| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 11:13:57 AM | | When time comes I want to be able to walk like an elephant would to the elephant's graveyard (or cemetery) and just die. Then for me its the end of the world. I think its just simple like that. If I am affraid of something is the....Hospital thing and other complications....which could make one suffer unnecesarily. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 1:00:28 PM | Not afraid of dying, dont want to die without having had a chance for a good marriage and seeing my kids grown, and moving on with their adult lives. My fear is being dependent on someone to take care of me because i cant do it myself. both parents fell into that rut as did one of my grandparents and my ex's parents and two grandparents. that is my fear, being a burden on my loved ones. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 2:00:47 PM | I am a burden on my loved ones and have very little hope of being able to do much besides think interesting thoughts and perhaps get a few of them down in writing.
I used to feel very very sad about my "wasted" life and unmet potential. Now, I'm only afraid that the people who love me will feel sad about my wasted life and unmet potential.
It is sad, from one perspective. I don't mean to brag, but besides being unable to get restorative sleep and function, I have it all. I seem to be blessed with way above average intelligence, musical talent, physical beauty, and general creativity and passion. When we have skills and talents, they gnaw at us to be used. People hear me sing and tell me that I must not deprive the world of my gift. Professors cry when I repeatedly drop out of school because I have "so much potential".
All that is sad, but I have had to really ask myself questions like "What is the most important thing to do to be ready to die?" "What is the purpose of life?" "How can I fulfill this purpose even lying in bed?"
Any kind of life goal has embedded within it the perpetuation of the "I'll be happy when____" myth. If your goal is to be a famous singer or a full partner in the company, all the time before you get there you think you'll be happy when you've arrived. Usually we don't define our dreams well enough to ever know when we have arrived. Even if we do have definable goals, as soon as we reach them, there is another horizon. There's nothing wrong with this process of acheivement, but happiness lives in the moment and you must find it there.
I have found peace through having a life goal that is attainable in any moment that I choose it deeply enough; Awareness. Love. Remebering the Awe of life. Seeing everyone who crosses my path as God. This is a goal that makes it OK if I die tomorrow, because it is attainable in every moment.
I don't have the luxury of measuring my life by accomplishments, so I measure it by how well I have loved, and how well I have felt the Silent Awareness that I am, that unites me to all of life.
I am afraid that I cannot give the peace that I have found to those that love me. I know I cannot stop them from feeling that my life was/is a tragedy of beautiful potential unmet. I cannot communicate to anybody what I have accomplished-- really feeling the universe inside myself, and knowing it as One with the Universe that lies beyond the veil.
It's like that country song... "....if I never win a grammy...I'm gonna be just fine....'cuz I know exactly who I AM." | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 4:09:01 PM | | Dying - nope, but perhaps afraid of outliving my health. We've had a couple of tough years with early deaths and unfinished lives. We've had a few very elderly relatives pass as well. We are all going to die in our houses or going 200 miles an hour on the highway. I'd say it has made us take risks as you only live once. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/29/2008 8:24:36 PM | | Afraid of dying my roots black. How could ya laidies? | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:56:25 AM | | anytime God wants I am ready to go,I even told Him if He had any plans to take some one that is special to me,take me instead I have lived my life | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/30/2008 3:59:01 AM | Whilst I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of the lead up to it. My fiance Sue died almost 2 years ago after fighting stomach cancer for two and a half years.
She put up such a brave battle without very little complaint, but she went through such pain and could not eat for such a long time.
I looked after her and would do the same again.
Although it was along two and a half years, we had so much time to talk and tell each other how much love we had for each other, so although it was very sad when the end came, just the day before we were due to be married, it was a relief she was out of pain, and we had little regrets as we had said it all.
Now I am on my own I feel I couldn't go through what Sue went through and would hope that when I die it will be quick, or if not then there would be a way to go at my time and choosing. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/30/2008 5:31:45 AM | No way am I afraid fo dying...dying isnt the end...its the beginning to a new way of life...from this terrible, selfish, self-centered, conditional world, to one of peace, joy and love...Rather looking forward to that day...I know where I'm going without a doubt...My family will know where I am. They should find peace in that...Like it or not, your choice...but, we are to cry when babies are born and rejoice when someone dies...  | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/30/2008 8:48:01 AM | I have no fear of what comes next .... but don't look forward to sickness or pain that might come just before (yuk)  | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 7/30/2008 10:21:34 AM | | You know it just occured to my muddled old parrot head that a lot of us, myself included sometimes, are more afraid to live than to die. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:02:25 AM | | Single what a testament of your faith, so often in these forums and POF in general many are scared that they will be passed by becuse of faith. I too fear not the end of one existance and the start of a greater place with the great I AM! My only fear is that my family will be made to go through a pro-longed period before my death. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/7/2008 2:48:42 AM | I'm sorry for what I am about to say... It's late.. I'm sleep-deprived... Forgive me...
