| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:44:18 PM | I was in a place where I was making a concerted effort to not channel my neurotic mother by worrying about things that might never happen. So I didn't worry about things that might never happen... and they happened.
I allowed hurt and resentment from past wrongs (committed by that person, not some previous other person) to fester and erode my respect for him.
I got better at not blowing up and becoming a total b**** about some things but I never stopped completely.
And I never got over my unrealistic expectation to have an equal say in the finances and know how much we jointly owed to whom so I did a total division of the accounts which always seems to be the death rattle of a relationship. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 2:55:57 PM | Interesting thread and some hilarious replies...
What did I do wrong in my last relashionship...
I should have asked the question... "Are you gay?"...
Sex was lukewarm at best and I just figured it was because he was English... (Yea... I know better now...)... Like so many others said... I looked passed the red flags... Being married to him was like being single except I could not date.
You know, when a good looking man would walk by us, let's say in a restaurant, we would both "look" at him... Know what I mean?... 
An other long term relashionship...
I die first... It was a great relashionship, but he passed away two years ago...
Yep,... new Ann rule... I die first... | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:05:08 PM | What did I do wrong?
I never said No, and then I became resentful because no effort was given from the other side.
How will I prevent it?
This is why I am single, because I have a lot of growth on my part before I can go into another relationship. Figuring out who I am and what I need as a woman. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:17:32 PM | Hmm, what did I do wrong? Yes, maybe my fault. I did not get the right doctor to make the correct diagnosis. By the time the right one came, it was no longer reversible. So, yes! Separation by default.  | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 3:19:16 PM | This is an easy question to answer. It wasn't the case just 5 or 6 years ago.
In my first marriage, I was immature. I expected to have the same relationship my parents had, which took them 30 yrs to build, overnight with my hubby.
In my second marriage, I allowed myself to be put last. I played into his "victim" mentality, and made him the center of the universe to try and "help" him. But you can't do that for someone else, they have to do it for themselves.
One of the biggest things I have learned is to never put myself last again. I refuse to lose myself again. The second is absolute honest communication, in a respectful way.
The later is part of what attracted my current guy and I to each other. We love that the other is not afraid of communication. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:14:54 PM | | Gave too much of myself and didn't demand the same in return. I allowed myself to be walked on...all the while, justifying it with some stupid lie about him needing to be this or that. When I realized that not only weren't we going work towards marriage, but that he might have been playing around...I walked away. I thought that was the mistake. But in retrospect, it was staying in the nightmare 6 months too long. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:20:05 PM | | I thought of the relationship like it was a baseball game.....and forgave him the 1st, 2nd and 3rd time he cheated. After that, I really had a hard time knowing which lies to believe. Of course....if you were to ask him....he'd say it was because I refused to marry him..... LOL! I still can't figure that one out! | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:21:03 PM | I didn't listen to what was said, and that's not like me at ALL, but I didn't.
I asked a question.
I let things progress to quickly in too short of time.
But I'm human and humans make mistakes..........I always learn a lot from mine. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 6:31:11 PM | I think my marriage ended because I was too selfish.
My ex was/is a great guy, he has faults dont get me wrong but all in all nothing that now I think 5 years later, couldn't of been worked through had I had more patience and less of a me, me, me, attitude. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:47:53 PM | The thing I find really funny about this thread is that 90% of the posts have still managed to turn it into the other person was really wrong, my mistake was just either sticking around too long, forgiving them, or not noticing they were wrong.
Not saying those may not be true reasons but I think the OP may have been aiming at actual mistakes people did themselves.
So either 90% of people here were the "good one" in the relationship or many people are in denial. But I guess thats part of human nature, if you ask two people why they broke up they usually can only see the other person's faults and never their own. Heck ask me why things went wrong in my own previous relationships and I can probably give tons or reasons/faults about the other person but non too many myself. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 7:57:42 PM | >>So what things did you do wrong, what mistakes did you make, etc?
I never put my foot down about anything and once I did, it was over. I kept thinking, ok, I'll let that slide. Ok, I'll let that slide as well. Ok, I'll just give in and learn to deal with it. Just when you think things can't get any worse, they definitely will.
