| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:02:11 PM | I tried way too hard for way too long. Not only did the whole thing cost me 3 years of my life (3 years that I'll never get back I might add), it also cost me a little self-respect and self-esteem....and I have only myself to blame.
How will I keep myself from doing it again? I'll have to get back to you... | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:59:19 PM | My main mistake was dating an emotinal wasteland. I was back then lacking self confidence and self esteem. I knew he had some problems but thought love and support would make it all better. He knew how much I cared for him and used my generousity against me. I didn't set myself emotional boundaries and wouldn't listen to my friends advice ( told myself they just didn't understand him). I felt like if I loved him more and gave more of myself then he would love me.
Now after years of soul searching and improving my confidence and self esteem. I have now been able to stop a recent relationship that was not working for me early into it . I am able to look at what I want in a relationship and what I am prepared to give to be in a relationship. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/14/2008 11:30:32 PM | My last relationship....hmmm...that would be my marriage.....(considering that it lasted longer than a month). I was married 10 years. And I would have to say that my wrongs were the following:
1. I was controlling and bossy - he was too but that was his biggest complaint about me
2. I pushed him to succeed - when something went wrong I always pushed him to do better...I didn't realize I was pushing him away.
3. I stopped listening - you know those moments that your spouce is talking and you just sit there lost in thought nodding like an idiot as if you are listening? Yes well I was a professional at it.
4. I stopped having compassion - after 9 years....3 kids....a morgage...and infidelity...I just plainly didn't give a damn anymore about if he wanted his sore ass feet rubbed or if he needed someone to show concern for his problems at work. Lets face it....I had my own problems.
Now, I have learned, that this is what I did wrong. I am not perfect...but I know now that it takes more for a successful relationship. I know not to do these things....
Can you relate? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:07:46 PM | | What did I do wrong? Well, I believed someone....lol On a serious note, I changed some thought processes in pursuing a new realtionship, and learned that by changing my standarsd, I still got burned. So, I am going to just go back to my normal being the way I am person. Follow my rules...watch for red flags, and not try to justify "why" someone may be lying to me etc. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:14:20 PM | Moved too fast and didn't communicate to the best of my ability.
Normally I don't include a man in the rest of my life for quite a while, but the last one was almost instant. I still believe he was the right guy for me, but I rushed into the relationship and didn't make sure that I would be treated right.
And when things weren't going well, I didn't state clearly what was bothering me and what I expected/needed in order for us to turn things back around. Part of that was trying to be as supportive and caring as possible, but it was still a mistake.
I will ensure that in future I will hold to what I want and expect to get it before moving forward. I've never lived with a man before because that's just not my thing--I made an exception because I felt this man was special, but it compromised my own feelings.
Nutt | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:25:11 PM | things i have learned about relationships.
1. I need to accept change and support it, whether she is right or wrong I need to be supportive.
2. My temper need to be controlled
3. Labeling people needs to stop
4. Quit being negative around the kids
5. Quit complaining about what people on TV are doing, and quit arguing with the TV
6. Accept the fact a womans reality is knowing britney spears underwear size and a mans reality is knowing what is going on in Iraq. In other words she is living for her children and in their world not ours.
7. Stop saying stuff like #6
8. Quit being chauvanistic | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:21:30 PM | | Yep, I admit it, I did everything wrong, it was all my fault........for even having entertained and believed my ex from day one. Will I do it again - NEVER!!!!!!!! | |
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skit.y
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Joined: 10/23/2007
Msg: 188 | |
| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:06:22 PM | | Not being open enough, got scared of being rejected for no reason, not communicating, and yes it was all my fault. He tried so hard for so many years, but I didn't believe in it. Oh well, I gained a dear friend | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 7:46:13 PM | Let me preface this by saying I haven't read all the posts, but I've read pages of them and am amazed that I have yet to find one single person who admitted that they let their job/work/career become too important!
