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Posted: 7/11/2008 11:01:19 AM | | He can take whatever advice he wants. It's his choice. | |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 11:19:25 AM | of course he can, but then i am not the one who said ........
the women here are telling you the wrong thing
all i mean is, you are putting down the women's opinions, but he did ask for them............obviously, he is interested in hearing them..........nobody here is saying "don't listen to the guys"..........all i'm saying is, in the "ask a girl" forum the assumption is he is curious about what women think
of course, he should consider ALL the advice, from both men and women, and make his OWN decision...........without being told all the advice except YOURS is wrong; no such thing as RIGHT or WRONG with an opinion.......that's why its called an opinion and not a fact | |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 11:26:11 AM |
So, again, the women here are telling you the wrong thing. It's difficult to understand them
Well I guess this thread can close the expert has spoken.
And by the way. Not ALL women are saying the same thing. So I can see why you arent understanding.........................
And I am one woman that stands by my previous post.
PEACE | |
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Posted: 7/11/2008 11:50:28 AM | Your feelings are your own and entirely valid.
There is no argument against honesty and openess.
But if you truly love her, you will want her to be as content as possible and must face the liklihood that it won't be as your partner. Will you settle for a portion of her love?
For reference to a similar scenario, look up Dobbin from WM Thackeray's "Vanity Fair".
I'd recommend reading the book but it's a long'un and not infinitely engaging. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 3:00:37 AM | I wrote a letter and this is it!
I'm so mad at you, and I don't even know why. I think I'm mad at the fact, that you don't know whats on my mind. Half the time I just wish you could read my mind. We both know you can't. Whats wrong? I smoke? So what, I can quit, I'm just choosing not too. Drinking? Well, don't be a hypocrite. I know that I can act like an ***hole.
I wanted you over for a reason, to see you. My night was sh*tafter you left, because I felt like an ass. And I know that you are going to say that I should, or that I deserve it. I just felt alone last night. You were the only person I could think of. Spending time with you makes my day go by. :)
I work all weekend, Friday night, Saturday 12pm to 2am, and Sunday 12-4 pm. I will think about you. You know what? No I won't think about you. I'm tired of thinking I'm in love with you. Although you changed my life, I'm still here and I just want someone special. I wanted that person to be you.
You really have no idea. I know we are friends, and I wouldn't change that for the world. However, I'd still have to say, I'm just scared to know I won't be in your life forever, even though thats what I want. I really just want to hold you close. somehow I get the feeling it wouldn't matter how tightly I would hold you. Your just not the one for me.
The real reason I drank tonight, was because someone is trying to set me up with a friend of theirs. Ironically, it hurt my feelings. Hey it wasn't the girl that said hello to me first. It was not the girl with a beautiful smile. It wasn't the girl that changed my life. Its hard falling for your friend and living each day like its one day going to happen.
Each and everyday I wish you would just walk up to my door, knock, and kiss me. HA. We both know that, that will never happen. I realize something though, and you helped, I have a gift. A gift to make someone happy. Anyone for that matter.
And yes, I do want to quit smoking, but if its not for you, I won't do it at all. Listen to me ramble on. This probably isn't the least bit important to you. And I guess the only way to know is of you write me back and tell me what you think of this. I miss you. You have no idea. Whether your friends see this or not. **** them. Your important to me. Good-night Jocelyn. I wish I hugged you before you left. Write me. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 4:49:22 AM | ok Your drinking and feeling lonely. Good idea to write down your feelings, but dont send that letter. Reread it when your sober.
If you do intend to declare your feelings for her please do it in person.
That beings said. Now that it is a new day, and you are hopefully sober, reread this entire thread and take from it what is positive for you.
As for quitting smoking. You cant do that for someone else. You must do it for YOU. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 5:20:15 AM | I'm with pretty moon on the fact that you (my addition) won't be successful at quitting smoking if you do it for someone else. As pretty moon says above, "You must do it for YOU." For me, the only times I've been successful at losing weight - my personal struggle - has been when I've done it for my health, not because someone else might love me or be attracted to me.
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Posted: 7/12/2008 6:29:15 AM | Wow! I don't want to sound like some old crazy woman to you, but I gotta tell ya, you are a passionate young man! I know a bit about astrology, and you fit a scorpio like a hand fits a glove! My father is a scorpio as well, and he is the best man I have ever known. You sound like you are already well on your way!
Follow your heart! Scorpio's or scorpians, are the most passionate of the zodiac,(only my opinion). I know many and they are true family people, supporting their family and close friends always. They do appear to be extremely serious people, but those that get to know them best, and become close to them emotionally, will be allowed to reach beyond their tough wall and find the genuine person they truly are. My father is the kindest, most genuine, giving, caring, affectionate person I know. I know this to be the true nature of the scorpio because I have known many closely enough to see this similarity in their character.
