| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 9:52:25 PM | | fell in love too soon. she told me early on that we were meant for each other and deserved each other and that when she moved out of the area at the end of this year she wanted totake me with her. she told me she loved me and she hinted at things we could do together later in the year. and the sex was outstanding. we communicated and i was very respectful of her and attentive and periodically asked if she was happy and if everything was ok and she always said yes. i helped around the house and was supportive and bought her flowers on occasion. she asked me to spend the nights with her--i didn't suggest it. i would snuggle and give her back rubs and made sure she was--so i thought--sexually satisfied. i would go shopping with her and we always held hands or she put her arm in mine when walking. her 22year old daughter whom was by far #1 in her life ,and probably always will be came for a weekend and i was to leave ,so she wouldn't know i was there. she told me that her daughter told her to be careful dating because many men would be after her money. 3 weeks later she dumped me--a kiss on the cheek and 'have a nice life' but was kissing me on the neck and said i could call her. what was my mistake: maybe getting involved with her in the first place. i fell in love and she broke my heart. what would you have done? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:10:38 PM | ^^^ Yeah, that 's funny.
What did I do wrong? I allowed the physical connection in my last relationship to overrule every other area that was messed up .. which was basically the entire relationship. This relationship kept going .. and going .. and going .. based primarily on a sexual connection that was so astronomical we couldn't walk away without wondering how we would get through the days/nights/mornings/afternoons/whatever without having sex with eachother. It was beyond what words could describe and we were always taking advantage of this rare sexual chemistry and compatibility that neither of us had ever experienced with anyone, so ... of course .. we were all over it. Even though the physical connection was absolutely mind boggling, the rest was just such a destructive mindf*** and emotional drain due to incompatibility in other areas. So, my mistake was continually making the conscious decision, for all of the wrong reasons, to stay or return to this on-off again relationship just because the sexual connection was incredible for us both and I allowed it to overshadow everything else that was toxic but was so much more important. You gotta see the light somewhere along the way and call it what it is. Sex is important .. yes .. but not that important if nothing else is working and is simply toxic.  | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/10/2008 11:19:58 PM | | I cheated on him, was mean, and did not love him enough and I put my children first. If you want to learn more read my myspace profile at www.myspace.com/kristikimball | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:02:14 AM |
Shouldn't have gotten involved to begin with. Bad judgment. Next time? Think twice and then some more.
Ditto!
I saw the ‘red flag’ but thought it had something to do with other things he was going through when I met him…I might have listened to my instincts after hearing him say he had to work through his “red flag” stuff….I might have backed off a touch rather then jumping in with both feet…..
Amazing reads in this particular thread….ty | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:33:36 AM | Oddly enough...niether of us did anything wrong. He was younger and when we got together didn't want children. His dad passed away and a few other things happened and he changed his mind...I couldn't fault him for it, but my son was 19 and I wasn't going to start again.
We decided to part friends rather than wait years and part enemies. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 2:58:25 AM | It was not working well, I tried to put more effort in. As a result, I dragged it out much longer than it should have gone and she feels as if I lied to her. She mistook the effort at trying to make it work for something more and ended up upset.
All I was trying to do was not be someone who gives up at the first sign of negativity, I am critical of others who do and did not want to go there myself. All other problems stemmed from this. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 4:59:51 AM | statestreet - the thing i find really ironic about your post is you did not answer the thread topic at all, but instead chose to do a summary through your filter what the other posters said and what you thought the op was aiming for.
i am pretty amazed at how much honesty people put here, or tried to be as open as they wished. personally, i knew i was saying what i thought we both did that resulted in the relationship ending, and i was aware when i wrote my post i was doing that....and, truthfully, i feel it's a private matter and not really anyone's business except those i wish to share with what is wrong with me so i was aware i only went so far. to me so many here were very courageous to try and answer truthfully and trusting we would not be bashed.....and no one did get bashed except your summary pointing out you thought most weren't as honest as you thought they could be.....and yet to me those answers you 'rejected' do take responsibility for someone to say I was wrong to stick around so long, I was wrong to see the relationship as right - to me that is taking responsibility....many kept it in the first person instead of saying 'he or she did this or that' or they put both to explain their own actions and feelings of 'wrong-doings'.
but you did not answer the question at all.....not even try. why not? as you say in your last line
Heck ask me why things went wrong in my own previous relationships and I can probably give tons or reasons/faults about the other person but non too many myself.
go on then, i'm asking - try and answer it - it's a pretty interesting exercise, i find to see what we say in the writing and what we censor. why don't you try it?
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:34:55 AM | My EX was addicted to his female friends that he emailed constantly. He claimed there wasn't anything going on and I believed him until I found an email where he had made a date with one of them. I walked away from the relationship that very day!!
You must have enough respect for yourself that you place a limit on what you'll endure for the sake of love. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 5:49:27 AM | I was in a most loving relationship of 6 months, the kind were you picture your future with the person and are planning things in your head about what the possibilities are of this being the one.
Then one day it laid itself upon my body and I was no more the person I was, PTSD. And she was who I thought , a beautiful caring soul, who stuck by me as a friend and helped me while I was a non functional empty and lost being.
Without her it is a good possibility I would not be here today, I literally owe her for saving me, not any Doctors. Thanks N, you are the meaning of life to me.
Oh yes and my little buddy who wanted to be a Firefighter, his destiny had been dealt to him as a young child, he is my angel watching over me, because angels save people too. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:02:10 AM | I didn't stand up for myself. I let things slide rather than confront and risk causing tension.
