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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 7:57:39 AM | | I made the mistake of thinking that two different people with different goals could work, and was ready to give up everything I believed in to make him happy. In the end, he wound up saying he wasn't happy that I had to give up everything. He bailed during a really difficult time rather than sticking through and working it out. So next time...I look for someone with similar beliefs and qualities and refuse to give up everything I believe in for someone else. I also taught him a lot and introduced him to all my friends who became his friends, now that we aren't on speaking terms, those relationships are tense and not sure they will be able to work out now...lesson learned for next time. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 8:20:24 AM | I would have to say what I did wrong was I tried to please him to much I am one that tries to make the one I am with happy an have learned if they arent happy u cant make them happy. I would treat there kids just like mine an do things with them (go get them an take them with my kids to do stuff) but then mine were which I dont feel was wrong but I think it should go both ways. My biggest mistakes in the past would have to be I try to find the good in everyone an everything an have learned the hard way should have learned from my long 14 yr old marriage of abuse physically,mentally,emotionally an then of course when I found out it started on the kids I was gone but I should have had better self esteem which he had crushed an an realized I deserved better an thur thick in thin that all that was not talkin about the cruel things that he did.
In my next relationship I will never let a man talk down to me or feel less than what I am an if they cant love me for me or be nice to my kids then there is no relationship because like they say dont let the door hit u in the butt lol. Also I thought if I could help them out as my parents raised me to help others then that was a good thing wont get taken like I did in the past either I am not made of money an if the other is not goin to put forth anything effort wise an it is all one sided to not even continue an to be honest with them an walk away. Wont be taken advantage of again know the signs lol | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:09:12 AM | snglmomm2
You sound right.. everytime I try to please some body too much!! It just gets back to me...I think there is point where you say thats it. Thanks that clears something I had in mind before | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:18:30 AM | | I became very complacent and stopped paying as much to my partner's needs. She started the relationship by going out of her way to prove to me that I was the best guy she'd ever been with (I'm not trying to gloat, this is just the opinion she had of me, whether correct or incorrect). I'd never been so adored so I was very happy and comfortable with her, but then I grew so used to everything being wonderful that I took it for granted when little problems arose. Sure, she left me for a guy who has kids her age and became a complete psychopath, but I know that in the end I should have worked harder to make her happy. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:19:45 AM | I believed the other person would stay with me thru the bad and ugly.....explanation....I wasn't happy with my last job position and it affected me considerably......so he gave up 'trying' to make me happy and saying 'it's just a job'! Sorry, but I believe loving your job sets the whole day for ya 'cause that's where you spend most of it! | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:36:08 AM | 1) Didn't follow my initial instincts which said "don't date this person"
2) Allowed her to make her issues my issues
3) Rationalized away her bad behavior
4) Accepted responsibility for things I shouldn't have
5) Invested in a one sided relationship
6) Ignored the continuing stream of red flags
7) Didn't leave near soon enough.
That was two years ago and no way I will EVER do any of those things with another human being. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 9:52:48 AM | Interesting thread.
Looking back I'd say it was either my refusal to change with the times or my poor choices for a partner depending on the angle one views it from.
Today, it appears romantic relationships are more like friendship relationships. Two people slowly become a couple after sharing similar activities and holding similar views much like two people would become pals or buddies. That results in both individuals being unable to fulfill one or two basic requirements as their energies are scattered and that results in both individuals becoming disappointed.
Almost all relationships have one primary function. Whether it's our doctor or dentist, auto mechanic or golf buddy, there is one thing that takes priority. We all want to be able to relate to the individual, trust them, exchange the odd joke....in short we all want the people we have relationships with to be like us but there is one aspect that stands out.
From a young age we're told that politics, religion and sex are off limits and rightly so. We don't usually discuss those things with people we have every day relationships with unless we are a member of a discussion group dealing with one of those topics.
The problem is when it comes to romantic relationships people believe everything is fair game and any disagreement usually upsets the balance as witnessedd by our being constantly reminded that what happens in the bedroom depends on what happened outside the bedroom.
Let's put it this way. Would one want to verbally disagree with their dentist or auto mechanic if the conversation had nothing to do with their role in the relationship? What benefit would come out of that?
So that's what I would say I did wrong and which I corrected when I started my present relationship. When asked what I expected from a romantic relationship I immediately answered, "Sex!" and I ensured my partner held the same priority.
Sure, I could list a dozen things I'd like but what is the one thing a romantic relationship offers that none other can? Whether my partner plays golf or who she votes for makes no more difference than whether my doctor or dentist or mechanic plays golf or who they vote for.
It was a lesson hard learned. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:03:15 AM | | What Liana K said, except looking back the sex was mind boggling. If we were together for more than a few hours, we would wind up arguing. Should have paid more attention, because we were arguing about what I needed to do to become more perfect for him, nevermind how imperfect he was. Another, I kept taking him back, believing his lies, though I knew he was a liar and cheat. I was too forgiving of him and his flaws. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:17:58 AM | | jeeze i went there , it broke my heart , years later same has happened again all be it different men and friends , but the pain and humiliation hurts just as much. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 10:27:39 AM | Here! Here! Dave1234 - well said.
