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 ~Angel-Eyes~
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 51
Why am I jealous?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
she* wont let you two "meet" my bad it's 2:40am lol
 Dare to
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 52
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:46:59 PM

she refuses to introduce me to him. She says she has no feelings, but he loves her, does not want to hear about me at all.
Like all the other posters, i think she is playing you both. She is probably giving him the exact same story that she is giving you. Both of you think that the other is the friend who has feelings for her but in reality she is dating both of you.
 sunshyne1977
Joined: 5/8/2006
Msg: 53
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:13:42 AM
i would be upset,too. cool things off,i know you think shes great but i think its disrespectful to act like that with a ex
 smartmarks
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 54
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 5:20:29 AM
youve got good reason to be upset but again your partly to blame by allowing it you should get away before it messes you all up. and if the keep it up thell surely be doing it, and dont blame him blame her why is she seeing him anyway you need to stop it now or youll lose her for sure. if not allready your feelings are probley right and she has no respect for you or she wouldnt do that anyway. I say find someone for yourself, and not you be one of her boys. how many does she have anyway? I bet your unaware of all of them. love cannot be shared
 aspiring_angel
Joined: 1/25/2006
Msg: 55
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:32:21 AM
m_church, Dinner with my ex every two or three months hardly qualifies as "making him more important than my S/O." lol
 rivereye
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 56
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:47:05 AM
Does your SO's "friend" have a girlfriend of his own? DIDN"T THINK SO! Outmind is right, I smell a rat, too.

Had you considered you're "emergency man in a jar" status while she shops for a new boyfriend? It doesn't seem to me they consider your feelings as they go merrily about their business.

Confront them. Lay down the law. If she snaps, it was broken anyway.

Jealousy is a survival instinct, and it's not always bad, in moderation.
.
 tamzin01
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 57
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:06:09 AM
I think if she won't introduce you, it might be a problem. I would be a little suspicious. I've been in this situation myself (as the one with a close male friend as well as boyfriend). My boyfriend would get upset if I mentioned seeing my friend, and sometimes I thought it better not to say on these grounds, although this is a tactic I would not recommend to anyone. Honesty is the best policy, and for you all to meet is a good idea, but having said that it's a bit embarrassing and awkward to have a current and ex boyfriend meet each other. It's embarrassing for her (if she was dumped by her ex, she might think he may influence you) and a bit embarrassing for you too I would imagine.

I would say, from a female perspective, and from someone who's been in this very situation, embarrassment is probably your girlfriend's main issue with this. Remember though, he's an ex for a reason.
 tamzin01
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 58
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:07:54 AM
As an afterthought, as a friend who's still got feelings for her, maybe she feels it would be upsettng for him to see you two together and rubbing it in.
 er1ka
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 59
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:09:52 AM
Get rid of her.

If you were in her shoes, how would SHE feel?
 lorraine74
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 60
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 11:25:41 AM

Either you are insecure with yourself or you just can not be trusted


How on earth did you come to the conclusion that he cant be trusted???

I think you need to talk to her, or maybe you have as you said she thinks its cute that youre jealous. It sounds like shes worried about how he will react to you, maybe she doesnt want to hurt his feelings. I may be wrong but it is another possibilty.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 61
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:04:16 PM
^^^ "How on earth did you come to the conclusion that he cant be trusted???"

Lorraine, I believe this type of comment comes from those who believe if someone is jealous or accusatory about suspicious behavior in their partner, it stems from doing the exact thing that they are 'paranoid' about....which I find ridiculous on its face.




~ds~
 Ms.Sweet Sinful Seduction
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 62
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:09:38 PM
Dude, I'm sorry but this chick is a SNAKE and you can do much better. Good luck.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 63
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:27:45 PM

m_church, Dinner with my ex every two or three months hardly qualifies as "making him more important than my S/O." lol

No.... But your comment was...


The reason my S/O wouldn't be along would be due to his reaction to my ex, and not the other way around

It's your S/O you should be seeing not your ex....
He has every right to complain about your ex. As I would...
Personally, if an ex trieds to break up my current relationship I'd beat the crap out of him...
 derbyb133
Joined: 12/11/2007
Msg: 64
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:10:44 PM
i hope you aint in love with this gal cos it sounds like she is up to no good
1. yes it is mature to stay as friends when you split but that does not include going out together when you have new partners !
2. would it be ok if the roles were reversed and you wanted to creep around with your ex without her meeting your 'ex'?
3. when you say they used to be intimate , it sounds like there is no 'used to' about it..if you ever get introduced , she is aware that unconscious body language will betray what they wish to keep concealed.
4. i wish you well with that gal.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 65
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 4:13:42 PM

I hate to say it but the fact that you are jealous is because your intuition is telling you something.


Jealousy has zip to do with what your mate is doing, and EVERYTHING to do with how secure you feel. I lived for 12 years with a jealous man. I never once cheated on him, or even thought about doing so. He was jealous of an ex-husband, of my children, of my female friends, of any activity I was involved in out of his sight, of books, of the Washington Post, of the dog. And the irony was, HE was the one who had the affair that ended our marriage.