That was but one of the things I did wrong in my first real relationship - a marriage that lasted 25 years - that is definitely a 'lesson learned'. The other thing I did was that I let not only my career, but several other things, like kids, day-to-day life, etc., come between my wonderful (now ex-) wife and myself all while not realizing it was happening. We tried counselling, but by the time we realized that we were friends and roomies, but not really a couple anymore, it was just too late.
And as if to prove the point, it was my career that finally ended the marriage. I accepted a transfer across the country to a place she realized that she hated...where she left me living when she moved back. Lessons learned? Not letting the career, or anything else, become more important than the SO/relationship. BALANCE! Fortunately our kids were grown by then and we're still friends and can thus still be good parents; at least I'd like to think that.
Relationship # 2, a few years later, was much like others have said. Making her a priority when I was an option is a great way someone put it! Forgiving her when I caught her making plans to cheat on me. Being so in love that I let my boundaries down and didn't stop her when she went on an "annual girlfriends reunion" trip where there were hotels, booze, and not one, but two ex-lovers. Ex? Yeah, right. Count me as the ex, just too late to save my heart...
Nothing new with the second relationship, but hasn't anyone else let their career get in the way of true love like I did with relationship # 1?
R3911M | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:07:37 PM | I didn't stand up for "what I didn't feel" until it was almost too late (wedding planner).
My intimidation and not wanting to be the bad guy and "pity" affection.....just compounded the eventual breakup.
This is one girl I should have never even asked out in the first place. She had absolutely none of the attributes I admired, respected or found attractive. As I said.....I pity dated her...and partly to get some of the local church folk off my back. BIG MISTAKE | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/15/2008 8:32:43 PM | | trusting too much was my mistake....i didn't want to listen to my gut when it told me something was off about the guy and then i got burned bad in the end...never trusting again thats for sure | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:44:43 AM | You are exactly right in your message. I had "talk" 2 nights ago with 57 yr. old
boyfriend, of 8 years. He asked me, "Where did we go wrong"?
So, no doubt, I can see with 100% clarity that I was doing many things to make
the relationship head for the END. I told him all of what I believed and gave him
the exact situations for example. He cannot feel what I feel or be me, so I made
it simple, simple to understand. When conversation ended, he said I need to go
and find another since he knows we are not right for each other, on ANY level.
Correct. But the original question of the GO wrong, ? It all started on the first
day we began our relationship 8 yrs. ago. I was 45, Mom just died, husband of
24 years had moved out one year earlier. I had just ended relationship with
married man.. When we met, he was super fun, traveled far: loved to be in love.
He fit the bill, at that time in my life. I was so empty and lonesome.
It all was perfect, in my eyes and in my heart. But how the human being can
be foolish and blind!!! He was a man that fed on women who NEED, attention,
love, excitement, direction, - so at that time in his life I was perfect for him.
2000 was then, 2008 is now. See, now is now. I clearly believe after reading
the book, The Power of Now, I was always looking for another person to
make me happy. I looked for everything outside of myself. I have since
realized that I am what I NEED> I have all I NEED. I don't have to look
anymore. How good it that? | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/16/2008 9:22:53 AM | | I think that this is a great thread! Iwas in a relationship for half my life, and I got too comfortable thinking that we were ok. I wasn't affectionate enough to him. I didn't do things to let him know that I loved him enough. I didn't care what I looked like when he got home from work, granted we had two kids and, I was often dealing with day to day life with the kids. I think that he felt I cared more about the kids than I did him. Everyday you learn things about yourself. The next time I will think about my mate more. About what they care about. What they really want in a relationship. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/16/2008 10:37:45 AM | | Well the last relationship I was in was my marriage. That was awhile ago lol. Lets see what did I do wrong? I think the number one thing is that I took my ex for granted that she would always be there. She later cheated which ended the relationship, I can deal with anything and work on anything but when the trust is gone its gone. I can honestly say that I wont be aking that mistake again lol. | |
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| What did YOU do wrong in your last relationship?
Posted: 7/16/2008 12:38:15 PM | let's see. I was uncompromising, too harsh, not understanding enough and emotionally unavailable. Yes, I have some regrets. I should have developed patience and understanding. He was too good to me. REALLY the only one I could have married. Stupid me. | |
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