I've caught myself in the course of conversation with my SO thinking - 'What?! I can't believe you think that way!' - Luckily I've managed to stop myself and rethink - does it really matter what he thinks about ____ (fill in the blank)? - I mean, really? In the greater scheme of things, do I have to convince him how much 'righter' my viewpoint is? Or can I be content knowing that - hell, at least he HAS an opinion!
There are quite a few things we see differently, not the least of which is who we'll vote for come November - but he's not trying to convince me I'm wrong - and I'm not going there either. We each have our reasons and rationales for what we believe, and we're OK with that. I suppose it boils down to that old addage 'Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's ALL small stuff!' He's a good man, he treats me well, and I love him. Isn't that what matters? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:01:00 AM | I loved him too much. I saw all the red flags over two years and ignored them all trying to convince myself my love was enough to sustain us. We'd break up, go back together, break up, go back together - every four months like clockwork for two years. He spent all of his time on the net on sites for singles and it was a big issue that I could not cope with and he refused to give it up. I knew in my heart he was looking for others and the give away was when he'd tell me 'we are not connected at the hip..' but I hung in trusting him less and less and arguments getting worse. He made it quite plain he would not give up the looking although he claimed to love me.
I'll never make that mistake again to love someone too much and hope they'll love me as much as I love them even when every instinct and sign tells me to walk away. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:40:12 AM | Well, I guess I must just be plain mean, but I have never seen so many victims grouped together in one place before. "I loved Him/Her too much" "I gave him/her everything they wanted", and on and on and on ad nauseum (sp). This is NOT taking responsibility to me. It is flat placing the blame on the other selfish SOB
Sherry | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:46:33 AM | ^well, sherry, this post was addressing the question quite nicely until about half way through. ^^ Then, when one person decided to exercise common human behaviour and blame the partner....you know...the lemmings just followed
what can i say?
Kimbo | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:49:21 AM | In both my marriage (ended 3 years ago) and in my last relationship (ended 1 year ago) - I think I was too passive and did not set proper boundaries. Thus I ended up feeling used and angry - but I had never communicated my limits. Neither guy was psychic, so they couldn't read my mind.
Next time...hopefully there *is* a next time...lol...I'm going to be more honest about my needs, wants, and my -isms. :) | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:54:09 AM | I know, Kimbo! I just could not take it anymore! It is like playing poker and only looking at half your hand. You can lie to the outside world, but lying to yourself makes you lose everytime. Most of these people have not looked truth in the face.
Sherry | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:56:54 AM | | My last relationship? Hung around because I enjoyed his company although I never really was interested in anything but friendship. He may have perceived that I was leading him on. Realized that I not only have to be true to my own feelings but consciously aware of what the other might be thinking as well and may need to make more drastic decisions than I really want to in order to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:16:04 PM | I've thought about this in great depth and I've decided the one thing I did wrong at 19 was to allow the power of the boobs get me. Boob power turned me into a raving loony.
I'm deadly serious. Boob power to a 19 year old male is like kryptonite for superman. Her boobs ruled me for 13 years and even now ....
it came as a shock when I realised the rest of her wasn't being very nice to me and actually she hated everything about me.
But she did like my muscular chest so we're even on that score.
Oh yes. Never again will I allow boob power to run my life.
Those boobs were dangerous. They mostly come out a night. Mostly. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:17:35 PM | Hmmm, for me it had to be jealousy, and lack of trust, but I had good reason. Turns out she was sleeping around on me, and had the nerve to chastise me for cybering with her friend. Of course, I only found out about the cheating after the break-up, and not from her but our friends.
I was hurt, and confused for quite the time. Funnily enough, she got married, and her new hubby is almost a carbon copy of me in almost every way. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:48:29 PM | | What I done wrong in my last relationship was trusting again. Thinking he would stand by me while I focused my attention on my dying mother, trying to work, and taking a class all at the same time. He told me he understood about taking a class and your mate not standing by you. He didn't work, while taking the class, didn't have a dying mother. But yet, he returned to the one that did not support him, while taking the class, maybe because he didn't have to work.? Actually if I had been listening, he did not love his mother, I did mine, and went to great lengths to make sure she knew that, like being there often, and telling her that. So, the things I did wrong in my last relationship, was not listening to the warning signs, trusting someone that was not trustworthy. So in the end I have done it all alone, and that's okay. At least I know I can trust myself, which I have known for years. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/11/2008 12:53:47 PM | | What a bunch of F*cking whiners. Can't you people own up to your own mistakes in a relationship. The title of this thread in case you missed it is "what did YOU do wrong in your last relationship" ... not "I did everything right and that b*stard/b*tch SO of mine made me into the whiny person I am today" | |
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All I can change is me....What was my part in every relationship I have .To improve and move on.