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandpa did... Not screaming and clawing like the other 4 people in the car...
 | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:31:23 AM | | I've been privileged in my work, to be at many people's bedside at the moment of their death. That is a peaceful moment usually. There is a whole study of palliative care that hopefully makes this moment and the lead-up pain free, and a "good" death, if such a thing exists ....what bothers me most is watching those who have not yet dealt with their "good byes" and their "issues" with loved ones, friends, etc. That closure seems to be important .... am I afraid for myself? I think I am afraid to be alone at that moment .. I hope I have lived a "good" life where every moment counted and that I remember that as I live those moments. Watching people die everyday tends to make you value every moment of life you get .........and as I age, that becomes even more important .... BJ | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 1:37:27 AM | | I have had most of my worst fears come to fruition! I have lost my first nephew to a drunk driver. Had my best friend die in my hands. Lost my mother, dealt with things and then unexpectedly had to return home for my favorite sisters death, 10days after my mom's death. Had a massive stroke as a result of accidentally severing an Artery in my neck. Lost my looks, my speech, abilities galore! Later I lost my job. And fought to get back what I could, Miraculous say the Doctors, far short of my hopes. Lost contact with most of the remaining members of my family primarily due to their refusal to accept who I am now, they want super woman back! and I cant bring who I was back. This is not a pity party!! I like who I am now! I have fantastic friends, who stood by me!! I am far stronger than I would have thought possible. Now I know I can handle anything that gets thrown at me. I welcome and cherish every new experience. I stared fear in the face and won!! Death was the easy way out and I never did things the easy way. There isn't much I am afraid of. Those I love have no doubt I tell them loudly and proudly! There is nothing to fear but fear it's self and I have better things to do with my time!!! | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:25:37 AM | How many people here have faced death eg Serious life threatening accident or disease. ?? Mine's been cancer which is now, technicaly, "cured".
Thats when you talk about if you are afraid of dying.
Some real inspiration in this here forum! Thanks to all. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:23:07 AM | I faced death 10 years ago. I had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in lung) and was unconscious. 99% of people with the same condition don't make it. It gives you a different outlook on life if you are that close to death. I am thankful for each and every day.
crayonzz, that is great news to be technically "cured"  | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 8:52:20 AM | The older I get, the more I think about the things I haven't accomplished, or seen that I want to expereince. Although I have done and seen alot(imo)there are things I want. To see my daughters get married, (and son's too I guess) and for them to be happy, expereince a grand child perhaps, meet a good woman that makes me crazy(in a good way) and expereince all that she would bring to my life, and all the experiences she would expose me to.
I sometimes find myself thinking back how somethings "seem" wasted, such as time spent in bad situations, but then I realize had I not been in that, I wouldn't be who I am, and basically, I'm happy with who I am. So I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraind of not finishing things I want to see.
MG | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 9:49:46 AM | I am not afraid of dying...its inevitable and part of living this life. Its in the cards!
I buried my first husband when he had just turned 25. I buried a boyfriend when he was 45. The way it affected people (me included) seemed almost to much to bare.
I'm more "concerned" about how my death will affect the people I love.
I used to be a nurse and was given the honor of being with people who died. For me to be there for them and their families meant alot to me. To aid them to pass with dignity and love was very powerful. Each experience had a great affect on me personally.
Other than how it will affect the people I love...I do think about how it will come to pass. Hopefully, I will do it with class! | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:29:57 AM | Another thing we have in common Woodstar, I was also a nurse for many years. I think it gave me acceptance that death is a part of the life cycle.
I'm not afraid for myself,, but I have small children who need me right now. So, I am afraid for them and what it would do to their lives. I simply hope for enough time to finish raising them.
tb | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:01:15 PM |
She put up such a brave battle without very little complaint
Sounds like my wife. She went thru *so* much! Her problem was blocked arteries that went to her stomach and intestines, so there wasn't enough blood getting down there for the organs to do their jobs.... before her surgery (about 2 years before she passed) she couldn't even drink water without curling up in a ball with pain.
Still, no matter how bad she was feeling, she *always* had a smile and hug ready for me when I came home from work.
She went from a "soft" 135lbs down to 82 before they finally figured out what the problem was.... one doctor (glad I wasn't there) even told her it was all in her mind! Freaking medical industry - they *suck*... she passed away from misdiagnosis and lack of action... same as my mom.
I'd never be able to deal with the constant pain she went thru. She even said she'd rather give birth every single day, than deal with her pain. Sooooo sad... and, like you, I did all I could to take care of her (even tho, now, I can think of ways I could've done more).... after her surgery, she "sprang back" to life and was literally glowing.... we thought the worst was behind us.
One day tho, she thought she may be getting the flu and 3 days later she was gone. The arteries just shut down and her stomach died (3 days before she did).
When it comes to myself passing away? Well... hopefully it'll be quick. That's all I can say. If anything else, I'll be right next to her... It's been 27 months now and I still talk to her every single day, especially at bed time, when I'm trying to fall asleep. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:15:27 PM | What a cheerful topic!
I'm afraid of having nothing better to do with my declining years than dwell on morbid thoughts. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:28:54 PM | | ..There's nothing wrong with examining one's feelings about their mortality. There is something wrong with someone who doesn't think it's worthy of discussion. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:54:26 PM | I just don't want my family to see me go through a prolonged death, I have a living will in palce, with very clear DNR instructions. Keep me pain free, but let me go.
As far as my hubby going first, I'm like the Irish, I would celebrate his life during a wake, but miss him terribly. I know that would just be my selfishness tho, cause I'd know he was in a better place.
Wifey | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:17:07 PM | I already died once. That was on July 20, 1998.
I’ve worked from a home office since 1988. No one was here during the day - even back when I was married.
That day I happened to be out looking at a motor home. The sales guy noticed my car was still there but - he had not seen me in awhile and went looking for me. He found me dead. He called 911 and they obviously got me going again.
I woke up 13 days later with the burn marks on my chest. I lost all memory from three days before the croak up until I woke up thirteen days later. So I lost those 16 days of memory.
THESE DAYS .......... no one would find me and .............
So that is what I worry about. If I croaked - no one would know and there is a good chance my dog and cat would also perish.
Back then - if I had not been out of this ofc - no one would have found me in time but - at least someone would have know that day and the pets would have lived.
BTW - NO there are no lights - no floating around the room - no angels come to take you home ............. no nothing. You are just dead. | |
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| Afraid of dying?
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:20:10 PM | | Nah............................................just afraid of being bored to death by the average North American. | |
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