Jealousy is not love, is not intuition, is not caused by one thing the other is doing. It is because the jealous one is insecure, is afraid, and believes he/she isn't good enough to be able to keep the partner if he/she plays fair.


 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 66
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:38:08 PM
She is trying to make a decision between you or him..... seems she hasn't made up her mind about you yet. You should play it cool. Don't call her for a while. Make her come over to your turf. Do not suffocate her at this stage in the game. Maybe you should go out with someone else, also....like she is.
 dr220
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 67
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:13:56 PM
this is a HUGE IMO derived from personal experience.

simply put..... you are jelous because you yourself are insecure. if you wer totaly without insecrity this would not make you JELOUS but would cause a warning bell to go off. this warning bell would indicate that you are being treated unfairly by someone you care about yet need to do one of 2 things that have im sure allready been pointed out..... 1} discuss this situation and how t is making you feel to her OR 2}move on from this woman and allow the right woman to come along.
 DayDreamer216
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 68
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 9:23:13 PM
You are right.
She is keeping him in the scene in case things dont work out with you and her.
Thats how some girls are.
Be careful
Don't let her use u.
When you date someone.
Always know all of her friends/family.
If,not then shes keeping secret.
 Ayn_
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 69
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/12/2008 10:22:34 PM
That is exactly what she is doing. The guy I was in love with used to joke about always looking for a Plan B. Then one day he found one. He still wanted me plus he wanted his Plan B. I said let's just be friends. Now, we, also, go places together and have fun. He has become one of my dearest friends. Maybe, that's how it is with them. Having said that, I think he believes I became his Plan B-if it doesn't work out with her-knowing that I'm fighting those feelings for him and he still hits on me. I, also, don't want to hear about her. I think he gets a rush out of it-as perhaps your girlfriend does.

Maybe, you should tell her how you feel and suggest perhaps she feels the same way about your friends that are girls. Then suggest she meets her/them and you meet him/them. I could not be committed to a man who had a woman as a bestfriend. I need to be his bestfriend. I have stated that from day one to the men I have been with- but that's just me.
 Verissa
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 70
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:34:04 AM
Make the effort to meet him yourself. I had this issue once. My husband, boyfriend at the time, had a "friend" that posed a threat in my eyes so I made a point of meeting her, and anyone else I feel threatened by. At first I was open to the idea of an open relationship, mainly because I only anticipated a short term relationship anyhow, so that is where any threats came into play. Since then my feelings have changed as our relationship has changed. Sadly his have not, so I keep an eye on these other women and him..I advise you meet him and make it clear that you're not going anywhere... without saying that of course.
 tantalising
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 71
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 3:57:46 AM
Reading these messages make me feel uncomfortable. I have been dating a guy who comes from Toowoomba in Queensland Australia, for the past 18 months. He has many female friends on this website and others, and refuses to let me meet them. Although I have not mentioned it for months, his response to me was that I am paranoid and insecure. Just reading this scenario and some of the responses kind of makes me feel that I am not wrong in my thinking. I too think that he is being too secretive about hiding these so called friends. He also puts his mobile phone on silent when I am around, as he says I would be upset if a woman called him when I am around.

Seems weird doesn't it? Why do these people do this....
 lorraine74
Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 72
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 4:09:02 AM

Lorraine, I believe this type of comment comes from those who believe if someone is jealous or accusatory about suspicious behavior in their partner, it stems from doing the exact thing that they are 'paranoid' about....which I find ridiculous on its face.


That is not always the case. Some are jealous for other reasons. Some have been hurt before and the paranoia can come from that.

I dont think we can make judgement here xxx
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 73
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:36:07 AM
I wasn't making judgements about anything. I was offering my opinion and trying to give you an explanation to your question about another poster when you asked this....

"How on earth did you come to the conclusion that he cant be trusted???"




~ds~
 SLM_418
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 74
Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 8:50:21 AM
I think when another man loves your woman you have something to worry about.The fact that they go out together is a RED FLAG. Time to get honest.There is a reason she is not introducing him to you and you to him. She is a player and remember players only love you when they're playing.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 75
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Why am I jealous?
Posted: 7/13/2008 9:38:57 PM
OP, I don’t really think this is a situation of not being able to trust your girlfriend, but rather about feeling that she doesn’t hear you tell her that you are uncomfortable with the way things are. Face it, your feelings are hurt because you believe either your girlfriend understands and makes a positive move to change things, or things remain at this stand still because she doesn’t really value you.

Unfortunately, many people that try to keep from hurting others actually end up hurting those very same people by their inability to take a stand. I think your girlfriend is this kind of person.

Either you two will have to learn to communicate and actually hear what the other is saying (not just giving lip service because you think you understand) or you will end up breaking up and won’t be pretty.

Tell her you would like to talk about this. Ask her to repeat what she thinks you are saying. YOU will need to do the same for her because BOTH of you need to hear what the other is saying so that you can both try to understand the other.
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