This does not mean that all scorpios are like this. The positive ones are strong, emotionally deep, and very dependable as a family member. This is what I feel u need to work on for yourself. It is the time in your life for you to make a concious decision to be positive about your life and everything else will fall into place in a positive manner also, ( for the most part ). By this I mean, scorpios can turn the other way if they are raised in a negative environment, or around the wrong kind of influences, meaning negative people or circumstances. Even the positive ones can lash out harshly because they are so passionate and emotional. If you ever meet a negative scorpio...watch out! On top of the passion of the scorpio...you are also a Dragon in the chinese horoscope. This means more emotion in your personality. If we ever chat I will explain this in more detail.
I have to remind you that this is all my opinion. I would love to chat with you over msn sometime! I know I sound crazy! LMAO !!! I really am very much into this sort of thing, astrology. I only know about what I have experienced personally, but it all makes so much sense to me! If you wanna chat message me, because I can't message you. I'm too old...LMAO> But I have so many questions about your situation!
How old is the girl?
How long have you known her?
Are you close friends with her now? And how long have you been close? Meaning do you hang out regularly together? ( Whether with other friends or alone ? ) | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 6:52:25 AM | OP, Definitely reread it before you send it. There are some things that could be said a bit better and a bit less defensively. Also, this is a subject you don't really want to touch via email. Physically write the letter and send it (or hand it to her)
A bit off topic: Just a random piece of advice from a long-time smoker... Quitting for someone else almost never works. I tried that. Not only did I end up resenting him for his constant nagging, but I never quit completely and gained over sixty pounds in the process. I wasn't ready to do it yet. If you're going to quit smoking, do it for yourself! | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 6:05:12 PM | That letter is the kiss of death. You come off as spoiled child.
I don't need to know much more(and for your sake I hope I'm wrong) but she sees you as friend, nothing more. As I said, I may be wrong, but you worship her and she sees you as a friend. I believe I can tell just by the way you wrote about her initally then kinda went off in your letter. She doesn't see you the way you see her, IMO. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 6:37:50 PM | Plastic Surgeon, you're the man.
You have acknowledge reality when it comes down to some females.
Yes, everyone would like it if you said nice things to someone and they would feel the same about you instantly. But life doesn't work that way.
For those of you who don't understand where Surgeon's statement are coming from, he is making the statements based on real-life experiences and not on fairy tales. He is acknowledging the truth and the realities of the situations. Now only if everyone else can do the same.
It's has nothing to do with pescimism. It's reality. Wake up people!
HOWEVER, OP, you can tell the girl how you feel about her and hope she feels the same. I'm just giving you a heads up about what has, and is, occuring in reality. | |
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Posted: 7/12/2008 8:23:15 PM | She is your friend, right? SO, why would a friend react badly if you just told her the truth?
She is not the only one you will have those feelings for during your life. Give it a shot and then leave it alone.
At 19 feelings run wild, it is normal, don't worry. It is normal to be accepted as well to be rejected: it is just life, don't make a huge deal out of it, one way or the other you will be just fine. At least you will know if she is a good friend or a bad one.
Nice letter! Keep us posted. | |
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Posted: 7/13/2008 11:05:28 PM | I wouldn't profess undying love to a friend. I would tell her that you're interested in her as more than a friend and see if she's interested in taking your relationship further.
As for the posters upset that telling a woman you love her doesn't make her love you back...are you serious? If a girl you're not interested in told you she loved you...you'd automatically love her back? I'm sorry, maybe I'm misunderstanding something here. That sounds insane. | |
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Posted: 7/14/2008 2:46:57 AM |
ummmm, if i'm not mistaken, he DID post the question in the "ask a girl" forum, which leads me to believe he wanted the opinions of women
The guys speak up on this because we have been there! Me too, so there are those who don’t want to be “lumped together” and there are those who have been in it that crap.
Dave011 make her put you out of the friend category
He is right do what it takes to do this or you will be in the zone for ever.
There is no mystery here. For the most part Plastic Sturgeon is right but use tact to get out for the friend zone.