From now on, I will be open and honest about my feelings, needs and desires while being respectful of the other person's feelings, needs and desires.
Excellent thread, btw. We have all made mistakes and it's good to confess them. We're human, we're allowed to make mistakes. But the key is to learn from them and try to change.
I love this little fish! --->  | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:06:26 AM | | I put his needs first while sacrificing my own needs to the detriment of my own well being - I forgot that love isn't about being a martyre, it's about both lives being enriched by the connection. Although it is in my nature to give - I have learned that it is just as important to receive. If it isn't mutually benificial, then it isn't a relationship - it's a servitude. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:14:10 AM | I DID what made ME HAPPY: Which includes Work, Play Golf, Watch Football and Go to Las Vegas
that's fantastic chief. So really, there is no need for a relationship then. yes?
It's always a difficult concept to wrap around, that when you are in a relationship,
it does indeed change from ME to US on many levels. So , one must want that, and also really really want to share happiness. Share in everything, including joy, sadness, difficult times, and countless other things.
Being Happy alone is a very good thing
Being Happy with someone you love is sublime.
happy golfing
~~~~~~~~~~~~ "kimbo````````````````````````` | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:14:13 AM | "I put his needs first while sacrificing my own needs to the detriment of my own well being - I forgot that love isn't about being a martyr, it's about both lives being enriched by the connection. Although it is in my nature to give - I have learned that it is just as important to receive. If it isn't mutually beneficial, then it isn't a relationship - it's a servitude." ~ Lady Kay ^
Excellent wording, Lady Kay. Your phrasing is more accurate to what I wanted to say than my own post was. Thank you. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:31:24 AM | I think have learned more about relationships, and myself, reading this thread (I keep coming back!) than I ever could have in any 'self-help' book! I think everyone who posted (with one obvious exception) has been refreshingly honest and courageous! I want to thank ItsMargo - she reminded me of something I'd almost forgotten - that 'Oh so self-righteous attitude' I adopted. I will need to keep a close eye out for that. It's a relationship killer! Thank you everyone for your candor.  | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:44:06 AM |
I put his needs first while sacrificing my own needs to the detriment of my own well being
Yes, there is a lot of that going around. so much so, that I belive it is a bit Ego based, and gets away from the idea and importance of unconditional giving.
Lets assume that we all have 'needs' for a moment. do we? I believe so.
Now, I am glad for you came to a realization that your relationship was impinging on your own well being. In a case like that, then, of course, it is better to be with yourself.
However, As the Soul cries out for healing, (and, only if one listens,) they can clearly hear it say that at times....'at times'....it is the gentle souls destiny to put one's own needs aside...if your partner is in need..of support, advice, care, or loving. A person on a true vertical path just 'knows' this is not a sacrifice at all. It is actually a very loving and caring function of the enlightened being.
In relationship, there are 'times' when one will be stronger than the other. This is just a fact. Unfortunately, the Ego sometimes takes advantage of that....to laud it's own 'power' over the other person.....or make them feel smaller, or ego may trick you into thinking you are a mere servant.
But, you are actually heading in a wonderful direction, IF you can use your power to help your loved one through a difficult period.....and yes, if it is a union based on real love, not imaginary love or abusive attatchment, And, they 'will' reciprocate, trust this.... and both Souls will expand and enlighten because of the experience of giving and sacrifice.
this in no way equates to sacrifice and loss of oneself when there is anger or distortion in return. for that may be martyrdom, I'm not sure.
Yet, it's a tricky concept to grasp, for all souls should engage in some work of giving without expectation, but many are not ready or capable of that.
best to you..and everyone
````````````````````````````````````` KimbO`````````````````````````
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 6:55:34 AM |
I put his needs first while sacrificing my own needs to the detriment of my own well being - I forgot that love isn't about being a martyr, it's about both lives being enriched by the connection. Although it is in my nature to give - I have learned that it is just as important to receive.
I agree its about both receiving.....
I accept that 90% here say "it was the other partners mistake". I think it is both ways..
I was to quick too fast to like her to so much..The reason when I look back..Other things wasn't right at that time. Now I am taking it easy , trying not to jump into anything too fast too quick!! May be she didn't feel the same as I did.. or I interpreted in wrong...
its all for good.. you learn!! | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:18:04 AM |
What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Nothing.
Im perfectly happy with everything I did.
I knew what I was doing when I did it.
I knew what the other person was doing and why.
It may be sad it never worked out...but sorry...its not because I did anything "wrong" | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:25:37 AM |
Im perfectly happy with everything I did.
I knew what I was doing when I did it.
I knew what the other person was doing and why.
It may be sad it never worked out...but sorry...its not because I did anything "wrong"
You must have hit the Links and went to Vegas to. Good for you | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:42:54 AM | What I did wrong: I poured 100% of my heart and soul into it and made him a priority in my life. I like what a previous poster said about being on a vertical path together. I was on a vertical path and he was on a horizontal path and it took way too long (3 years) for me to figure that out.
How I will prevent this from happening again: I will never give 100% again. I am guarding my heart. I feel like I jumped in deep water before and couldn't swim and now I am happily swimming around in the shallow end. It's safe and I am waiting to see what's what. I've learned that actions speak louder than words. I won't believe everything I hear. And like another poster said, I will end it when I know it's not working. | |
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