She should help you with some of the cost.A relationship isn't about the man paying for everything.It should be sharing the cost of things. | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/12/2008 3:44:22 AM | SOME women do this because SOME men allow them to get away with it, and then complain about it afterwards..
if you dont like it , tell her.. wats the good of asking advise in a forum.. you obviously started this off and now you either have to continue or put a stop to it..
put your foot down and tell her "NO, you want it done pay for it.." you are willing to do the work, but not provide the stuff needed..
unless you are in a living together situation where money is pooled anyway... | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:32:18 AM | My ex was like that. As long as I paid for everything - it was OK. Our "marriage" was over, but we had agreed to stay together until our son was older.
She refused to "pool" our money, except for "house" things.
Fyi, she didn't cook, she would only clean half the house etc.
I paid for all the meals when we ate out and took care of all yard & maintainence issues, you know "guy" things. lol
She got upset because I finally "stuck-up for myself" and suggested she help pay.
We never went out to eat after that and then refused to wash my clothes.
I stopped checking her oil, refilling the washer fluid, washing her car etc.
6 months later she asked me "When's the last time you changed my oil"?
I told her "Last time you washed my clothes".
Turned-out she ran out of oil, the engine got messed-up.
Mechanic types, here's the killer; The oil pressure sending unit was bad, the oil idiot light never came on, so they had to repair it no charge. I always wondered what about the temperature light.
These situations can seem insignificant and in a healthy, stable relationship they are.
I'd like to suggest closely evaluating your relationship. and go from there.
Good Luck, | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:50:55 AM | | you should pay...if you have no money then say no i dont hav ethe moeny....if she knew that then she would offer to pay.... | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:57:12 AM | No. It isn't the mans job to do and pay for all of the "manly work."
Now... I can understand her asking you to change the oil in the first place given that you obviously know what you're doing when it comes to cars, but there is no reason under the sun that you should have to pay for the oil and the filter.
I'm not a "manly man" ... so I know nothing about cars. I do, however, know that a good, honest mechanic is worth his weight in gold.
If that's her attitude, I think that I would gently suggest that she find one.  | |
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| Why Do Some Women Do This?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:23:09 AM | I'm thinking she feels you owe her for using her car all the time. For you to request $10 or $15 bucks after using her car for most things on weekends, sounds pretty cheap to me.
All my boyfriends changed the oil in my car. I never even asked. They also paid for the oil and filter. I appreciated it just as I'm sure they appreciated that most meals we had were made and paid for by me.
When you start keeping track of every dollar comtributed to a relationship, the relationship is over. | |
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