Like others have said telling her is an option but you will close all the doors if it fails. You need to stand out form all the others if there are any and you need to be noticed but in an classy way. | |
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Posted: 7/14/2008 3:03:38 AM | | It’s rare if not altogether unheard-of that a guy “friend” takes advice to spill out their harts and ends up with a lasting relationship. It may end in a one night stand or a short term thing but that’s it. Here’s little truth for you! If a friend spills his guts the chase is over there is no fight or mystery and that’s what many women want especially when they are young so make it mysterious give chase stand out from the crowd. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2008 11:58:01 AM | | Whole 9 yards. Its hard to be spoiled when your raised poor, and raises in foster care for 14 years. Looking out for oneself. So explain...SPOILED? I think your spoiled. | |
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Posted: 7/15/2008 12:00:31 PM | | Well, the girl would be lucky to have you, that is exactly how I feel about my ex but it doesn't matter to him. Your instinct will tell you the when, why and how to tell her. Good luck! | |
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Posted: 7/15/2008 12:03:31 PM | | thank you Bob. I guess I just want that greatness that i desire from her! what would i do to follow your words? | |
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Posted: 7/20/2008 10:49:41 PM | | You know what really sucks? Sitting on the edge afraid to take the fall and waiting for this response. I don't think I'll get one. I think shes either afraid of me or she really doesnt want to have a relationship. | |
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Posted: 7/20/2008 10:59:58 PM | That does suck "good wrench" and i liked the letter you wrote her it was blunt and honest some people get a little scared when your blunt with them on how you feel towards them and they cut all ties, because either they feel the same way and is scared of the feelings or either they can't be an REAL man or a REAL woman and come out and tell you they are not into you i know this sounds like an ass but i'm not just been down some what of the same road.
You can not keep on putting your heart out there over N over for the same person just to sit back and have them run all over you and crush your heart into an million parts i honestly don't know why it is so, hard for one person who feels same way about you to just TELL you how they feel we have all been hurt down the road some worse than others but we should always "TAKE THE CHANCE". | |
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Posted: 7/20/2008 11:00:56 PM | I don't think I'll get one.
There's a winning attitude  I didn't read the whole thread, but none the less, you shouldn't EXPECT a reply, but keep your optimism up and you should at least THINK you'll get a reply.
Patience is a virtue. | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 7:01:47 AM | Personally I would not fire all of the bullets at the same time (in others words relay to her what you have said here). She could run for the hill's and in no time at all she could disappear.
Ask her out for dinner at a quiet place and suss her out. Ask her how she feel's about you and if she thinks you could be more than just a friend.
Good luck I wish you the best. | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 8:59:33 AM |
Deb, Surge,
You both are funny and talented with words. I think in all honesty, my words are best left unspoken. Sometimes love isn't meant to be and sometimes love is. But unfortunately I feel as though my life was meant to be without love. :) I'm okay with that.
-Ahem.-
Believe it or not, life does not end at 19, it can be anywhere from 70 to 100 years before you pass on with the way technology is advancing right now! How the hell do you know if your life is to be without love D:
Don't cut yourself so short! As a couple of posters have already wrote, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just tell her, you're articulate and should have no problem pulling it off but your own fear of what may happen if you do. | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:06:02 PM | | Good Wrench, I just wanted to tell you I did the same thing in high school my freshman year. I became friends with a girl and I started to get feelings for her later on. I wrote her a letter telling her how I felt, and needless to say that was the end of it. I was heart broken for two years over her, that was how much I felt for her. After that I never looked at love the same, nor will I ever let my heart run that deep for anyone again. | |
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Posted: 7/21/2008 1:16:38 PM | I'm going to tell you a little story that I went through a couple of years ago, its along the same lines as your story except I was that girl.
I was in a long term relationship when I met a guy through a friend of mine. over the next year or so we had become good friends and the 3 of us ( my boy friend, dave, and I and even some times other friends) would all hag out together and had a great time. I thought dave was a great person and a very good friend. as time pased I broke up with my boyfriend and dave was such a good friend, he helped me through the hard time of a break up. Dave and I start to hang out more and more, usualy with other friends involved. I never new his fellings untill one day he came forward with them. I was in shock, I wasn't sure what to think, I never thought of him as anything more than a friend. It took me a little while to try to come up with a way that I could let him down easy and not hurt him after all his opening up made him vonerable. After I let him down easy I still wanted to be his friend and hang out like we have been doing, I didn't want our friendship to change, Unfortunalty it did. His feelings were so stong that he felt it was better not to hang out any more because it would drive him bonkers knowing that i didn't have the same feelings. Its been a couple of years now and I barely speak to him any more, I really miss his company as a freind I just didn't have the same fellings as he did. I understand that its easier for him to get over me and move on to have a happy life and meet some one else if we dont hang out any more. I only wish him the best of luck and I miss him but some things in life are hard.
OP I think for you, you need to tell her how you feel or it will always eat at you from the inside. if you wait for her you might be waiting for ever if she doesn't feel the same and you will be living limbo not knowing. You need to be prepared for what ever the outcome is, even if it means loosing your best friend.
I wish you luck and I sure hope it works out for the best for you. You never know she might feel the same. | |
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