>>And how will you prevent yourself from doing it in your next relationship?
I'm going to draw lines and not let them get crossed within the relationship. Also, I'll learn t cut my losses earlier. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:07:17 PM | Hmmm....what did I do wrong...
Thats a good question. I often wonder what I did on the last relationship, but I am not sure what went awry. One day she basically became cold (didn't want to hold hands, cuddle, have sex, or spend time with me)...soon after she moved in with a female friend as a roomate and then moved away to stay with her Sister. Go figure. She never did tell me what I did that caused that. ???
The one before that though was all my fault. I was still distant and untrusting from my failed marriage (wife ran off with another man). She was a sweetheart and I was not willing to let her get close. When I finally realized what I was missing, she had moved off with another man and got married. Lived happily ever after I might add (good for her. She deserved it.) If I didn't know better, i'd say she was the one that "got away". Best girlfriend ever! But definately all my fault she moved on. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:39:26 PM | I overfunctioned, I did everything for him, I never asked for help, and the minute I asked for emotional support he decided to bail.
I let alot slide that I should have put my foot down on, I believed if I gave him what he wanted he would never leave me LOL, was I WRONG | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:42:36 PM | | I loved my husband to much and put him before my kids which ultimately led to him hurting them and now we are getting a divorce. I will prevent it by not trusting any guy with my childrens emotions again. They will have to thouroughly go through the ringer before I will take the relationship to possible marriage level. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 8:54:41 PM | I see tons of threads about what the other person did wrong, but rarely see people take responsibility for their own mistakes
For me I got involved with a person who had a personality disorder, she knew it but alas didn’t take responsibility for it. Do I take my own personal responsibility for this mishap? Getting involve with a dysfunctional person? Absolutely!!
Would I ever do it again? LOL! NO! But at least I know what a sociopath is and what damage they will do in your life. Do you? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:01:57 PM | | I agree with msg 68, yes he did have a personality disorder as well, just didnt realize it until it was too late, too bad for me, let myself get my heart stomped on in the process. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:05:51 PM |
So either 90% of people here were the "good one" in the relationship or many people are in denial. But I guess thats part of human nature, if you ask two people why they broke up they usually can only see the other person's faults and never their own
I knew this would eventually pop up somewhere, that's why I filed a small disclaimer at the end of my post.
I believe it is always harder to look at your own self, but I was really trying to describe, in retrospect what happened....or, didn't happen.
Also, the way the question was phrased did not fit my 'speak,' if you will. For it's not about right, or wrong, or who was good, and who was bad. I believe that most of the people at least tried to answer as honestly as they could without throwing any sucker punches at their ex's.
It's your choice...what you are left with at the end of a relationship, it could be a bad taste in your mouth, a need to be right, or a vendetta of payback....but really, all that remains is a lesson. Hopefully, we all learn what not to apply to our next relationship, if one should come along.
Kimbo | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:08:02 PM | | I didn't communicate (clammed up) when things got tough. I made some bad financial decisions which put us in a bind. Wish I consulted with her before making those decisions. It caused a divide, and some one else stepped in with a listening ear. It's easy to say she should have forgiven me, but I should have given her no reason to lose her respect for me as well. Two wrongs don't make things right, though I regret it, I harbor no bitterness. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:11:35 PM | FYI, the only thing Im bitter about is how he ended it, the coward but in all honesty, I still love him with all my heart and always will. Should he show up in my life again, I most likely would give him a second chance.
Um, think I just contradicted myself there, lmao. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:17:36 PM | Anna, your sense of humor is superbly funny .
My aunt has outlived two husbands, both wonderful relationships. A couple years ago, shortly after her 2nd husbands death, she joined a church group & met man. Twelve months afterwards, she accepted a proposal from him. Enroute to the church, she stated the exact same line, "sorry Bob, I'm going first this time". We were laughing to the point of tears | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:18:54 PM | | Neither one of us did anything wrong......we just realized it wasn't going to work out long term live was pulling us in two different directions and two different cities also.....sometimes things are just not meant to be. | |
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